Love Delivered (8 page)

“Because she doesn’t matter and never will. You’re my personal life, Zo. She’s outside.”

“Does she get to talk about me? Does she know who I am? Does she know my son?” I felt bitterness coat my tongue with that thought.

“No,” his tone was agitated. “I don’t discuss my personal life with her. She has not met JR, and as far as I’m concerned, she never has to.”

“That’s insane, Stenton!” I whispered harshly. “You’re dating her.”

Stenton groaned, and I imagined brushed his face roughly with his hands like he typically did. “Zoey, you and Jordan are my real world. Erika’s cool…decent girl, but I don’t want her like that. I don’t discuss my family with her. It’s no big deal. I keep my family separate from my career. You guys are that precious to me. End of fucking story.”

Things got quiet for a moment. I didn’t know where to go from there. Although Stenton was being ambiguous per usual, there was still some stability in his stance. I trusted him—probably too much. Yes, he’d hurt me, but a part of me knew he’d never do it recklessly.  

“I’m just so confused, Stent.” The tears threatened again. “I miss…us.”

“I know. I’ve caused such a fucking mess between us.” He exhaled harshly. “I didn’t mean to. I just… I just need you to know I’m here. You don’t have to keep such a distance between us. I hate this shit, Niña.”

“So, what do you expect me to do? Open up again, all for you to reject me?”

“I’m not rejecting you! I’m protecting us!”

“And I don’t know what that means!” I’d lost my patience.

Stenton turned my body to face him and pressed his forehead into mine. He grabbed my left hand and singled out my ring finger marred with his initials, something I still didn’t regret, but had eventually started to question. He inserted my entire finger into his mouth, stroked his tongue over the underside several times before pulling it out.

“It means Stenton Rogers will love Elizabeth Barrett forever. There’s nothing you or anyone in this world can do about that. It means there is no other woman holding my thoughts hostage each and every day, but you. It means in all the years before you and since I fucked up everything between us, no other woman drives me fucking crazy. It means no matter how far apart we are in distance, or who I’m reported to be with, it will never change the man you’ve brought out in me. It will never dim the beacon you represent in my life. It means no other woman can claim my soul the way you have. End. Of. Fucking. Story.”

And that was it. He closed off the conversation. I had so many fears to share with him. So many things to ration, but there was no longer the opportunity. Yet his emanating desire for me was palpable, sucking me into him. When I’m intimate with Stenton in any manner, life has its vivacity again. I see sunlight. I feel again. I’m whole again.

“Stenton!” I cried out.

And without instruction, he was on top of me; mouth everywhere, clever hands on each area that elicited a cry of pleasure. It was the magic…that we made together.       

~~~~~~~~~~

Sunlight pierced my lids, and my eyes rolled beneath, not ready to leave the peacefulness of my sleep. My first thought raced to Jordan. Then I quickly recalled I wasn’t home. It didn’t smell like home. The bed was comfortable, but it wasn’t mine. Then I thought of my Jordan again.

He’s with mommy.

…or Stenton.

But he can’t be with Stenton because I’m with Stent—

At that thought, my back leaped from the mattress. I glanced frantically around the room. It wasn’t familiar at first because I hadn’t spent too much time in here yesterday. I’d only laid in bed for thirty minutes before slipping into Stenton’s room. My initial panic was being found out. I couldn’t have my family discover my weakness for Jordan’s father.
My concession.
Speaking of which, there was no sign of him. Then I got a waft of the scent sex smeared into my skin, all over my face, down my neck, over my breasts, and down my belly around my hips, butt and thighs.

Stenton
.

He must have thought better and brought me in here sometime this morning. We’d rolled around his bed and floor for what felt like hours last night, leading into the morning hours. I smelled like him…and me. Like us. The chemistry of our blended scents is what forced me out of the bed and into the shower before anyone thought to come look for me.

After getting dressed, I headed toward the voices in the kitchen, smelling delicious bacon on the way.

“Merry Christmas!” my dad shouted as soon as I turned into the doorframe.

Everyone was there. The first person I searched for in the crowd was my joy, Jordan. He was there in his high chair, chortling at the child-play my mother engaged in to get him to eat. I approached him cheerfully.

“Hi, pumpkin! Merry 1
st
Christmas!” I cooed.

Jordan flanked his arms, excited by my voice. Enduring pain, I landed consecutive big kisses on his chubby cheek while he wiggled and shrieked in delight.

“Why your lip look like that?” Ruth so intrusively pointed out.

“Like what?” I sucked in my swollen and cut bottom lip.

Then my thoughts immediately went to Stenton, whose lanky and tatted frame I found leaning on the counter with one leg crossed over the other, sipping on coffee. His bushy eyebrows and slanted eyes were glued to me as if he owned me thrilled me even after all the copulation we’d engaged in the night before. Stenton’s presence was placid until you met those marbled eyes. I couldn’t cave like I did last night under the influence.

Ruth scoffed. “Like Buddy Love about to turn into damn Professor Clump!”

“Ruth!” I turned, prepared to get in her face.

“Girls!” My father called out. “We have guests. And you, Zoey, have one to send off.”

Huhn?

When I initially came into the kitchen, my attention went straight to my child. I glanced up and saw Bernard sitting across the room, at the table with an empty plate in front of him.

“Oh, you’re still here?” I’d totally forgotten about Bernard staying over.

“Merry Christmas, Zoey.”

“I’m sorry. Merry Christmas, B. I’m sure Sister Graham is worried sick that you’re not waking up in her home on Christmas.”

“No. She knows I’m in good hands with the Barrett’s,” Bernard assured. I flung a glance to Stenton and saw his jaw clenching.

“Oh. Okay,” my voice rang soprano. Since when?

“I’m gonna be heading out now. I just wanted to stick around until I had a chance to say goodbye and Merry Christmas to you.” I smiled nervously. Since when was Bernard so sentimental? “You mind walking me out?”

“Sure.”

Bernard turned to say goodbye to the room. He started over to Jordan’s high chair, and within seconds, Stenton had the baby in his arms with his back to Bernard. If that wasn’t a “back off” maneuver I don’t know what other nonverbal cue could be more blatant.

“Goodbye, Jordan,” Bernard offered in lieu of touching him.

At the door, he turned to me wearing an inscrutable expression.

“Zo, are you still with him?”

My brows wrinkled.

“With whom?” My reply was purposely formal.

“With Stenton Rogers. Are you two a couple now?”

“Now? What are you getting at, Bernard?”

Bernard let out a long breath, rolling his eyes. “Zoey, I heard you two in there last night?”

My eyes grew and brows hitched. “Were you listening to the wall of Stenton’s bedroom?

“No,” Bernard gasped. “You two woke me up. It didn’t quiet down until after four this morning.”

I blushed all over. I must have. I’d never been in a predicament where someone overheard me having sex. I didn’t know what to do.

I found myself scratching my head. I realized I was scraping my bottom lip between my teeth when the pain caused me to wince.

“Look, Bernard, I—”

“Zo,” I heard called out tersely from behind me. “We waited around for you to get up and we’re still waiting on you this morning to open gifts,” Stenton called out from the end of the foyer with Jordan bouncing in his arms.

Mortified, more by our activities from last night being found out, my nose flared as I rolled my eyes back over to Bernard.

“Enjoy your Christmas, Bernard. Please text to let us know you made it safely.”

Bernard turned for the door. His hand grabbed the door knob. “I hope this doesn’t ruin our friendship. I really like you, Zoey.”

“No worries.” I didn’t sound convincing. “Safe travels.”

I closed and locked the door after seeing Bernard into his car. When I turned to head into the living room, I was hit with Stenton and Jordan still rooted in place. Jordan was busy trying to bite his dad’s face, and Stenton couldn’t break his intense gaze from me. I knew an argument was going to ensue. For what exactly, I didn’t know. But I did know I wasn’t in the mood to fight about Bernard when my mind was still racing from him knowing what Stenton and I were up to last night.

Secondly, Stenton had no grounds to utter a single grievance when he was dating Erika Erceg. Preparing myself, I squared my shoulders and tightened my face as I approached the handsome pair. I was clearly knocked off balance when Stenton took me by the hand, laced his fingers with mine, and walked me to the living room where my family was waiting.

This man exasperated me like nothing before him with his variant behavior, but I was too relieved to call him out on it. The living room was huge. I hadn’t seen it until then and missed the rich Christmas décor and train set Stenton set up around the fresh tree. I couldn’t believe the ambiance of the room that was warming and welcomed the spirit of Christmas. The tree was almost as tall as the lofty ceiling and decorated with ivory and gold ornaments, beads, and ribbons. The white lit candles aligned the walls and tables in the room, but out of an explorative Jordan’s reach. Beautiful greenery including fully bloomed poinsettias. It was sheer elegance.

Everyone held and snapped cameras at an oblivious Jordan, who was more interested in chewing on anything that would relieve his irritated gums than joining in on our excitement. The number of toys for him was ridiculous, but I would save my reproving speeches for later. Now, I just wanted to bask in the unity of my family and the complete unadulterated happiness of Stenton giving out gifts and opening them with and, ultimately, for Jordan.

To my mother he gifted a designer tote and pearl earrings with a matching necklace and bracelet. Everybody knew Sarah Barrett had an affinity for pearls. She had a whole collection of them at home, only I knew unlike those, these were authentic. I’m sure she knew herself.

My dad was stunned into silence when he opened a sophisticated fishing rod and gear. Overcome with happiness, yet refusing to express it, he gave Stenton a firm handshake. Ruth’s obnoxious shouts and whoops at the Louis Vuitton Speedy bag and iPhone, one of the latest gadgets on the market that folks were in a rage over. Last but not least, Stenton got me a Gucci luggage set. I thought it was unnecessary until he had me open the smaller roller bag where I found documents for a two-week vacation in Porto Cervo, Sardinia.
Italy
. He was sending me to Italy.

My reaction was in total contrast to my rowdy sister. It mirrored my father’s. I was shocked. I’d told Stenton of my vacation destinations wish list one night while in the Cayman Islands. Italy was first on my list. He remembered. He listened. Stenton found my response amusing. He also found the cookbooks and kitchen utensils I bought him hilarious.
Hey, they were useful now that he knew how to cook
. He laughed…loud and excessively. In fact, he smiled a lot, and not that PR smile that the world was familiar with. All day he gave us his unalloyed beam. The one that stirred my soul.

The only thing that broke Stenton’s boisterous behavior was when he opened the framed collage of pictures of himself as a child alongside Jordan at each month of his life. I watched as his eye glossed, but nothing dropped. Stenton’s body tensed and he stared at the frame for what felt like hours before he whispered his thanks to my mother. He hugged her tightly and with clenched lids. If my lip wasn’t already pierced and swollen I’d’ve bitten on it to fight the threatening tears. Stenton was loved. He was happy. My mommy did that to folks, and he deserved it.

Jordan’s first Christmas was memorable. He was surrounded by his parents and family who loved him. Gloom returned when Stenton left first thing the following morning for work. Overall, it was a first Christmas for both my son and me: his on this earth and mine with the love of my life.

Then

June 2009

                  
~
Zoey
~

“You do know you’re the honoree, don’t you? You’re not supposed to be in here grabbing stuff to serve. There’s a whole crew here for that.”

I glanced up and smiled at her glowering pout that used to feel like fire under my butt as a child.

“I know, Momma, but it’s hard to ask these waiters for stuff like I’m at a restaurant. First Lady Tessie wanted more strawberries. I told her I’d get them.”

“Mmmmhmmmm,” she breathed suspiciously.

“Don’t make this a habit, young lady. Today’s about you. You’ve earned it.” She planted a kiss on my cheek and turned to exit the colossal kitchen.

In all honesty, despite the professionally decorated back yard filled with balloons, fancy ribbons and exotic flowers, it didn’t feel like my graduation party because I’d graduated almost a month ago. Or it could have been because of where the party was being held. Alpine. Instead of me coasting through the day with pride from my recent accomplishment, my heart felt heavy. It was because I didn’t feel deserving of a celebration. I’d barely made the journey with getting pregnant and having to drop out of school to give birth. I lost my scholarship and had to complete an additional semester to resume my track. Granted, I’d busted my butt to not only graduate, but to make grades to earn the title of magna cum laude, but I couldn’t shake the lingering disappointment for what I’d put at risk.

It also didn’t help that the man who, instead of distancing himself from my monumental slip up, helped me get on track, was here playing the background when I secretly felt he should have been in the forefront, if not by my side receiving acknowledgement for his loyalty to me.

Ughhhhhhhh!

I was self-loathing…engaged in a private pity-party, something that has never been my style. I headed back out to the backyard that was elegantly laid out in its architectural design. There were a total of two in-ground stone pools and a Jacuzzi in a yard that could be best described as a garden. The landscape was sectioned off by one side where the connecting pool and Jacuzzi were part of a smaller and more intimate setting off of the main yard where a larger pool was, and a patio made of stones where the guest tables were set up. There was even an alcove dedicated to the two large grills being manned by a hired cook. The lawn surrounding the stone platform was perfectly green and manicured. The property was beautiful, even I was impressed. My family and church associates expressed awe while fawning over the prestige of the place. Hearing it from the fickle ones who whispered scandal during my pregnancy disturbed me. I was sure being here in Alpine provided grist for their gossip mill.

The guests weren’t the only ones taken by the place. I’d never seen the back of the property. When Stenton brought me here the one time, we’d played in the snow on the side of the house. The winter weather prevented us from exploring the grounds.

After dropping off the strawberries to First Lady, I thought to check on Jordan, who I’d last seen with Ruth. I didn’t want him passed around and unaccounted for too long. As my heels clicked against the stones while I scoured the tables for my baby, I felt someone grab my arm. I glanced down at the seat to the left of me.

“Girl, what you frowning for? If I was you I’d be floating around here showing off,” Darlena, one of the choir members advised, wearing a slick grin. According to my cousin, Karen, she was one of the most vocal ones announcing my pregnancy and demanding that First Lady Tessie call an emergency meeting to discuss rampant fornication in the church. Never mind the knowledge of her miscarriage during her engagement that she conveniently didn’t mention during her lobbying. Her father was the treasurer and most likely the reason her indiscretion had been kept under wraps. “You know this could be yours if you wanted.” Her tone and expression was so mischievous it made the hairs on the back of my neck stand erect.      

I bent to align my eyes with hers. “That would require more time on my knees, using my mouth to worship the god between his legs and more babies for you to campaign my entry into the gates of hell for. Why would I do that, Darlena?”

She wasn’t the only one to gasp. A few of her ear-hustling tablemates caught my mocking as well. I walked away angry about my mother’s decision to invite the whole church. I’d been okay with celebrating my graduation, unlike how I felt about having a baby shower. But this…this was what I could have done without.

Once I located Jordan in the arms of my father, I decided I needed a moment alone. The overall atmosphere of this party was benevolent, but I couldn’t shake my sullen mood and certainly couldn’t tolerate phoniness from people like Darlena.

When I stepped into the coolness of the house, I headed for the front where I knew I could be alone. I immediately noticed the new grace of the foyer and living room. The robust traditional furniture against the contemporary architecture of the structure was a touch of genius. It gave the place a homey feel as opposed to the clinical appearance I experienced the last time I was here.
The first time I was here
. The memories of that visit weren’t filled with the warmth of the passage into womanhood like they were when I’d left. It now represented the start of a risky path, one that almost prevented today’s celebration.

What if I had not texted him that winter break, asking to get aw—

“I hear that clicking sound in the back of your throat.”

His baritone still poured over me, igniting something in my core. Butterflies sprouted in my belly and my skin heated. I glanced over my shoulder and found Stenton’s lanky frame in a black v-neck tee revealing the black, red and yellow ink on his neck and lower arms, cargo shorts and black Lanvins. His hair freshly cut with small curls at the top of his head and face neatly manicured with striking stubble.

“Shouldn’t the graduate be outside receiving praise from her guests?”

I snorted. “More like the graduate could use a moment to herself.”

He stepped closer, affording me the torture of his tantalizing scent. My body reacted, suddenly I was aroused. He hadn’t even touched me and I was aroused. How pathetic.

“So, studying my walls is providing calm?” he joked.

“No.” I shook my head and attempted a smile. “I like what you’ve done to this place, though. My mom is out there shouting her amazement. She’s truly impressed.”

“I like pleasing a woman like Sarah Barrett. She’s humble…down to earth. I like gaining your approval, too. Glad you like the place.”

Those lips…

“Looks so different. Almost makes me forget it’s the place I seduced you in on my first visit here…” my voice trailed off, revealing my gloomy mood.

He snorted his brief amusement. “Yeah,” Stenton brushed his lower face as his eyes perused the foyer, telling of his subtle surprise at that statement. “I guess it would.” It also reminded me of how distant we’d become.

“Sorry. That wasn’t very appropriate.”

An apology was necessary because that referenced our former sexual relationship. A relationship that had clearly perished and was made evident to me a few weeks back while in Italy. I’d booked the vacation he gifted last Christmas as a post-graduation getaway. I packed up Jordan and Eligia for the two-week excursion. To my surprise, at the middle of the second week, Stenton arrived. Elation wouldn’t accurately describe my sentiment seeing him at the door of our suite. He didn’t stay with us and I didn’t understand why right away. It wasn’t until his third day there without touching me did it click. Stenton had begun a sexual relationship with Erika. It was the only explanation as to why the usual desire in his eyes for me hadn’t changed, but his actions did. That was a hard pill to swallow.

“What’s got you sulking, Zo?”

I shrugged. “It just feels weird to be celebrated here when my setback is closely related to this place where it all started. I’ve made risky decisions and, I’m sure, put more on your plate than you bargained for.”

He flinched. “Zo—”

“No.” I shook my head adamantly, silencing his rebuttal. “I’m tormented by my guilt for my carefree and reckless behavior that set me back, but can’t muster regret because had I not texted you asking to get together that winter break, I wouldn’t be here. You wouldn’t be a part of the success of this occasion. There would be no connection between us. I wouldn’t have you in my life.” I stopped myself. Stenton belonged to someone else. He was Erika’s. I snorted. “I’m sorry. Another inappropriate admission. It’s just that you’ve been generous and loyal to Jordan
and
me. I really appreciate that.”

He moved in closer, further assaulting my senses. “Zoey, we’re not gonna go backwards. There’s nothing I can give to fully compensate for what you’ve given me. Nowhere on my long list of regrets do you and Jordan appear. You both are on my short list of accomplishments. If it weren’t for your “
seduction
,” that list would be almost nonexistent.”

Suddenly, he was in my face...just inches away from my twitching lips. If I inhaled deeply, I’d meet his heart shaped lips. As tall as he was, how could I have missed him lowering himself? Was he going to kiss me? Would that have been right? Did I care? My eyes fluttered shut and I let a calming breath escape, preparing for what could have been yet another monumental mishap. I felt the cooling minty aroma of Stenton’s breath on my face. I craved the taste of his lips.

“Zoey…”

That sound woke me out of my trance. I tossed a glance over my shoulder to find Bernard on one leg, clearly having skidded his way to the front of the house. Then his eyes were wide and mouth agape, evidence of him being aware of what Stenton and I were engaged in—or nearly engaged in.

“Sister Barrett says it’s time to cut the cake,” he shared, wearing a crestfallen expression.

Wetting my lips, I tried to calm my panting. “I’ll be right there. Thanks.” When I turned back to Stenton, he was standing straight. Now Bernard wasn’t the only with a scowl. “I’m sorry for all of this.” I didn’t know what else to say.

“You’re not the one owing an apology here,” he murmured. His eyes squinted and jaw clenched, all expressing control. What I questioned was who needed to apologize: Stenton or Bernard?

“Thanks for coming, Stent,” I offered, prepared to leave. “I know you had to cut your schedule close to be here today. Momma told me you have a flight to catch.”

I was surprised that he even showed, considering Erika had her makeup line launch event in California tonight. It had been announced on all the blogs and played up on her reality show. It would be yet another red carpet affair the pair attended. That knowledge was probably what kicked off my blues from the time I woke up this morning. I knew my party would be here in Alpine. And when I arrived with my overnight bag, per the instructions of Tynisha, I realized he’d paid for today’s event based on the white coated staff that bustled throughout the property, serving my guests. I was grateful for him carving out time to stop in on my celebration.

“I still have a few minutes before I leave for the airport. It’s been my pleasure seeing you celebrated and moving forward.” Then his brows furrowed. “Speaking of moving forward, what’s next for Elizabeth, the scholar, now that she has this expertise in business finance? I can always use some help with my foundation. If you don’t wanna work for me, I know more than enough people who can use your genius.” I then saw the amusement in his eyes.

I sighed heavily, drawing up my shoulders before releasing them. “I don’t know. Trust me, you’ve done more than enough for me. I couldn’t ask for more.” I exhaled. “You know Niña: she’ll always find something to get into, right?” I chuckled.

His face sobered, his eyes squinted, and he exhaled, his cool breath hitting my skin. I shivered hoping he didn’t catch it.

Stenton nodded, hiding his grin. “Yeah. Yet you always manage to come out on top.” He gestured with his chin. “They’re waiting on the graduate.”

I nodded and slowly walked away with him on my heels.

Outside, my guests cheered me on as my father led the “For He’s a Jolly Good Fellow” ditty with a twist to include my gender. I smiled, amused by his infectious jubilation. There were hoots and shouts by everyone. And way in the back of the gathered crowd was my pride and joy, Jordan, happily dancing in the arms of Stenton, who was beaming from his eyes. My smile widened at the image.

~~~~~~~~~~

The club was live with the bass of the music reverberating in my chest. The place was packed, drinks flowing everywhere. I didn’t do nightlife. I’d probably been to one club my entire life, and that was with Angela. Of course, we were chasing down some guy she had her sights set on at the time. But that club wasn’t as enlivened as this, by far. The color schemes and lighting induced a hypnotic zone. The tunes flowing from the speakers weren’t rock, but it was so hard and vibrant that you couldn’t help but collide with it.

So, this is the night portion of my graduation celebration?

I was okay with it. It had been a great few weeks. I felt sexy in my skin-tight mini bandage dress, colored with hues of yellow and purple. Tynisha was sure to pair it with purple strappy sandals and a yellow YSL clutch. I felt chic, trendy and accomplished. I was still processing having completed my undergraduate degree.

Tynisha had it all set up after the BBQ earlier. There were makeup artists and hair stylists in the parlor of Stenton’s home in Alpine. I was treated as a queen while getting suited for tonight. She never said where we were celebrating, only to invite my friends with the exception of Angela. That wasn’t hard considering things still weren’t back on track with our friendship. Karen was excited to join me and stayed behind to get pampered with Tynisha and me. Jordan was with my mom for the night. Kissing him goodnight was hard. I’d grown so attached to him. Tynisha shortened my drawn out bidding of a goodnight to him when she practically pushed me out the door.