Love 2.0 (33 page)

182
“Love is the shortest definition of spirituality I know”:
George Vaillant (2009).
Spiritual Evolution: How We Are Wired for Faith, Hope, and Love.
New York: Three Rivers Press.

Chapter 9

185
I never knew how to worship until I knew how to love:
Henry Ward Beecher (1869/2010).
Plymouth Pulpit: Sermons Preached at Plymouth Church, Brooklyn, Volume 4.
Charleston, NC: Nabu Press.

187
What Barrett and her collaborators (including one of my newest Carolina colleagues, Kristen Lindquist) have asked is simply, what is an emotion?
:
Lisa Feldman Barrett (2012). “Emotions are real.”
Emotion.
See also Kristen A. Lindquist and Lisa Feldman Barrett (2008). “Constructing emotion: The experience of fear as a conceptual act.”
Psychological Science
19(9): 898–903.

187
William James himself devoted considerable attention to this very question back in 1884:
William James (1884). “What is an emotion?”
Mind
9: 188–205.

188
Research coming out of Barrett’s lab and other labs, including my own:
Barrett (2012); Lindquist and Barrett (2008). See also forthcoming publications by Lindsay Kennedy, Bethany Kok, and me.

188
Those who took anger to be an emotion showed the typical jumps in heart rate and blood pressure, whereas those for whom the idea that anger is an emotion was debunked had an appreciably more muted cardiovascular response:
Kennedy, Kok, and Fredrickson. Manuscript in preparation.

189
A global poll, released on Valentine’s Day, 2012, revealed that most married people, or those similarly coupled, identify their significant other as their most important source of happiness:
http://af.reuters.com/article/commoditiesNews/idAFL2E8DDGDX20120214?pageNumber=1&virtualBrandChannel=0
.

190
By the flip of a coin, they tried either LKM or a different style of mediation, one that does not aim to cultivate loving feelings:
In this latest research, we compare learning loving-kindness meditation to learning mindfulness meditation, a similar practice albeit with less emphasis on cultivating positive emotions. This is work I am conducting with Steve Cole, Karen Grewen, Sara Algoe, Sy-Miin Chow, Kimberly Coffey, Ann Firestine, and others, which is funded by the National Institute of Nursing Research at NIH (R01NR012899).

191
Feeling good is that indicator:
See classic work by Michel Cabanac (1971). “Physiological role of pleasure.”
Science
173(4002): 1103–7.

191
That’s because good feelings trigger a cascade of neurochemicals that makes you like whatever caused it:
Berridge (2007).

192
Evidence suggests that it isn’t until midlife or beyond that people develop true wisdom about positivity’s quiet cues:
Catalino, Coffey, and Fredrickson. Manuscript in preparation.

Index

Acceptance, 106, 133–136

Adaptation, 27–28

Adversity, 142–144, 149

Alcohol consumption, 86

Algoe, Sara, 76

Alzheimer’s disease, 83, 86

Amusement, 7, 10, 12

Amygdala, 50, 53, 58

Anger, 16, 28, 187, 188

Animal ancestors, 27–29

Appreciation, 76

Armstrong, Karen, 180–183

Armstrong, Louis, 17

Arthritis, 59, 85

Attachment, 48

Attraction, 139

Atwood, Margaret, 3

Awareness, broadened, 82, 83

Barrett, Lisa Feldman, 187–188

“Be open” motto, 104, 146

“Be positive” motto, 104

Bedtime rituals, 25–26

Beecher, Henry Ward, 185

Benefit/benefactor, 76

Biobehavioral synchrony, 17, 18, 22, 23, 25, 30–31, 52, 70–71, 74, 169

“Biography” (Masefield), 84

Blake, William, 64, 181

Blessings, counting, 155

Blood pressure, 51, 86, 128, 188

Body mass index, 190

Body’s definition of love, 4–6, 10, 13, 15–38, 29, 190–191

Bonds, 5–6, 9, 28–30, 35–36, 52

Boston University, Danielsen Institute, 179

Brach, Tara, 132

Brain, 40–47, 58, 61

Brain coupling, 43–46, 58

Brain imaging, 41–47, 65, 66

Breathing, 54, 124

Broaden-and-build theory of positive emotions, 8, 9, 11, 22, 53, 60

Buddhism, 11, 102, 116, 117, 181, 182

Calm-and-connect response, 51, 54

Cancer, 85

Cardiac arrhythmia, 55, 57

Cardiovascular disease, 59

Carr, Lloyd, 70

Case for God, The
(Armstrong), 180

Catalino, Lahnna, 13, 154

Celebratory love, 153–160

Cells, 4, 27, 29, 59–60, 85, 190–192

Center for Investigating Healthy Minds, University of Wisconsin–Madison, 133

Child development, 33–34

Childbirth, 48

Cicero, 95, 96

Cognitive behavioral therapy, 131

Cognitive functioning, 34, 83

Colds, 86

Cole, Steve, 85, 190

Commitment, 6, 9, 35–36, 75

Communication, brain coupling and, 44–45

Compassion, 10, 67, 142, 143–153, 160

Connection, 9, 10, 12, 17–29, 37, 47, 51, 54, 58, 68, 72, 75, 77, 86, 96, 97, 109, 137, 141, 142, 169, 179, 194

Conversation, 16, 22, 23, 41–44, 71, 82–83

Coping mechanisms, 79

Core effect, 187–188

Cortisol, 50, 59

Couples, studies of, 73–75

Criticism, 69

self-, 115, 129, 131, 137

Crowd euphoria, 70

Cultural heritage, 7

Dalai Lama, 56, 58, 116–117, 122, 133

Danielsen Institute, Boston University, 179

Darwin, Charles, 93

Darwinian natural selection, 19, 28, 187, 191

Davidson, Richard, 133

Day Reconstruction Method (DRM), 166–170

Depression, 19, 33–34, 116

Diabetes, 85, 86

Dickinson, Emily, 39

Dissatisfaction, 116

Distancing, 155

Divorce, 79

DNA, 4, 27, 29, 59, 60, 78, 85, 191

Doors of Perception, The
(Huxley), 64

Dreisbach, Scott, 70

Eastern philosophies, 39

Ekman, Paul, 21, 93

Emerson, Ralph Waldo, 139

Emotional neglect, 33

Emotions science, 7–8, 11, 105, 186–188

End-of-the-day reflection, 96–98, 100

Enduring resources, 57–58

Environmental Protection Agency, 134

Envy, 140, 154

Exclusivity of love, 6, 7, 16

Eye contact, 20–23, 32, 51, 52, 54, 94, 123, 148

Eyes-closed positivity, 130

Eyes-open positivity, 129–130

Facial expressions, 21, 24, 69

Faith
(Salzberg), 182

Fear, 27–29, 187

FFA (extrastriate fusiform face area), 65

Fight-or-flight response, 51, 54

Finger-wagging, 69

First dates, 72

Forecasting, 45

Francis, Saint, 119, 120

Freud, Sigmund, 179

Functional magnetic resonance imaging (fMRI), 42, 46, 65

Gestures, 20, 23, 69, 71

Good fortune, 153–156, 158–160

Gottman, John, 80

Gratitude, 7, 10, 76, 155

Greed, 27, 29, 51, 140

Grewen, Karen, 190

Gross, Melissa, 68

Group solidarity, 69

Guided imagery, 103

Guided meditation, 109, 123, 127, 190

Hand gestures, 20, 23, 69, 71

Hasson, Uri, 41–47

Hayes, Mercury, 70

Health, 8, 29, 55, 59–60, 84–86, 183

Heart disease, 85, 86

Heart rate, 8, 51, 53–55, 85, 128, 188

Holding hands, 23

Hope, 7, 10

Humor, 79

Hunter-gatherer ancestors, 7

Huxley, Aldous, 64–66, 181

“If... then” plans, 92

Illness, 29, 59–60, 78

Immune system, 59, 85

Impermanence, 39

Imposter syndrome, 135

Impulse control, 192

Indifference, 155, 156

Individualism, 161

Infant-caregiver synchrony, 25–26, 32–35, 51–52, 58–59, 79

Infatuation, 7

Inflammation, 59, 85, 190

Inner self-talk, 128–131

Inner voice, 83–84, 132

Insight Meditation Society, Barre, Massachusetts, 116

Insincere smiles, 94

Insula, 45, 47

Intersubjectivity, 24

Intimacy, 30–32, 35, 47, 75, 76

Intuition, 21

James, William, 180, 187

Journal writing, 126–127

Joy, 7, 10, 12, 16, 187

Kahneman, Daniel, 167

Kennedy, Lindsay, 188

Kindness, 76, 115

Kinnell, Galway, 119

Kok, Bethany, 56, 97–99, 188

La Rochefoucauld, François de, 15

Lactation, 48

Le Guin, Ursula K., 91

Leans, 69, 75, 86

Life expectancy, 27

Life history, 7

Lindquist, Kristen, 187

Living Buddha, Living Christ
(Nhat Hanh), 181

Loneliness, 19, 37, 59, 85

Longevity, 85–86

Longing, as physical state, 3–4

Love

biology of, 12, 19, 39–62

body’s definition of, 4–6, 10, 13, 15–38, 29, 190–191

celebratory, 153–160

compassion and, 143–153, 160

connection and, 9, 10, 12, 17–29, 37, 47, 51, 54, 58, 68, 72, 75, 77, 86, 96, 97, 109, 137, 141, 142, 169, 179, 194

definition of, 9, 15–38

exclusivity of, 6, 7, 16

health and, 84–86

infant-caregiver synchrony, 25–26, 32–35, 51–52, 58–59, 79

longing for, 3–4

Love
(cont.)

loving all, 161–184

loving others, 139–160

micro-moments and, 16, 18, 29–33, 37, 45, 52, 55, 60, 67, 68, 75, 76, 79, 84, 86, 91, 93, 98–99, 101, 162–163, 166, 194

nonverbal cues and, 68–69, 72

as nourishment for body, 4

as physical feeling, 93

preexisting beliefs about, 6–7

products of, 6

relationships and commitment view of, 5–6

resilience and, 77–81

ripple effects of, 63–87

science of, 4–7, 10, 12–13, 185–187

similarity and, 139–141

spirituality and, 178–183

as supreme emotion, 10, 14, 24, 194

unconditional, 6, 20

use of word, 9–10

Loveliness, 119

Loving-kindness meditation (LKM), 11–12, 25, 56, 57, 96–97, 102–110, 116–118, 120–127, 162, 190

Lovingkindness
(Salzberg), 119

Loyalty, 9, 28, 31, 35

Magical thinking, 105, 162

Maître
, 11

Marriage

ceremonies, 7

positive emotions and, 80

successful, 35, 74

Marriage of Heaven and Hell, The
(Blake), 64

Masefield, John, 84

Mass positivity resonance, 70

Mathematics, 174–176, 183

Maupin, Armistead, 152

Meditation, 11–12, 25, 56, 57, 91, 94, 102–110, 186

guided, 109, 123, 127, 190

practices (
see
Meditation practices)

Meditation practices

celebratory love, 156–158

compassionate love, 149–151

list of, 205

loving all, 163–165

loving-kindness, 107–110

seeing yourself as target of others’ love, 120–122

self-love, 123–127

Merton, Thomas, 63, 86

Method acting, 95

Metta
, 11

Micro-moment practices, 186

celebratory love, 158–159

creating compassion in daily life, 151–153

creating three loving connections, 101

Day Reconstruction Method (DRM), 166–170

list of, 205

narrating your day with acceptance and kindness, 132–137

redesigning job around love, 177–178

reflecting on social connections, 98–101

using own suffering as cue to connect, 143–145

Micro-moments, 16, 18, 29–33, 37, 45, 52, 55, 60, 67, 68, 75, 76, 79, 84, 86, 91, 93, 98–99, 101, 162–163, 166, 194

Mind and Life Institute, 186

Mind-training, 56–57

Mirror neurons, 43–44

Mirrored reflection, 17–18, 20

Motherese, 52

Mutual care, 10–11, 17, 25, 29, 45, 75, 169

Mutual responsiveness, 31

Mutual understanding, 45

Narcissism, 114, 131, 138, 155

Natural disasters, 79, 142

Natural selection, 19, 28, 187, 191

Nature
, 49

Neff, Kristin, 115–116

Negative emotions, 28, 65–66, 77–80, 82, 128, 154, 173

Neuropeptides, 47

Neuroplasticity, 58

Nhat Hanh, Thich, 181, 182

Nods, 23, 69

Nonverbal cues, 68–69, 72, 105, 152

Obesity, 27, 86

Objectification, 166

“On Friendship” (Cicero), 95

Oneness, 16, 20, 46, 179

Openness, 32, 78, 104–105

Oxytocin, 40–41, 47–53, 54, 58, 60, 61

Pali, 11

Parallel play, 22

Parasympathetic nervous system, 85

Passion, 75

Peace Corps, 171

PEP Lab (Positive Emotions and Psychophysiology Laboratory), 56, 84, 85, 188

Perception, 64–67, 181

Plasticity, 58–60

Poetry, 183

Pointing, 69

Porges, Stephen, 40

Positive emotions (
see
Positivity resonance)

Positive psychology, 129, 130, 155, 176

Positivity

defined, 8–9

prioritizing, 13, 154

Positivity
(Fredrickson), 8, 78

Positivity resonance (
see also
Love; Meditation)

accessing wisdom and, 82–83

biobehavioral synchrony, 17, 18, 22, 23, 25, 30–31, 52, 70–71, 74, 169

brain and, 40–47, 58, 61

broaden-and-build theory, 8, 9, 11, 22, 53, 60

cross-generational, 26

defined, 17

marriage and, 80

mutual care, 10–11, 17, 25, 29, 45, 75, 169

oxytocin and, 40–41, 47–53, 54, 58, 61

perception and, 65–67

relationships and, 72–75

resilience and, 78–81

self-love and (
see
Self-love)

shared positive emotions, 17, 25, 169