Lost Heartbeats (Alexander & Maya Book 2)
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Authors: Ella Maise
LOST HEARTBEATS
(Alexander & Maya #2)
by
Ella Maise
Copyright © 2015 by Ella Maise.
All rights reserved.
Edited: Editing by C. Marie
Cover Design: Ella Maise
Permission by this author must be granted before any part of this book can be used for advertising purposes. This includes the right to reproduce distribute or transmit in any form or by any means.
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
Alexander
Forty-eight hours.
Two days.
It had been two days since I had lost the kid who’d unexpectedly stolen my heart eight years before, which didn’t feel like nearly enough time to spend together. Not when it was filled with so much pain and struggle. Not when you spent hours upon hours, days upon days in hospitals.
For those eight short years, I loved him as I would’ve loved my own flesh and blood. Even though his bastard of a father didn’t want him, he deserved to be loved. He deserved so much more than what he got out of this shitty life.
I was fortunate enough to be there when he gave his mother and me his first smile. I was honored to be the one who helped him take his first steps as he held on to me with his tiny fingers, afraid that I would let go.
And then I was there with him at the hospital as he went through countless tests for his little heart. All the time, I whispered how proud I was of him for being so brave.
If it were up to me, he would still be here. If the life we lived was fair, Lucas Lambert would be alive, reading his comic books with the biggest smile on his face.
Unfortunately, no matter how tight I held on to him, he had still slipped away.
Now, my useless heart a shredded mess in my chest, I was trying to remember exactly when I’d decided to jump on a plane and go to someone who’d run away from me four months before.
Leaving behind nothing but a quickly scribbled note on my bed.
Even after that hit, I’d run to the airport to catch her before I lost her for good as if I was a love-struck teenager who didn’t know any better. If I had gotten to her before she’d gone through the security, I don’t know what would have spewed out of my mouth just to make her stay with me.
Could I have lied and told her that I was falling for her too? Just so she would stay?
Fuck, with the way I acted around her, would that even
be
a lie?
Maybe I should’ve tried harder for her to stay. Spent five more minutes with her, explained the importance of the phone call I had gotten instead of storming out and leaving her lying in the middle of my bed, still beautifully flushed from the orgasm I had given her seconds before.
Or maybe I should’ve said something different when I still had the time, been more insistent.
After all, all I had asked for was seven days. I knew she was into me enough to give me that.
And wasn’t that all I needed to get her out of my mind? Not one single day more than a week?
Yet, when I’d considered buying a ticket just so I could get to her before she reached her gate…I’d found that I couldn’t do that to her.
I knew she needed time for herself, time to come to terms with the loss of her father. She didn’t deserve me fucking with her mind and her heart on top of everything else she was going through.
So I let her go. Knowing I would eventually end up going after her, I let her go.
“I’m sorry, Mr. Ross.” A seductive voice stirred me from my troubled thoughts.
“Yes,” I answered the petite blonde flight attendant, my voice rough.
Surprisingly, she gave me a flirtatious smile—one that wasn’t invited—and tucked a short piece of hair behind her ear. “Can I get you anything? Maybe another glass of champagne, or something stronger maybe?”
Looking around, I noticed that every other passenger in the cabin was asleep, their shades drawn to block out god knows what. It was already pitch dark outside, for fuck’s sake.
If it had been any other time, I would have upped her offer and led her to the small bathroom to give
her
something stronger—she looked more than willing to spread her legs for me—but it wasn’t any other time. I had too much on my mind to be annoyed with her wandering eyes and flirty smiles.
To be specific, now that I was on my way to her, Maya was the only woman occupying my mind. At this point, only
her
spread legs would satisfy my hunger. Only
her
heated skin on mine would feel like coming home.
And only Maya Hart would understand the pain in my chest.
“I’m good,” I answered tersely, dismissing her unspoken invitation while I stretched my neck to ease the stiff muscles. I felt her presence linger for a few silent seconds, but thankfully she didn’t push and whine, just walked away.
Thinking about Maya brought back the memories of the days we had spent together.
Shit!
Was I seriously going after someone I had only spent ten fucking days with?
The weight of what I was doing and everything that had happened in the last week came crushing down on me, so I closed my eyes, let my head fall back, and tried to focus on everything that was Maya.
The first time I saw her in the lobby and looked into her eyes flashed through my mind. For some reason, I was both surprised and bothered to see the pain she was trying so hard to hide behind that small smile of hers. Her emotions were written all over her face for everyone to witness, and I thought she was the most beautiful woman I’d ever seen.
Pain filled eyes and all.
Even though her lips were smiling, her eyes were saying something completely different. Three simple, yet complicated words. Begging you to take notice…
I am hurt. I am hurt. I am hurt.
I doubt she was even aware of it. She looked so proud of that little forced smile on her lips.
The moment she whispered a shy ‘hi’, I knew I didn’t need someone like her in my life whispering anything to me, so I walked away without even looking back until I couldn’t help myself. Yeah, I slipped up and captured her gaze with my own as I was busy devouring another woman’s mouth, but I still knew I didn’t need the kind of pain only she could bring. I had already had enough of that from Claire to last a lifetime.
But then, every day after that first encounter, she chipped away at something in me, and I just couldn’t stay away. I couldn’t keep my fucking dick in my pants, not when she was sleeping just a room away from me.
Hell, even the mere memory of her flushed skin under my fingertips—mine to do whatever the hell I wanted with—her little gasps and moans… It still had the power to stir something inside me, and I’m not just talking about my rapidly hardening dick here.
However, it was the night that she cried her little heart out that tipped the scales for me in the worst possible way. Yes, I did follow her around before that, and yeah, perhaps I did try to get her attention to see that little spark she would get in her eyes when she was pissed off.
Like that kiss in the elevator… I admit now that it was my dick that forced me into pushing her buttons in the beginning.
But every time I got a little closer to her, every time my skin burned with her hesitant touch, her eyes told me something different. Something irresistible.
She confused me as no one ever had before.
And at the end, as we sat on the floor of her room and her body shook with the force of her tears, her pain, I knew I would do everything in my power to end it. I would give her anything she wanted just to uncover what lay beneath the hurt and gently absorb it into my own skin. The moment I lifted her face from my chest, her red, puffy eyes shining with more unshed tears, I was powerless against her.
Which is how I ended up fucking myself by pushing my very happy, very hard dick inside her.
That shy, uncertain kiss she gave me just before begging me to take her…
That sweet little body trembling under mine coupled with her tears burning my skin…
Yeah, I believe that was the night Maya Hart became something more to me.
Shit!
I shook my head, remembering the exact look on her face. That wonder, that trust she was extending toward me, trust that I would take her pain away even if it was just for a brief moment.
Like I said, the way she sucked me in to her grief-filled world so unexpectedly, I knew I would do anything for her just to keep those eyes on me for a little while longer.
I squirmed in my seat, cursing myself for getting a hard-on at just the memory of a woman.
A woman I had no idea how would react to seeing me.
Yeah, she was something more to me, all right. I wasn’t someone who would feel the need to chase pussy around the world. She was different to me—me being on this fucking plane was just a small proof of that—and I was going to do everything I could do to make her see that.
Now it was my turn to look into her eyes and beg her to take the pain away, to let me get lost in her body and intoxicating touch. I needed that connection between us more than I’d ever needed anything in my life.
I still remembered the words she wrote to me in her note…
The second I get on that plane, I’ll get over you Alexander Ross. But for now, for these last few hours…you will remain my bright spot in this unfair world.
Well, for some unexplainable reason, I wasn’t over her.
If I had any say in it, she wasn’t getting over me either. If by some miracle she already had, I knew how to make her body sing, how to touch her just the right way, in just the right spot so she would tremble beneath me, begging for more.
I would get her back.
This time I wasn’t leaving it up to her. I was going there to take back what was mine, what she had already willingly given me.
In a matter of few hours, I was going to sate my craving for Maya Hart.
Maya
Grabbing my bag from the couch, I ran through the kitchen and finally made it out the door. I hated being late, but the night before had been a particularly tough night for me so I’d had trouble sleeping—meaning: I didn’t get any sleep at all.
Letting out a deep breath, I made sure to lock the door twice and started to walk over the lawn toward the parking lot.
Seeing a big yellow blob coming my way from the corner of my eye, a big smile stretched across my face, and I braced myself for the impact.
“Hey, Max!” I laughed as he jumped on me and gave me a sloppy kiss right on my lips. Pushing the most handsome Golden Retriever ever off of me, I leaned down and scratched him right under his chin, watching him look up at me with stars in his eyes as his tongue lolled out. I was already half an hour late; two minutes wouldn’t make it any worse. Seeing the depth of the admiration in his eyes was definitely worth it anyway.
He abruptly sat down and gave me a loud woof. Right on cue, a mumbling Ester walked out of her door. She was my neighbor, and she and her husband were the sweetest older couple I’d ever met in my life. They had also become good friends with my dad since I’d moved there 3 years before.
“God morgon, Maya,” she greeted me, her eyes on Max as she managed to hold back her smile.
“You know you aren’t supposed to run off like that, Max,” she said, her voice stern as she walked over to me. A whining Max crawled forward and lay down, putting his heavy head right on my shoes as he started to lick my ankles.
“God morgon, Ester. You know my day wouldn’t be the same if it didn’t start off with Max’s kisses, so I appreciate the visit.”
Ester and Alan had gotten Max a little over a year ago as a puppy, and ever since we’d lain eyes on each other, we’d been best buddies. If he didn’t run over to greet me in the mornings, I was sure to find him right at my front door when I got back from the café.
Ester finally met my eyes and gave me a small smile.
“You are feeling better today?”
“I’m a little late for work, but other than that I’m good. Don’t worry about me.”
“I’ll always worry about you, Maya. Do try to lie a little better when you see Alan tonight because he won’t just take that answer and move on. If you need anything we are always here for you. You know that.”
Trying not to step on Max, I leaned over and gave Ester a kiss on her cheek. I was more than thankful to have them as my neighbors.
“I guess I’m coming over tonight, then?” I asked.
“Yes, Alan wants to see you. We won’t take too much of your time. He just wants to make sure you are okay.”
“Sure, I’ll swing by and bring some semlor for him.”
It was both Alan’s and my favorite. It never hurt to bribe him with baked goods and hope that he would take the questioning easy on me.
I heard Alan yell for Max and just like that, Max stopped cleaning my ankles and ran away from me toward Alan’s voice.
Laughing, I yelled after him, “I love you too, buddy,” but he was already out of sight.
“I’m already late, Ester, so I should run too,” I said backing away from her. “I’ll see you tonight.”
Waving at me, she yelled, “Please take care of yourself, Maya!” as I started a light jog toward my car.
Convincing Alan that I was doing okay was going to be easier than convincing my best friend Linn.
Hopping into my car, I hoped Linn would be mad at me for being late instead of feeling sorry for me. Talking about my father always brought forth the tears, and after the day I’d had, even one quick hug from Linn would be my undoing.
Ten minutes and four missed calls—all from Linn—later, I pulled up at the end of the street of my café, Lily’s. Since I was already more than fifty minutes late, I didn’t see the point of running on the cobble street to get there faster.
Walking past Göranssons, the bookstore that was our neighbor, I ducked under an umbrella, walked past the few tables we had outside—which were empty at this hour—and made my way inside. I loved my quaint little café, but some days the memories assaulting me had the tendency to play with my emotions. At that moment, with everything I had going on, I welcomed the comfort it offered me.
I’d been running around these tables ever since I knew my own name. My favorite pastime was to cozy up to the customers to let them know who I was and that one day they would all be my customers. Oh, and of course there were also a few marriage proposals from me—a six year old—to the cute teenagers who came in for a quick lunch with their families. I wasn’t sure if it was my father or the boys who were more embarrassed when I would get in that particular mood. But, whatever mischief I would get into, it never stopped that little smile appearing on his face.
It was those little childhood memories attached to the place that made going in there every day easier. However, even though I wouldn’t admit it to anyone, I was starting to have trouble being in every single day. Like I said, sometimes those beautiful memories had the power to bury me under a mountain of emotions.
As soon as I stepped inside, my gaze wandered to the corner where my dad’s old piano sat, untouched for quite some time now. For some reason ever since I’d come back from New York, the piano was more like décor, adding even more sorrow to the place. It wasn’t the soul and foundation of the place as it had been anymore.
“Maya.” A shrill voice drew my attention before I could even close the door.
“If I wasn’t so relieved to see you, I might actually be tempted to kill you right now.” Linn’s body slowly straightened from behind the glass case where she was arranging the kanelbullar.
Her green eyes gave me a thorough lookover from head to toe, and her face softened. It was almost enough for me to turn around and flee back home.
“You are late, and I know why you are late, so don’t try and give me some bullshit lie about how good you are doing.”
I opened my mouth to answer, but she held up her hand and kept right on talking. “But I’ll skip that for now. I called you four times already. Why didn’t you answer? I’ve been worried sick since last night.”
I forced my legs to move and made it to her side. I knew she’d wanted to be with me last night, but I’d needed the time alone. I hadn’t had it in me to talk about it with anyone.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t hear it in my bag,” I lied, taking the cowardly way out. From the look of disbelief on her face, I guess we both knew that already. Thankfully, she let that one go, too.
“You promised me we would talk today, Maya. You know, go over things. Make sure you aren’t bottling it all up.”
My shoulders slumped.
“I know, and I do want to talk, but…honestly, I don’t even know what to say anymore. It’s the same things over and over again. I’m done bothering you with this, or anyone else for that matter. Plus, I’m late so we have work to do. We are opening for lunch in an hour. Maybe we can talk tonight? After we close shop?”
“This is my first day, right?” she asked.
I nodded. There was also that. As of today, my best friend and I were partners. She hadn’t invested money into the café or anything like that, but she would help me with everything, take some of the weight off my shoulders, which made us equal partners in my eyes.
“Okay, I came earlier than what we talked about and handled everything, and as you can see, we are ready to face the day. I already did all of this when you were in New York, remember?”
I glanced around and just like she said, we were pretty much ready to open our doors. The glass cases were filled with baked goods and an assortment of fresh sandwiches; I was sure everything was running just as smoothly back in the small kitchen, too.
Slumping down in the nearest chair, I put my handbag on the table and let out a big sigh.
Linn carefully watched my every move and then pulled up a chair from another table to sit closer to me.
“Maya,” she lowered her voice, looking back toward the kitchen where our three waiters were getting ready for the day, their laughter already carrying out to us. “Please, talk to me.”
“It’s done,” I said, my voice already trembling. “The sale finalized. I sold his house. My childhood home.”
I tried to smile, but it felt wrong on my lips. I lifted my face up to her, and she scooted her chair closer to me, her hand already reaching out to give me comfort.
“Why do I feel so guilty? I know I couldn’t keep up with the expenses of two houses, and I definitely couldn’t move in there, not when I couldn’t even be in the house more than twenty minutes without breaking down and crying all over the place. So, if I know that I did the right thing, why does it feel like I’ve let him down or given him up somehow?”
“Maya, come on. You can’t do this yourself. Do you think your father would have been angry at you for selling the house? Is that it?”
“No. I know he wouldn’t want me to go there and cry myself to sleep whenever the mood struck me. But seeing the house so empty…” I trailed off, looking out the window, not knowing how to put it into words exactly. “I don’t think I did the right thing.”
“Babe, you did the best thing you could do in this situation. Your father always wanted whatever was the best for you, and this was it. If nothing else, you made the healthier choice. Just because you sold the house doesn’t mean you gave up on your memories; they are still with you. They will always be with you.”
Listening to Linn but not really hearing what she was saying in my heart, I watched a girl squealing on her little pink bicycle, pumping her legs as fast as she could as her father held on to her back seat, helping her discreetly. I remembered a similar scene where I’d had a big smile on my face, my heart thumping hard with excitement in my chest as my own father did everything he could to talk me into my first bike ride.
***
“Dad, this is too tight on my chin.” I tried to loosen up the bright pink helmet on my head.
He gently pushed my little fingers away and fixed it in two seconds.
I pouted, still not happy. “Do I really have to wear it though? It feels weird and it’s squishing my head.”
“Yes, Maya, you have to. We already talked about this. When you are riding your bike, you’ll always wear your helmet. If you don’t think you are old enough or ready to do this yet, say the words and we can go home.”
“Okay, okay. It’s fine. I’ll cope,” I sighed, making sure he knew I was miserable.
“She’ll cope,” he muttered, his smile big. “Ok then. Get on the bike, and we’ll see if you’re big enough to ride without your training wheels.”
Straightening, I lifted my foot and straddled the seat. My toes were barely reaching the ground.
My heart started beating faster, my hands just a tad bit clammier than usual.
“I’m a little scared, Dad,” I said, my voice small. Turning my head, I looked up to him. “You won’t let go before I’m ready, will you? You won’t let me fall?”
He smiled reassuringly, tipping my chin up with his knuckles. “Of course I won’t let you go, baby. And you have to do this so we can go on bike rides together. You won’t leave me alone, will you?”
“I won’t,” I said, suddenly more sure of my riding abilities.
He kneeled down to my eye level. “Good. I can see the determination in your eyes, baby. You already got this. Just remember to balance yourself, okay? Don’t look at your feet, keep looking straight forward, and keep turning those pedals. You don’t have to go fast, but to keep your balance, you have to pedal, okay?”
“Okay, yeah, I remember. I can do this.”
“You got this, my little star.”
“I got this,” I repeated. My little heart was already trying to escape out of my chest.
I took a deep breath and put one foot on one pedal.
“Dad, are you holding? I don’t feel it.”
“I’m right behind you, Maya. My hand is on the back of your seat to keep you balanced, just until you can take over, okay?”
I turned and looked down. Sure enough, his hand was right where he said it was. So why did I feel like my first bike ride was going to end up with me breaking my neck or something equally as terrible? The massive thing on my head definitely didn’t help to soothe my worries either.
My hands and legs shaking, I slowly put my other foot on the other pedal and looked behind me again to see my dad keeping me balanced. A slow smile crept on my face.
“You didn’t let go.”
He laughed, his voice warming my heart. “Baby, did you think I was lying? Come on. Start pedaling so you can move forward. Don’t think about it, just go for it.”
I did as he said, slowly pushing on the pedals.
My heart did a happy jump. I was riding a bicycle!
“Dad, I’m doing it! I’m moving forward,” I screamed as I started to feel the wind on my face. His laughter was right behind me. He was only power walking, and to be honest, it wasn’t a strong wind or anything like that; I’d probably only moved a few inches.
“Good girl. Tell me when you’re ready for me to let go. You already got this, baby.”
“Let go Dad. Let go. I got this!” I kept yelling with a huge smile on my face.