Love and Truth (24 page)

He stammered and paused, like he was nervous to speak. I touched his arm reflexively.

“It’s okay, you don’t have to–”

“No, Nicole. I want to hold onto things that are good and important to me, like you. I never want to let you go now that I’ve found you.” He rolled back to his side and stretched out his arm, pulling me into his side. He looked at me with sleepy eyes while caressing my arm.

“
Zutto issho
,” he whispered. I had goose bumps all over. I was entranced by his words now. “Together forever, sweetheart. That’s what I wish for us, because you’re everything that is good and loving. Being with you makes me feel a sense of calm and satisfaction in my heart that I’ve never felt before. I can’t imagine ever wanting to be without you. Without my girl.”

He touched his forehead to mine and closed his eyes. “I know you don’t want labels, so I won’t give this one, but you have to know that what I feel for you is real. It’s real and it’s true, no matter what ever happens between us, no matter what path we take. Remember, right here, right now...” He paused as he reached up to cradle my cheeks with his hands. Our faces were so close that I could feel his breath move across my lips. “Remember that what I feel for you is real.”

I looked into his eyes and jumped… off a high dive, plunging deep into the pools of green staring back at me. No matter how hard I fought it, no matter how unreasonable or out of control it felt, I knew that Jonathan Hayes owned me, heart and soul.

Chapter Seventeen

I was looking out the window of Jonathan’s roaring Skyline GTO, day-dreaming as the trees passed by. Waking up in his arms this morning was incredible. His body molded into mine, spooning me perfectly. I never felt so safe or cherished in my life. He was every bit the gentlemen that he tried to be and never went any farther than holding me and snuggling me all night. This morning wasn’t awkward at all, like I had feared it would be. I awoke to the smell of coffee and breakfast. He cooked eggs with toast and sliced pineapple, apologizing that he didn’t have more to eat. I was too happy to care about food. I was still glowing and giddy from our night together.

I have a boyfriend!
I wanted to scream it to everyone. I couldn’t wait to tell Annie. It seemed so surreal after being
the ultimate ice queen
– as Annie said – for so long. He wasn’t just any boyfriend, but an intelligent, talented, incredibly sexy man. Most importantly, he wanted me.

“Hey, why are you over there?” he asked, snapping me out of my day-dream. He reached over, holding my hand.

“I’m here. Just thinking, that’s all.”

“I hope they’re good thoughts. You’re not stressing over going into school this morning, are you?”

“A little, maybe. But no, I was thinking about last night. This morning. Us.” He squeezed my hand and smiled. I could feel his confidence enveloping me and smiled back at him. “All good thoughts, It’s just unreal, you know?” I looked down at our intertwined hands. “You’re my first boyfriend and even though it’s hard to wrap my mind around, it feels right. I was scared to let you in because I was worried about the consequences. But now that I’ve let go of the fear, the consequences don’t seem to matter anymore.”

“I’m glad you put it off for so long. I love knowing that I’m the only guy to ever have you, the first to ever kiss your lips. But most importantly, the first to win your heart because that’s what I want most.”

He could say the most beautiful things sometimes, and it always caught me off guard. I was realizing that he was such a deep thinker. Last night, listening to him tell the story of his tattoos, I saw a new side of him. He was like a prism that revealed its beautiful colors in different patterns as it moved in the light. I knew he played piano, but seeing him in his element at the school-all clean-cut and professionally dressed-was another side of him, a much more mature and reserved side. I was realizing that he was full of surprises and I loved it.

We pulled up to the Nakamuras’ house and I turned to face him.

“Here we are. I’ll wait here for you.” He leaned over and kissed me on the cheek. He had gotten ready this morning at the beach house, so all we had to do was run by the Nakamuras for

me to change. I rushed through the door and shuffled off my shoes, startling Ms. Nobuko as she polished the wood floors on hands and knees.

“
Gomenasai,
Nobuko San.” I apologized for my abrupt entry. She nodded and continued her work.

I ran up stairs and into my room, where I tore off my sweats and T-shirt. I pulled on a fresh pair of tights, my Capezio mock-halter top black leotard, yoga pants, and my pastel pink shrug. I checked my hair in the bathroom. I had twisted it back up into a bun this morning before leaving Jonathan’s but it needed hairspray. I give it a solid spray and grabbed my lip gloss and moisturizer, massaging it all around my face; there was no time for makeup this morning. I ran back downstairs to the entryway, pulled my shoes back on, and waved bye to Ms. Nobuko.

“That was lightning speed right there,” Jonathan said as I scrambled into his car. “I never heard of a girl getting ready that fast before.” He turned the key and the rumbling engine came to life.

“I’m a low maintenance girl when I need to be.”

He shot me a wicked grin and put the car in drive.

“You know, we’ve still never talked about how you hid the fact that you were a dancer from me.” He raised his eyebrows and cut his eyes to me. I was waiting for him to drop that accusation at some point.

“I know I didn’t tell you, but I’ve always been known as
Nicole, the Dancer
. I guess I sort of wanted you to just know me, for me.” I looked down at my feet, feeling guilty for hiding the biggest part of myself from him when we met.

“Wouldn’t you say that knowing you is to know your dancing? I saw you, Nicole. You’re breathtaking, and you were born to do it, that’s obvious. What’s even more obvious is how much you love it. It’s part of who you are, just like playing the piano is part of who I am, like karate is part of who I am. You should never hide that part of yourself.”

I glanced up and noticed we had entered the city. In a few moments we would have to act like strangers. I shoved the thought back for a moment.

“You’re right. I should’ve shared that with you. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. Just be proud of who you are and let all of your God-given talents shine. You’re an amazing dancer. I believe you can take it as far as you want to go. The sky’s the limit, babe. Embrace it.”

“You’re a wise old man, you know that?” A giggle escaped my mouth and I looked at him.

“Old man, huh? Very cute, Ms. Harrison. I’ll show you old man someday.”

“Oh, please. Educate me, Mr. Hayes.” I reached over and rubbed his rock hard thigh with my hand.

“Are you trying to get me all worked up before I have to say goodbye? You’re a wicked woman.” I left my hand on his leg and he didn’t seem to mind. He turned to me like he had something important to say. “Come back to the beach house with me tonight after class.”

“I can’t do that,” I said, shaking my head. “It was rude to not come back last night. Two nights in a row would be worse.” I felt him growing tense.

“You’re a grown woman, Nicole. You aren’t their child and they’re barely ever home as it is, but if you don’t want to, then I won’t push into it. Can I at least take you to dinner tonight?”

“Like a date? Like you would take me to dinner?” I couldn’t believe it. I had never been on a date. I felt giddy and saw him relax. I hoped he knew that I wasn’t rejecting him by not staying over again.

“Yes, sweetheart. Like an actual date. Somewhere nice where I can impress you and spend obscene amounts of money on you.”

I thought of Annie, who was going to die when I called her tonight. “Yes, I’d be happy to go on a date with you and let you spend obscene amounts of money on me.”

We filled the car with laughter as he pulled up along the side of the road. Silence filled the air and he grew serious.

“I’ll miss you today.”

“Me too.” I turned toward his lips, so I could show him how much. Heat rose from my tippy toes as I brushed the seam of his lips with my tongue. A moan escaped his throat and he pulled me closer to him, maneuvering around the gear shirt. He sucked my bottom lip into his mouth and stroked it with his tongue. He was so methodical. I knew I had to pull away or I would never leave his car.

“
Mmmm
, I could kiss these lips from now until forever and it still wouldn’t be enough,” he said.

I pulled away and instantly felt like surging back against him. I gathered up my bag and took a deep breath, preparing for a long day on very little sleep.

“What time will you pick me up me up tonight and what should I wear?”

”I’ll pick you up at 7:30 pm and you can dress however you like, but my personal preference is a dress or skirt so I can see those gorgeous legs.”

“Okay. Dress or skirt. I can accommodate your preference.” I winked and opened the door to step onto the curb. I leaned down and stared at him.

“Panties or no panties, Jonathan?” He was shocked into silence for the first time. His jaw dropped and his eyes looked like they might pop out of their sockets. I couldn’t believe the words came out of my mouth. I was skeptical that I could go through with it if he said no panties. But it felt good to be a little bold; like I was turning the tables on him. It also helped to have the boldest girl on the planet as my best friend.

“Just shoot me a text before you pick me up tonight, and I’ll accommodate that preference as well.” I turned on my heels and sauntered away like a peacock with feathers spread wide. I beamed with pride and satisfaction. I suddenly realized this was going to be the best summer of my life. My face was flushed thinking about what I said to him. My virginity was screaming at the top of her lungs.
Just get it over with already! Do the deed and really slut it up with style!

I dreaded telling Annie that we didn’t actually do it. I thought about our phone call as I rode the bus to school. I knew she was gonna come straight through the phone when I told her he was the one who put the brakes on. She was going to think he was gay or something.

I was lost in a fog the entire way to school. The feeling was disrupted when I heard a familiar voice rushing behind me.

“Hey, Nicole. How’s it going this morning?” Stacy asked. She continued without skipping a beat. “Another day of busting our patooties. Are you sore from yesterday? Because I’m totally sore. My ass feels like two globes of beat up flesh.”

I continued walking. I couldn’t remember anyone saying the word
patooties
.

“So whatcha doing this weekend? Chandler Edwards invited a few of us out to Kadena to his house for a party. It’s to celebrate finishing our first week of classes. You coming? I saw him getting all sweet on you yesterday. He’s dreamy with those blue eyes and that shaggy blonde hair. Yummy. You should definitely get a sample of him if he’s offering. Like I totally would if I were you, you know?”