Lord Protector (42 page)

"Not as a promise."

"Then I will say it now. I will leave this place, but I will take you with me."

"I cannot leave."

His fingers caressed her hand, and he drew her closer to clasp her neck, his thumb stroking the edge of her jaw. "Then I will enable you. Am I not the Lord Protector of Jashimari?"

She smiled. "That does not give you the power to change the laws."

"Ah, how little you know me. Power, in my hands, is but a tool, and I will find a way to use it."

"How?"

He tilted his head. "I have not thought of it yet, but I will."

"So long as it does not involve killing anyone."

"Only if they get in my way." He studied her uncertain expression. "I jest, Chiana."

She smiled, shaking her head. "You have changed so much. I hardly know when to believe you anymore."

"Always believe me. It is safer."

She hesitated, glanced down and swallowed hard, then licked her lips and raised her eyes to his once more. "Will you ever say those words to me again?"

"What wor...? Oh. Those words." He turned and strode to the glass-paned doors that led out onto the balcony, thrust them open and allowed a gust of icy wind to blow in, laden with snowflakes. Turning to her, he beckoned. "Come here."

Chapter Twenty Seven

Chiana approached him, rubbing her arms, mystified. When she reached him, he swept her up and stepped onto the balcony. She clung to his neck, biting her lip. Blade walked to the railing, and, with a grunt of effort, leapt onto it, landed on bent legs and straightened. He turned to face the gardens, and she glanced down at the flagstones far below. Her hold on him tightened, then she turned to meet his eyes. He smiled.

"Are you afraid, little dove?"

"No."

"Why do you suppose that is?"

"I know you will not drop me."

He cocked his head. "Why not?"

"Because you do not wish to."

"What if I slip?" He wobbled.

"You will not."

"Why not?"

"You do not make mistakes."

Snowflakes landed on his hair and melted on his skin. "What did I say to you, on the day I saved you?"

"That you loved me."

"Do you doubt it now?"

"No."

He gazed at the garden. "That was when I realised it. When you jumped. I made a mistake, that day. The force of your fall was too great for me to stop. I would have gone over with you, if the others had not prevented me." He met her eyes again. "I did not care."

"You were angry, afterwards."

He nodded. "I had already proven it, yet still you forced me to say it."

"Why is that so hard for you?"

"I made a vow, a long time ago."

"To never tell anyone you loved them?"

He shook his head. "To never love anyone again."

"Why?"

"Because they died. They all... died." He stared past her, his expression bleak. "And I thought my heart had died with them."

"But it did not."

"Not all of it, apparently." He turned and walked along the railing. "Most of it, though."

"What do you mean?"

Blade smiled and jumped down onto the balcony. "A little survived."

"Only a little?"

"Yes." He met her gaze. "But enough. No one could have forced me to be Regent."

"So that was the lie."

"That was the lie, little dove." He put her down. "But my heart was still frozen until Rivan was reborn. I could not feel what I knew to be true."

"And now you do?"

"You are not allowed to die."

She brushed a melting snowflake from his nose. "I love you too, Blade. But you know that. You must be warmer, the snow melts on you now."

He laughed. "Did it not, before?"

"I doubt it. You chilled a room when you walked into it."

"Do I warm it now?"

"No." She placed a hand on his chest. "For me, you fill it with joy."

"How proud you must be, to have a lying drunken killer for a husband."

She giggled. "Nay, My Lord. My husband is a nobleman, and mostly sober these days."

"And my wife is a besotted fool."

"Whom you love."

"You will not trick me with clever words, my lady. Pit your wits against mine at your peril. Princes have tried and failed."

She smiled. "Oh, so you think yourself clever?"

"No, I just find most others to be lack wits."

"Including your besotted wife?"

"She is a little cleverer than most, I will own. She succeeded where all others failed."

"In capturing your heart?"

He smiled and inclined his head. "Are you content now?"

"No." Chiana stepped closer and clasped his neck, raising her countenance to the icy touch of the falling flakes as she gazed into his pale eyes. Blade cupped her face and studied it, his slight smile widening. She held her breath as he bent and pressed his lips to hers as lightly as a snowflake's caress, but warmer. Enfolding her with gentle arms, he drew her to him. His kiss was that of a saint, tender and passionless, filled with the poignant promise of an affection untainted by desire. It was an innocent caress born solely of an emotion barely thawed from the winter of his sorrow.

Its bittersweet purity brought tears to her eyes, and with it came a rush of understanding that filled her with sadness, as if it poured from him with the anguish of a soul in torment. His kiss was as sweet as his smile, filled with his strange, androgynous allure and the expert seduction of one whose powerful charm had only ever been used with deadly intent. Chiana wished it would never end, even though she was certain that this was how it would feel to kiss the cold lips of death, only his were warm and gentle. It was incongruous that he, who had snuffed out so many lives with such consummate ease, was capable of such exquisite tenderness. His touch was magical, suffused with the captivating enchantment that had lured so many to their deaths. He ended it too soon, and bowed his head to lay his cheek against hers.

He whispered, "Now you finally understand."

She nodded, swallowing a lump.

"You are the only one to ever survive my kiss, little dove."

"How many...?"

He raised his head and chuckled. "Not many. I dislike being kissed by men."

She recoiled in surprise. "You lie!"

"That I dislike it?"

"That you have ever done it."

"It shocks you?"

She shook her head. "I do not believe it."

"Oh, but I have. Several. Then they died."

Her eyes roamed over his face, filled with doubt and uncertainty. "You kissed Kerra."

"That was not a kiss, although she thought it was. That was... an expedient necessity. Nor was the time when you insisted on saying goodbye in such an affectionate manner. You noticed the difference, did you not?"

"Yes."

"This is the first time I have ever kissed anyone." He studied her as snowflakes settled on her hair, and raised a hand to wipe the moisture from her cheek. "And it brought you sorrow."

"You are the epitome of sorrow."

"I am sorrow and fury. I am poison to all who love me. I am the reason my family died. When I retired, my kill tally was three hundred and five. In reality, it is over seven thousand." He paused, his eyes bleak. "I caused the Rout of Ashtolon."

She shook her head, frowning in puzzlement. "How so?"

He gazed across the garden again. "The tenday before, I explored the mountains around the village of Goat's Rest, where I was born. I was twelve. I used a goat path to pass through a gully, a secret route carefully hidden for centuries, which the Cotti did not know about. Goatherds used it to take their beasts to a watering hole in Cotti territory, on the far side of the mountains. They were careful, but I was not. The Cotti also used that watering hole, and patrols stopped there on occasion. I was seen, and I fled.

"I should have allowed them to capture me. Two herders had made that sacrifice before. I did not. I fled through the secret passage, and the patrol followed me. I should have told my father. I should have warned them. I was ashamed, and I did not. More than seven thousand Jashimari paid the price for my carelessness. Over five thousand soldiers, five hundred villagers and two thousand people in the city of Ashtolon, which they plundered after they had destroyed Goat's Rest.

"Those towns have never been rebuilt. They remain ruins, even to this day, and the pass has since been blocked. I almost caused the downfall of Jashimari. The Rout of Ashtolon was the worst invasion ever, and weakened the armies by almost half. Raw recruits were sent into action to replace those who had perished. How many of them did I also kill, I wonder."

"You were just a child. You made a mistake, and you have paid dearly for it. You have saved many people too. Kerra, twice, and my life three times. Who else have you saved?"

A slight smile tugged at his lips. "Minna-Satu."

"She is dead."

"No. She is Kerrion's wife, and Queen of Cotti."

She frowned. "That is not amusing."

"It is safer to believe me, remember? That is how I earned Rivan's rebirth. She was Endor's hostage."

"Who gave you permission to tell me this?"

"I need no one's permission. You will not betray her. We took the Queen's Cup that day, but Kerrion found the antidote. He saved my life so I could protect her from his brothers. Ironic, is it not? She has two sons now, heirs to the Cotti throne."

He raised a hand to stroke her cheek. "I have caused more change in the three kingdoms than any other man in all of history... by killing people. I, who was born dead, and given a grave name. My siblings had true names. Rykar, which means Sky Star. Alenstra, Sun Dancer. Orcal, Dream Song. Shinda, Wind Whisper. Ryana, Sky Bird. And then there is me." His mouth twisted. "Conash. Dead Son."

Chiana's eyes overflowed. "And the only one still alive."

He chuckled. "There is irony for you."

"Why did they not change your name?"

"They did not expect me to survive my childhood, even though I lived longer than the few time-glasses the midwife gave me."

She drew a jerky breath, brushing at her cheeks, although the melting snow hid her tears. "I, for one, am glad you did."

"Oh indeed, so is Minna-Satu, and doubtless Kerrion too. Probably Shamsara. I would not be surprised." He stepped closer and took her hand. "Do not weep for me. I have no need of your tears. I have wept enough of my own. Come, it is cold."

Blade led her inside and closed the doors, walking over to the hearth to warm his hands on the fire. Chiana joined him, still stunned by what he had told her, and anguished by the affect it must have had on him when he had escaped from the Cotti camp and returned to his homeland to discover the true extent of the consequences of his blunder.

He turned to her. "How did your father know to name you Little Bird?"

"It was a fluke."

"A happy one."

"Is that why you came here to offer to kill King Shandor, because of what you had done?"

He gazed into the fire. "No. That was purely for vengeance. I wanted to kill Shandor, and the wealth that Minna-Satu offered was also tempting. I suppose it was fitting, though, and atoned in some small measure for my betrayal."

"You have more than atoned now. You ended the war."

"Minna-Satu did that. All I have done is kill a great many men. So you see, I am not a hero. Even all I have done does not make up for the loss of those seven thousand people. Ashtolon was a bloodbath. The city was taken by surprise. It was ten leagues from the mountains, and it should have been safe. They had no defences, no walls, and few soldiers. Only a garrison where weary men from the border were allowed to rest for a tenday or so.

"Five battalions were mobilised from Insheran, Verimon and Perthon to stop the Cotti. They reached Ashtolon just after the Cotti did. Three companies were cut off from the main force and slaughtered outside Ashtolon even before the armies engaged. The battle raged for two days. They say that over a thousand Jashimari soldiers died on each day. It was also called the Two Days of Darkness, because the smoke from the burning city blocked out the sun. Ashtolon was a grain city, and its stores were burnt. The loss caused starvation in Jashimari for two years after that.

He shot her a wry smile. "I only found all this out after I returned, of course, four years after the Rout. The five battalions could not hold the Cotti back. Shandor had put together a force of over ten thousand men in the time I gave him. After the Cotti sacked Ashtolon, they advanced on Insheran, and another three battalions were sent to stop them. They engaged the Cotti just outside the city, in a pass named Hunters' End, which has since been renamed Warriors' Rest, because two thousand men died there. Insheran was saved."

He turned to gaze into the fire again. "Do you know how I felt, when I found out what I had done?"

She shook her head. "No."

"I felt nothing. I was already dead."

"What do you feel now?"

He shrugged. "No different."

"But you said that you wept."

"For myself. For Rivan and my family, yes. When I was in the desert. That is where my heart died. When I returned to Jashimari, I cared for nothing and no one. I did not think I would ever feel joy again."

"Until Rivan was reborn."

Blade inclined his head. "Yes."

Chiana glanced at the wood cat, who lay on a rug beside the table, watching Blade with wide, puzzled eyes. He sensed his friend's sorrow, she knew. If he sensed it, then Blade must feel it, but perhaps he only mourned his family, and not the people who had died. Now she understood why the former assassin had behaved like a unruly adolescent since his familiar's return. It was as if his psyche had been reset to the time before he had lost Rivan, and the emotions he experienced were those of a child. His emotional development had ceased at the age of twelve, frozen by the trauma of his loss and subsequent suffering. That was, she guessed, the only way he could feel again, by unleashing the love from his past that had been locked away for so long.

Blade turned to her and stroked her cheek, and she could not quell a shiver. His hands had snuffed out so many lives, yet she longed for his caress. She remembered vividly the day he had almost robbed her of her senses with the lightest of touches. The firelight gilded his face, and when he spoke, his voice was so soft that she strained to hear it over the fire's crackle.