Living with Love (Lessons in Love) (6 page)

“Thanks, Mom.”

Alex began unpacking what few belongings she’d brought with her as Jackie commenced cleaning the apartment with the various products she’d bought back in Woodsdale. She bleached the toilet and the sink, and vacuumed the wood floors and the pull-down mattress before turning her attention to the window. If her daughter had to live somewhere so small and shabby, at least it would be clean, she told herself as she scrubbed furiously.

Andy helped his sister unpack
, lifting heavier items for her like her duffel bag and boxes filled with books.

“You’ve got an iPad!” he exclaimed as he delved into one of the boxes, retrieving the electronic device and looking at it admiringly.

“Yeah, Ashley bought it for me so we could talk each night,” Alex explained.

“Must be nice to have rich friends
.” Andy raised his eyebrows.

“Is it expensive?” Jackie asked suddenly, ho
ming in on their conversation.

“No,” Alex answered whil
e at the same time her brother said the opposite.

“Well, which is it?” Jackie demanded.

“They cost a couple hundred bucks,” Andy told her.

“Alex, you can’t keep something so expensive here,” Jackie said, lowering her voice as if potential thieves were already listening in on them. “It’s not safe.”

“I’ll keep it with me,” Alex explained, having already decided not to leave anything of value in the apartment while she was at work. Her eyes involuntarily glided over to the front door that was currently secured by a deadbolt and a chain.

“We’ll fit another dead bolt before we go,” Jackie said, her eyes looking in the same direction. “Won’t we, Andy?”

“Yeah, sure.” Andy shrugged. “While you’re at it, why not get yourself a gun?” He made the comment flippantly and then continued unpacking, not noticing how his words made both his mother and sister freeze in terror.

“We don’t use guns in this family,” Jackie said after a long pause, her voice pinched.

“Jeez, Mom.” Andy sighed dramatically, retaining the petulance of his teenage years. “I didn’t mean anything by it! I mean, he’s been dead ten years. When are you going to let stuff go! If Alex got a gun, she’d be safer than if she didn’t have one!” Andy said angrily, his hands bunching in fists by his sides.

Jackie looked at him, her chin quivering.

“Andy, why don’t you go grab me that new deadbolt?” Alex suggested carefully. “I spotted a hardware store just down the block.”

Andy looked intently at his sister, understanding that she was trying to remove him to alleviate the tension. He resisted for a moment and then sighed, not having the energy to argue with them.

“Okay, I’ll be back in ten.” He pulled open the apartment door and disappeared down the communal stairwell.

Jackie remained troubled, her eyes beginning to water.

“Mom, he doesn’t mean anything by it,” Alex told her gently as she found within her box the framed picture of her father.

“He just doesn’t remember it all as well as we do
,” Alex concluded, placing the photograph by her window, her father’s beaming image looking in on her small apartment, watching over her.

“That’s just it,” Jackie said despondently. “He’s starting to forget. And that’s the worst part.”

Alex didn’t like to say it, but she knew that Andy’s fading memories weren’t the worst part. The worst part was that now both children had left home, leaving Jackie alone with nothing but her own memories of the past to haunt her. Andy was college bound, and Alex would now be living in a big city far away.

As much as Alex wanted to stay in Woodsdale, to be there for her mother, she knew it wouldn’t be fair
. She wouldn’t be honoring her father that way. He’d have wanted her to get out and live her life, explore the world as much as she possibly could.

“You know, you can call me on this,” Alex said lightly, showing her Mom the iPad.

“I wouldn’t know how,” Jackie said dismissively.

“But you could learn. The computers at the library in Woodsdale are free to use
. You could call me for free on them whenever you wanted, and you’d get to see me too.”

“Really? All on that?” Jackie looked uncertainly at the small plastic rectangle in Alex’s hand.

“Yeah, it’s really simple. I can show you. You could talk to Andy at college through the Internet too.”

“Your father would have loved that
.” Jackie gave a bittersweet smile. “He’d have rushed out and bought us all one.”

“Yeah.” Alex placed the iPad inside her now unpacked Chanel bag, determined to keep it with her at all times. It was to be her lifeline to her family and friends. Since returning from Europe, she was already missing Ashley, wishing that they were still living together and sharing their experiences instead having them on different sides of America.

“Has Ashley settled in to her new job?” Jackie asked.

“Yeah, you know Ashley, everyone loves her
.” Alex smiled sadly. She envied Ashley’s natural confidence; people were always drawn to her. Alex worried that it wouldn’t be so easy for her to make new friends when she started work on Monday. The prospect of starting a new job was becoming increasingly daunting.

“You’ll do fine at work,” Jackie said, sensing the root of Alex’s unease. “You’re a hard worker
; that will serve you well.”

“Thanks, Mom.”

“What about Oscar? Is he still in the hospital?”

“I…
I don’t know,” Alex admitted shamefully. “I tried calling him when I got back, but he hasn’t returned my calls, which is to be expected.”

“He’s got a lot to deal with,” Jackie said softly. “I’m sure he
’ll be in touch when he’s feeling better.”

“Yeah,” Alex agreed
, but she wasn’t sure. She knew how stubborn Oscar could be, and she was beginning to fear that he may be so bitter that he would freeze her out for the rest of his life, and that pained her, as she knew she’d miss him. Being somewhere new, making a new start terrified Alex to the point where she desperately wanted to cling to remnants of her past, to find comfort in those she already knew.

The door to the apartment creaked open
, and Andy re-entered brandishing two new deadbolts and a rape alarm, which he tossed across to Alex.

“Put that on your keys,” he ordered her.

Alex looked at it and smiled. “I will, thanks, Andy.”

“And if a guy starts anything, kick him in the nuts and run,” Andy told her, his face serious.

“Okay, got it.”

“I’m not having no sister of mine attacked!” Andy declared before busying himself with attaching the new locks to the door to ensure maximum security.

“You sure you’re going to be okay here?” Jackie asked cautiously. Andy’s mention of attacks was making her even more nervous about the whole situation.

“Mom, I’m going to be fine,” Alex reassured her. She wanted to point out that nowhere was ever really safe. That her father had been gunned down in the small town of Woodsdale mean
t nowhere was what it seemed, but she didn’t. Jackie was clearly oversensitive about her leaving and reacting badly to any comments which could be associated with Alex’s father.

“I’ll learn how to call you on that…
thing.” Jackie gestured towards where the iPad had been.

“Mom’s going online?” Andy laughed as he screwed in the first deadbolt. “No way, that’s amazing! Next she’ll be online dating.” He smirked at Alex
, and she returned his smile.

“Oh no, none of that,” Jackie said quickly. She knew that she would never move on, the pain she’d felt when she lost her husband had run too deep to ever heal. Watching her children grow up and flourish would have to provide all the happiness she’d ever need.

A heated debate on the sidewalk below carried up to the apartment even though the window was closed. A man and a woman were screaming at each other as they walked past. Jackie looked down in disapproval and then glanced pityingly at Alex.

“It’s a colorful neighborhood
.” Alex shrugged.

“It’s dangerous is what it is,” Jackie said, her cool demeanor of acceptance cracking. She was terrified at the thought of Alex living alone in the city
; her mind kept conjuring a multitude of horrible things that could happen to her. The thoughts kept her awake at night, refusing to let her rest.

“No more dangerous than a trailer park,” Andy quipped as he finished the second deadbolt.

“The park is fine,” Jackie said stubbornly.

“Yeah, if you like living next to drug dealers.”

“Andy—” Jackie began tersely, but he cut her off.

“The point I’m making, Mom, is that Alex will be fine looking out for herself because she’s already been doing it for so long. We’ve had to toughen up a hell of lot growing up
, but that will help her now. You really don’t have to stress yourself stupid.”

Jackie had to admit that
if Alex had gone straight from their luscious suburban home to New York, then she’d have been distraught, but the truth was that life had already been so tough on her daughter that surely there was nothing left that could faze her.

“Well, your door is all done,” Andy declared, testing the deadbolts to ensure that they worked.

“Thanks.” Alex smiled at him and then looked sadly at her small apartment. It was such a far cry from the bedroom she’d shared with Ashley back in Princeton. She almost wanted to cry at the distance between them. Her old life at college was starting to feel like a mirage, as though it had belonged to someone else and was merely a dream.

“Let’s go out for dinner,” Jackie declared suddenly, watching Alex’s face drop and wanting to cheer her up.

“We’ve still got a few hours before our train, and I saw a small diner on the corner of the block.”

“Okay,” Alex agreed, slinging her Chanel bag over her shoulder, dropping her keys and her alarm inside.

“You’re going to do well here, honey, I just know it,” Jackie confirmed.

“Yeah, it’s like you’re sta
rring in your very own show.” Andy smiled. “Alex’s sex in the shabby city.”

“No sex!” Jackie said mockingly. “Now let’s go eat, I’m starving.”

****

After a twenty
-minute subway ride, Alex found herself standing outside the building where Goldstone Financiers were located. Looking up at the immense skyscraper made Alex feel dwarfed beside it. All around her smartly dressed people power-walked to their own place of work. Everyone seemed busy, moving with purpose, with somewhere to go.

Alex stood with her Chanel bag over her shoulder, wearing black trousers, a white shirt and
a grey blazer, an outfit which Ashley had helped pick out for her, insisting that it screamed professionalism. Now, Alex wasn’t so sure. She felt sick with nerves at the thought of entering the building, riding the elevator up to the thirty-first floor, and starting her new job.

Taking a deep breath, Alex fell in step with a group of commuters heading into the building. She tried to appear confident and collected even though inside she felt as though she were falling to pieces with nerves.

“Hi, I’m Alexandra Heron.” Alex approached the reception desk nervously. Upon stepping out on the relevant floor, she’d seen the glass doors emblazoned with the company logo, beyond them a solid oak desk, behind which sat an immaculately dressed lady who looked to be in her early thirties. She regarded Alex from behind designer glasses, a hands-free kit already attached to her ear, ready to take the incoming calls during the day.

“It’s my first day,” Alex explained, hoping that the receptionist’s icy demeanor might thaw upon hearing that
, but she remained rigid and aloof.

“I’ll tell Mr. Masterson that you
’re here,” the receptionist said, referring to the man who had originally hired Alex. Alex thanked her and waited awkwardly in the space between the desk and the front doors.

A dozen or so people entered as she stood there. They offered a courteous but abrupt greeting to the receptionist
, who acknowledged them in a similar fashion, but they ignored Alex completely. She felt invisible to them, which made her feel even more uncomfortable and nervous.

“Alex, hi
.” Mr. Masterson appeared from the offices deeper inside the building. He was in his late thirties, with dark hair that was becoming flecked with grey, but it suited him, and he was wearing a navy suit and, more importantly, a smile. It was the first friendly face Alex had seen all morning, and it was a welcome sight.

“Good morning, Mr. Masterson.” She smiled politely.

“Call me Jeff,” he said casually. “Shall I show you where you’ll be working?”

“Yes, please.”

Alex followed Jeff into the main office area. There were thirty or so cubicles set out in an open-plan space. Two of the adjoining walls were covered in doors that led to the offices of the senior members of staff, and the far wall had floor-to-ceiling windows, which offered amazing views of both the city and the skyscraper opposite.