Lilah (12 page)

She had powers that she was unaware of yet and
with my help I would make sure that she reached the very height of herself.

‘What is it that you do here?’

‘We teach and live generously. We have an
extensive library with books on witchcraft and books on history. We have
meetings to discuss issues that might affect
us and ways to
better ourselves
. Above all, we remain discreet.’ 

More recently, many witches, our weaker
cousins, had been invited to learn and convert to our ways.

‘I know that you are something else and that we
share some common blood, that you can take away life just as quickly as you
heal, but I do not understand where I fit in all of this. Perhaps you can teach
me more about that. I would like to help the poor and the sick. I know I cannot
be a sister of the holy church… they do not accept what I am…but I can help in
other ways.’

‘The church is full of bigotry and hypocrisies
and in time you will share this view. Here, you will learn much that you do not
wish to, and see things that you cannot take back. You must be prepared for
what the strigoi do. It is part of who we are. Many humans would call us
abhorrent but we are simply survivors like every other species. We are the top
of nature’s ladder.’

She frowned a bit. ‘Where am I then, on its
rungs?’

‘Witches, like you, have continued our line and
made our covens stronger.’

I could see that she was having difficulty with
this – she was not ready to learn her future. I had not told her that
witches were one step away from their true form, the strigoi.

‘I struggle to think that I am called a witch,
something related to the devil.’

I laughed at this, confusing her.
‘Human superstition only.
For centuries I have seen them
accuse their own of such: poor wretches without any sort of skill but just
different; lunatics, touched in the mind by misfortune. Such ignorance! A witch
is a higher being than those with whom you have been associating. You should be
proud of what you are.’

‘Then I would like to learn, to observe and
take my knowledge to others, so that they may not be so ignorant. I want to
show others like me, that they do not need to fear or hide, that they have
choices. That they deserve to fit into society, to pray at church, and not
outcast like vermin.’

Choices!
She was indeed candid. From this statement I
could see that she would not be so easy to master and I was disappointed that
this one would take some time to convert.
She had been
exposed to a heinous crime by human men
yet still remained faithful to
Christian ideals. Only a witch with little experience among humankind could be
so trusting.

Lilah may think she coped with the shock of
seeing the act of
blood-taking
but despite her
curiosity she would not cope with the other secrets of the strigoi – not
yet. It was too early. Perhaps it would have been wise to set this girl adrift
to learn more hardships. Understand better the pettiness of humans until she
despised them, greatly desiring something more: to be closer to her own kind.
She was deluded in thinking that freedom was benevolent. Freedom was a curse.
Coven boundaries meant protection.

‘You can stay here for another night then I
must ask you to leave.’

‘What?’ She stared for a moment than a loud
breath of air escaped her. ‘I don’t understand. You were to show me how best to
use my skills. Gabriel promised…’

‘Gabriel is impulsive. He bends many of the
rules to suit himself but I disagree with him this time. I do not believe you
are of an age to be here yet.’

‘But I am a fast learner. I need to understand
myself. I know nothing of my past and I have nowhere else to go.’

‘One day you can return. I will have the
servants pack a bag for you to help you on your way. Perhaps you are better off
with humans.’

She twisted the tips of her fingers nervously.
‘Can I not stay here a while longer? I know what you do but I am not afraid…I
promise you that. And I am older than my years.’

I paused a moment, for effect only, and Lilah
followed my gaze to watch a brown hawk swoop and land gracefully onto the low
thinning tree, the branches bending from the weight of it. Its head twisted,
catching sight of something on the ground before it swooped again to take a
baby squirrel in its shears. The hawk shook the life out of it until there was
nothing but blood and fur, then it flew away over the tops of the trees, its
wings gently rising and falling. It had all the time to enjoy its feast,
fearful of little.

Lilah shuddered slightly and I could see her
wondering where she would find a home before winter.

‘Will you not show me how to be better at my
craft? ’

It had been my intention all along to dangle
the idea of knowledge in front of her and make her beg. I needed to stay in
control of her.

‘If you stay you must study all about your
craft. A year of learning but you must do as I say at all times.’

‘Yes, of course.
And then when I have learnt enough
I will not take upon your kindness any longer.’

‘Very well.
I will assign a servant to take
care of you.’

‘Is she…
’
She found it
difficult to finish.

‘No. She is human. All the servants are human.
They are guaranteed safety from us, as well as from their own pitiless kind,
while they live under my roof and do as I ask. They will cook for you and serve
you meals in your room for now.’ I stood to leave.

‘May I ask what that is on your arm?’

I showed her my wrist and the small
purple-inked circle. ‘It is a symbol of our coven, of those who have sworn
their loyalty.’

‘Oh, I see. It is quite unique!’ There was an
air of detachment in this comment as if it was in no way relative to her. She
would soon learn that there would be nothing else so important.

Lilah

Lewis stood up to leave. He was tall
with a long neck and his black hair, streaked with grey, hung loosely around
his shoulders. He would have been handsome when he was younger but the puffed
darkened skin beneath his eyes told of many years before mine.

Inside, my body was trembling at the thought of
being cast out of another home, even if it was temporary, and even among
creatures stranger than I. The thought of starting again without bed and
without direction was again like staring down into a black hole from where I
would never find a way out.

I did not mention to Lewis that even worse than
having no home to go to was perhaps not seeing my rescuer again. I was so drawn
to him. It wasn’t so much what I felt for Emil, but that I felt no fear of
anything when Gabriel was near. From the first moment that I had met him in the
forest, from that first look in his eye, I knew somehow that I was safe, that
nothing could harm me while I was in his company.

I had said my silent farewell to Emil several
nights ago. I still felt his presence about me as if he had never left the
earth. It was because of me that Emil’s brother and father died in the most
violent of manners. And I felt shame that it was also because of me that he
died. There were moments at the beginning of the journey that I imagined
bringing him back to life so that I could be forgiven. But these were selfish
indulgent thoughts. There was a point to death. Death did not only mean an end
to mortal life, but a new and brighter beginning in another place far greater.
That was perhaps why I was unafraid and why I did not feel as saddened as I should
at Emil’s death. Fate would not have us together on Earth and I accepted this.

Poor Hanna had probably found no other solace
than that in death. Protected by her money and privileges yet unprotected by the
very people to whom her life was entrusted. She and Emil were together now.

I saw what Gabriel did to Istavan and any who
see my history will wonder why I was not frightened like Evie by what I saw,
that I did not run screaming from the room. That night, my anger consumed the
horror and the fear. My hatred for Istavan overtook any loathing of such an
unnatural act. If I had to describe the union of two very different beings, it
was Istavan who was the demon, and Gabriel was the one saving mankind. Evie did
not see it this way however. Her father’s indiscretions were momentarily
forgotten, replaced by sheer terror of Gabriel.

During the trip to the castle I tried to make
sense of my unusual companion and quickly learned more of his qualities. He had
carried me for a time but I then asked him to set me down. Such closeness began
to make me uncomfortable with our faces touching. We had only walked for
several miles when my legs began to buckle wearily. I knew that my body had not
had time to recover from Andrew’s attack, but Gabriel believed it was the shock
of perhaps witnessing many traumatic events. I hoped he was unaware of the
crime committed against me in Danika’s room. When he noticed my slowing he put
his arm around my waist to pick me up again.

‘No,’ I said, gratefully. ‘I will be fine.’

We walked a short way before I smelled smoke
and further on stood a small farmhouse in a clearing. Gabriel stopped suddenly
and told me to wait there but as he walked I grabbed his arm and he turned his
gaze sharply towards me.

‘It’s not as you think,’ he said. ‘The people
here are safe. They mean no harm to others.’

I relaxed slightly and waited. He reappeared
through the trees and following him was a horse with riding leathers on its
back. The horse kept its nose close to Gabriel’s shoulder. He also passed to me
a woman’s skirt and blouse, which I immediately dressed into
;
suddenly aware of my inappropriate night attire.

‘Is this your horse?’

Gabriel shook his head and winked. ‘I’m just
borrowing him.’

I was amazed that the animal came willingly
without a leash and told him so. Gabriel turned to stroke the horse’s nose
gingerly who rewarded him with
a nuzzle
.

‘She trusts me,’ he said gently. ‘I have just
spoken to her and she has offered her help.’

He took the reins then and swung up onto the
horse weightlessly, just as he had done from the window earlier. He then lifted
me up behind him and I was grateful that my legs could now rest. Gabriel had a
strong lean back, but there was an absence of warmth. He did not perspire nor
at any point did he appear flustered from the effort. He did not gallop the
horse but rode at a gentle pace.

Several times we passed others and Gabriel
nodded his greetings.

To me, he was anything but the monster that
Evie must have seen. He was beautiful to look at and I sensed that he thought
deeply about everything, his pale face often fixed dreamily. I had the burning
desire to tell him everything about myself. I wanted to be measured by him; to
be told I was right to do and think the way I did.

We rode through woodlands before stopping to
rest by a stream. He reached into the water and grabbed at a fish with his
hands. It wriggled and then stopped. He did
this another
time. His hands moved fast, and the movements trailed a strange arc of light. I
wondered if it was my skill that gave me the ability to see this or whether
humans could too.

He returned near me and waved his hand over the
ground. A fire appeared out of air and he threw the fish into the pit. The
smoke rising from the sizzling flesh made me hungry.

‘Are you a witch?’

‘No.’

I felt relieved when I thought back in the room
that we were different. You ask why I wasn’t frightened and sickened by what I
had seen. It is difficult to put into words. It is like a thread unseen
connecting us, and none more so than at that moment. I could only find him
abhorrent as much as I could find myself.

‘Who are you really?’

‘I am a strigoi?’

‘A demon then.’ I was remembering all the
stories told by Arianne.

He laughed then. ‘If I was a demon I would not have
rescued you.’

‘But what I saw would have been considered
demonic by humans. Is there a difference between the name of which, and what
you do?’

He considered this a moment.
‘Yes
and no.
I agree that what we do is unnatural to humankind but we are not
demons. They are something else again. They are not of this world and there are
certain practices that allow them here, though none that I have seen.’

‘What I witnessed was something told in human
stories. You cannot change that fact.’

‘Humans do not know our ways and for obvious
reason want us dead or wish all their stories untrue.’

‘You kill humans. That I don’t understand.’

‘You will in time.’ He turned abruptly,
signalling that this part of our conversation was over. But I would need to
understand eventually if I was to accept what he did.

‘Is it right to read other people’s thoughts?’
I asked him. I had noticed this ability getting stronger.