Louise Allen Historical Collection (64 page)

‘What is it, Elliott?’ A cold finger of doubt pierced the warm glow that was wrapping Bella. ‘There is nothing wrong with her you haven’t told me about, is there?’

‘N
o!’ Elliott turned on the bed so she could see his face clearly. ‘She is perfect.’

‘Then what is troubling you?’ Bella twined her fingers into his hand as it spread on the bed, taut to brace him. ‘I can see it in your eyes, Elliott. I know you too well now. Were you very shocked? Mrs Knight was amazed you stayed—I think she expected you to faint or something.’

‘Shocked?’ He grimaced. ‘Stunned is more the word. And utterly in awe of the courage and endurance of women. Men fight and suffer pain in hot blood most of the time and call it courage. Your sex just gets calmly on with producing the next generation without complaint.’

‘I seem to recall complaining. Bitterly,’ Bella said. ‘I think the memory must fade with time. I do not think I would like to do it again for a while, though. But tell me, Elliott. When I knew she was a girl I thought you would be happy.’

He was struggling with himself, like a man trying to confess his sins. Bella snuggled the baby closer and squeezed his hand tighter. Her family, all together—now she must keep it like that.

‘I was so relieved it was a girl,’ he said finally, as though admitting to a crime.

‘I know.’ The way he had felt about the prospect of a boy had made her miserable and apprehensive for months, even though she could understand it and had tried to hide her feelings from him. But why was he not happy now?

‘I have been praying it would be a daughter because I did not want Rafe’s son to inherit, but ours—yours and mine. You know that. And that is dishonourable of me. I should have been able to put that aside, to be certain I could love and care for his child.’

Male honour!
Bella wrestled with what to say that would not make things worse. Elliott looked, and sounded, as though he had been caught cheating at cards or some other masculine enormity. She loved him, but sometimes she simply did not understand him. ‘I understand why you felt like that. But it is difficult for me to comprehend why you think it is so wrong,’ she said carefully. ‘I can see that you do, but it seems perfectly natural to me. Men are territorial and possessive—this is your estate now, your land, your title. Of course you want your son to inherit.’

He seemed taken aback by her lack of condemnation. She wished they had been able to discuss it during her pregnancy. It seemed the shock of the birth had removed his inhibitions. ‘I am certain that if Rafe had married you and then died and I had been the child’s guardian I would have felt none of this.’

‘Because you never expected to inherit,’ Bella said. ‘Life never turns out as we expect it. We cannot punish ourselves for things that might not have happened.’

‘No.’ But he did not seem totally convinced.

‘Elliott, do you think you can grow to love her?’

‘Yes,’ he said, reaching to touch the baby’s cheek again and this time letting his finger linger, so gentle for such a big man.

‘Then, for her sake, can you not forgive yourself for how you felt? You were ashamed of it, you fought against it—must you be perfect?’

‘What a cockscomb I would be if I thought that,’ he said with a reluctant chuckle. There was silence while she could almost feel him thinking. The baby wrapped its fingers around his index finger and he went very still. ‘Yes, for her sake I can forgive myself,’ he said. ‘And for you, if you ask it.’

Bella reached out and touched his hair, then the baby began to stir and she put it to her breast, shaken all over again by the intensity of her feelings for the child. There was nothing soft there—she would die for this little scrap.

Long, precious minutes passed then she said, ‘We must think of names for her.’

‘Rafaela?’ Elliott suggested, startling her.

‘Truly? You would name her after Rafe?’

‘Would you mind so very much? I just feel she should have something of her father’s, however little he deserved it. Perhaps not as her first name. People knew he and I were not close. But as a second name it would arouse no suspicion. What was your mother’s name?’

‘Annabelle. My sisters are Margaret and Celina.’

‘And my mother was called Margery. M… How about Marguerite? She is a little flower, after all. The Honourable Miss Marguerite Rafaela Calne?’

‘Oh, yes! Marguerite, listen to what your papa has called you.’ She glanced up and caught Elliott’s expression. ‘I am sorry, I should not have said
Papa
like that. I was presuming—’

‘Correctly. I have already explained to our daughter that she must listen to everything her papa tells her and she stopped crying and stared at me very obediently. A trifle cross-eyed, perhaps, and she was dribbling, but I am sure it was dutiful.’

Bella giggled and Elliott turned until he was lying against the pillows, too, and could put his arm around her. She twisted her head to look up at him, but she could not see his face. Something tense in the line of his jaw made her frown for a moment, then she dismissed it. He was tired.

A family,
she thought, sleepily, beginning to nod off again.
We are a family. It is perfect.
And then the recollection came to her that it was not quite perfect, that this man here beside her did not love her. But he was fond of her, she knew that. And protected her and cared about her. He would take pleasure in her body when he returned to her bed. Perhaps that was enough. It would have to be—it was more than many women had.

Elliott tightened his arm around her. He is so tired, she thought. But there was something else to be decided that they had not discussed.

‘Who will be her godparents?’

‘My great-aunt, I think.’

And Anne Baynton.’

‘Your sisters? You could stand for them in church.’

‘Oh, yes. Thank you, Elliott. And men? I think we should ask Daniel.’

‘Very well. Daniel and John Baynton and my third cousin the Duke of Avery.’

Are you close?’ A duke, goodness.

‘We are good friends. And he is young, rich, influential and everything a young lady needs in a godfather.’ He sighed. ‘I can see I will have one hell of a time as her father, beating the young men off with sticks. She will have her mother’s sweet face—’

‘—and your blue eyes.’

And a duke for a doting godfather. Perhaps I had better dower her with a pittance to keep the mob of young men to a reasonable size.’

‘When shall we have the christening?’

‘Not until the New Year, I think,’ Elliott said. ‘People are scattered for Christmas house parties already—the Bayntons have gone up to Yorkshire, Avery will be holding court at Avery Castle in Lincolnshire, Daniel is going to stay with friends in Bristol, he said, and my great-aunt will be setting off to go up to London by easy stages very soon—and coming back just as slowly.

‘We will talk to the vicar about a date, write to the godparents and then when you are up and about, we can decide on a guest list and have a house party of our own.’

‘And we could invite your aunts from London,’ Bella suggested. ‘I would like to meet them.’ How strange to feel happy and confident about the prospect of a house party when a few months ago she would have been appalled at the thought. If only she could invite her father and Meg and Lina.

‘I’ll see if Bishop Huntingford will perform the baptism,’ Elliott continued, sounding sleepy.

‘A duke and a bishop,’ Bella marvelled. ‘How very grand we have become.’ She was answered by snores, a soft little whiffle from the baby and a loud masculine effort from her husband. ‘I think I’ll join you,’ she murmured, closing her eyes and drifting off, more content, despite everything, than she could ever remember being.

6 January 1815

‘Your Grace.’ Bella sank into the low curtsy that Anne Baynton had spent an hour tutoring her in, only to have both hands seized and be pulled to her feet by one of the best looking young men she had ever seen.

‘William,’ said the Duke of Avery, kissing her with enthusiasm on both cheeks. ‘Elliott, how on earth did you find such a beautiful wife? You don’t deserve her, I can tell that just by looking at her.’

‘Put her down, Will,’ Elliott said with a smile and a look in his eye that said he was prepared to floor anyone, dukes included, if they overstepped the mark.

Bella felt a flutter of absurd excitement. She had been dreading this christening party, but now everything seemed to be perfect.

Elliott had been avoiding her bed, out of consideration and to give her time to recover from the birth, she knew, but since Marguerite’s birth he seemed more distant, not closer as she had hoped.

And although he was concerned, and kind, he showed no signs of doting on the baby as she had hoped from his first reaction. It had just been relief that she was a girl, she realised. The child was not his and so Marguerite would not have his love, only his kindness, as she did.

But she had much to be happy about, Bella reminded herself. She had recovered from the birth, Marguerite was flourishing, the guests for their first house party were all arriving and seemed delighted with their welcome and now Elliott was bristling possessively when another man admired her. It was not love, but it was certainly gratifying.

She turned and ushered the duke into the hands of a footman to be shown his room, then rolled her eyes at Anne Baynton, who was chatting to Elliott’s aunts. Anne smiled back as Henlow opened the door again to admit the bishop, Mrs Huntingford, his chaplain and their servants. The ducal curtsy did very well for a bishop, she decided as greetings were exchanged and the new arrivals welcomed in.

Yes, she was very lucky, Bella decided after dinner as the tea tray was brought in. If only Meg and Lina were here everything would be perfect. Bella looked up and found Elliott watching her. He strolled over. Oh, yes, and if her husband loved her. Now that
would
be perfection.

‘Magnificent, Lady Hadleigh.’

‘You are pleased? I am so glad,’ she murmured. ‘Everyone seems very comfortable. Just listen to the level of noise!’

The house party had been swollen by the addition of several of Elliott’s friends. The unmarried ones were taking advantage of the presence of several single ladies to flirt outrageously and the two married ones had abandoned their wives to discuss the vital matter of the breeding of foxhounds, a debate in which the bishop was engaging with enthusiasm.

Mrs Huntingford was discussing something earnestly with Lady Abbotsbury and the aunts were fussing over whether the unmarried girls were adequately chaperoned.

‘I am more than pleased,’ Elliott said. ‘I am proud of you, Arabella.’

‘Proud?’

‘I never dreamed the wet, exhausted, determined little mouse who turned up on my doorstep in May would turn into such a beautiful, confident viscountess.’

‘I am not beautiful, you flirt,’ Bella protested, laughing to hide the absurd rush of pleasure his words gave her.

‘You are when you are happy,’ Elliott murmured. ‘I must just make sure you are happy all the time, because otherwise you are merely extremely attractive.’

‘You do make me happy,’ she said, the laughter leaving her to be replaced by something intense, something very serious. All the time.’

‘I do?’ There were times when she thought Elliott’s soul was in his eyes, so deep and blue and intense were they. She glimpsed it now, some feeling as real and earnest as the one filling her.

‘I… You are so kind to me, Elliott,’ she said and the shutters came down.

‘Kind.’

‘And honourable. And you are a wonderful father.’ She had said something wrong, but she did not know what it was. But of course, she was gushing at him and he probably hated that. He never spoke to her of tender feelings, only congratulated her on her competence, on the work she did or how well she looked. She must never forget how he came to marry her or that he might have found a bride whose competence, beauty and fitness for her role as Viscountess of Hadleigh could be taken for granted.

When they had all retired for the night she went into Marguerite’s nursery and stood for a while in her night robe, looking down at the sleeping baby.

Are you coming to bed, Arabella?’ Elliott stood in the doorway stark naked, taking her breath with desire, outrage and a shocking desire to giggle.