Loretta Chase - The Devil's Delilah (25 page)

"That does not excuse what I did, Miss Desmond. Nothing would excuse it. I — I am aware," he went on, each word sounding as though it were being torn bodily from him, "of the abhorrence in which you must hold me. All the same, there are certain rules about these matters — "

"Oh, no," she cried. "You're not going to propose, are you? Please don't. You only heap coals upon my head. In the circumstances, that rule makes no sense at all. It would be far more reasonable to beat me, I think."

He sighed — with relief, no doubt. That was not at all flattering, but she could hardly blame him. Anyhow, he'd done the honourable thing and, much as it would cost her pride, she'd prove she too knew something of honour. She would admit her error.

"Actually, you did me a favour," she went on, watching his eyes widen in amazement. "You did teach me a lesson. If the method was improper, it was probably more effective than words — at least in my case," she added ruefully. "Because you know I always lose my temper first and listen and think after."

He sighed once more. "Are you sure you're thinking now, Miss Desmond? By my count, I have three times crossed the bounds of propriety with you, and you persist in excusing me. Yesterday you didn't even hit me. Aren't you concerned I may interpret this as encouragement?"

"Yes. That's what I meant about learning my lesson. You've made me painfully aware of how ignorant I am. I was utterly incapable of coping with — the situation."

"I see," he said quietly. "No wonder I'm still alive and in one piece."

She winced, but went on determinedly, "Since I'm now acutely aware of my ignorance, you may rest assured I will take great care not to find myself in such a predicament again — with anybody."

He had gone about it all wrong, Jack reproached himself later, putting down his pen and gazing in despair at the heap of papers before him. That he'd never attempted to propose marriage to anyone before in his life was no excuse. Many men did it only once.

He had been reasonably composed. He'd even felt a surge of confidence when he'd first set out for Potterby House. She'd hardly put up a struggle. She'd actually responded to his caresses, ungentle as they were. She'd responded so passionately that he'd had to thrust her away and flee or else he'd surely have dishonoured her — in her great-aunt's parlour of all places!

Yet he wished he'd not been so maddened. Then he might have stopped it more gently… might have even dared admit what was in his heart. He should have offered then, instead of covering up with that insulting bravado. What had possessed him to say such an unforgivable thing — after assaulting her, no less? Why had he been so craven today and allowed the horrified expression in those grey-green eyes to unman him?

Max wouldn't have taken No for an answer. Certainly not before he'd said his piece — or swept her into his arms and banished all her anger with kisses.

But it wasn't anger, Jack thought despondently. He'd humiliated her and lost whatever trust she might have once reposed in him. His ill-worded offer today had only added insult to injury. Why could he not say the right words, he who had read hundreds of volumes in half a dozen languages?

Because he had only to look into that devastatingly beautiful face and Reason and Sense abandoned him altogether. He became an inarticulate, tormented brute.

Amantes amentes
, he reminded himself. Lovers are lunatics, as Terence had observed centuries ago. Now there was all this curst paper and ink. And so little time. So little, when it seemed he would need three eternities to learn to woo her properly and another ten to win her heart.

Mr. Langdon would have been much comforted to learn that Miss Desmond was suffering her own harrowing reflections, but as she confided these to nobody, he was denied such solace.

Delilah only told her great-aunt she was overset by the excitement of her mama's arrival and had rather not go out this evening.

Lady Potterby was vastly relieved. Though she prided herself on her fortitude, the shock of Angelica's arrival, coupled with the strain of the days following the newspaper announcement, had been rather more than her nerves could comfortably sustain. Though she was not a timid, weak creature, and though she did not mind a little excitement in her life and had a taste for a challenge, her relatives were beginning to wear on her. The prospect of one quiet evening at home and an early bedtime was altogether delightful.

Delilah did not take to her own bed very early. She tried to read, but the
Giaour
only irritated her with its romantic histrionics. She found herself conjuring up instead one handsome, serious countenance with dreamy grey eyes and one gentle, thoughtful voice. How desperately unhappy and trapped Mr. Langdon had looked today. Trapped by his own chivalry, by the rules that were so impor-tant to him, by the Honour that demanded what his very soul must recoil at.

That she'd spared him was not, she knew, entirely attributable to noble self-sacrifice. How could she possibly have allowed him to make his offer-let alone have accepted it?

She put her book aside and rose from her chair to stand by the window. Even in Town Lady Potterby must have her garden, more elaborate yet than the one at Elmhurst — perhaps to compensate for the lack of acreage.

As she gazed out into the shadows, Delilah remembered one late-night meeting in another garden… the looked-for kiss that never came and her embarrassed retreat. She shook her head. Of course she could not marry him, she who was prepared to accept the first respectable offer that came her way. Her cynical heart was not quite cynical enough. It was not quite hard and cold enough to bear rejection, regardless how courteous a form it took.

In the following weeks there were few opportunities to be rejected, politely or otherwise, for Mr. Langdon was rarely to be seen. Of a half dozen events, he might attend one, and then came and went so quickly that their conversations were little more than greeting and farewell.

Delilah did not see much more of her parents. They spent a great deal of time away from the house, though they were never seen at any fashionable gatherings. When they were at home, they were generally in the study, poring over papers.

Though for the first time in her life Delilah felt shut out, she was not altogether sorry. Her parents were far too perceptive, and she did not wish to be closely examined by either of them. They would know immediately something was wrong and would not rest until they'd teased it out of her. Delilah did not want to think about what was wrong if she could help it. Certainly she did not wish to voice any of her unhappy thoughts, even to her beloved parents.

Instead she kept busy, which was not at all difficult. When no more was heard of the memoirs, the Beau Monde quickly turned its attention to other matters, while its members assured one another they had known all along the announcement was nothing but a hoax. Even Angelica Desmond's arrival scarcely caused a stir. For one, she was almost never seen; for another, she was old news.

In mid-August, following the breakdown of the Prague conference, hostilities had resumed with Napoleon. Though his army was rapidly dwindling, the allied forces were behaving so indecisively that Britons at home devoted considerable energy to expressing their exasperation.

On the non-political side was Byron, who had recently embarked upon an affair with Lady Frances Webster. These and other current sensations were a deal more interesting than what one woman had done more than twenty-five years ago.

Thus the invitations continued to arrive at Potterby House. In addition to Society in general was Society in particular — that is to say, Lady Rand. She and Delilah spent their days shopping for books as well as more frivolous items, or visiting galleries, or seeing London sights. In the evenings they danced their slippers to shreds or got crushed at routs or stifled their yawns at rather mediocre musicales. Occasionally they went to the theatre or opera, and would rant happily at each other on the way home about the audience's boorish behaviour.

Through all this activity, Lord Berne was very much in evidence, the most prominent of Delilah's beaux. Oddly enough, he had also become the most kind, courteous, and altogether well-behaved of the lot. He seemed to be a changed man, for he behaved with a discretion Miss Desmond would not have thought possible. Though he was frequently at her side, there were no more languishing looks and ardent speeches. Instead he treated her with gentle affection and polite solicitude. He contented himself with one dance of an evening, and though he hovered before and after, he was so amusing and made himself so agreeable that Delilah could find nothing whatever to fault him with. He was so decorous a suitor, in fact, that his mother threw up her hands in despair.

Lady Jane, for her part, had too much pride to acknowledge his preference for another, and soon stopped wasting her hostile looks and innuendos on what everyone had begun to perceive as a lost cause. She took up with Lord Argoyne, much to the delight of that gentleman's mama, who had been in agonies all year because he persisted in throwing himself at nobodies.

Since these two enemies seemed to believe Lord Berne was finally, seriously, in love, Delilah was cautiously inclined to believe so as well. All the same, she was determined not to be overly confident again and made a point of giving all her admirers equal attention. Unfortunately, Lord Berne was so assiduous and so formidable a rival — being, perhaps, the most beautiful young man who had ever been seen in London — that gradually the others withdrew in defeat. While she still had dance partners and riding and driving offers, Delilah soon perceived that no other sort of offers would be forthcoming. Like it or not, Lord Berne seemed to be her only solid prospect.

She did like it, she told herself. He was extremely handsome. He admired her, amused her, and treated her kindly. He actually did seem to love her. That she didn't yet return the sentiment was no great obstacle. If he was a good husband, she would learn to love him. If he turned out a bad one — which was a risk everyone must take — at least he could not hurt her, and certainly she would have every comfort for herself and every means of caring for her parents.

Was this not the reason she had dragged her family back to England? Had she not told her father months ago that love had nothing to do with it?

Chapter 17

Miss Desmond succeeded in convincing herself that matters were as well as she could have wished — until one morning in early October when she met up with Mr. Langdon as he came out of her father's study.

His hair was as rumpled as an unmade bed and his coat looked as though he'd slept in it. She felt a queer tugging inside as she looked at him, and wished she had a comb at least.

"You are about early, sir," she said, keeping her voice light. "Or have you spent the night with Papa, poring over your papers?"

How odd his eyes looked. There was a peculiar light in their grey depths, a glitter of something, like suppressed excitement.

"Actually, I have," he said nervously. "Please excuse my appearance, Miss Desmond."

"You've been hard at work. You needn't apologise for that, when you work on my family's behalf." Resisting the urge to straighten his cravat, she forced a bright smile. "I only hope Mr. Fellows will understand."

"No, he won't," was the rueful answer. "He's already out of all patience with me. I daresay he'll give his notice as soon as he catches sight of me — or at least when he finds out how little time I can give him to make repairs."

Delilah retreated a step. "I beg your pardon. You're in a hurry and I keep you."

"Not at all," he said. "That is, I am in rather a hurry — but then it seems I have been for weeks — and I do regret I cannot stop — "

"There's no reason to regret, Mr Langdon. I'm sure we're all most obliged to you."

"Not at all," he mumbled, turning away.

She meant to turn as well, to let him go his way. Instead she moved towards him and touched his coat-sleeve. "Mr. Langdon — "

He stopped abruptly and her cheeks burned as she met his puzzled look.

"I — I hope you will try to get some rest, sir. Papa is indefatigable, you know," she went on hurriedly, "and because he rarely sleeps, he thinks no one else does." She remembered her hand, then, and tried to draw it away, but his absently closed over it.

He smiled. "In my case, he's quite correct, Miss Desmond — but you're kind to mention it. Thank you." He hesitated an instant, pressed her hand briefly before releasing it, then walked quickly away.

Shortly after noon, a very curious figure was seen making its way down Dean Street. Though the day was mild, the figure was attired in a great coat, round the collar of which was wrapped a thick shawl that covered all but its eyes, and these were shaded by the stove-pipe hat tipped low over its forehead.

The singularity of the figure's appearance was matched by its behaviour. Instead of walking straight on in a forthright manner, it darted from doorway to doorway, glancing furtively over its shoulder from time to time — rather in the way of a criminal pursued by the forces of law and order than that of an honest publisher attempting to do an honest day's business.

This was, nevertheless, none other than Mr. Atkins, who, his heart filled with dread and his teeth chattering like a monkey's, was on his way to the printer with the bane of his existence, Mr. Devil Desmond's memoirs.

Mr. Atkins was so terrified that he scarcely dared breathe the entire way. Fortunately, the distance was short. When, his face nearly blue with strain, he reached the entrance he sought, he drew a badly needed breath and thus had sufficient strength to make a mad rush at the door.

Unfortunately, his hat chose just this moment to fall over his eyes and become entangled with the shawl, which prevented his seeing the obstacle in his path.

The obstacle was a gentleman who was at that moment hurrying out of the shop. The resulting collision threw Mr. Atkins back upon the doorstep.

As he frantically pushed the scarf and hat away from his eyes, Mr. Atkins discerned with no small alarm that the man in his way was Mr. Langdon.