Light of the Moon (24 page)

I shook my head. “No. Then I won’t fall in love.”

“Caeles,” Orion whispered. “I’ll say this: Flesh is mortal, but a soul is forever. That’s one thing so many of us fail to remember. You may have been born and killed countless times before, Calum, but you are not the only one who has lived as long. Did you ever think maybe you’ve been searching for someone? Maybe you are not in this alone, and maybe love is the answer to your questions?”

“But I don’t understand. Just tell me what I need to know!”

But Orion didn’t answer. He just waved his arms from side to side, indicating the battle. “Look around you. The Order is dying, and in moments they will be gone. So will the demons. All that will be left is the destruction and the memory from those few survivors that will create the next war.”

“Will this war ever end?”

“There is a chance. You, Calum, are our last hope. You are the one we call on when times are too dark to see any light. You must become the Caeles once again. There is no denying who you are; it’s written in the stars.”

I tried to speak but couldn’t. Finally, “How?”

“
Remember.
Look to the stars and remember. The answer will come to you. You have called to us in your dreams, but not in your reality. You are missing the key.”

He began to blur.

“You have a choice. The Caeles can be good or evil, that’s the part that is clouded. Because of your father, many think that you are destined to be evil, but you have a choice. Look to your star for guidance,” he said, his voice fading as the dream did. “When you are ready you will remember. When you become the Caeles, the rest of us will rise again. Find the missing key. It is closer than you think. Soon, you will feel the true power of Heaven’s Guard. Remember you are never really alone.”

“But I can’t be who you say. I can’t win this war. I’m not strong and I don’t feel brave.”

“You are the Caeles.” Orion smiled. “And being brave doesn’t always mean you need to fight to win your battles; there are different kinds of strengths. Sometimes bravery comes from letting your heart make choices your mind cannot.”

Chapter Thirteen

Of Life And Death

-Calum-

It was Kate.

My face burned with pain. I felt a hand on my shoulder, shaking me violently, and knew it had to be her; no one else would hit me in the face to wake me up.

I wondered if it would always be her.

Always blue against violet.

I was so tired I couldn’t find the strength to be mad. Instead, I felt myself slide further into her grip. My head fell to the side and she stopped shaking me.

I blinked the stars away.

“Calum?” Her voice was quiet. “Are you awake?”

Dizzy, I tried to talk but my mouth was too dry.

Her hand still on my shoulder, I felt her grip tighten before she jerked it away. “What did you see?”

Like before, one moment seemed to linger forever. My heart beat too fast as our eyes met, and my gaze ran down her skin, touching each familiar dimple, every memory of a grin. Every moment of defiance etched in a map of golden lines.

She touched her face. “What? What’s wrong?”

I expected her eyes to narrow into hatred, but instead there was only longing, curiosity.

“Kate.” My voice broke up my throat in dry, raspy breaths. I reached a hand up to touch her face. I whispered, “I’m sorry I didn’t trust you sooner, but now I know. I
know
.”

“Shut up, Calum,” she said, rolling her eyes. “You hit your head pretty hard when you passed out. How do you feel?”

“Empty,” I said. “I’m not... My dream...”

“What was your vision of?”

“I saw Orion, leader of Heaven’s Guard. He spoke to me and told me the truth.” I only hesitated for a second. “I remember, Kate. I really do, and I’m not who you think I am.”

Her eyes slanted down and she asked, “What do you mean? What exactly did you see?”

“I know who I am. I am the Dreamer. I am reincarnated after every life I live and die. But the Order is so wrong about everything else.” I took a deep breath and felt my pulse quicken. “You don’t know about the curse.”

“The binding spell, you mean?”

“No, Kate. It’s much worse than that.”

I saw fear in the violet of her eyes.

I said, “The Devil can’t touch me as long as my mother’s blood runs through my veins. That is my protection and, when I fall in love, it becomes my curse.”

“What happens then?”

“When I fall in love the Devil will be able to find me, which means I’m that much closer to death. There will be nowhere left to hide. For anyone.”

“So don’t fall in love. Easy.”

I remember you
, I thought.
Your eyes. I think I remember your eyes.

I shook my head and gulped down fear, feeling the raw, gritty nature of it slide down my throat and sit in my stomach like tar. “In order to unlock the power of Heaven’s Guard and save the world from the Orieno, Orion said I need to fall in love, and when I do that will be the key to free them.
Love is my curse and my salvation
. I’m not a demon, Kate. I know you think I am but I’m not. Orion called me the North Star, the Caeles, the lost member of the Guard.”

Kate’s eyes were oceans of horror, pain. Her voice sounded like knives lined her throat. “The North... I’ve heard stories about this but I never knew the name of the lost one. But...
You?
Are you saying you’re the one that started everything?”

In my mind, I heard Orion’s voice as a memory of truth:

You are and forever will be the Caeles...

... there is always hope.

Before I knew what I was doing I grabbed her hands in mine. I felt her pull away but I held on tightly. “Yes. I am the Caeles. I’m the one that showed Myrddin the prophecy I foresaw. I gave him the power to create the Order.” I ran a thumb against her closed fist. “I know it sounds insane but this is true. I can feel it this time. I’ve seen it. I’ve never been so sure of anything in my life.”

I’m sure of this, too: Love is my curse.

I looked in her eyes, and was taken aback.

I forgot where I was. Who I was.

Love might kill me.

Kate’s eyes filled with drops of purple rain that refused to fall.

“What’s wrong?” I asked, easing my grip on her hand so that it rested in mine. I expected her to pull it away, but her hand stayed. “I know this changes everything, but I think I need you to help me. I don’t remember everything, and I need an ally in the Order to help me find some key so I can free the Guard and stop this war. I need you.”

“Calum,” her voice broke. The tears in her eyes faded to nothing as they grew serious, her face like stone. “I’ll help you if you do me one favor.”

I closed my eyes.

“Help me save my sisters.”

My eyes fluttered open with my heart, and I held her hands tighter. “I promise. But you need to do me a favor then, too.”

“What?”

“
Trust
me, Kate. Stop pulling away from me. I know... I mean that I remember... I just want you to try and trust me.”

There was a moment when I thought the world might unravel, and then, “Okay. I’ll try.”

I nodded. “Now, do you have any idea where this key might be?”

She looked confused. “Key? I’ve never heard of a key. Nothing is mentioned in the story I heard. Are you sure that’s what he said?”

I nodded. “Yes! I have to find it to unlock the power of Heaven’s Guard. I can’t remember anything about what it’s supposed to look like. Let’s go. We have to get out of here and find it before it’s too late.”

I didn’t say:
Before I fall in love.

I made to stand but she pulled me back down. “Calum! We need to go to your trial. We have to! You’ll die if we don’t go, and they’ll end up killing me too.”

And then the realization hit me: I would die no matter what. Orion had said it. I had felt it. It was up to fate to show me the way. Nothing was up to me.

I had no power against love.

Lucifer had known that when he cast the curse.

It took me a while to remember, but knew I would always die in the name of love -

for even the hope of something like it.

Always.

“Okay. Let’s go,” I said.

Kate’s voice broke. “Don’t say anything until I introduce us both, and don’t move until Marcus invites us to. Just follow my lead.” 

I said, “I trust you.”

“You shouldn’t,” she breathed.

As much as my heart was telling me no, as much as I wanted to run and never look back, I took Kate’s hand and we stood. Together, Kate and I opened the Doors of Judgment and stepped toward our future.

-Kate-

I was broken.

Slow-beating pangs of emotion filled my chest, my eyes, and my heart: Hurt. Pain. Hope. Fear.

Who am I anymore?

I felt fear most of all.

Fear that I felt more than I should.

That my sisters would not be saved.

That Calum was right: I was losing control.

When all I wanted to do was feel nothing, I was beginning to feel things I hadn’t since before the Order. It all had changed the instant Calum had told me his truth.

The instant he held my hand.

I would die for my sisters, but were they the only people who mattered?

Now, I was broken; a shattered version of the Warrior I had been. Calum said that love was his salvation and his curse, that it was inevitable, and I wondered if I would be lost to love as well.

Would love be the death of us all?

I thought of Adam and my heart broke-

Calum and my heart shattered.

Both made me feel like the girl I had been so many years before.

Calum said I should trust him, but I had tried that with Adam. I had trusted before and found myself in a place so lost that truths became broken in an instant.

But Adam was gone.

Still, he had made my heart feel light as air, while Calum made it beat with raging fire. Adam was safe. Calum was dangerous. And while I hadn’t known Calum for that long, he made me remember a time when I was alive with feelings.

In that, Calum reminded me of Adam.

Of me, before.

When Calum told me who he truly was, I realized the only reason I had hated him was because of who I thought he had been. Who I was told he was.

I didn’t know what to do.

But I would try to trust Calum.

For my sisters I would try anything.

I thought of the Warrior Code and realized it meant little to me now. I still believed its message, still had faith in the fight against evil, but the words were too binding to live by anymore.

I will be exiled
, I thought.
Just like my parents.

If the Order finds out, they will kill me.

Calum squeezed my hand.

I had thought he would be like his father, but all along it had been me. I was the one who was damned to become the one thing I had been running from all along: A traitor.

I thought of the people I would have to kill, of Calum, and realized I wasn’t as different from my parents as I had thought. If I had to kill a hundred people to save my sisters, I would slay them all in a heartbeat.

An odd thought flared in my mind:
Maybe my parents weren’t as guilty as I think. Maybe they had reasons for killing that many people. They did bind Calum’s power, after all, and hide him without telling anyone. Why would they keep him safe like that? Could they have known what he is?

I didn’t know anything about what my parents had wanted back then, but I knew what I wanted now.

Now, I wanted something more than this life. I wanted my sisters, and I finally had a way to get them back.

For now, it would be Calum and me against the world.

~

Beyond the Doors of Judgment was cold darkness, and the icy air of reality made me realize one thing: No matter what, I was a Warrior to the bone. My blood was hot with angry strength. My soul filled with courage.

I would not be weak in front of the Elders.

I threw Calum’s hand off mine. I couldn’t let myself be close to him, not now. The Order thought strength and courage could not be found in love.

Love?

I choked on air.

Stone.

I would try to trust Calum, but I could not lose myself yet. Not in the middle of his trial. We had to get out of here alive in order to save my sisters.

I was stone beneath my skin.

Instead of the wild confusion in my heart, I focused on this: Calum was the Caeles, the lost member of Heaven’s Guard said to be the most powerful of them all. He was the one that had started everything, and with him it would all end.

Did the Order know about this?

Did anyone?

They couldn’t, I knew, and it would be my secret for now. If anyone, even Marcus, found out who Calum was, it wouldn’t be up to me to kill him anymore. Marcus had told me this every day since I was a girl: If the first enchanter ever returned to this time, he would be sacrificed in a blood ceremony, bled dry in the lake, his body ground to dust and sprinkled in the blood water for all to drink and bathe in. They would gain magic of the ages from his body in hopes that it would help them defeat the Orieno once and for all. Marcus told me that it would happen no matter what because the first enchanter would be born again in every time, and would never truly die. And even though Calum was not who they wanted, not Myrddin, he would be close enough.