Lisa Lutz Spellman Series E-Book Box Set: The Spellman Files, Curse of the Spellmans, Revenge of the Spellmans, The Spellmans Strike Again (106 page)
Authors: Lisa Lutz
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This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and
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First Simon & Schuster hardcover edition March 2011
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Designed by Davina Mock-Maniscalco
Manufactured in the United States of America
10 9 8 7 6 5 4 3 2 1
The Library of Congress has catalogedthe hardcover edition as follows
Lutz, Lisa.
The Spellmans strike again : a novel / Lisa Lutz.
—1st Simon & Schuster hardcover ed.
p. cm.
1. Private investigators—Fiction. 2. San Francisco (Calif.)—Fiction.
3. Domestic Fiction. I. Title.
PS3612.U897S69 2010
813’ .6—dc22
2009038267
ISBN 978-1-4165-9340-9
ISBN 978-1-4165-9341-6 (pbk)
ISBN 978-1-4516-5936-8 (ebook)
To all my friends from Desvernine Associates:
Des, Pamela, Pierre, Yvonne, Debra,
and Gretchen. But not Mike.
THE SPELLMANS
STRIKE AGAIN
David’S New Friend My New Client
Rule #28—Mandatory Sunday Night Family Dinners
Rule #31—Vacate Residence Every Wednesday
The Return of Sunday Night Dinner
Would the Real Mason Graves Please Stand Up
The Case of the Disappearing Doorknobs
The Sunday Night Dinner Massacre
The Attack of Sunday Night Dinner
The Sunday Night Dinner Smackdown
Phone call from the edge
1
#28
MORTY
: What’s new, Izzele?
ME
: If I told you, you wouldn’t believe me.
MORTY
: Never stopped you before.
ME
: I wouldn’t know where to begin.
MORTY
: It’s true. You tell stories funny. You always start in the middle.
ME
: Here’s a headline: Rae committed a felony and might actually have to do time in a juvenile facility.
MORTY
: That is news. What did she do?
ME
: Something very bad.
MORTY
: Usually felonies are. Feel like sharing?
ME
: I’m not ready to talk about it. Let’s switch subjects.
MORTY
: Okay, how’s your Harkey investigation going?
ME
: Nowhere.
MORTY
: Your brother still seeing the hooker?
ME
: I explained this to you before. She’s not a hooker.
MORTY
: Sorry, I got confused. I’m not even going to ask about your Irish boyfriend.
2
ME
: Good. Don’t.
MORTY
: I didn’t. That’s what I just said.
ME
: Don’t you have some news for me, Morty?
MORTY
: That’s right, I haven’t told you yet. We’re moving back to San Fran.
ME
: Say San Francisco, not San Fran.
MORTY
: Why? Life’s short. No point wasting it on extra syllables.
ME
: It makes you sound like a tourist.
MORTY
: You’re grumpy today.
ME
: You have no idea what the past few days have been like for me.
MORTY
: True, because you haven’t told me.
ME
: Later. You’ll hear all about it, later.
MORTY
: Don’t wait too long. I’m old.
3
ME
: I am well aware of that.
MORTY
: I got the shirt, by the way.
ME
: What shirt?
MORTY
: The blue shirt that says “Free Schmidt.”
ME
: I didn’t send you that shirt.
MORTY
: Who did?
ME
: Rae.
MORTY
: It came with instructions. A typewritten note that told me I should wear it in public at least twice a week. Who is Schmidt?
ME
: A man inadvertently responsible for one of the most traumatic events of my life.
MORTY
: So, I take it we don’t want to free him?
ME
: No, we want to free him. Definitely.
MORTY
: Should I wear the shirt?
ME
: Wear it, don’t wear it, I don’t care. I just don’t want to talk about Schmidt anymore.
MORTY
: Okay. How’s the weather?
ME
: Excuse me, isn’t there some real news to discuss?
MORTY
: Are you referring to my forthcoming return to San Fran?
ME
: Ahem.
MORTY
: Cisco.
ME
: Yes. Give it to me straight, Morty. How on earth did you convince Ruthy to move back to the city?
MORTY
: Let’s call it divine intervention.
W
hy????
we all asked when my father broke the news. A family disappearance/corporate retreat/camping trip all rolled up into one.
Surely
it was a bad idea, I suggested. The sentiment was reaffirmed by Rae with her constant references to the Donner Party and repeated inquiries as to which one of the Spellmans plus guest would most likely be consumed first (should it come to that). The third time this particular line of inquiry rolled around, my mother sent Rae to her room.