But instead of speaking his mind, Jayden simply straightened up with his eyes fixed in front of him. He was fully prepared to simply walk past the man and out into a new life. When he tried to brush past him, Matt stopped him by grabbing him in a nearly bruising hold. His eyes locked with Matt’s, and for once, he didn’t back down. On the inside, he cowered in fear, but none of it showed on the outside.
“So it’s like that, then?” Matt’s voice was slowly cooling down. Jayden got the impression he was watching land being swallowed up by ice. Matt’s face slowly got less and less expressive, and any hint of warmth gradually faded away until a carefully schooled mask hid away any feeling that could have shown before.
Jayden was torn between being in awe of Matt’s control and frightened by it. In the end, he settled on because the first: he was tired of always being afraid. Surely there was a way to live his life without constantly watching out for his shadow.
“Yes, I’m leaving,” Jayden ground out, stating the obvious just in case Matt hadn’t caught on. “My job’s done, isn’t it?” he added for good measure. A small tendril of confusion started to unfold deep inside him. Had he missed something?
“I should’ve known better,” Matt said, letting go of Jayden’s arm as if he had gotten burnt.
Jayden resisted the urge to run his fingers soothingly over the newly formed bruise, not wanting to give Matt the satisfaction of knowing he had managed to get to him after all. He might not be able to pull off the stoic mask with the same aplomb, but he could sure as hell try to save as much face as he could!
“You’re right,” Matt spat out, “your job’s done. And that was all this ever was.”
The cold words washed over Jayden, dousing him in ice, but thankfully his defenses were still running strong and allowed no tears to materialize his face. He narrowed his eyes at the man, giving him a curt nod before saying, “Have a nice life.”
When Matt didn’t move, he added, “Excuse me,” and only then did Matt take a few steps to the side, letting Jayden pass him.
“So you lied to me?” Matt hurled the words at him with a force that was totally uncalled for.
Jayden stopped halfway through the door, momentarily frozen, before whirling around so fast the room actually swam before his eyes. “I’m not the one who lied here!” he shouted, for once raising his voice. “You put my life on the line without bothering to tell me! Who do you think you are?”
He had never given in to his anger before because nothing good could ever come out of trying to settle an argument with fists, but this was a truly horrible moment, and Jayden totally forgot about his vow never to raise a hand to another person. He balled his fingers into a tight fist, readying himself to take a swing at Matt’s taunting face. But he couldn’t go through with it. No, he thought, he wouldn’t let Matt take this away from him too.
He straightened his back, letting all tension go out of his arms and fingers. He wasn’t his father. He didn’t resolve his problems with his fists. He was a better man. He took a step back, though, just in case. The red slowly bled out of his vision, leaving a few more clear thoughts behind.
In a much calmer voice, he added, “You should’ve told me the truth, let me decide for myself if I wanted to take the risk or not. But I can’t blame you for me falling in love with you. That’s all on me.” The last sentence was whispered, words barely audible, but from the way Matt’s eyes widened, there was no doubt in Jayden’s mind that Matt had heard him.
Maybe if he hadn’t been so caught up in his own thoughts, he would’ve noticed the gobsmacked look on Matt’s face. Maybe if he hadn’t already been so damaged, Jayden would’ve had the patience to sit down and talk, but no one could escape his past. So instead of waiting for Matt to catch his bearings, Jayden turned on his heels, marching straight out the door and allowing it to fall shut behind him.
Rushing through the house was easy, and he only allowed himself to pause for a moment when he was out on the street. Should he call a cab? He itched with the need to get as far away from here as he could, but in the end, he decided against wasting his hard-earned money.
There was nothing wrong with his feet, after all. He would walk until he found a bus stop. He would get off at the central bus station, buy a ticket for the next bus leaving town without caring where he was going. It was time to trust in fate, hoping she wouldn’t steer him wrong.
Chapter Seven
A few
weeks later, Jayden was sitting by the window of his new home, nursing a hot coffee and staring into space.
He hadn’t moved far, but in a way it seemed as if he had entered a whole new world.
The moment the tiny square with the benches and the adjacent park had come into view, Jayden knew he had come home.
By taking one corner too quickly, he had quite literally run into his salvation.
Carrie was a fiery redhead with a temper hot enough to melt the arctic ice, but she had a heart of gold. Apparently, he must have looked as forlorn as the stray cats and dogs she liked to feed, because she had steered him into a coffee shop and then she had tried to kill him with excellent coffee and muffins.
In a fortunate twist of fate, she turned out to be the shop’s owner, and she offered to hire Jayden on the spot.
“I don’t know anything about making coffee,” Jayden recalled saying.
“Doesn’t matter.” Carrie had smiled at him, waving her hand dismissively. “You’ll learn.”
Jayden might be many things, but he had never considered stupid among them, so of course he accepted the offer with a smile. She wasn’t able to pay him much, but who cared? He now had a steady income and he was no longer required to sell his body, which was all he had ever wanted.
She even gave him a room above the shop, and for the first time since his mother had died, he thought he had found a home again. There were times, though, when he woke up screaming, sweating as if it were a hundred degrees outside. At those times of weakness, he missed Danny dearly. He would’ve been able to share the horror of his memories with his friend, because Danny was more jaded than Jayden was. Good-hearted Carrie, though, wasn’t cut from the same cloth, and there was no way he would ever confide in her. He didn’t want her goodness tainted with what he had done. It was bad enough he would always carry his past around with him; he didn’t have to spread his darkness on top of everything.
Despite the nightmares, he loved his new life. Carrie had become his new family, always encouraging him to go after his dreams.
“What have you got there?” she asked, sitting down on the edge of the sofa, peering at the sketch Jayden was balancing on his knees.
“Uhm,” he hedged, feeling terribly self-conscious about his attempts at art. “Nothing,” he hurriedly added, trying to pull away, but Carrie was quicker, snatching his book out of his hands.
“Hey,” he protested, trying to take it back, but she held it above his head where he couldn’t reach. He huffed, deciding against getting up and chasing after it. Maybe he could salvage some dignity.
“This is really good,” she eventually said, giving him back the paper.
“I don’t know,” he said. He honestly wasn’t fishing for compliments. His art was a huge part of him, kind of like an extra limb, but just because he liked to lose himself in his drawings didn’t mean he was any good.
“No, I mean it,” she said with conviction. “You should see about getting some classes, about getting your work out there. You really are good.”
He had always toyed with the idea of going to art school, but up until now, it had been nothing but a dream. With a steady job and a roof over his head, things were looking up, so maybe he could finally allow his dreams to take root too.
“Maybe,” he conceded, adding “pursuing my dream” to his list of things to do.
And
then one day, Matt, calm as a clam, walked into the coffee shop, ordering a latte as if nothing had happened at all, and his carefully constructed new life came crashing down around him.
All the air left Jayden’s lungs, and his knees buckled. If the counter hadn’t been between him and the floor, he would have fallen to his knees. His mouth hung open while he blinked rapidly.
Maybe he was seeing things?
He pinched his arm, trying to figure out whether he was asleep or not, and he nearly howled in pain when he discovered that of course he was wide awake.
No amount of blinking or wishing differently made Matt go away, leaving only the possibility that he was really there. Since Jayden didn’t believe in coincidences of any kind, especially not of this magnitude, there was only one explanation left: Matt, for some unholy reason, had come after him.
All the color drained out of his face. What if Matt wanted his money back?
“Uhm…,” Jayden managed to stutter, putting the mug down with milk sloshing over the edges. “I’m going to pop out for a minute,” he mumbled to Carrie, and he caught a confused and worried look before he dashed from the coffee shop and out onto the street.
How had Matt found him? He hadn’t left any obvious traces behind, and while he still regularly checked in with Danny, he hadn’t given him any address either. So how was this possible?
Lady luck wasn’t smiling on him, though, because he had just turned a corner when a car pulled up beside him, and because it caught him off guard, he stopped to take a look at the model. If he had just walked on, he would’ve probably been able to avoid getting snatched up like some wayward kitten. The door beside him suddenly opened, and before he could react, he was yanked forward and pulled into the backseat of the vehicle. The door slammed shut after him, the sound echoing through the inside of the car like a bell of doom.
He scrambled out of the grip trying to hold him down, twisting and turning so he could get out on the other side. A car had two doors, after all. The sound of engaging locks stopped him midmotion, but he still desperately tried the door handle, just to be sure.
He swallowed hard while he gathered his strength around him. Matt wouldn’t hurt him; there was no reason for his heart to pound so hard….
Slowly he turned around, shifting yet again until he was sitting almost comfortably on the leather seat. He caught Matt smiling smugly at him, clearly pleased with what he had done.
Jayden’s eyes narrowed. What was the idiot playing at?
“What do you think you’re doing? How did you find me?” Jayden demanded. All pretense of being easygoing had vanished from Matt, leaving only raw danger behind. Jayden gulped, raising his chin, refusing to appear intimidated.
The partition came up without anyone asking for it, and Jayden didn’t even notice it. The limo was a standard model, and while normally he might have been impressed by the expensive leather and elegant seats, all his focus was on one smug, smirking playboy who had no right whatsoever to grab him and stuff him in the back of a car as if he was his property or pet.
“I need to talk to you,” Matt said calmly, his blue eyes staring, raking over his body, and even though Jayden fought against it, he felt a blush staining his cheeks.
“You’ve gained weight,” Matt observed casually. “It looks good on you. You were too skinny before….”
Jayden’s mouth hung open, because seriously? Had Matt come all this way to comment on his eating habits? “Let me out,” he demanded, heart hammering in his chest. He didn’t think Matt meant him any harm, but then again, who would lock someone in the back of a limousine just to talk to them? Couldn’t he have approached him in the coffee shop like a normal person?
A little nagging feeling like guilt nipped at his mind, because hadn’t he bolted like a scared animal before Matt even had a chance to talk to him? Had he set these events in motion? Still, he refused to be held responsible for Matt hauling him into the car like some lost baggage.
Some of his thoughts must’ve shown on his face, because Matt had the audacity to chuckle, answering Jayden’s question without him having to utter a single word.
“Would you have given me the time of day if I had simply said I wanted to talk to you?” he asked, and Jayden shifted uncomfortably, the lie leaving his lips without him having to think about it.
“Sure.”
“Riiiight.” Matt drew out the word, clearly catching Jayden’s fib.
“What do you want, then?” Jayden prompted, folding his arms protectively across his chest. Obviously he wasn’t going to be let out of the car until Matt had said what he had come here to say, so the sooner he got it over with, the better.
“I want to…,” Matt started; then he paused. “I mean….” His voice faltered, and Jayden raised an eyebrow, silently asking the man to get on with it.
“Look.” Matt tiredly rubbed his jaw and started talking again. “I wanted to apologize for putting your life in danger without telling you. That wasn’t right.”
Jayden hummed in agreement.
“I should’ve told you why I was hiring you, and then you could’ve made a decision knowing all the facts.”
Silence hung between them. Matt was probably expecting Jayden to have something to say, but nothing could be farther from the truth. He couldn’t offer up any forgiveness because right now he didn’t know if he had it in him.
He had a few questions, though, which had never been properly put to rest.
Why, for example, had Matt gone through this elaborate scheme instead of addressing the issue with the police?
“I didn’t set out to hire someone like you to pose as my boyfriend,” Matt continued after a few moments. “I had plans to hire a private detective for the job, but then I stumbled over you and I offered it to you instead.”
“Why?” Jayden found himself asking, forehead creasing in a frown. “Why pick me?”
Matt looked shifty for a moment, and Jayden narrowed his eyes because he had the niggling feeling in the back of his mind that Matt was about to tell him some sort of half-truth. How he knew he couldn’t fathom, but he didn’t doubt it for a minute.
“There was just something about you,” Matt answered, shrugging casually, but Jayden got the impression he was feeling anything but
casual
about this. “I felt like you were….” Matt faltered, but “mine” hung in the air. He didn’t speak the word out loud, though, leaving the unfinished sentence hanging in the air. Instead Matt said, “You needed my help, and it all just seemed to fit.”