Long Slow Second Look (14 page)

"I want you. I need you." He bent his head, brushing his lips against my face. "I tried other women, but you're still the one I want, Amber."

He'd just admitted that he'd been with other women. With his arms around me and his lips brushing almost franticly against my face, I didn't care. I was back where I'd wanted to be almost from the moment I saw him—locked in his embrace.

He must have felt my surrender because he exhaled and kissed my cheek. "Who are you here with?"

"A friend," I said, pulling out of his embrace.

He ran a hand through his hair and looked annoyed. I knew he'd wrongly assumed I was with a man. Recalling Darkwater's advice, I remained silent.

"Can I buy you a drink?"

"I've already had my limit," I said. "I'm tired. I'm going to call it a night." I turned away.

He caught my arm and turned me back to face him. "Who is he? Is he anyone I know?"

I shook my head.

"Is he important to you?"

"That can't matter to you, John."

He leaned against the wall as several people alighted from the elevator and walked past. "It does matter, Amber." He sighed suddenly and surprised me by sitting on the floor and staring up at me. "I've just spent the worst five weeks of my life sleeping with women who meant nothing to me while trying to pretend I didn't want or need you. But I did. And I still do." He extended a hand to me. "Put me out of my misery, cher. Give me another chance."

Hearing the endearment again broke a wellspring of emotion in me. Tears filled my eyes. I whispered his name. "Johnny."

He rose and took my hand in his. "I'm here with my brother but we have separate rooms. Come with me?"

I knew I should have said no but I didn't have the strength or will to resist him. I'd felt an aching emptiness since we'd last been together that I could no longer bear. I nodded.

He led me back to the elevator. His room was ten floors above the one Sherlyn and I shared. Once inside, he opened the closet and drawers to show me they held only male clothes.

Then he took me in his arms and kissed me.

His lips felt feverishly hot as they devoured mine and his hands seemed to burn my skin through my clothes as he stroked them down my back to my ass and downward. When he lifted the hem of my dress, I knew if I didn't stop him, I'd end up against the nearest wall with his bare cock buried deep in my pussy.

I dragged my mouth away from his and pushed against his shoulders until he released me.

We stared at each other. There was so much I wanted to say but I belatedly decided to take Darkwater's advice and remained silent.

He gestured towards the sofa.

I crossed the room and sat down.

He sat beside me, half-turned to face me.

I wanted to burrow back in his arms but I didn't. I waited for him to speak.

"How have you been?"

I shrugged. "I've had better times."

"Did you think about me at all, Amber?"

There was no point in lying. I nodded and turned to look at him. "Probably far more than you did me between all your easy lays."

He sighed. "There were quite a few of them since we last saw each other."

I swallowed, feeling wounded. I'd been celibate, hoping and praying he'd seek me out while he'd been sleeping his way from bed to bed. Now he expected me to pretend it didn't hurt to know he'd found comfort in the arms of other women. Struggling to fight back tears, I rose.

He caught my hand and drew me back down onto the sofa. "They meant nothing to me, Amber. Nothing. Each meaningless encounter only served to illustrate how much I missed and needed you."

He'd missed me so much he'd done nothing to mend the rift between us.

I tugged at my hand.

He retained it and lifted it to his chest, placing it flat over his heart. "I came down here this weekend to clear my head and reconcile myself to…"

"To what?"

"To the fact that I need and want you in my life more than I want to remain single."

My heartbeat increased and I stared at him. "What?"

"I no longer have any interest in dating or seeing other women. No matter how many times I tried to sleep you out of my system…I find I want you more. I know I've done very little to recommend myself to you, Amber, but I need you to give me another chance to redeem myself."

How I wanted to shout for joy and toss myself into his arms but I knew I needed to think with my head and not my treacherous heart that longed to forgive him for anything and everything. I drew my hand away. "The last two times we talked, you walked out on me. Now you tell me you've slept with countless other women and I'm supposed to be okay with that?"

"I know I've been an ass, but I assume you want me to be honest. I'm not admitting it because I want to hurt you. I'm telling you so you'll know I have no desire to be with anyone but you. You're the one my…"

"I'm the one what?"

He glanced away and I could see his Adam's apple bobbing. "You're the only one my heart as well as my body wants and needs."

Oh god. Was that his roundabout way of saying he was in love with me? "What does that mean, John? What are you saying?"

He shrugged. "That I need you to forgive me and to give me another chance. I won't hurt you again."

"What's changed?"

"I have. I know what your requirements are for seeing me and…"

"And what?"

"And…" he shrugged and blew out a breath. "And…I'm willing to accept them."

I felt deflated and uncertain if I should or could believe him. Surely a man in love wouldn't need to hem and haw as much as he just had.

"Can we start again, Amber? This time I'll do it right. I'll romance you and treat you as you deserve to be treated."

I sighed. "I don't know. I have to think about it." I rose. "Now I think I'm going to bed."

"Alone?"

I stared down at him. "Good night."

He rose and followed me to the door where he placed his palm on the panel to keep the door shut. "Alone? Are you sleeping alone tonight?"

"If I decide I want to risk having you trample all over my feelings again, I might answer your question. As of now, I can do just what you've been doing, John, sleep with anyone I please."

He closed his eyes and leaned his forehead against the door. "None of those encounters mattered."

"Maybe I'll tell you later that tonight didn't matter to me."

He inhaled slowly. "Don't sleep with anyone else. Please."

"If we hadn’t bumped into each other tonight—"

"I would have been on the phone to you on Monday. I told you I just came down here to clear my head."

"And to get in a few more easy lays?"

"No. I've had my fill of those. Actually, I'd had enough of them before we met."

"And yet you've had so many in the last five weeks."

He nodded. "I know, but that was because I was foolishly trying to stave off the inevitable. I mean it when I say I'd had my fill of them before we met. That's why I wanted to get to know you because even then they weren't doing it for me. No matter how many women I slept with, I always knew something important was missing in my life." He caressed my cheek. "I found that missing something when I met you."

"You can't prove that by me, John."

He shook his head. "It just took me a few weeks and—"

"Countless fucks with other women—" I interjected, not caring that I sounded hurt and bitter because I was both.

"I needed to be sure, Amber," he said quietly. "Now I am."

"But I'm not. So let's say good night and—"

"Don't go sleep with anyone else. Please."

"You don't get to dictate who I sleep with."

"I'm not dictating. I'm asking…begging you not to. Please don't."

"How do you think I felt knowing you were sleeping me out of your system, John?"

"I didn't sleep you out of my system."

"But you tried."

"Yes. I did and it was a dismal failure. Does that mean you have to sink to my level?"

I stared at him and then looked away. While I'd spent my nights in tears, he'd spent his in other women's arms and now he wanted me not to care. "You're blocking the door, John. If you expect me to accept you've been sleeping around, you'll have to accept the same from me."

He took several deep breaths before he moved away from the door.

I opened it and was surprised when he didn't follow me out into the corridor. I hurried to the elevator and was relieved when it arrived almost immediately. Ten minutes later, I stumbled into our room and sank down onto the sofa with tears streaming down my face.

There was no doubt that I wanted to believe everything he said or implied and just fall into his arms. But I didn't dare. Despite his denials, I wasn't sure I believed that the blonde was with his brother.

Since I'd confided in him about John, Darkwater and I were closer than we'd ever been. I wanted to call him and cry on his shoulder but decided I needed to make my own decisions.

I undressed, removed my makeup and got into bed. I'd just started to dose when my cell phone rang and the phone announced Darkwater's cell number. I sat up and answered the phone. "Thomas?"

"Did I wake you?"

I could hear muted music in the background. "I was just dozing. Where are you?"

"At a friend's house," he said.

So he was with a woman.

"I know it's late but I thought of you and wanted to make sure you're all right."

I hesitated before deciding it was fate that had made him call. "I'm not sure how I am. John is staying at this hotel."

He swore. "Are you all right? Do you want me to come?"

"No. I'm fine. I just…he says he wants only me."

"And you want his dumbass?"

"Yes."

"Then what's the problem?"

"He's been sleeping around since we last saw each other."

"That's what most men who can do, Am. From what you tell me, he slept around and came to the conclusion that you're the one he wants. As much as I dislike him, I don't think you should hold that against him—unless you don't believe him."

"So you'd do the same thing in his place?"

"Probably."

"You think I should—"

"I think you should do what feels right for you. You know I don’t like him because he hurt you, but if you love him, you love him. If you think he's sincere, and he'd better be, or he's going to get his ass kicked, follow your heart."

"I want to believe him."

"Sleep on it and make your decision. If you need me, call me and I'll come as soon as I can."

"Thomas, who are you talking to?"

Hearing the unmistakable island accent, I was surprised. "Who is that? She doesn't sound Caucasian."

"She isn't he," he said before raising his voice to address the woman. "Give me a few minutes. It's my sister." He lowered his voice and spoke to me again. "Do you want me to come? I can be down there in about two and a half hours."

"And interrupt you just as you've realized that other women besides blondes are worth a second look?"

He laughed. "It's not what you think. Call me if you need me."

"I will. Thanks."

"No thanks necessary, Am. It's what big brothers do."

"I love you."

He was silent for so long I thought he'd put me on hold. "Damn, Am. I never thought I'd hear you say that. I love you too, honey. I always have."

Strangely, after talking to him, I felt better. I laid in bed and fell asleep. In the morning, I woke determined to give John the benefit of the doubt. I knew I was risking getting really hurt, but my heart and emotions would allow no other decision.

Sherlyn was still sleeping when I came out of the shower. I texted her I was going down to walk along the boardwalk. I wanted to be alone before deciding if I wanted to seek John out or wait until he sought me out.

He was in the lobby when I stepped out of the elevator. "John! Hi."

He smiled and any remaining doubts disappeared. "Hi. Will you join me for breakfast?"

"I was going to walk on the boardwalk."

He offered his arm. "I'll walk with you."

"I was going to decide what if anything to do about you," I said.

"Great. I'll do my best to influence you to forgive me every step of the way."

I smiled and slipped my arm through his. "Just so you know I'm inclined to let you have your way with me."

He kissed my ear. "Things will be different this time."

I drew away to meet his gaze. "How?"

"This time I know I'm miserable without you and I'll behave accordingly."

I believed him. I smiled. "Handsome and intelligent. I think I might keep you."

"Please do."

Chapter Ten

Amber

We walked along the boardwalk in silence. I felt content and happy. Each time I glanced at him, I found him looking at me. When we turned back, he asked me to have breakfast with him in his hotel room. I knew that despite his promise to romance me first, he wanted to fuck me. But that was okay because I wanted that too.

I texted Sher to tell her I was with John and would call her later. Then we went to his hotel room and ordered room service. While we pushed the food around on the plates, I kept waiting for him to ask me if I'd slept alone the previous night. He didn't.

I put my fork down and pushed my plate away. "Where are we going from here, John?"

"In the short term?"

I nodded.

He glanced over his shoulder. "To bed."

I deliberately dragged the tip of my tongue over my lips. "Haven't you been there enough lately?"

"Not with you and the others don't count."

I still wasn't sure I could believe him. "Where are we going in the long term?"

He smiled. "To bed on a regular basis."

I shook my head. "This is a serious discussion for me, John."

"I know and it's serious for me as well. Nothing is off the table, Amber."

I liked it better when he called me cher. "Nothing?"

"Nothing."

"What does nothing include?"

"Marriage," he said after a long pause. "And kids."

I took a deep, calming breath. "Marriage and kids? Are you sure?"