Lindsey Kelk 5-Book 'I Heart...' Collection (62 page)

‘I didn’t think I should. And everything’s been happening so quickly again, I thought maybe some time apart would be a good thing. But hey, I have been wrong before.’

‘True,’ I whispered.

Alex was backing slowly towards the bed. The bed that was still messed up from whatever happened the night before with Joe.

‘And I guess that’s why I wasn’t answering my phone.’ He slid his hands up my arms, resting them on my shoulders. ‘I wanted to prove that I wasn’t missing you. That I wouldn’t fall apart again without you. Tragic, huh?’

‘Tragic.’

‘Turns out I was wrong, so I guess you’re stuck with me now. If you still want me?’

‘Of course I do,’ I said, a tiny little tear sneaking out of the corner of my eye. ‘But there’s still stuff we have to talk about, I have to explain. It’s not as easy as—’

‘It’s as easy as we make it.’ Still with both my hands in his, Alex pulled me sharply towards him and I crashed into his chest. He smelled like sleep and the deodorant that sat on his bathroom windowsill. ‘You don’t have to explain a thing. You said nothing happened with that guy and I should have just believed you. There should never have been a question for you to answer. I am so sorry. But I’m here and I want to make it right. Tell me what to do.’

I had never felt like more of a shit in my entire life. Here he was, this beautiful boy that had flown thousands of miles to apologize for believing photographs that thousands of other people all around the world, including my bloody mother, were taking as gospel. He was here to tell me that he didn’t believe them, that he was the one in the wrong, and now he was trying to pull me into a bed that had until very, very recently contained a very naked barman and a very stupid me.

‘Angela, are you OK?’ He held my tear-streaked face in his hands. ‘I know things aren’t going to be OK right away. I don’t expect you to forgive me now. I just want to know that you might be able to later.’

‘I–I can’t believe you came,’ I stuttered. ‘I can’t believe you’re here.’

‘There was nowhere else I could be.’ He pressed his forehead to mine, my tears running against his cheeks. ‘So these are happy tears that I’m here, not sad tears because you hate me?’

‘I don’t hate you. You should hate me,’ I faltered. I had to tell him. It was one thing to keep it to myself when I thought things were over, it was another to lie flat out when the man had flown all the way across the country to see me. ‘I’m so sorry, Alex.’

‘Stop talking.’ His lips found my cheeks and kissed away the tear tracks. ‘You always talk too much.’ Without thinking, I tilted my face upwards and kissed him back, his lips salty from my crying and dry from his flight. I wasn’t sure how something that made me melt so completely could make me feel sick to my very stomach at the same time.

Alex drew me down on top of him on the bed. I awkwardly straddled his lap, my shins against the edge of the bed frame. His lips softened as they turned to my throat, to the ribbed neckline of my T-shirt. I let him pull me closer and push me backwards against the pillows as I tried to concentrate on his half-closed eyes, his shortness of breath; but every time I tried to let go, I could feel Joe in the bed with us.

‘Alex, I can’t,’ I choked, reaching out for his hand before he could go too far. ‘I’m sorry, I need to sort some stuff out and we need to talk.’

He brushed his hair out of his eyes and sighed softly. ‘I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have.’ He pushed up and sat on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands. ‘You want me to go?’

‘God, no.’ I sat up too quickly and threw my arms around him. What if he left and never came back? ‘I just can’t do this. Yet. But will you stay with me?’

‘I’ll never leave again unless you ask.’ He leant in and kissed me again, deep and warm. ‘Do you have stuff to do today?’

I went through the list in my head: call James, sort out the interview, find Jenny, gag Joe, sew a scarlet A to the front of all my clothes. Nothing that couldn’t wait. ‘Not right now. Can we just lie here for a while?’

Alex nodded and kissed the tip of my nose before kicking off his Converses and crawling across the bed. Silently, I lay back against him, pressing myself against his chest, curling my legs through his. I clutched the arm he draped across me tightly and listened to his steady breathing, felt his breath on the back of my neck as it slowed down. He was asleep inside minutes but I just couldn’t close my eyes without seeing Joe’s naked back in front of me.

What had I done?

Once I was certain I wasn’t about to wake up from my dream-slash-nightmare and find my bed had been completely empty for the last twenty-four hours and not taken on a revolving-door policy when it came to hot boys, I crawled out of Alex’s grip and pulled on some long overdue jeans. I padded as quietly as I could into the bathroom and stared at my phone. Whom should I speak to first? What should I say to any of them? Better to just make that call than to sit on the toilet staring at a mobile phone, surely that wasn’t overly hygienic.

‘I’ve been wondering when you’d call.’ James didn’t sound as happy as I was hoping he would be. ‘Left it a bit late, haven’t you?’

‘Well, you won’t believe this but there’s this rumour going round my office that you’re gay.’ I stretched my toes out to rest on the heated towel rail. Ooh, damn it, too hot. ‘Isn’t that shocking?’

‘Very funny,’ he echoed. Apparently the bathroom wasn’t the best place to have a mobile phone conversation. ‘So when are you coming over to do this? I’d really like to get it over with.’

‘Oh, thanks,’ I heard Blake call down the line. ‘I’m so glad you’re excited about this.’

‘Shut up,’ James countered, but I could hear a smile in his voice. ‘Seriously though, there is –?according to your terrifying editor – some urgency in the matter.’

‘I know,’ I said, pressing my toes against the cold tiled floor. ‘She has been quite insistent on the urgency. The only thing is, Alex just turned up here and I sort of can’t leave him right now.’ What I failed to add was ‘because I’m terrified that if I leave him alone in this hotel room for even a moment, he’ll find some shred of evidence that I shagged the barman last night.’

‘He showed up, did he? To apologize?’

‘Mm-hm.’

‘Any diamonds accessorizing that apology?’

‘No.’ I couldn’t imagine how I could feel worse than I did right then, but possibly diamonds would have pushed me over the edge. Of the roof. ‘Things are a bit complicated. I have to submit my copy by tomorrow lunchtime so if I came to you about nine, would that be OK? That gives us a couple of hours to talk and then I’ve got another couple to sort it all out.’

‘Are you that good a writer or just that desperate for a seeing-to that you can’t leave your man?’ James asked. ‘And I expect an honest answer, given that I’m about to out myself for you.’

‘Oh, so you’re doing this for her now?’ Blake again.

‘Do I have to bring him on the interview?’ James asked. ‘He’s been bloody intolerable since I agreed to all of this. There’s still time to change my mind, isn’t there?’

‘No there isn’t,’ I said quickly. ‘So we’ll do it at your hotel?’

‘Fine, it’s where all the best scandal goes down.’ I heard a scuffling in the background and then giggling. ‘Sorry, Blake’s freaking out that I’m actually organizing something myself. Piss off; you’re supposed to be organizing the photo shoot, not listening in on my conversation. Have to say, Miss Clark, I’m a bit gutted you’re not going to be in the pics.’

‘I’ve been in quite enough pictures with you,’ I replied. ‘See you tomorrow at nine, then?’

‘OK,’ he said. ‘And Angela, I am really sorry for all the hassle. Hopefully it’s all going to work out for the best. For both of us.’

I tried to smile as I ended the call, happy for James and Blake that they were together, but I was still pissed about the fact that if those photos of James and me had never leaked, I would probably never have ended up in bed with Joe in the first place. I paused between phone calls to wash and moisturize, my skin had got so dried out here. Smoothing on an inch-think layer of Beauty Flash Balm, I stared back at myself in the mirror.

I didn’t look any different for having had a skanky one-night stand, so why did I feel so different? Same blue eyes, same light brown hair, same ‘not bad really but would definitely get veneers if I ever got mega-rich’ teeth. If only I could remember what had happened, maybe I could stop imagining the worst. Unless it had been the worst and my brain was trying to protect what little self-esteem I had left. And the worst thing was, as much as I could complain about James and the photos, about Joe taking advantage, there really was no one to blame for all this but myself. I was going to sort it out myself. With a little help from Jenny.

I dialled her mobile and got her answer phone. The first time that girl answered her phone herself, the world would end. ‘Hi Jenny, it’s me. So I don’t know where you are but I really need to talk to you. Alex just turned up – he’s here in my room and I don’t know what to do. I’m totally freaking out about the whole … situation. Help? Please?’

‘Hey,’ Alex said, curling his long body around the door, ‘you OK?’

‘I thought you were asleep,’ I said, quickly wiping away the smears of moisturizer all over my face. ‘I was just sorting out some stuff.’

‘That’s cool, you don’t need to tell me.’ He stretched up, gripping the top of the frame, his T-shirt pulling up over the waistband of his jeans and revealing his tight, pale abs. Good job I was holding on to the sink. ‘So my body clock is totally wrecked and now I’m starving. You want to eat?’

‘I am actually really hungry.’ I couldn’t remember when I’d last eaten. ‘Do you want to go out?’

Alex let go of the doorframe and stepped tentatively into the bathroom. He smiled and wiped away a little leftover moisturizer from my cheek, making me flush from head to toe.

‘Do you?’

I shook my head. ‘Not really.’

‘Me either.’ He pulled off his shirt and unfastened his belt buckle. ‘But I do need to take a shower. You coming in?’

I looked at the floor. Why was he making this so difficult for me? The empty sick feeling in my stomach eased into tickling butterflies. Before I could say anything, Alex was right there, kissing me so hard, my lips felt bruised and my breath was knocked clean out of me. As he hooked his hands under my arms and pushed me up against the sink, I wrapped my legs around his waist, kissing him back. Maybe this was the best way to clear my head. It certainly felt like a good idea. Not that I could really use that as an indicator of good ideas, given my previous.

I was vaguely aware that I’d knocked on the tap as a startling stream of cold water ran down my lower back, but I was so busy helping Alex yank my T-shirt up and over my head that I didn’t really mind. Instead of trying to turn it off, I let myself twist my fingers into his hair, just like I’d wanted to ever since he’d walked through my door. I held on tightly around his neck as Alex staggered backwards, sliding me off the sink and clattering into the towel rail.

‘Is this OK?’ He breathed hard in between kisses that made my knees weak. So weak that getting to the floor as soon as possible was really the only solution.

‘I thought I was the one who talked too much,’ I replied, pulling him down onto the cold, hard tiles.

‘I can’t believe that guy is gay,’ Alex said afterwards as we lay on the bathroom floor, draped in The Hollywood’s fluffy towels. I wasn’t sure my legs were up to making it across the room anyway, and it seemed as if it would be unflattering to crawl. Not to mention the fact that having two men in my bed in one day was really just too skanky.

‘I know.’ I shuffled slightly closer against Alex’s chest. The closer I was, the safer I felt. ‘It’s mad, isn’t it?’

Even though Alex was trying really hard with his whole ‘you don’t need to explain yourself to me’ routine, I had really wanted to give him the whole story, or at least the whole James Jacobs story, as soon as was post-coitally appropriate.

‘I guess you never really know about this stuff.’ Alex idly stroked at strands of my hair, holding them up and let them fall gently back to my head. ‘People believe what they want to believe. It’s kinda depressing that he didn’t think he could just be who he is from the beginning.’

‘I’m just so sorry you got dragged into it all,’ I said quietly, utterly blissed out from the hair stroking. ‘I nearly died when they had that picture of you online.’

‘Yeah, how weird was that?’ His voice sounded deep and sandpapery in the confines of the tiny hotel bathroom. ‘I don’t know where they got that picture. Good to know internet gossips think I’m cute, though. The guys haven’t stopped laughing.’

‘Jealous,’ I said.

‘Totally,’ he agreed. ‘The sick thing is, record sales are up.’

‘Do I get commission?’ I asked, manoeuvring my towel to make sure any dodgy bits were covered. It was one thing to be naked in the throes of passion, it was quite another to be totally starkers under the harsh bathroom lighting once your boyfriend had already got some.

‘Can I work off my debt?’ he whispered into my ear. A shiver ran down my spine that had nothing to do with the temperature of the floor tiles.

‘I thought you were hungry.’ I pushed his hair back out of my face as Alex positioned himself over me. ‘They won’t bring room service up if we’re at it on the bathroom floor.’

‘Don’t tell me you haven’t got a secret stash of snacks in this room.’ His breath was hot on my neck and I felt my back arch upwards towards him. ‘You’re never more than fifteen feet from a packet of M&Ms.’

‘I’m sure I don’t know what you mean,’ I said, hoping he wouldn’t find the giant bag of peanut butter M&Ms before I could hide them.

The day drifted away from me before I was really able to do anything with it aside from intermittently reaching out to make sure Alex was still there and drifting in and out of my first non-alcohol-induced sleep for days. Eventually, Alex and I managed to put on just enough clothes to make ourselves decent and we wandered out to the closest McDonald’s for sustenance – and to give housekeeping enough time to change the bed. I was just watching Alex tuck into his second Big Mac when my phone trilled to announce a text message. It was Jenny.