Living With Lies Trilogy (Books 1, 2, and 3 of The Dancing Moon Ranch Series) (56 page)

By the time they arrived at the ranch it was late, and most of the guests had gone to their rooms. Maureen was there to greet them, but the look on her face was not one of welcoming Jayne back, though she hid it well. It was only because Sam was familiar with the look over the years that he knew. He hoped Jayne hadn't picked up on it.

"Flo prepared the extra bedroom down the hallway from you for your daughter," Maureen said to Jayne. "She should be comfortable there."

"Thank you. I'm sure it will be fine," Jayne replied in a cordial tone that led Sam to believe she was, in fact, aware of his mother's reserve.

As Jayne ushered Becca down the hallway, Sam eyed the reproachful look on his mother's face and wondered if Jack had been the one to tell her that Jayne had been in prison, or if Susan managed to inject it into a conversation. It wasn't beyond Susan make a comparison between his living with a felon, and her living with
the man she loved
. Damn the woman for screwing up his life. She'd been the one to break all wedding vows and make his life a living hell.

"What's wrong," his mother asked, staring at him.

It wasn't until then he realized his fists were in tight knots at his sides, and his jaws were clenched, and his lips pressed tight, and the frown on his brow was so tense it made his forehead ache. "I was wondering if you'd talked to Susan while I was gone."

"Well, yes, as a matter of fact I did, when she brought Ricky home," his mother said, in a clipped dry tone. "She told me all about Jayne. Your running off to Seattle after her was a foolish and irresponsible thing to do. What were you thinking?"

Sam folded his arms and tried to check his temper, as he said. "I won't even ask what Susan told you, but I guarantee, you've only heard half the story, and the half Susan fed to you was undoubtedly a bunch of carefully crafted bullshit!"

"I won't listen to you when you're like this," Maureen said. "If you want to expand on what Susan told me you can come to my house in the morning after Ricky goes to school, but at some point, you need to step back and take a long look at what you're doing."

"I know exactly what I'm doing," Sam said, "and I'm getting a little pissed with everyone assuming I'm not capable of running my own life." Finding the family at odds with Jayne made him want to haul her off to bed. A patently stupid idea.

"I'm sorry son," his mother said, "but you haven't done a very good job of running your life so far. You might not be so quick to turn your back on good advice."

"I'll keep that in mind," Sam said, and stormed out of the lodge.

***

After registering Becca in school, Jayne gave her a hug and assured her she'd soon be making friends, and things would be fine. She left Becca with a school counselor, and hoped her first day would go well. She had no doubt that Becca could do the schoolwork without a problem, but because of caring for her mother, Becca was very mature for a ten-year-old, and she could have trouble relating to kids.

Once back at the ranch, and while the guests were with Jack on a trail ride, Jayne went over to see Maureen. She knew Maureen was at her house because a few minutes earlier she had seen her on her porch, watering the hanging flower baskets. She also saw Sam standing in the doorway of the winery when a stretched limousine was leaving after a wine tasting. With the completion of the new addition, Whispering Springs Winery was a regular stop on the wine-tasting tour route.

Jayne knocked, and when Maureen answered the door, she looked surprised, and definitely ill at ease. "Maureen, if I could, I'd like to talk to you for a few minutes," she said, and wondered for a moment if Maureen would even step aside for her to enter. Clearly, the woman was uncomfortable, and Jayne understood why. Maureen heard all about the guest ranch manager's getaway car caper and where it ended. "I'm sorry. Maybe this isn't a good time," she said, when Maureen made no move to invite her in.

Her eyes blinking rapidly, as if collecting herself, Maureen said, "No, of course not. Please come in." Although she stepped back for Jayne to pass, her demeanor was reserved, not warm with understanding like it had been before. Now, Maureen was wary, and disturbed, and worried about her son, and rightly so.

"The reason I'm here is because I want to tell you exactly what happened in my past, and I also want to assure you that there's nothing between Sam and me anymore."

"Can I get you some coffee?" Maureen offered.

"No, thank you," Jayne replied. "I won't be here that long."

"Then come sit down," Maureen said.

When they were settled, Jayne started right in, describing as closely and as completely as she could, the events that led up to her arrest, sparing nothing, laying out for Maureen the defiant, rebellious teenager she'd been when she stole money from her mother, walked out of her parents’ house, bought a bus ticket, and left the family who loved her to track down the worthless man who'd fathered her child. "I just wanted you to know exactly what happened," she said, "but if you have any questions, just ask. I have nothing to hide. I don't want to hide anything anymore. I've been living with lies far too long."

Maureen looked at her as if at a loss for words, but after a stretch of silence, she said, "I'm glad you told me. Susan gave me some of the story, but I'm afraid it was skewed because she's angry with Sam's insistence that she either marry the man she's living with or move him out. It hasn't been good between her and Sam, and Ricky's behavior is the result."

"Well, Sam needs to focus on Ricky now or he'll end up with a rebellious son who'll either leave home to get away from everything, or impregnate a girl to give him what he thinks he's missing. I know firsthand. I let my sister down and I let my family down, but I won't let my daughter down, which is why I've broken things off with Sam. Now, his focus needs to be on Ricky, and mine needs to be on Becca."

The hard look on Maureen's face when she'd opened the door softened, but the concern was still there. "I agree. Sam's also been caught up in the addition to the winery, although I think that's been more a refuge from the storm between him and Susan than a need to get the place finished. Then you came along and Ricky feels like he's been shoved aside. Sam's a good father, but there's no question his attention's been divided."

"I can't fix the problem between Sam and Susan," Jayne said, "but I can step out of Sam's life so Susan won't have that to throw back at him. But I've been given a second chance to be a mother to Becca and I won't mess this up. Becca's an amazing little girl and I'm honored to be her mother. She's very mature for a ten-year-old, and she knows what it's like to care for a sick mother. She's such a little trooper, understanding and accepting her circumstances, knowing that the mother who raised her, and loved her, is slowly dying. Our visit there affected Sam too. He could barely keep the tears back. But now, Becca needs me to help her get through this."

To Jayne's surprise, Maureen reached out and patted her hand, and said, "We all make mistakes when we're young. Some of our mistakes are more life-changing than others, but it's what we learn from them, and how we apply what we've learned, that makes the difference." She smiled at Jayne, and it was like a dark cloud lifting.

"Well, I can't say that my time in prison was wasted, because it wasn't," Jayne said. "I finished high school and got my degree in hotel management online, and that wouldn't have happened if I'd stayed with Becca's father, even if he hadn't robbed a store. But because I was forced to give up Becca she was raised by an extraordinary woman, whose illness made Becca into a strong, sensitive, caring little girl who deserves to just be a kid now. She gave up her childhood to take care of her mother, and even though I know she doesn't begrudge her mother a moment for it, I want to make sure she gets to do the things ten-year-old girls do. I just hope things go well at school. I've been worried all day."

Footsteps on the porch caught their attention. Without knocking, Sam walked into the house, then fixed his gaze on Jayne and said, in a tone that made Jayne's spine stiffen, "I saw you coming in here. What's this all about?"

When Jayne got over the shock of Sam simply walking in, unannounced, and demanding to know what she was doing at his mother's house, she said, "I didn't think I had to clear it with you first before visiting your mother, but if you really want to know, it's because I wanted to tell your mother everything first hand, which I did. Now you and your mother and Jack and Grace can get together and decide what to do next. I'd like Becca to finish the school year here because I think it would be upsetting for her to change again, especially since there's less than a month to go, but then you'll need to find a new manager because Becca and I will be leaving."

"That's not an option," Sam said.

"Beyond being my boss," Jayne replied, "I don't believe you have any say in what I do."

"We'll talk about it later," Sam said.

"No, we won't," Jayne replied. "We had a short, intense love affair, but it's over."

Sam eyed his mother. "You had something to do with this. Susan filled your head with a bunch of crap, and now you've got Jayne here to convince her she doesn't belong in my life. Well, I'm the one to decide that and—"

"Stop!" Jayne said. "Your mother didn't ask me here. I came because I wanted to tell her everything, which I did."

"But only after you felt like you had to," Sam shot back. He turned to his mother, his face hard, and said, "I saw the way you reacted when we got back from Seattle last night. You barely acknowledged Jayne and her daughter, and that was because you'd already made up your mind that Jayne wasn't right for me, based on what Susan told you, and all Susan was doing was trying to justify living with a man she's not married to. Well, if Jayne ever moves in with me, it will be as my wife, but now you have her believing she doesn't belong in my life."

"Sam!" Jayne said, in a terse voice. "You're talking right over me like I'm not here. Your mother had nothing to do with my decision to end whatever it was we had."

Sam glared at her. "I think it was a little more than a,
whatever it was we had
, thing. I had a ring in my pocket the night we went to dinner and I was planning to give it to you. I would have if Lauren hadn't shot the evening to hell."

Jayne looked at Sam, stunned. She'd known he was serious, but she had no idea he was that serious. She might even have accepted the ring that night, if not for the fiasco with Lauren... And her parents arriving... And Becca with her now. But whatever she and Sam might have made in the way of a life together was in the past. "I didn't know," she said.

"Would you have taken the ring?" Sam asked, his tone hopeful.

Jayne wondered if she could possibly love this man any more than she did, with him opening his heart to her in front of his mother. "Maybe," she said, "but we have an impossible situation now because of our children. Both Ricky and Becca need each of us to themselves. At least I know Becca needs me. You saw what she's going through with her mother. I intend to be with her every step of the way, from now until we bury her mother, which might not be too far in the future."

"And after that?" Sam asked. "Would you consider marrying me then?"

"That's not something I can answer right now," Jayne said. "We've never talked about marriage, and you never told me you had a ring."

"I didn't think I needed to," Sam said. "I thought you felt the same way about me."

Jayne's gaze shifted to Maureen. It was awkward having his mother there, while Sam was professing his love. When she said nothing, Sam took it as an answer, and said, "We're not getting anywhere here, so I might as well go back to the winery and try to forget we once meant something to each other." He turned then and stalked out of the house.

CHAPTER 10

Ricky glared up at his father. "I'm not hiking to the Indian mound with what's-her-face and her stupid daughter, and you can't make me."

"The hell I can't!" Sam was a microsecond away from grounding Ricky for the rest of his life! He'd about had it with the kid. Ever since Jayne returned with Becca, Ricky had been impossible, and Sam didn't know whether it was because there was another child on the ranch who Grandma made a fuss over, or because Becca was Jayne's daughter, or whether it was because Ricky had a giant chip on his shoulder but he wasn't going to take any more crap from the kid. "I'm a whole lot bigger than you, and you'll hike even if I have to pick you up by your shirt collar and the seat of your pants to get you there, and you won't look very smart with your pants half way down your butt when I do."

"Ross doesn't make me do things I don't want to do," Ricky said, with an attitude.

"Oh, so you're playing that card now," Sam snapped. "A few weeks ago you didn't like the guy and didn't even want to go over there."

Ricky held Sam's gaze. "It's better over there with him and Mom than here with you and what's-her-face. And if you make me go on the hike, I won't talk."

"Look, pal, just because your mother and I messed up doesn't give you the right to take advantage of the situation by acting like a pain in the butt. That's the way you've been ever since Jayne started working here."

"I don't like her," Ricky said."

"Yeah, well, I doubt if she likes you either, the way you've been giving her the cold-shoulder and snubbing her daughter. Now get your boots on and wipe that scowl off your face and let's get going." He'd leave Ricky behind, but they were in the middle of a power struggle, and if he let the kid have his way when he was nine, come teenage years he'd be out of control. He wished Jayne would cancel the outing and settle things.

Ever since he'd walked off, leaving Jayne with his mother, just short of a week ago, he and Jayne had been like ships passing in the night, and he wanted some assurance that she still had feelings for him, even if those feelings were being tested by his constantly pressuring her to commit to a relationship in the face of the situation with the kids, and Jayne's troubling past. So he'd suggested the hike to the Indian mound.

At first Jayne had been reluctant, but then she agreed it would be a way Ricky could warm up to Becca. She was a sweet, sensitive little girl, who'd done nothing to rub Ricky the wrong way, but Ricky had a giant attitude, so whatever, or whoever Becca was didn't matter. But Sam also wanted to go on the outing and maybe find a moment while the kids were occupied looking for arrowheads when he could pull Jayne behind a bush and kiss her and get a response from her. The thought that all feelings she'd once had for him had died had his gut in knots.

Ricky returned from his bedroom with his boots in his hands, then dropped them to the floor with a thud and made a dramatic show of shoving his feet into them and stomping out of the house. But while they were crossing the grounds to where Jayne and Becca were waiting, Ricky planted a scowl on his face and trudged along at a snail's pace.

Becca, whose face held a worried frown, looked at Jayne, who smiled at her in assurance. Then Jayne looked at Sam and said, "Becca and I are ready to collect arrowheads." She looked at Becca. "Aren't we, honey?" Becca nodded, and reached for Jayne's hand, and Sam could see the sheen of happy tears in Jayne's eyes when their hands clasped.

Sam glanced at Ricky, who glowered at him. Deciding to ignore the kid, he walked alongside Jayne, then looked around to where Becca was walking on the opposite side, and said to her, "Have you ever seen a real arrowhead?"

Becca nodded. "We have some at school in a frame on the wall."

"School here?" Sam asked.

Becca shook her head. "At my real school. I'll be going back when Mama's better."

Jayne glanced at Sam in concern, and Sam realized Becca still believed her mother would be returning home. It was all Sam could do to keep from touching Jayne's face, or squeezing her arm, or assuring her that things would be fine once Becca came to terms with the fact that the woman whose hand she was holding was the person who'd be mothering her from now on.

He looked around Jayne at Becca, and said, "Honey, why don't you run on ahead to the
stable and find my brother Jack. The ranch dogs are kenneled there, but maybe he could let one of them out to come with us." He was hoping that might perk Becca up and give her a canine pal for the hike, since her human pal was being a butthead.

Becca looked up at Jayne, as if for approval, and Jayne said, "I think that's a good idea, honey. Ask Jack to turn Pumpkin loose. She's a very nice dog."

When Becca ran ahead to the stable, Jayne said to Sam, "She started talking like that last night. I had no idea she didn't realize her mother was at the home permanently."

"She seems pretty smart," Sam said, hooking his thumbs in his jeans to keep from reaching for Jayne. "She probably knows, but doesn't want to accept it. We all stick our heads in the sand at times and hope everything will go away." He looked askance at her and added, "Sometimes, if you wait long enough, it does."

Jayne held his gaze. "Is your head in the sand right now, Sam? Do you still think if we wait long enough everything will work out—our kids will miraculously love each other and us, Susan will stop thinking about herself, Lauren will move away and take my past with her, and there will be a chance for us?"

"I still have the ring," Sam said.

"You also have a son who, at the moment, has a dirt clod in his hand and is ready to throw it at me. I doubt he'd warm up to me if you put that ring on my finger."

Sam turned and saw Ricky's arm cocked, with his fingers curved around what appeared to be a dirt clod. Ricky tossed it aside and looked the other way. "How did you know?" he asked.

"A few minutes ago I felt one between my shoulder blades," Jayne replied.

"This is all so unlike Rick," Sam said, wanting Jayne to know she was seeing a very different boy from the one everyone knew and loved. "Until recently he was a really good kid. He was still troubled over the divorce, but he's never been rude to anyone like he is right now."

"Which is why I plan to leave as soon as school's out and you can find a replacement for me," Jayne said, with resolve.

Sam digested that. She'd given up much quicker than he was willing to, and he wondered if she'd ever felt for him anywhere close to what he felt for her. Maybe she liked being with him when things were good, but her feelings weren't deep enough to weather the tough times in a marriage. The old for better and for worse. She'd be with him during the
for better
, but couldn't handle the
for worse
times. "Then you're not willing to give things with us a chance?" he said.

"This is not about us," Jayne replied. "It's about our children. But there's still another month until school's out. Maybe things will be better by then."

"Yeah, maybe," Sam said, "But you've never told me if you'd take the ring, even if things were right." He looked askance at her. "Would you, now that you've laid everything out on the table for me? Before, you kept telling me I needed to know more about you, and now I'm wondering if that was just an excuse to hold me off a little longer."

"That's not it at all," Jayne said. "At the motel, when I said that as long as I stayed in the community with Susan and Lauren I'd always be known as the jailbird, you said nothing. Now you've shoved my past aside like it never happened, but it did, and just because everyone on the ranch is tiptoeing around it, that doesn't mean it's gone away. Your mother's being nice to me because I assured her what we had was over, and Jack and Grace are being cordial to me while hoping you'll come to your senses and find another woman. This isn't over. It's like the vacuum that comes before a tornado. Put that ring on my finger and the tornado will hit."

"We could leave here," Sam suggested.

Jayne looked at him like he was mad. "You're right about the ostrich thing. Your head really is stuck in the sand."

"Then I'll put it to you a different way," Sam said, deciding he had to get to the root of this. "If everything else was resolved, would you want to be my wife?"

"Whether or not I want to be your wife is irrelevant," Jayne replied. "We have an impossible situation on our hands, and we're a long way from a resolution, if there is one, and right now my obligation is to Becca, who thinks her mother will be coming home to her someday, so whatever I feel for you I'll have to set aside until... I don't know when."

"I think you just answered my question," Sam said, and vowed to say nothing more about marriage or the ring. If Jayne decided she wanted to be his wife, she'd have to be the one to bring it up. He'd been groveling at her feet too long already. Maybe Jack was right. Maybe he did need an ordinary woman, a Grace who'd be with him for the long haul.

Becca came running out of the
stable with a tawny-colored dog loping along beside her, and when Sam turned to see what Ricky was doing, he was gone. "Hell!" he said. "You and Becca go on to the mound. I've got a kid who needs some serious discipline."

And the kid's father had a head he needed to pull out of the sand, Sam silently reminded himself, as he turned and headed back to find Ricky.

***

Jayne watched the school bus drive off with Becca on it for the first time. For the past week, she'd been driving Becca to school, just to make sure she was settling in okay. But after checking with her teacher, and learning that Becca was doing well in class, and that a few of the girls were being friendly, Jayne decided it was time Becca rode the bus. She was a little concerned because Ricky also rode the bus, and he was still hostile towards them, which came in the form of glowering when they caught his eye, or looking through them when he had the mind to. Sam already had his hands full with the boy, so she decided to say nothing. Three more weeks to go and school would be over.

Becca was such a lovable and understanding child that as soon as she was a little older, and more adjusted and accepting of a new mother, Jayne planned to tell her everything about her father, and about being in jail, and why. Becca was very bright, and after the initial shock would wear off, Jayne was certain she'd come to terms with it.

Although she understood the reasoning behind not revealing the circumstances surrounding Grace and Jack's eldest boy's conceptions, and why they were being raised as fraternal twins and Ricky as an only child, she thought it was a mistake that could one day come back to haunt all of them, and in a very serious way. If the boys, at a later date, learned the truth, and felt they'd been deceived all their lives, any one of them could walk away from their parent's, and with good reason. She wouldn't take that chance with Becca. She also wanted Becca to know she was not given up because she wasn't loved, only because there had been no other way.

For the rest of the day, Jayne busied herself with the guests and their activities. There were no children at the ranch at the moment, so all the activities were planned for adults. In addition to a trail ride, it was the night of the barn dance, the first in years, according to Maureen. A trio of local musicians would be there, and Flo would be setting out food on a long table in the barn. Ricky was with Susan, and because there would be no kids, Grace invited Becca to their place to watch a movie with the little boys, and Becca was there now.

Jayne was in the process of trying to decide what to wear, when she heard a light rapping on the door to her bedroom. She opened it to find Maureen standing with what looked like a square dancing outfit draped over her arm. Maureen was wearing one herself, which seemed right, even though most of the time Maureen wore jeans and western-cut shirts.

"Come on in," Jayne said, and stepped aside for Maureen to pass.

"I figured you didn't have anything to wear to a square dance," Maureen said, "so I thought I'd offer this, but you don't have to wear it. Not everyone wears these silly outfits, but it's fun. Even Sam's wearing dress pants and a dress shirt and a bola tie since he's the caller."

Jayne looked at Maureen, surprised. "As reserved as Sam is, I can't imagine him standing in front of a microphone calling out moves to square dancers."

Maureen laughed. "In years past, my husband was caller, but Sam started getting up there with him when he was very young. He was about Ricky's age the first time he convinced his dad to let him try, and he was amazing, so from then on, he always got his chance. Square dancing was a regular weekly thing back then, with ranchers and their wives coming from around the area, but when we lost Adam, it all stopped. It won't be the same without Adam, but I'm glad you've started it again. I think it will be good for Sam." She smiled at Jayne in a way that made her feel a little more welcome.

"Well, I hope it will be a success," Jayne said. "Flo's been working all afternoon on the food. She got word that some of the neighbors heard about it and plan to come."

"That's my fault," Maureen said. "I ran into a few in town and mentioned it and word got around, and now even one of Sam's old girlfriends is coming, not that he'd be interested in her again. They started dating their senior year in high school, and Ashley
definitely
had her sights on marrying Sam just before he went off to college. She's recently divorced, and from what her mother said, she's ready to jump from the frying pan into the fire. The problem is, I think Sam's ready to do the same, not that he doesn't love you because I think he does, but things with the two of you moved way too fast, and there are issues with the children."