Little White Lies (34 page)

He did the right thing. In the end.

And now he’s lost everything.

“I think I’ll go and grab a coffee,” I say, feeling queasy. “Do you want anything, Gran?”

“No, thank you, but, sweetheart?” I turn as she smiles. “What you did took great courage. I’m proud of you.”

I smile weakly as I push through the door, but once I’ve rounded the corner I deflate against the wall.

Proud?
I’ve never felt less proud of anything in my life.

I close my eyes. Over the last few weeks I’ve betrayed everyone I love. Uncle Jim, Aunt Grace, Millie, Poppy, Christian...

Their faces float in front of me till I can’t bear it. I open my eyes, but Christian’s still there, walking towards me.

“Christian!”
I gasp. “What are you— How?”

“They released me!” He beams, a beautiful smile filling his face, and for the first time since I’ve met him it reaches his eyes, which sparkle with happiness.

“You’re free?”

“Well, officially I’m on license till my appeal can be scheduled, but there’s no arguing with a confession! Did you see the news just now?”

I nod.

“I saw it on the TV in the waiting room as I came through—it’s incredible!” He grins. “Of course, that would never have happened without that video evidence—have you seen that too?”

“Yes.” I nod. “I’ve seen it.”

He looks at me for a moment, his eyes shining. “It was on the USB stick, wasn’t it?”

I nod again. “The password for the website was, anyway.”

“And you found it.” He grins at me. “I
knew
you must have been behind this—the timing was just too much of a coincidence. You didn’t give up on me—even though I told you to. You’re amazing.” He throws his arms around me and hugs me so tight I think I’ll burst. “Thank you. Thank you so much—you’ve given me my life back!”

The sheer joy in his voice lifts my heart and for the first time since I discovered the truth I find myself smiling too.

This was the right thing to do. Christian’s free. He deserves to be free. He’s innocent, he’s done nothing wrong, and now he has his life back. I did what I had to do. What I always intended to do. I’ve achieved justice.

Just not at all in the way I expected.

“Joe drove me up here,” he says, grinning. “It turns out that it wasn’t him who betrayed me—I can’t believe I ever suspected him! My lawyer says my location was leaked on Twitter, and Joe doesn’t even own a
computer
—he’s a complete technophobe! So it
must’ve
been the police!”

My smile slips.

“Thank God you took your evidence to the papers instead—now everyone knows the truth! It’s a miracle!
You’re
a miracle!” He squeezes me again. “You have to come and meet my mum. You should have heard her on the phone, Lou, she’s beside herself—she doesn’t know whether to laugh or cry.
I
don’t know whether to laugh or cry!” He laughs. “She can’t wait to meet you. She’s baking you a cake! Triple chocolate fudge!”

I laugh. “She wants to meet me?”

“Of course! I’ve told her all about you, my guardian angel.”

I shift uncomfortably.

“How did you know I was here?” I ask him.

“I didn’t—but when you didn’t answer Poppy’s mobile I rang the hospital to check on your gran and they told me her granddaughter had prompted a huge recovery. How’s she doing? Is she up for visitors?”

“Yes, she’s much better”—I smile—“thanks to you.”

“Great—can I see her?” He moves past me.

“Actually, Christian, wait!” I hurry after him—she could still give away my identity!

But as I round the corner I find Christian frozen outside Gran’s door, staring through the window.

“She’s with someone....”

“Who?” I follow his gaze to see Aunt Grace sobbing into Gran’s arms, and my breath catches.

“Who’s that?” He frowns. “She looks familiar....”

“My... um...” My heart beats wildly as I panic.

“Wait. I know her. She’s... she’s Poppy’s mother....” Christian peers closer. “She was on the news this morning.”

I hold my breath.

“But what’s she doing here?” He looks at me, confused. “How does she know your gran?”

“Christian, I—” I can’t think of a single thing to say.

“Oh, Mum!” Aunt Grace wails loudly. “How did this happen?”

My heart plummets at the despair in her voice—and the shock streaking across Christian’s face.

“Mum?”
He stares at me. “But...”

I shrink before him helplessly as his confusion turns to shock, then terrible dawning realization.

“You’re Poppy’s
cousin
?”

Pinned to the spot, I nod fearfully.

He staggers backwards, as if I’m a stranger. Which I suppose I am.

“You...” He struggles for words, his eyes wild. “Did you know who I was all along?”

I hesitate, then nod miserably.

“So you... you
lied
to me.” He stares at me. “You lied about everything!”

I reach for him. “Christian—”

“Don’t touch me!” He snatches his arm away, his jaw set. “I don’t know you at all.” He turns away.

“Wait!” I cry. “Wait—Chri
stian!”

“Leave me alone!” he snaps.

“No—Christ
ian—please, listen!” I hurry after him.

“I was right, wasn’t I?” he says bitterly, walking faster. “Our meeting wasn’t an accident. Only it wasn’t fate that orchestrated it all, was it? It was you!”

“Christian!”

“Our meeting, our relationsh
ip... it was all just a sham!” Tears flash in his eyes.

“Please!” I beg, “Listen to me!”

“How did you find me?” He stops suddenly. “How did you know where I was, when it was a secret from the whole world?”

“I—” I falter. “I hacked into the police computers to access your files.”

His expression darkens. “You mean
Kenny
did?”

I swallow anxiously, nod.

“Jesus, Lou, how long have you been planning this? Since boarding school?”

I nod again miserably.

“Why?” he snaps, his eyes ice-blue. “Why couldn’t you just leave me alone? Let me try to start again, have a second chance?”

“Because...” I hesitate.

“Well?” he demands.

“Because you destroyed my family!” I cry, tears flooding my eyes. “Poppy was in a coma, my uncle was in jail, my aunt was in pieces, and my little cousin Millie can’t even remember her own sister!” My throat swells painfully. “Why
should
you get to start again when we couldn’t? You’d destroyed our whole lives!”

He looks at me, a faint, sad understanding in his eyes.

“But it wasn’t me,” he says quietly.

“I know that now,” I say, tears tumbling down my cheeks. “But everyone said you were involved—Tariq was dead, Uncle Jim was in jail, and you were free—
free!
The papers were full of it—it wasn’t fair, it wasn’t right—you deserved to be punished!”

“Punished?” He frowns, then suddenly he stares at me. “
You
?
You’re
behind the prank calls? The missing keys? The break-in
?
” He stares at me incredulously. “Bloody hell! Did you start the fire too?”

“No
!
”
I stare at him. “No, how could you
think
that?”

“I don’t know what to think anymore! I don’t know you at all, or what you’re capable of.”

“I never wanted to hurt you!” I insist. “Just—I just wanted to scare you.”

“Well, it worked. Do you know how worried I was about my family—their safety? I was terrified! How could you
do
that?”

I stare at my feet, my cheeks burning. “I’m sorry.”

“You’re
sorry
?” he snaps. “Because of you I broke my bloody curfew. Because of you I risked
everything
!”

I close my eyes.

“And for what?” he demands. “I thought you were different. I thought you believed in me.” He strides on down the corridor.

“I do!” I insist, running to keep up. “I
do
believe in you—I proved your innocence, didn’t I?”

“But you nearly didn’t!” he counters bitterly. “I asked you outright if there was any evidence on that USB stick and you said no. ‘No, Christian, there’s nothing there.
Nothing useful,
’ ” he mocks. “That’s the key word, isn’t it?
Useful
. Useful to you. Useful to your family.”

“I betrayed my family to save you!”

“You told the
truth
!” he corrects. “But you weren’t going to, were you? You were ready to sell me down the river to save your uncle. Your child-abusing, murdering, racist uncle!”

“You don’t
know
him!” I protest.

“No,” he says coldly. “I don’t know
you
.”

“You do!” I insist desperately. “Christian, please!”

“Why did you change your mind, then?” He turns suddenly. “Why did you decide to tell the truth after all?”

“I...” I falter. “I did it for you...”

His eyes narrow skeptically.

“And Sabina and Ash—and Millie...”

His expression clears. “Of course.” He nods. “You were worried he’d do it again. To Millie. You did it for her.”

“And for you!” I insist. “I couldn’t bear to ruin your life, to never see you again!”

“So it was our sham relationship you wanted to save? What did you think would happen? That you’d clear my name and we’d run off together to some happy-ever-after? Me eternally grateful and you—whoever you are—lying your head off every single day we’re together?”

I stare at him helplessly.

“I thought you were the only person in the world I could trust,” he says quietly, his eyes deep in mine. “But you’ve told me more lies than anyone else I know—from the moment we met. You’ve lied about absolutely everything.”

“Not everything!” I protest, grabbing his hand. “I didn’t lie about my feelings. I love you.”

“Why should I believe you?” He stares at me coldly. “How can I ever believe anything you say?”

He rips his hand away and storms out through the hospital doors. They hiss at me as they slide shut, leaving me facing my own miserable reflection as he walks out of my life forever.

He’s right. All this time I was worried about him lying to me, using me, tricking me. And all along it was me doing the lying. The using. The tricking. He’s been nothing but honest, and I’ve told nothing but lies.

I close my eyes, unable to look at myself a moment longer.

“Lulu?”

The voice is so quiet that I can almost pretend I didn’t hear it, that my heart plummeted another fifty feet for no reason at all.

“Lulu, can I talk to you?”

I sigh heavily and turn round to face yet another person whose life I’ve just single-handedly destroyed. Aunt Grace looks like a shadow, her face blotchy and pale, dark circles ringing her desolate eyes.

“Shall we sit in the car?” she says, drifting past me through the sliding doors. “It’s more private.”

I follow her outside, unlock her car, and slide numbly into the passenger seat. The car door slams behind me, sealing me inside with my guilt, with the consequences of my actions.

Aunt Grace slips silently into the driver’s seat.

“Aunt Grace, I’m so sorry,” I blurt. “I wasn’t going to tell anyone, but...” I falter. “But I didn’t feel I had a
choice
—there were other people involved, other innocent people were suffering— But you’ve been so good to me, you and Uncle Jim, and I feel so terrible—”

“Darling girl.” The touch of her cool hand on mine stops me, midsentence. “I’m not angry with you.”

Slowly, I look up at her, her face pale, gaunt.

“I’m angry with
him
. I’m angry with myself. I should never have left Poppy there when... when I left Jim.” She blinks quickly. “When we separated.”

I stare at her.
“What?”

“Things between us... hadn’t been good for a while.” She sighs. “We were both so busy, we hardly saw each other. We drifted apart, I suppose.”

I frown. Since when? Why didn’t I know about this? How could I have been completely unaware?

But then I remember Poppy’s Skype call.
The atmosphere at home’s been terrible since you left—they’re doing my head in. Mum’s always at her cookery class, and Dad’s working too hard.
.
.
.

“I suppose I didn’t really notice at first—the house was always so full of laughter and fun with you and Poppy—and then Millie came along and surprised us all, and it was like starting all over again, a wonderful whirlwind of giggles and nappies. But then...” Aunt Grace falters. “Then with you off at boarding school and Poppy in the library all the time studying for her exams, and Millie starting at play group, I... suddenly had more time on my hands. When Jim and I found ourselves alone together—for the first time in years—I suddenly realized we didn’t really have very much to say to each other. And then I started going to a cookery class and I... I met someone.”

“What?”
I stare at her. “Who?”

“It doesn’t matter.” She shrugs. “It’s over.”

“Amir,”
I say, remembering the tender look in his eyes as he gazed at Aunt Grace at the house. Her cookery instructor.

She nods. “He just made me feel so... alive again.” She smiles sadly. “I didn’t even realize what I was missing out on till we met. It was love, Lulu. True love.”

Aunt Grace
cheated
on Uncle Jim?

“We didn’t act on our feelings.” Her cheeks color. “I couldn’t betray Jim like that, but I didn’t know
what
to do. I wanted... I needed some space to think things through, clear my head. I arranged to stay at Mum’s that weekend. I took Millie too and had asked Poppy to come, but she wanted to stay at home for some reason. I guess now we know that it was because she was planning to go to Glastonbury.

“But then Jim found out about Amir.” Aunt Grace pales. “He read a text on my phone that lunchtime, and challenged me about it in front of Millie....” She snatches a ragged breath. “We had the most terrible row. He accused me of cheating on him, of breaking up our family. It was awful!”

So
that’s
why Uncle Jim overreacted when Tariq arrived.
Thieving Paki scum—you’re all the same
!
He thought Tariq was taking Poppy away from him, just as Amir had taken Aunt Grace.

“I should’ve waited for Poppy to come home, told her what was happening,” Aunt Grace sobs. “But Jim was shouting and Millie was crying—I couldn’t stay in that house. I had to leave.” She shakes her head. “I called Poppy over and over on her mobile, left messages begging her to call me back. But she never did—I don’t know if she even got them.”

I remember Aunt Grace’s unread texts on Poppy’s phone, and how happy Poppy had seemed on the webcam.
She never knew.

“It’s
my
fault Jim got drunk!” Aunt Grace dissolves in tears. “It’s my fault he flew off the handle when he saw she’d packed her bags, and it’s my fault she’s—”

I throw my arms around her as she shakes uncontroll
ably, her whole body trembling and cold.

“I felt so guilty. I thought what happened was my punishment.” Tears streak her face. “And then I thought Jim was such a hero, that he’d gone to prison for trying to save our Poppy—I felt I owed him a second chance at our marriage, at our family. But truthfully, I’ve been so worried about his return.”

I nod slowly. “And now?”

She shakes her head. “We can’t go back. Especially now.”

I swallow hard as I try to take it all in.

“What will you tell Millie?” I ask quietly.

“The truth,” Aunt Grace says, her eyes clear. “When she’s old enough. There’s no point pretending.” She sighs. “There’s been far too much of that already.”

“I’m so sorry,” I tell her. “I wish I’d never found out—”

“No,” she says, catching my hand. “I’m glad you did. I’d rather know the truth, however terrible. It’s the only way we can really deal with what’s happened, the only way we can try to move on.” Tears splinter her words and I squeeze her hand tightly.

Move on...
It seems so impossible at the moment. The rug’s been pulled out from under our feet yet again, and it’ll take time for things to settle down, to adjust to our new life. Without Poppy. Without Uncle Jim...

“We will get through this,” I promise, remembering Gran’s words. “One day at a time. Together.
Everything will be okay
.”

I wrap my arms tightly around Aunt Grace, pulling her close and stroking her hair, as she’s comforted me so many times before, hoping with all my heart it’s true.