Line of Fire (18 page)

Beth walked right up to her son and cupped his face in her hands. “Are you so sure it’s me who’s been doing that?”

Tommy’s blue eyes were moist. “I . . . you never understand me.”

“I understand more than you think, baby boy,” she whispered. “I see you. Never think I don’t. I’ve never measured you against your brother, and I never will. But I think you’ve done a number on yourself in that regard.”

He swallowed hard. “You don’t believe I had help? I gave up my dreams of playing for the NFL because that wasn’t good enough. Wasn’t heroic enough for you and Dad.”

“Why would you think that?” she asked, agonized. “I would’ve been proud to have my son play for the NFL. I’d be just as proud if you had decided to become an accountant or a construction worker. I don’t understand where this is coming from.”

He gave a bitter laughed. “You really don’t, do you? After I came home, even after we buried him, all I heard was how brave Donny was, how heroic to die serving his country. What a wonderful person he was. And he was, but what about me?”

His plaintive cry echoed in the room, and his mother gaped at him, hand going to her throat.

“I don’t . . .”

“No, you don’t! That’s the whole point! I waited for you to tell me that you loved me just as much, that you were proud of me for who I am. Dad told me, but you never did,” he said, voice breaking. “I started to question my life, my purpose, and I needed you. And when I mentioned I might not go back to school, do you remember what you said?”

“No,” she admitted. “Not exactly.”

“You said, ‘Stay in school, play your game. Don’t try to be a hero like your brother.’ As though a football player can’t be a hero. My pursuit was safe, and somehow less. How do you think that made me feel?”

“I—I didn’t mean to belittle your chosen career. I was half-crazed with grief, Tommy.”

“I know you were,” he said softly. “But so were me and Dad. All I could think was that I’d failed somehow. That I should be more. I lost the heart to play ball, lost myself.”

She shook her head. “You didn’t fail us; you made your own decisions.”

“I needed guidance.”

She gave him a sad, tremulous smile. “And you’ll never know how sorry I am that I didn’t do a better job of giving it. We were grieving, but your father and I should have made more time for you back then, really talked to you about what you wanted to do. You want to blame me for everything that’s gone wrong for you since Donny’s death? Fine, I accept all of it.”

Tommy and Beth stared at each other in obvious misery. Each one mired in uncertainty, longing to breach the gulf. Tommy was silent for so long, Shea wondered if he’d answer.

“Funny, that’s what I’ve wanted to hear, but now I realize it’s not completely true,” he said, hanging his head. “It still hurts that you pushed me aside, even though you didn’t know you were doing it. But I have to own my choices. I became a firefighter for all the wrong reasons, and that’s not your fault. I’m so sorry.”

She laid a palm on his cheek and he lifted his head. “So am I. You’ll never know how much.”

“When does it stop hurting, Mom?”

“It doesn’t. But it becomes less, and we learn to appreciate the time we have. That’s all I want for you, all I’ve ever wanted. Just for you to find your place where you’re happy, being who you want to be, with no regrets.”

“I’m happy with Shea,” he said, giving his mom a watery smile.

“I can see that, and I’m so glad. The rest will work itself out. You’ll figure out what you want to do careerwise, and your father and I will be here to help if you need us. Now, I’m going to tell you a secret, something I never would have said while your brother was still alive.” Beth took both of his hands, careful with his injured one.

Tommy blinked at her, waiting.

“First, I love you and Donny, always will. You know that. But you.” A tear streaked down one porcelain cheek. “You were my shining star from the moment you drew your first breath and looked at me. You were such a mischievous scamp, always into everything, and I let you get away with it just to see you smile. It used to drive your brother crazy.”

“Really?” he asked in wonder. “You never told me.”

“There are a lot of things I never told you. A mother should never mention when one child in particular is her bright, shining light. That secret a mother takes to her grave, unless her shining light is aching inside and needs to hear the truth.”

“Mom,” he said hoarsely, gazing at her with new eyes. Amazement was etched on his face. And hope.

“You are a special man, Thomas Wayne Skyler. I always knew that, but I worried that you never did. I loved your brother with all my soul and always will, but believe me, I see you.”

“God, Mom, I’m sorry.” He wrapped his arms around his mother, crushed her to him. They held on tight for several moments, clinging to each other until his mom finally pulled back. They both had to wipe their faces.

“Like I said, don’t be sorry,” Beth said, giving her son a kiss. “We’ve had a lot of stuff brewing for a while now and I let it go too long. That’s my fault.”

“No, it isn’t. I should’ve talked to you, told you how I felt instead of bottling it up.”

“Can we promise not to do that anymore?”

He hugged his mom’s slim shoulders. “I promise.”

“Jesus, is it safe to come in?” Don stood nearby, his sheepish expression making it clear he’d been hiding out in the kitchen waiting for the storm to pass.

“All’s clear,” Tommy said. “We’re okay.”

“Good. Now maybe your mother will stop moping so much.”

“I do not.” She sighed. “Okay, maybe I have, a little.”

Don waved at the sofa and chairs. “Why don’t we all sit down? More mimosas?”

The atmosphere was much more relaxed, even happy, as they finished their visit. Shea was glad to see Tommy and his mother at peace, enjoying their morning together.

As the conversation wound down, Tommy stood. “I guess we’ll be going. We’ve got some things to do. Thanks for the brunch, Mom. It was great.”

“You’re welcome, sweetheart. Bring Shea back over for dinner one day soon,” she said, giving her son another huge hug.

“I will. Dad, talk to you soon.”

“You bet.” Rather than trying to shake his hand, his dad gave him a hug, too.

Shea got the same warm good-bye and they left, heading for his truck. Tommy didn’t say anything until they got in and he started it, fumbling some with his left hand.

“That was . . . wow.”

She studied him with concern. “Are you all right?”

“You know, I am. It’s like this boulder has been lifted off my chest.”

“I’m sure your mom feels the same way.”

“Yeah. I regret not talking to her sooner. Really talking, not just saying what we all wanted to hear.”

“At least you did, and now things can get better between you.”

He pulled out of the driveway and headed for the edge of town. “I don’t feel like being cooped up anymore. What do you say we go for a drive?”

“Sounds perfect to me. Where to?”

“First, we get reinforcements.”

“Oh? Of what kind?”

“You’ll see.”

His quest for “reinforcements” took them to a beer and wine store on the outskirts of town. Inside, he asked her opinion in choosing a rather large bottle of white wine, already chilled. A package of cheap plastic glasses and a travel-sized corkscrew completed the ensemble, and they paid and were on their way in minutes.

“Now where to?”

He gestured vaguely at the scenery, which grew increasingly wooded and pretty on the way out of town. “Not sure. Somewhere that we can spread out the quilt I’ve got behind the seat, open that bottle, and while away the day together.”

“We’re going to drink that whole bottle? It’s barely after noon!”

“That, cutie, is my new outlook on the joy of living. To do something just because you want to, because it feels good. Right now, I want to savor a bottle of wine someplace quiet and pretty with the woman I love. Got a problem with that?” He sent her a sizzling smile.

God, just looking at him made her skin tingle. “Not a one. I even have a suggestion of where we can go.”

“Well, let’s hear it.”

“How about the land on the river that belongs to me and Shane? It’s private property, so we can’t get into trouble for enjoying our wine there.”

“You’re brilliant! That’s exactly what we’ll do.”

“The land is scruffy, needs clearing and landscaping to make it into a couple of attractive home sites, but it’s fine for a picnic. The grass isn’t as tall closer to the river, and there’s a path you can take with your truck to get there so we don’t get chiggers walking through the weeds.”

“You said a couple of home sites. You’re dividing it equally with Shane? Not to be nosy. I’m just curious.”

“You’re not being nosy.” She smiled at him. “Shane and I have our tracts picked out. We decided a long time ago they were ours to do with as we please independent of each other, but I doubt we’ll ever sell. We’d both like to build someday.”

“You don’t think being neighbors with your brother will be weird?”

“Not to me. We’re very close. He does tend to get into my business and that aggravates me sometimes, but he’s just being protective.” She thought about it for a few seconds before she continued.

“No, I think it would be cool for us both to get married and have families, have our kids grow up together. I can imagine how fun it would be for the cousins to be close, how special the holidays would be. And I’ve always wanted a sister, so I’d hope his wife would fill that role.”

The idea made her sigh with happiness. Someday, it could be like that for her and Shane.

“I like your dream, baby,” he said, giving her a sideways glance. “It sounds terrific.”

He drove until Shea directed him to a turnoff that was little more than a rutted path through the undergrowth.

“Told you it needs some TLC.” She grimaced as his truck hit every bump.

“It’ll get some one of these days.” As the trees broke and the river came into view, he whistled. “Damn, look at this. You’ve got quite a diamond in the rough here. Trees, the land sitting up on a gentle rise, and your house will sit high enough to be out of danger should the river rise. This is gorgeous, honey.”

“Thank you.” A flush of pleasure warmed her to her toes. “I’ve never shared this with anyone else. Park over there,” she said, gesturing.

As he pulled to a stop and turned off the truck, he faced her. “You’ve never brought anyone here? Not even a group of friends for a wild beer party? It’s the perfect location for one.”

She snorted. “A keg party with an overprotective cop for a brother? Dream on.”

“You’ve got a point. Though he wasn’t always a cop, in the beginning.” She knew he meant after their parents were killed, and nodded. “True, but he was always mean enough to scare away any unsavory influences on my life. Especially after . . .”

“After you were raped,” he finished softly.

“Yes, most certainly after that. Want to pick our spot?”

After a moment, he reached for the door handle. “Sure.”

Tommy hefted the sack with their wine and cups, and Shea retrieved the quilt from behind the seat. She led them through the grass closer to the river, to a nice spot she’d visited more than once.

“I used to come here all the time,” she said, spreading out the quilt. “Alone, to get my head together. Perhaps not the smartest thing to be out here, away from help, but I always thought the risk was worth the reward. There’s such peace here.”

“I agree.” He sat down with her and fished the wine bottle and opener out of the sack. “Would you do the honors? The cork is more than I can manage with my lefty.”

“Absolutely.”

While he tore open the plastic bag and removed two cups, she freed the cork with a pop. He steadied each glass as she poured, and then set the bottle on the quilt beside them, scrunching it down so it hopefully wouldn’t fall over.

“A toast, to us.” He held up his glass, blue eyes shining with pleasure. Love.

“To whatever the future brings, and may it be fantastic.”

They bumped glasses and laughed, took a sip. He leaned in for a long, lingering kiss. A simple brush of lips, a little tongue. The contact was so sweet, it nearly brought tears to her eyes. His next words succeeded.

“If you’d like to tell me about what happened to you, I want to listen. The way I should have before, and didn’t.”

“Oh, I don’t know. What’s there to tell? It was so long ago, and he didn’t get away with it. He paid.”

“So did you, baby. I’m so sorry I reminded you of him at first.” His tone wasn’t accusing, but understanding.

“The problem was never with you, it was me. I want you to know that. And not with sex, but with my ability to trust. To put myself out there, put my feelings on the line for another man to take advantage of, for him to destroy me.”

“But he didn’t destroy you.”

“No. But when you’re eighteen, it’s hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Especially when you’ve had those things happen to you. Have you ever been violated? Had your choices taken away? In any way, I mean, not just rape.”

“I had my stereo stolen out of my truck once, though that’s not a good parallel.”

“Why not? Someone broke into the sanctity of your private space, took something that belonged to you, without your permission. I’m sure you felt angry and frustrated, helpless to do anything about it.”

“Yes, I did,” he allowed. “But you weren’t helpless at all. You did something about the guy who hurt you.”

“With Shane’s and my parents’ support, that’s true. That night, when the guy brought me home and practically booted me out the car door, he sneered that nobody would believe me. My word against his. He said I was asking for it by going parking with him, and not to even bother telling anyone.”

“But you did tell.”

“I was hysterical by the time I got inside the house, my blouse torn. I was—I was bleeding. The rest of the night is still a blur, but my family called the police, rushed me to the hospital to have the rape kit done. It was a nightmare.”

“God, I can’t imagine what you went through.”

“That was only the beginning. The wait to find out whether I was pregnant was excruciating, and when the test came back positive, the fight that resulted was something my parents and I never had the chance to reconcile before they were killed.”