Love Comes Blindly (book 5) (The Fielding Brothers Saga) (2 page)

Almost three years.

Memories she thought she’d hidden came crashing back. Three years ago she hadn’t fancied herself in love with Gregory Fielding since she was convinced another man held her heart. But now, after all this time, the man she’d touched and intimately given herself to remained in her mind. She’d made bad choices in her youth and lost Gregg—a mistake she’d pay for as long as she lived.

Pushing aside the painful memory, she quickly finished with the wounded man before moving to the next bed. Within an hour, the injured men were ready for the doctor to attend them. The man who’d lost too much blood had died. The one who might lose a limb would live. And the first man she’d assisted would probably be blind for the rest of his life.

The afternoon passed in a daze as Madeline made her rounds in the Abbey, checking on the patients before prayer time. Although she wasn’t a nun, she nearly lived their way of life. They had been her salvation three years ago when she almost died from a high fever. They promised if she helped them in the gardens and in the Abbey she could find sanctuary here.

Moans echoed through the room, and she wanted to cover her ears and hide away. Why had God chosen her to witness such tragedies? Did the Almighty think she could handle death so easily? Hadn’t she experienced the death of a loved one already? Yet He made her suffer more. It was all part of growing, she concluded. Dealing with this would make her stronger.

As she passed the blind man’s bed, he groaned and reached out his hand. She hitched a breath and hurried to him.
“Sir?
I’m here.” She gripped his fingers tenderly. “Can I get you some water?”

“Yes.” His voice croaked.

She released him long enough to fill a glass of water and then she slipped an arm under his shoulders to prop him up as he sipped. He fell back in his cot, his arms limp at his sides.

“Oh, dear God,” he mumbled. “What happened? Why do I hurt all over? Why can’t I see?”

“
Shhh
...” She took his hand again. “Please, sir. You must save your breath and gain your strength.”

His other hand moved to his head and he patted the gauze. “What’s this? What’s wrong with me?” His voice rose in panic.

“Your eyes were damaged because you were close to the cannon. You are very fortunate to be alive.”

He groaned and dropped his hand beside him again. “What about my friends? There were three other men with me. What happened to them?”

She held her breath.
Three?
Yet only two had been brought in. Had the third man been blown to pieces from the cannon blast? Shivering, she dared not think of something so horrendous. “Your friends have not yet regained consciousness.”

“Where am I?”

“You are at St. Mary’s Abbey.”

“Am I…blind?”

Her throat tightened and her eyes stung with unshed tears. She could not predict his fate, but she didn’t know what to tell him. “The doctor used healing cream on your eyes. He hasn’t said how long your condition will last. Your fate is in God’s hands now.”

His mouth tightened in a thin line and he fell silent. She didn’t know what to say, and especially what to do, but she had to do something to ease his agony.

“Sir?
Is there anything I can do for you? Would you like me to write a letter to your family?”

After a few silent minutes, he nodded. “Thank you. That is very kind. I’m certain my family would worry if they don’t hear from me.”

She collected paper and quills from a bureau drawer. “Begin any time you are ready, sir.”

“Address it to my brother, Nicholas. He is the head of the family now.” Although Nicholas was a popular name in England, every time she heard it she thought of Gregg Fielding since this was his older brother. Such a kind an endearing man Nicholas had been to her…before the truth had come out, anyway.

She wrote fast to keep up with his dictation. He mentioned the newspaper in London that he owned, and asked his brother to take care of his country estate and townhouse. He made no mention of a wife or children, and she almost breathed a sigh of relief that he didn’t have a family depending on his income.

As he talked, his voice softened, and familiarity struck an odd chord in her memory. Where had she heard his voice before? Had she met him once? Or did he remind her of someone she’d known?

While growing up, she lived in London and Essex. Since she left that area almost three years ago, all ties to her past were severed. She couldn’t bring shame to her family. She was needed here in Scotland with these good Sisters. Now Madeline’s life had meaning. But what were the odds she’d known this man before?

When he ended his dictation, his voice tightened. Her eyes misted again. Obviously, he loved his family and his life at the newspaper. She prayed he would see again. Only God knew the outcome.

“Sir?
I will send this letter as soon as possible, but I need your name first.”

“Oh, forgive me. I suppose my brain isn’t functioning too well.” Slowly, he lifted his hand again to his bandaged head. “My head is throbbing and it’s hard to concentrate.”

“I understand.”

Once his hand dropped to the cot, he breathed deeply. “My name is Gregory Fielding.”

The name from the past hit her like a physical blow to her chest. She gasped and quickly covered her mouth with her hand.
Gregg?

She jumped to her feet as her heart hammered. Dizziness threatened her vision and she feared she would swoon. No, she mustn’t. She had to remain strong. After three years and being this close to starting a new life, how could fate throw into her path the one man she’d wronged so badly? No matter what, she couldn’t let Gregg know who helped him. He hated her. Thankfully, he couldn’t see. Her identity must stay a secret.

As did her other secret that he must never discover.

* * * *

Gregg sat up in his bed while the doctor
unwrapped
his bandages. The room echoed slightly, and he wondered how large it was. Others were in this room, too. Lord Drake, Mr. Black, and Harvey Westland would be here, although he’d just heard Drake’s voice.

Once the bandages fell away, heat from above him touched his face, warming his skin.
A window perhaps?
He blinked, but still he remained in a world of darkness. The doctor touched Gregg’s eyes, opening his lids. The burned skin stung and he gritted his teeth against the pain.

“I’m going to put ointment in your eyes. This will heal them faster,” the doctor said in a gruff voice.

Gregg sat patiently and let the doctor treat his eyes and face. The doctor wrapped Gregg’s head again with bandages.

“Doctor?
Can you tell me if I’m going to be blind for the rest of my life?”

“I can’t tell you that, Mr. Fielding. There’s still a chance you may see. It’s still too early to know.”

Heaviness settled in Gregg’s chest, bringing a lump to his throat. The doctor was probably saying that to keep him quiet. Gregg had a sinking feeling he would be this way for the rest of his life.

“What about my friends, Lord Calvin, Mr. Black, and Mr. Westland? How are they faring?”

The doctor released a deep sigh. “Lord Calvin has serious damage to his knee, which I have tried to repair during surgery. Now we’re praying infection doesn’t settle in. If that happens, we’ll have to remove half of his leg. Unfortunately, Mr. Black didn’t fare as well. He died an hour after you were all brought in yesterday. As for the other, I’m not certain what happened to him. Only you and the other two were brought in. I fear Mr. Westland probably didn’t survive the explosion, which is why he was not with you and the others.”

Tears stung Gregg’s eyes. The heaviness in his chest multiplied. If he hadn’t traveled all this way for a great story for the newspaper, Jonathan and Harvey would still be alive. Guilt washed over Gregg, and he couldn’t breathe.

He nodded. “Will you inform one of the nuns I wish her help with writing a letter? I need to inform Mr. Westland and Mr. Black’s families of their deaths.”

“As you wish.”

Gregg settled back in his bed, pulling the blanket around him tighter. His body had suddenly turned chilly. How could he possibly tell the families? They would blame him, and rightly so since Gregg had always been adventurous. What could he say that would ease their pain?

As he waited for the nun, his life passed through his mind. He’d accomplished a lot over the past several years, and it wasn’t until he purchased the newspaper that he finally decided to make something out of himself. For years he’d been restless, and caused plenty of scandal with married women. He’d been considered an eligible rake at one time. Of course, that was before he was almost forced to marry.

He shook his head. It was a good thing he had seen what kind of girl he was about to marry and called it off. Miss O’Neil was a whore in the worst way. True, he’d saved her from being attacked at her sister’s birthday ball, but Gregg’s way of comforting turned into passion, and before he knew it, he took the girl’s virginity, instead. But it wasn’t forced. In fact, she was the aggressor.

Where was
Maddie
now? Last he’d heard she had left London, but her family hadn’t heard from her. Perhaps it was best.
Maddie
did nothing but cause problems for everyone.
Even him.
And he hadn’t really been in her life that long.

After that scandal, he did a lot of thinking and decided to quit floundering. He, too, had deceived others to get what he wanted—like
Maddie
—but after knowing her, he decided he didn’t want to live that way. That’s when he bought the newspaper. Now his adventures were different, but exciting nonetheless. Yet now he didn’t have a lot of time to dally with bored, married women.

He supposed he could thank
Maddie
for changing him.

Gregg sighed and frowned. But he also wasn’t thinking of anybody else when he decided to take this trip to Scotland. If he had, he wouldn’t have taken his best friend and his newest employee and the newspaper’s best artist.

The rustle of fabric sounded near him and the chair squeaked as someone sat next to his bed.

“The doctor informed me that you wish to write a couple of letters?”

The voice was older than the last nun to help him. He wished it had been the other woman. Her sweet, caring voice had encouraged him, and uplifted him if only in a small measure. But it was her soft touch he remembered, and the way she stroked his hand as she tried to ease his worries.

As he dictated the letters, his voice broke a few times, his throat tight with emotion. It was his selfishness that caused two lives to be taken. When he ended the letters, he turned away from the nun, not wanting to speak anymore.

His life had turned for the worse. Perhaps this was his punishment from God for living so recklessly. He definitely deserved it. Yet, thinking about being blind for the rest of his life was a nightmare. How could he run the paper this way? How could he be a normal man now?

Chapter Two

Madeline stayed away from Gregg’s bed until the next day when she delivered his breakfast. She wasn’t in the mood to talk and, thankfully, he didn’t seem to want to converse, either. Now that he was so close, uncertainty beat in her heart. Was it in God’s plan to bring Gregg here so she could apologize for the terrible way she’d treated him three years ago? She needed a clear conscience before beginning her new life. Confessing everything to Gregg was the only way.

Yet she couldn’t.

Remembering his tone of voice when he’d talked to her the last day they’d been together in London, and the look of pain and betrayal that had been in his eyes, broke her heart even more. The ache in her chest was as strong now as it had been back then.

As a foolish young girl, she’d thought herself in love with her sister’s husband. Sixteen was too young to know her heart, and Madeline had wanted someone she couldn’t have. She had used Gregg to make her brother-in-law jealous, and while manipulating these two men, she discovered she and Gregg had a lot in common.

More handsome than she dared to admit back then, she loved the way Gregg bantered with her. He was very much a gentleman, even when she gave him her virginity. His hands were so tender, so gentle in the way he stroked her and awakened passion inside her. Gregg’s kisses had mesmerized her and his charm seduced her. Afterward, he stepped up to do his duty by offering marriage.

She didn’t want him, but another man she could never have. But now she knew she had never really loved her brother-in-law. It had all been a scheme to make her sister unhappy. Guilt from her past mistakes wrenched her heart. Why she did those awful things to Juliana and lied to her, she’d never know. Could jealousy have been the key back then?
Jealousy because Juliana had a man and Madeline didn’t?
She’d wanted all the attention back then, whether good or bad.

She definitely got it when she had been kicked out of the house and sent on her way with very little funds. It was more than she’d deserved.

Madeline swept her hand against her moist brow and hurried through her daily duties, trying everything she could to keep away from Gregg. But curiosity pulled her back, and she had to see how he fared.