Like a Lover (6 page)

“You want
more?”

“There’s
slow, and then there’s stationary. You can move a little. I think I can handle
it.”

Josh
chuckled. But he started to move, a slow, dirty roll of his hips. “Oh fuck,
that’s good.” He stroked himself faster and angled his hips slightly
differently, squeezing hard around Rupert each time he rose before thrusting
back down.

“Yeah?”
Rupert had his hands on Josh’s hips, not guiding, just feeling the movement of
his muscles as he worked himself on Rupert’s cock, taking his pleasure. Josh
was definitely in the driving seat.

Josh
grunted his agreement, his breathing coming fast now. He fucked down harder,
the muscles in his thighs and belly flexing.

“You
getting close?” Rupert really hoped he was, because he knew he wasn’t going to
be able to hold out much longer, not with these visuals and the way Josh felt
around his cock.

“Uh-huh.”
Josh’s face and neck were flushed, the red marks that Rupert had put there
still livid. “Oh fuck… yes…. Fuck me
hard
.”

Rupert took
that as the signal to finally give in to the tension coiled tight in his balls.
He gripped Josh’s hips tightly and thrust up, hammering into him. Josh was
right there with him as Rupert started to come. He stilled, buried deep inside
Josh, and Josh came too, thick and sticky over his fist. There wasn’t so much
of it this time, but he carried on tensing and shuddering as he squeezed out
the last few drops.

After
they’d cleaned up, they lay on the bed in an embrace that felt so natural, it
was difficult for Rupert to remember they weren’t lovers—not in the
normal sense of the word. He lay behind Josh with the covers pulled up to their
waists. They were both still naked, and Rupert’s lips brushed Josh’s nape as he
murmured into Josh’s skin, “I don’t want to move yet. Do you have to be
anywhere, or can I pay you for an extra hour?”

“An extra
hour’s fine with me. Do you think you can get it up again?” His voice was
teasing, but gentle.

“I don’t
care if I can’t.” Rupert wrapped an arm around Josh’s waist and buried his nose
in his hair. He was happy to pay Josh just for this. “I think you’re
addictive.”

Josh
laughed softly. “I’m an expensive habit to form.”

“Good thing
my father left me a healthy lump sum when he died, then.” Rupert tried to sound
flippant, but the words stuck in his throat.

Josh was
silent. Rupert could feel the tension in his body.

“When did
he die?” Josh asked.

“Years ago.
When I was sixteen.” Rupert braced himself for the inevitable
I’m sorry
that he’d heard so many times.

But instead
Josh asked, “Were you close?”

“Yes.”
Rupert couldn’t have elaborated around the lump in his throat even if he’d
wanted to say more.

Maybe Josh
heard the catch in his voice, because he turned in Rupert’s embrace and wrapped
his arms around him, holding him tight. “That sucks.”

His easy
affection unlocked something in Rupert, and he huffed out a half laugh, half
sob, the sound muffled against Josh’s shoulder. “Yep.”

Josh didn’t
offer any other words of commiseration and didn’t ask for details. But somehow,
when Rupert got his emotions under control again, he found himself speaking
anyway.

“We always
got on well. He was very different to me…. Well, maybe not completely
different. We’re both focused, but in different ways. My father was a self-made
man, came from very little. He bought and sold companies, made clever
investments. He was good at what he did and made a lot of money. But he was
good man, a good father. He never insisted I follow in his footsteps, and he
was happy for me to follow my interest in computers. He expected me to work
hard and do well at school, but he didn’t try to shape me into a miniature
version of himself.”

Rupert
paused and rolled away from Josh a little, looking at the ceiling as he spoke.
The air was cool on his face after the warmth of Josh’s skin. Josh kept his
hand on Rupert’s chest, his fingers stroking through the light fuzz of hair.

Prompted by
the intimacy of what he’d just shared, Rupert blurted out the question he’d
wanted to ask Josh since their first meeting.

“Josh, can
I ask… why do you do this? I mean, I know you need to earn money. But why
this
job?”

He felt
Josh tense, his fingers stilling for a fraction of a second before moving
again.

“It’s the
best-paid job I could get that fits around my studies, simple as that. I like
sex, so it’s not a hardship.”

“But you
could get loans. Other students manage.”

“I could.
But why leave university thousands of pounds in debt if I don’t need to? I
don’t get a penny from my dad, so I’d need loans for everything: fees, rent,
living expenses. This way I can support myself and come out debt-free at the
other end. I’m not ashamed of what I do, and it’s my choice.”

There was a
finality to his tone that told Rupert the discussion was over as far as Josh
was concerned. So he changed tack. “How come your dad doesn’t help you?”

Josh
snorted and turned onto his back, taking his hand away so that they were no
longer touching. He paused so long before answering that Rupert thought he
wasn’t going to reply at all. But then he said, “My dad’s a total loser.”

Rupert
waited, and Josh elaborated. “He spends most of his time pissed, or high, or
both. Well… I assume he still does, because I haven’t seen him for two years.”

“What about
the rest of your family?”

“What
family?” Josh said wryly. “My mum died of an overdose when I was small, and I
don’t have any siblings—thank God. Otherwise I’d probably have them to
look after because I wouldn’t trust my dad to look after a cat.”

“Grandparents?”

“Dunno. If
they’re still alive, they never visited while I still lived at home. So there
you have it, my sob story.” Josh propped himself up on one elbow and glared at
Rupert defensively. “But you don’t need to feel sorry for me. I’m doing just
fine. I’ve got a life plan and I’m sticking to it. Work, study hard, leave uni
with a decent degree, and find a different job eventually. In the meantime,
this works for me.”

“Good for
you, then,” Rupert said, and he meant it. He was honestly impressed by Josh’s
resilience and determination. But he wondered where dating and relationships
fitted into Josh’s plan. He guessed they were filed away under “maybe in the
future” along with the different job.

When Rupert’s
time with Josh was over, he got up and dressed reluctantly. Josh was sitting on
the edge of the bed pulling on his socks when Rupert was ready to go.

“Thanks,”
Rupert said.

“You’re
welcome.” Josh’s lips curved. Rupert couldn’t decide whether he was teasing or
not.

“I’d like
to see you again… for another appointment.”

“Sure.”

Josh stood,
and Rupert moved closer. Without thinking too much about what he was doing, he
cupped Josh’s jaw with one hand and pressed a soft kiss to his lips. “I’ll text
you.”

When he
pulled back, Josh licked his lips.

“Okay.”

CHAPTER SIX

When Rupert
texted to arrange a midweek appointment, Josh agreed to see him on Wednesday
night. He didn’t have another client booked till Friday, when he was seeing
Philip again.

They met in
the usual hotel and, as always, the sex was good. Rupert found the fading marks
on Josh’s neck and sucked them back to the surface as he fucked him. He traced
the red blotches with his fingers as they lay in a sweaty, postcoital heap in
the ruined bed.

“Maybe you
should piss on me instead,” Josh teased.

“Huh?”
Rupert’s eyebrows shot up, and then he flushed with guilty realisation. “Yeah…
maybe I should.”

Josh
grinned, his suspicions confirmed. “The guy I saw on Saturday commented on
them.”

“Good.”
Rupert’s cheeks flushed as he admitted in a rush, “I hate to think of you with
anyone else.”

His
possessiveness was a turn-on, so Josh played up to it. He moved to straddle
Rupert, sliding his hands into his hair and kissing along the pale copper
stubble that dusted his jaw.

“Does it
help if I tell you that I think of you while they fuck me?” It was true enough.
Josh had found Rupert sneaking into his fantasies while he was trying to come
for the guy on Saturday. “That I wish it was your cock in my arse, your hand on
my dick….”

The sharp
catch of Rupert’s breath told Josh he liked what Josh was saying. Rupert
gripped Josh’s arse and pulled him closer so that their hardening cocks rubbed
together.

“But how do
I know it’s true? How do I know you’re not just telling me what I want to
hear?”

“Come on,
Rupert. You can see how much you turn me on. The other guys are good, but I’ve
already done stuff with you that I won’t let them do. You sucked my cock
without a rubber, remember? You rimmed me. I haven’t had anyone else do that in
ages. It’s different with you.”

And yes,
Josh knew this was what Rupert wanted to hear, but it was all true. He meant
every word. “Feel how hard you make me.” He gasped as Rupert curled his fingers
around Josh’s erection.

Josh came
like that, fucking into Rupert’s fist while Rupert stroked him through it. Then
Rupert jerked himself off afterwards while Josh murmured words of dirty
encouragement between kisses.

Later,
Rupert failed to hide his obvious displeasure when Josh said he couldn’t see
him on Friday, but he settled for Saturday instead. Josh kissed away the pout
to his lips until he stopped frowning and smiled again.

Lying in
bed on Saturday after they’d fucked, Rupert asked Josh if he could book all
three of the nights Josh had scheduled as client nights in the following week.

“Seriously?”
Josh turned so he could see Rupert’s face.

Rupert
flushed and avoided his gaze by looking at the calendar on his phone instead.
“Is that a no?”

“No, it’s
not a no. But why, Rupert? Why spend all that money for sex with me? I mean… I
know I’m good.” He let a little humour creep into his voice. “But I’m not
that
good.”

“Will you
do it or not?” Rupert glanced at him then, his jaw set as he waited for Josh to
reply.

Josh knew
he should say no. Rupert was so far under his skin already that it wasn’t a
good idea to keep seeing him so frequently. If Josh were smart, he’d claim he
had other bookings he couldn’t get out of. He was already seeing Rupert more
than he was comfortable with. Plus he felt oddly protective too. Whatever
Rupert's motivations were, Josh was sure it wasn’t wise for either of them to
get tied into some weird, exclusive client-prostitute relationship. It couldn’t
last, and he didn’t see any way it could end well.

But against
his better judgement, he found himself agreeing. “Okay, then.”

He could
cancel the new guy he’d agreed to see on Friday.
Better to keep an existing client happy
. The smile that lit up
Rupert’s face sent a warm flush of answering pleasure and excitement through
Josh. He tamped it down fast, but it did nothing to dispel his misgivings that
he was biting off more than he could chew.

Each of the
next three appointments went by much like their others.

They met
for a drink first and exchanged small talk. It felt more like a date every
time, and Josh had to keep reminding himself that wasn’t what this was. They
might act like lovers, but this was a job.

Rupert
seemed to struggle with the boundaries too. He was affectionate in public,
touching Josh’s hand across the table, placing his palm in the small of Josh’s
back to guide him into the lift. But Josh wondered if that was part of the
fantasy for Rupert, if he liked to imagine there was more between them than a
verbal contract and an hourly rate.

After
they’d come for the second time on Saturday night, they lay spooned together on
top of the hotel covers. Josh had his back to Rupert. Rupert hadn’t moved after
fucking him other than to pull out and throw the condom into the bin. His arm
was heavy and warm over Josh’s ribs, and Josh was sleepy and comfortable. He
knew the two hours Rupert had paid for had probably passed, but he didn’t want
to move.

“Can I book
you for three nights next week too?” Rupert asked.

“I’ve got
exams starting next week, so I’m taking a couple of weeks off.”

“Oh… okay.
Of course.” There was an almost-hurt tone to Rupert’s voice.

Josh put
his hand over Rupert’s where it rested on his stomach and let his fingers slide
between Rupert’s. “Sorry.”

Rupert took
his hand away and rolled to sit up. “No need to apologise. Your studies should
come before your job. I understand.” He sounded stiff and formal. “I’d better
get going. I think my time’s up for tonight.” He got up and started gathering
his clothes from where they’d been discarded in haste earlier. He kept his back
to Josh as he stepped into his boxers and pulled them up.

Josh
suddenly realised the prospect of two weeks without seeing Rupert wasn’t very
appealing to him either. He enjoyed the time they spent together—more
than he should. “If I get a free night where I need a break from revising, I
could call you,” he offered. “If you wanted?”

Rupert
straightened up and turned with a pleased smile. “Yeah. That would be good.”

When he was
dressed, he kissed Josh goodbye again as was his habit now. Today the kiss was
a little more lingering than usual and when Rupert pulled away, he kept his
hands on Josh’s face for a moment.

“Good luck
with the exams.” There was a tenderness his expression that left Josh feeling
slightly winded.

“Thanks,”
he managed. “See you in a couple of weeks… if not before.”

During his
first week of exams, Josh was too focused on revising to consider meeting
Rupert, but they kept in touch by text. It started with a good-luck message on
the morning of his first exam. Josh was touched that Rupert had remembered the
date. Josh replied to say thanks, and then it developed into a text exchange
that went on all week. Josh reported in to let him know how his exams had gone,
and Rupert reminded him to take some breaks to sleep or eat.

On Thursday
night Josh was taking a break from cramming for the exams he had the next
morning. He and Dani were sprawled on the sofa, watching a film and sharing a
bowl of popcorn. Josh’s phone kept chiming with messages from Rupert. Rupert
was asking for advice about what to get his mother for a wedding
present—she was getting remarried soon, apparently—and Rupert had
no clue what to get for the couple that already had everything. So far all
Josh’s suggestions had been rejected. The most recent one had been a hot-air
balloon ride for two.

Nope. She’s scared of heights.

What about a painting or sculpture or
something? Josh typed and hit Send.

Oh, that might work.

There’s some cool glass sculptures at the arts
centre at the moment. Maybe check them out?

“Who is it
you keep texting?” Dani asked.

“Just a
client. Trying to sort out a time.”

Josh’s
phone flashed up with a new message.

I’m bad at choosing stuff like that though.

Well, get an arty friend to help.

Sounds like you know what you’re talking about.
I’ve never even been to the arts centre apart from to eat in the cafe there.
Don’t suppose you’d come and help me choose?
Then a few seconds later.
I’ll buy you lunch there on Saturday if you’re up for it.

Josh
paused, his thumb hovering over the keyboard. He couldn’t ignore the lift of
his spirits at the prospect of spending some time with Rupert. But what Rupert
was suggesting sounded rather like a date.

“Fuck it,”
he muttered as he sent back a quick
OK
.

Rupert
replied immediately with a smiley face that made Josh break into a grin he
couldn’t control.

“Texting
clients to fix dates and times doesn’t usually make you smile like that.” Dani
raised her eyebrows and her look was sceptical.

Josh
flushed guiltily. “He is a client,” he insisted. “It’s just a bit….” He trailed
off, unable to think of any word to complete the sentence other than
complicated
, and how lame was
that—even if it was true. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Of course
that was the worst possible thing to say. Dani snatched up the remote and
switched the TV off, then turned to sit cross-legged on the sofa, facing him.
“Not wanting to talk usually means you
should
talk about it. So come on”—she poked his thigh—“spill!”

“Ugh.” Josh
ran his hands through his hair before moving to mirror her position, bracing
his hands on his knees as he tried to work out how to explain the situation.

“Okay. It’s
this guy called Rupert. He’s a client. I’ve been seeing him for about a month,
regularly, and the lines have got a little blurry. But I’m not sure how to
handle it.”

“Blurry how?”

“I see him
more often than anyone else, and it feels different with him. He always wants
to go for a drink before… and he’s never in a hurry to leave after. He’s very
affectionate. I don’t know. Sometimes I have to remind myself he’s only a
client, not… more.”

“Do you
want it to be more?” Dani’s voice was soft and careful.

Josh picked
at his fingernails, unable to meet her gaze. He was afraid of what he’d see in
her expression. He felt stupid and angry with himself for letting his feelings
get out of control.

“No.” It
came out sharply. Maybe if he said it forcefully enough, he could convince
himself. “I don’t have time for a relationship, and anyway, it’s too late. He’s
paying me to fuck him. That’s not a good starting point for anything more
meaningful, is it?” His attempt to make it sound like a joke fell flat, and the
words came out sounding more bitter than he’d intended.

“Maybe you
should stop seeing him if it’s messing with your head?” she suggested.

“Yeah,
perhaps. It’s good money, though. Regular client, easy job. Getting paid to
fuck someone who’s hot and good in bed? I’m living the dream.”

He snorted,
managing to sound more convincing that time. He finally met Dani’s eyes, but
she wasn’t smiling. She frowned, thoughtful and concerned.

“Just be careful,
Josh.”

“I always
am.”

There was
an awkward silence. Josh was full of nervous energy now. Rather than reassuring
him or helping him find a solution, the conversation with Dani had thrown all
the things he’d been trying not to think about into the spotlight.

“I need
some exercise,” he said, unfolding himself from the sofa and stretching. “I’m
gonna go for a swim.”

On Saturday
morning Josh was ridiculously nervous. He almost texted Rupert several times to
cancel, but each time he hadn’t been able to press Send. He knew right down to
his bones that this was a bad idea, but he didn’t care. The overriding desire
to see Rupert wiped out all his instincts for self-preservation.

Josh had
spent almost four years only doing things he needed to do. He’d worked every
spare hour in crappy jobs and studied late into the night in order to put
himself through college and finally get the grades he needed to go to uni. Then
he’d started working as an escort as a means to an end. All his focus had been
on escaping his background and earning himself the future he craved: a job that
paid decent money, independence, choices. Those things were the bright shining
light at the end of the tunnel, and Josh had been prepared to make any
sacrifice necessary to get there. One of the sacrifices had been the
possibility of a relationship. Until he met Rupert, that had seemed like a
small price to pay.