Limerence (12 page)

Monday morning again. Urghhh!

I reach out my hand across the bed and feel for Oliver, but he’s already left for work. I open my eyes and look around as I stretch for the alarm clock, holding it in front of my sleepy eyes and pressing the
off
button to shut off the horrendous ringing. I slam it back down and crawl back under the duvet.

My body is not thanking me for all the alcohol I have consumed this weekend. Still, last night was worth it: Oliver and I seem to be back on track.

We didn’t stay out too late, instead opting for returning home and making love. Caitlyn and Will didn’t seem to mind either. I grimace as I realise that they had probably had the same thoughts as Oliver and I, being so new to their relationship.

Still, it had been amazing. Like we were making love for the very first time—like all the other times had just been practice runs. The way he had held me close afterwards, as if he were afraid to let me out of his hold, out of his sight. We had fallen asleep staring at one another, our arms draped across each other’s bodies as we drifted into sleep. It was blissful and perfect, and I can’t wait to do it again tonight. I smile.

I pull the duvet from over my head and stare up at the ceiling. Rachael still isn’t speaking to me. I frown. After we had gotten in last night, I had heard her in her room, but she never came out. I need to make this right before it gets too serious. I love Rachael, and this isn’t like her—to hold grudges. I still don’t feel I have done anything wrong, but sometimes it takes the bigger person to make things right. I sigh and get out of bed, noticing a note from Oliver.

Thank you for an amazing weekend, baby. I will love you forever, no matter what. Remember that. Ollie x

I smile at it, even though I find it strange. He’s never left me a note before; certainly not one as cryptic as this.

The kitchen floor is cold under foot as I set about brewing some coffee. I reach for two mugs, one for me and one for Rach, and make us a large helping of our morning’s addiction before making my way to her room. I tap gently on her door.

Silence.

I tap again, still nothing. “Rach, it’s just me, can I come in? I’ve made you a coffee.”

I wait a moment; I can hear movement from inside so I know that she’s there. I push the door handle down with my elbow and it swings wide open.

“What are you doing, Mia?” Rachael deftly pulls the covers up over her naked body. Chris is lying on his side next to her, looking pleased. The covers barely conceal the fact that he is naked under them.

I feel my cheeks go crimson. “Sorry, I erm, I…”

“Morning, Mia.” He smiles at me.

She looks at him impatiently and then back to me with a scowl. “You erm, what?”

I hop from foot to foot. I feel far too underdressed in just my thigh-high T-shirt to be around this creep. I can see him looking me up and down casually.
Urghhh!
This is the second time that he’s caught me in next to nothing. I grimace.

“I was just bringing you a coffee. I didn’t know you had company.” I nod to Chris. My hands are beginning to ache from holding the oversized mugs. I just want to go, but I’m not sure whether to put down her cup or take it with me.

“Why wouldn’t I have company?” She looks me dead in the eye. Chris slides his underwear on under the covers and jumps out of bed. His body is lean and toned; I notice a small tattoo on his upper arm as he comes towards me, but can’t make out what it is.

“I’m just going to wash up, ladies. I’ll leave you to it.” He smiles widely at me, his shoulder brushing mine as he passes. I try not to look anywhere but at his face, but his near nakedness is rather obvious.

“Okay, babe.” Rach smiles after him and then turns back to me with yet another scowl. “Okay. So? Thanks for the coffee. You can leave now.” She rolls her eyes at me, her arms crossing over her chest.

“What the hell is your problem, Rachael? I haven’t done anything wrong and yet you have ignored me for days. I was only looking out for you. If you don’t want my advice that’s fine, but don’t come crying to me when it all goes horribly wrong!” I storm over to the bed and slam the mug down, coffee splashing over its sides, and I turn to leave.

“Like I said, Mia, what we have is…”

I swing back round to face her. “I’m not bothered about what you said. You said a lot of things on Saturday—most of them pretty hurtful to me. Even so, I still just want to forget about it and move on. I don’t want to fall out with you over…over, well whatever it is that I’m supposed to have done. So just get a grip and stop acting like such a spoilt bitch all of a sudden!”

She goes to say something and stops herself, looking down at the covers.

“You need to grow up, Rachael. I do want you to be happy, of course I do, and I didn’t mean to offend you. I certainly didn’t want to hurt you, so I’m sorry that I did,” I add in, my tone more gentle.

She looks up at me, her eyes glassy from the tears building up, and I take in her appearance; the black circles under her eyes, the paleness to her skin.

“But, you have to accept responsibility for your part of this mess. I’ve been here enough times with you, with guys like him, to know how this is going to end. But bloody hell, honey, if he makes you happy right now, then go for it.”

I try to keep my voice soft, but can’t help my heat-of-the-moment speech rising loudly. I can hear Chris moving around the apartment and wonder if he’s listening to our conversation.

“Do you know what I think, Rach? I think that…” I continue, on a roll now my momentum is going.

“Okay, okay. I get it.” She cuts me off. “I’m sorry.” She looks up. “I’m sorry for being such a bitch. I overreacted, I know I did, but you just annoyed me so much. You were saying all the things that I was thinking and I was embarrassed, and oh god, what am I doing, Mia? What am I going to say to him?” She puts her head in her hands and sobs.

I sit on the edge of the bed, putting my mug down next to hers—thankfully, as my fingers are about ready to fall off.

“Carry on as you are if he’s making you happy, just don’t get too attached to him. You know what guys like him are like. I don’t understand why you even like him that much.” I pause, waiting for her to bite my head off again, knowing that I’ve overstepped.

Rachel looks back up at me with a small smile, apparently ignoring my comment. “But I do really like him, Mia.”

“Well, maybe I’m wrong. Maybe he’s not like all those other idiot’s. Do you really think he’s ‘the one’?” I add.

“No. I was just saying that to make you mad, but I do really like him.” She grins at me. “I can’t explain it.” She shakes her head and looks away. “He’s just there, in my thoughts, no matter what I do.” She taps the side of her head and looks back at me. “Do you know what I mean?”

I’m about to say something else, to tell her that I know exactly what she means, but Chris comes back into the room; he’s carrying his own mug of coffee. I frown, noticing that it’s Oliver’s mug, the one with the words
‘I have a particular set of skills’
written across it from when we had gone to see
Taken
with Liam Neeson in it. It’s his favourite mug and I hate that this creep is using it.

“Hope you don’t mind, I helped myself.” He smiles, gesturing to the coffee, and sits on the edge of the bed next to Rachael, unconcerned by his near nakedness, almost as if he knows how much he’s irritating me.

“You okay, babe?” He’s asking Rachael but smiling broadly at me, looking me over.

She looks at me with a shy smile and I stand to leave, trying to keep myself covered up as much as possible. The decision is hers to make. She doesn’t need me watching it play out, and I don’t want to watch it.

“I’m going to get ready for work.” I pick my coffee cup back up and shut the door behind me.

*

I’m busy with my class in the afternoon when Mary-Lou comes and interrupts me, telling me that Oliver is on the phone for me at the front office.

“Right class, if you can carry on with the drawing that you’re doing, I won’t be too long.” They stare at me wide–eyed, smiling. It’s first years, and I know that they still have their ‘high school heads’ on; therefore the class is going to go into full-scale riot mode the moment I leave the room.

I sigh. “Would you mind waiting here for me?” I ask Mary-Lou.

She grins, knowing why I want her to stay. “Sure thing, but be quick.”

I check my mobile on the way to the office but there are no missed calls and I wonder why he’s called the main office instead of my mobile direct.

The phone is in the receiver when I get to the office, line two blinking rapidly to show that someone’s on hold.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Mia.” His voice sounds off, different somehow and I know instantly that something’s wrong.

“Hey, baby. You okay?”

He’s hesitant. “Yeah, I erm, my mobile. I dropped it and it’s broken. I’m going to have to go get a new one at some point.”

“You’ve broken your phone?” I repeat, slower than necessary, as I give him a chance to tell me what’s really going on.

“Erm, yeah. I’m phoning from the work landline.”

“Oh, Okay then.” Something really isn’t right. “So, are you okay?” I repeat my earlier question.

There’s silence for a moment before he responds. “Yeah…yeah, everything’s fine. Listen, erm, Bill has asked me to go to London to sort out some mess with the flowers, so I’m going to be gone for a few days. Hopefully I’ll be back by the end of the week.” His voice trails off on the last words and I hear mumbling behind him before he continues. “Maybe a bit longer.”

“You’re going to London? I don’t understand, Ollie. Why can’t they sort it out over the phone? When’s Bill coming back?” We haven’t ever had time apart for more than a day or two at most.

“I don’t know, Mia. I’m just doing as I’m told.” He sounds . . . sad?

I glare at the receiver like all this is its fault. “Have I missed something, Ollie? Are we okay? I thought we were okay after, well, after last week. After last night. Did I get it wrong though? Are you trying to tell me you want time apart or something?” I’m close to tears now, my words coming out in a tumble, the bubble in the back of my throat rippling and ready to burst. “If you do—want time apart—then please tell me, baby. Don’t do this to me. To us. We can sort this out, whatever it is.”

“No, God no, Mia. I love you. I love you so very much. We’re fine. We’re going to be fine. Everything is…fine.”

FINE.

“Right then, well who’s going to run the project while you’re away? When are you going? Where will you be staying?”

“I’m going straight away, Mia.” A pause. “I have to. I erm…I need to get this problem sorted out. I’ll find a hotel when I get there. One of the other guys is going to keep this place going. They’ve got plans to follow, they know what they’re doing. I don’t know where Bill is. I’ve not heard from him for a few days, but I’m sure he’ll be back any day now.” His voice is pensive and sad, and I can’t help but think that I’m missing something. But what?

“You’re going straight away? Will I see you before you go?” I say through gritted teeth.

“No. I’m setting off today—now actually.”

“Now? Right then.”
I am definitely going to cry. This doesn’t feel right. This doesn’t feel right at all.
“So, let me get this right, Ollie. You’re leaving, now, for an unspecified amount of time, and you can’t even come see me to say goodbye properly. You have no mobile to contact me on, and can’t tell me where you will be staying? But this isn’t about us? Does that just about cover it?” I feel myself pout like a child.

“Yeah.” He’s quieter now. “So, I’ll see you soon, Mia.”

“Soon?” I feel sick, and my hands are shaking. This feels wrong—so, so wrong.

“Yeah. Of course yeah, baby, yeah. Real soon. Maybe the end of the week.” He sounds hopeful before he adds on, “Maybe next week.”

“You’ll phone me though?”

“My phone’s broken, Mia.”

“But, there are landlines, Oliver.” I stare at the phone in exasperation. I can feel the tears welling in my eyes.

“Yeah, yeah, course there are. I’ll try and call you later in the week, then.”

“Or get your phone fixed whilst you’re there?” I ask.

“Yeah…or that.”

“Right then.” I don’t believe anything that he’s saying. But what can I do? What can I say to make him stay? To get him to tell me the truth? I started all this—this is entirely my fault.

“Right then.”

There’s silence on the end of the line. It feels like there’s an infinite void between us, not a few miles. There’s something else going on here, but if he isn’t willing to tell me then what more can I do? He obviously needs the space.

“I could come over to the Island and see you before you go…”

“NO!” he snaps, his words cutting me off abruptly. “
No
, Mia. I don’t want you coming over here.”

I feel my chin tremble. “Why?” My voice is so quiet, I wonder if he will even hear me, but he does.