Little Dead Monsters (10 page)

Chapter Twenty-One.

“It’s been a while since you needed medical attention,” Allegra said as she cleaned the gash in his shoulder. She poured antiseptic over it and dabbed at it with a cloth. If it stung, Dog made no indication of it.

“My body is slowing down,” Dog said. “I can’t fight like this forever. One day, someone will step into the Arena and will either be stronger than me or be extremely lucky. Doesn’t help that Ryker’s been stacking the odds against me every week.”

“Does it scare you?” Allegra asked.

Dog didn’t reply.

She changed the topic. “You turned the Arena on its head today. You turned the crowd against Ryker. This is twice now that you embarrassed him publicly.”

“He’s furious. Maybe the next fight he’ll put me up against men with machine guns while I’m armed with only a plastic spoon.”

“And risk pissing off the crowd?” Allegra said. “No, Ryker is always about spectacle and the fight itself. He thinks of it as an art form. Guns and bullets aren’t his style. Too lazy for him.”

“An art form…” Dog pondered.

“It’s sick. A million hobbies out there in the world and Ryker chose murdering kids as his,” she sighed as she grabbed the hooked needle and thick thread and began stitching up the wound. She pushed the point of the needle through his flesh and pulled the two flaps of skin closed, sealing the red and exposed gap tightly with the thread. Dog never flinched.

“You have any hobbies Dog?” she asked.

“Surviving.”

“That’s not a hobby,” she said. “There must be something in this world you enjoy doing.”

“I like talking to you?”

Allegra laughed. “I hate to break it to you but I’m not a hobby,” she said. “Though I’m convinced that torturing me is another thing that Ryker added to his list of enjoyments.”

“What are yours?” Dog asked. “Hobbies I mean.”

Allegra thought for a moment. “I used to love reading.”

“Used to?”

“It’s hard to get books in this place,” she said. “When we go outside to the city to scavenge, there’s always the opportunity to bring back books, but they search us thoroughly on the way back down. We’re not allowed to take anything for ourselves. The only other chance is when Ryker brings new kids in; he strips them of all their belongings. He keeps anything valuable for himself: electronic devices, jewelry, and cash. The rest he throws into the trash.

“Sometimes I’ll find books in there and I’ll take them. They have less issues with us taking garbage. I hate myself for it though. I feel like a thief, stealing from people sentenced to die. Does that sound horrible?”

“No,” Dog replied. “Books are meant to be read. Those boys won’t be reading anymore. It might as well go to someone who cares about the book.”

“You don’t think I’m a bad person for taking them?”

“No.”

She smiled. “Thanks. For a long time that was on my conscience.”

“Compared to all the other stuff that goes on in this place, I say your crime is pretty mild. You’re one of the least guilty people here,” Dog said.

“I also love poetry. I’d
kill
to see a book by William Blake -” she quickly stopped herself when she realized what she had just said. Dog raised an eyebrow and gave her a funny look.

“I’m sorry,” Allegra said. “Talk about saying something stupid.”

Dog grinned. “We all say stupid things sometimes. I threatened to kill you a few times before.”

“Yes,” she said. “I do recall, now that you mention it. I’m glad you didn’t.”

“I’ve killed enough people already,” he said, shaking his head. He scowled as he stared at his open hands.

Allegra sensed a sorrow that took hold of him and she put down her needle. From behind, she wrapped her arms around his neck, draping herself across his back like a cloak.

She held onto him for a while, listening to the sounds of his resonant breathing. They were two beacons of light, alive and illuminating the surrounding darkness that threatened to envelope them. 

Chapter Twenty-Two.

It was a little past midnight. Dog knew this because of the ghosts. They always came at the start of a new day.

The boy stood in front of him, no longer in his spiked armour.

“I saved you,” Dog whispered. The boy looked at him with those sad almond shaped eyes and Dog felt sick.

“Why are you here?” Dog asked, almost in a whisper. The boy made no reply, instead he stood there bewildered. He probably didn’t even know he was dead yet.

“Why are you here?!” Dog screamed. “I saved you!”

And then he saw a ghostly hand reach out to the boy, the same weary hands that taught Dog how to survive in this place.

“Garret,” Dog whispered. The old man smiled at Dog and the look on his tired face told him everything.

Sorry, I tried. In the end, I failed.

“It’s not your fault old man,” Dog said as he buried his hands in his face. Dog couldn’t remember the last time he cried. It was something he just never did—or even knew he could do—until now. “I thought I could save him. I ended up getting you both killed.”

You did good kid. You did what you could.

“It wasn’t enough,” Dog said. He had lost all hope. “Tell me how I can escape from here? I promised Allegra we would leave this place together but I don’t even think it’s possible.”

Underneath the bench press. You’ll know what to do with it.

And then, Dog was alone again and for once, he wished that the ghosts had stayed.

Chapter Twenty-Three.

Allegra must have rattled on the door for about five minutes, with a tray balanced on one hand, before Dog finally opened it. At first he tried to act like everything was fine, but the puffiness of his eyes betrayed him.

“You’ve been crying,” Allegra said.

“No.”

“You’re a terrible liar,” Allegra said. “What happened?”

Dog shook his head.

“You should be happy. You saved that boy. You fought Ryker and won,” Allegra said.

“I didn’t win,” Dog replied. “Ryker killed the boy, and Garret. They’re both dead.”

Allegra’s heart fell. “What?” she set the tray down on the table. “How do you know for sure?”

“I saw them,” Dog said.

“How?”

Dog shook his head. “Forget it.”

“Please, tell me. How do you know they’re dead?”

Dog sat back down on his bed and stared blankly at the picture on his wall. Allegra took a seat next to him and took his rough hands into hers. Her touch was all it took to tear down Dog’s emotional walls and he sat there and sobbed.

Allegra was patient and rubbed his back while he grieved. Dog had comforted her when she needed him, and now Allegra would do the same.

Only when the last of his tears were gone did he speak again.

“I see their ghosts,” Dog said as he drew his hands away from Allegra and clenched them into fists. He brought them to his face. “Everyone that I kill, their ghosts come to see me.”

Allegra took his hands and kissed the top of his knuckles gently. They were rough and scarred but she didn’t mind.

“It sounds stupid, doesn’t it,” Dog said.

“No,” Allegra replied. “I believe there are ghosts here as well. With so many deaths in this place, how can there not be?”

“Sometimes I wonder if I imagine all these things. Maybe I’m just going crazy,” Dog said. “It feels like I’m dreaming, but I know I’m awake.”

“I see things as well,” Allegra said.

“What do you see?”

“Most of the time, I see Death,” she replied. “Hidden in the shadows or even in the eyes of the boys sent to die, I see Death watching me. At first I was afraid of
him
, but now, I almost welcome his presence. He’s an anesthetic to everyone who’s suffering in this place.”

“How do you know it’s Death?”

“I have this recurring dream,” she explained. “In it, my brother is dead. I always try to stop it from happening, but every time, I fail. It’s like these invisible hands are holding me back from helping him. I see him lying on the ground, bleeding everywhere. Finally, he gives up on life and he leaves me.

“It’s only then that those invisible hands release me and I’m allowed to go to him. I try to hold him, but someone is pulling my brother’s body away from me. It’s Death.

“He looks like any other man to me…normal, forgettable…except for his eyes. They are burning orange. He talks to me with those eyes and he tells me to let my brother go. He’ll take him somewhere safe.

“At first I refuse and I hold onto my brother while I scream, but Death reassures me that my brother will be happy. I ask him to take me too so I can be with him, but Death tells me ‘no.’ My time of suffering is not done yet, but he’ll come back for me one day. And then I wake up.”

Dog frowned. “Do you want to die?”

“I don’t know,” she said.

“I see.”

“I fear Ryker more than I fear Death. At least Death won’t try to rape me.”

“Have you really given up on life?” Dog asked. “I promised you that we will leave this place together, and I meant it.”

Allegra shook her head. “Don’t promise things like that. It just gets my hopes up.”

“I’ll find a way to kill Ryker.”

Allegra took her eyes off Dog and stared at the drawing on the wall. Oddly, she too found it comforting.

“Why do you like the smiling moon so much?” she asked. Dog shrugged.

“It brings me back to a time in my life when I was happy. Someone important to me once wore a shirt with that exact picture on it. It reminds me of her.”

“Were you in love?” Allegra asked.

“I loved someone. Is that the same as being in love?” Dog asked.

“No, I don’t think so,” Allegra sighed and continued to gaze at the picture. “Nostalgia,” she finally said.

“Sorry?”

“That’s what you’re feeling. Nostalgia,” she repeated. “It’s when you re-live the magic from the past and for that brief moment, no matter how terrible your life is, you’re taken back to that moment in time when everything was alright; when everything was so innocent and perfect.”

“I didn’t know there was a name for it,” Dog said. “I guess I don’t know a lot of things.”

Allegra stood up and smiled. She wrapped her arms delicately around Dog’s head and drew him to her belly and held him.

“You have a good heart,” Allegra said. “That’s all you need to know.”

She felt his warmth against her body and it felt nice. He gave her the strength and comfort that she was so sorely missing. 

He loved her. Allegra could see it in his eyes. She didn’t know herself how she felt about Dog. She needed him though and wanted to be in his presence so that he could keep her safe. Allegra longed for someone’s touch, and for now, Dog could give that to her. But she didn’t love him; not yet anyway. 

When she was younger, Allegra had a conversation with her mother which she would always remember.

“Mom, how do you know you love Dad?” she had asked. Her mother picked Allegra up and bounced her on a knee.

“Well baby, I know I love your father because every second I’m with him, I feel like I’m flying,” she had said. “Just like how I feel when I’m with you, my little bird.”

When they were together, she felt happy, but she certainly didn’t feel like flying. No, Allegra felt buried in the underground prison that they all lived in, and Dog was there with her.

In the sixth grade, she thought she loved a boy once. He was the fastest boy in school…that was until Allegra had managed to chase him down to the playground. They had sat outside by the swing sets and he agreed to let her hold his hand and she remembered that feeling in her stomach, the one that made you giggle, blush and laugh. She didn’t feel that with Dog either.
I don’t love him,
Allegra knew.
But perhaps in time I will.

Allegra wondered if it was the pits that made her cold to love, but she did want it. In fact she wanted it desperately. At least that would give her some purpose in life. But death was everywhere, and for now, a warm physical touch was all she needed. Not love.

How could she possibly love anyone in this hopeless place?

*

For the past two days, all Allegra could think about was Dog and his love for her. She found it difficult to give her full attention to tasks, including operating on the wounded boy on the table. Luckily Maria was there today to carry most of the work load.

“He’ll live,” Maria said, relieved. She tossed the bloody rag into the trash. “Live to fight another day, the saying sounds so ironic now doesn’t it?”

“You did a good job in bringing down his fever,” Allegra said as she wrapped the boys shoulder in heavy white bandages. “You’re learning a lot.”

“Honey, if you weren’t here this boy would have died a hundred times over,” Maria smiled. “Don’t give me credit for your work.”

“I’m just glad Ryker agreed to give me some help,” Allegra said.

“I’d rather do this than be another one of his nighttime whores,” Maria said. “Luckily I’m getting called upon less. Maybe my looks are fading.”

“You’re still beautiful Maria.”

“Lies,” Maria said. “But what does it matter anyway. Even if I did get out of here alive, no one would want me. I’m damaged goods.”

“If you ever get out of here, you owe it to yourself to start with a clean slate.”

“Not that easy honey,” Maria said. “You know how many people violated me here? I remember all their faces: Ryker, the biker gangs, the Russians, the gangbangers, and the project boys. They’ve all had a piece of me and I can never forget it. If I ever fall in love with someone again, can they understand that I just don’t want to be touched anymore?”

Allegra shook her head. “I’m sorry.”

“Quit apologizing. It seems like the people that apologize the most in this place are the ones that don’t need to,” Maria said. “Anyway, I’ve already accepted this fact. I’m used goods.”

“You ever dream of what you’re going to do when you leave this place?” Allegra asked.

“Yeah,” she said. “That’s an easy one. I thought about it every single day. I’m going to sing jazz.”

“I didn’t know you could sing,” Allegra said.

“I never do it here. I found the best way to avoid trouble from the guards is to keep yourself quiet,” she said. “When I was a kid, my dad used to play his records every night. Those voices, so soulful, and so full of passion. I’m done with men. I’m going to start a love affair with music instead. Men hurt you too much.”

“Physically?”

“Not only,” Maria said. “Love hurts. I’ve been in love before and had my heart broken so many times. When things are going well, love is a beautiful thing. But when things go wrong and you find yourself an emotional wreck, it just plain sucks.”

“I see,” Allegra said. “I don’t think I’ve ever been in love before.”

“How can you?” Maria asked. “The only men you see around here are Ryker’s sleaze balls and the boys getting killed in the pits.”

Allegra nodded. She thought of Dog and the softness in his eyes when he looked at her. “Can I ask you one more thing?”

“Anything,” Maria said.

“How do you know if you love someone?” Allegra asked.

Maria cleaned the last bit of blood off her hands with the sanitizer, and turned to Allegra and said to her with an adamant truth in her voice. “If you’re asking me this question in the first place, then you don’t love him.”