Love in Music (4 page)

She squeezed her eyes shut and bit her lip. “Not really,” she said and I wondered if she were telling me the truth. “I was thinking of coming. I was thinking of what it would be like to have a man take me right there. My mother was out at one of her mid-day meetings and the mood just struck me. I dropped work, got all dolled up and nearly naked, set up the tripod and took this one. I process my own black and white film so this was the best one that I shot and decided to print. I hand tinted the piano for that picture and that’s the one I decided to mount. The black and white without the tint is in here,” she handed me another picture from a different box.

I was so engrossed in the picture I was looking at that I hadn’t noticed she had gone to get another box while she was talking to me. Both pictures were amazing but something about the hand tinting had me realizing this woman was a pure artist. Somebody had stifled her development. She could have been doing artistic nudes and making a lot of money, yet here she was hiding her nudes.

“I’m glad you shared these with me. Do you have any more of these?”

She laughed. “Maybe. But I’ll never tell.” She laughed again. Laughing was good compared to last night and this morning. “You know what my dream is?”

“No. Tell me.” I leaned forward while clinging to the picture and dreading the moment when I knew she would take it away and lock it up again. I’m a man—I can appreciate a fine human form—a fine womanly human form. There was nothing suspect about the ache in my body—nothing at all I told myself.

“I want to shoot something like this with a man. Like I want him to be without his shirt and me almost naked, maybe bra and panties, and I want him to hold me, caress me, kiss me…you know, something to fit the poems I have written.”

I heard the low growl escape before I could stop it. Her words sparked a lot of images for me. One thing I was thinking since it was still a dream for her that meant she hadn’t let Jace see her naked, touch her like this, and that made me happy. Why did that make me happy? I rationalized it was because Jace was an idiot and idiots didn’t deserve to get glimpses of heaven—Topaz was sheer heaven in my book.

Chapter Three

I
think I knew what Arashi was doing. I mean I’m not stupid or anything like that. He was trying to keep me busy so I wouldn’t think about Jace so much. I knew he needed the logo, but seeing as though he told me he wouldn’t need it for two to three months I had an idea that maybe he hadn’t really meant to ask for one to be done this soon. Maybe he wanted to wait, but to try to help me he moved his timeline.

I didn’t mind. I wanted to do the work for him. This was kind of dreamlike for me because I love music too so doing something sexy for the logo design that had the hard edge he wanted but still had an air of professionalism in that, come hither and hire me, look would be a fun challenge. I figured it should be perfect because he was such a good guy.

Months of barely there conversation and I was thinking he was such a good guy after one night and an entire day spent with him. He didn’t go home that day until late and after he left I did cry some more. I cried a lot, but then I thought of the day I had and how I had laughed and I told myself to move on. Jace didn’t deserve my tears; that’s what Arashi had said to me when he saw me ready to tear up before dinner. I told myself those words and I managed to stop crying long enough to fall asleep normally instead of crying myself to sleep.

Arashi had told me to be at his place at eight. He wanted to discuss the design and he also wanted me to be there when Tanaka came in to record. He wanted me to sit in the studio with him, watch him work, hear the music and get a feel for what his company would be about, what his label could bring to the world of music. “A new sound with edge, grace, class, and above all else, skill and talent.” He had said that to me as I walked around the studio. It looked like a professional recording studio. It was different from what I expected. One time, when I came to their place, I had heard a cellist playing, but Arashi told me that was because they had been in one of the adjoining offices. Tanaka wanted it that way before going into the studio. He couldn’t understand why, but he wasn’t going to pressure her to get her butt in the studio if she had some kind of ritual to keep up. He said it was odd because she hadn’t done that before.

Then I thought about it, she had seen me in passing and maybe she wanted me to hear what she could give to him. I don’t know, I was being silly I guess, but I was going through a lot and my mind was just piecing things together—probably inaccurately too.

“So what drew you to writing and producing music?” I have to admit my curiosity was about more than just doing a design for him. I really wanted to know. His parents weren’t into music. His sister wasn’t in the music business. He was the only one and he just seemed to love it so much that I wanted to know what inspired him, drew him to it, and kept him working on it even when things didn’t appear to be going in the right direction when he was younger.

“Why did your mother name you Topaz?”

“What?”

He shrugged. “One question deserves another,” he grinned stealthily.

“I asked you first.” I nearly pouted.

“I asked you second so I answer second.”

I laughed. “That is so juvenile.” I rolled my eyes.

“I know. I got it from Hina.”

I chuckled and shook my head. He was such a mix of components that I couldn’t help but be enthralled. “Well, my mother liked gemstones. She hated the name Ruby. She said there was no way she was going to name me Opal. So it came down to Diamond, Emerald, Sapphire and Jade.”

“Um…okay? But Topaz wasn’t on the list.”

I laughed and shook my head. “Nope. Somewhere between epidural and pushing me out she yelled Topaz so loud that the nurses thought she was yelling my name in the hopes that I would come out faster. And since I apparently popped out after that call, she said it was divine fate and therefore she named me Topaz.”

He looked confused. I had to admit, I still didn’t get it, but the way my mom told it usually came out more humorous. “My mom said she was counting gemstones in her head trying to ease the pain because apparently even with the shot she still felt a lot of the pain. Don’t ask me. My mother has some strange habits. Sadly, her strangeness is what got me the name Topaz.” I shrugged. For a long time, as a kid, I kind of hated it. The people who didn’t call me Top, called me Paz and then they always said it rhymed with Spaz. But after a little while I just got used to the name. I started to like it and then I thought it was beautiful. After all, nobody else in my school ever had my name. I wasn’t a Kelly, Amy, Heather, Nicole, Kathy or Tameka. I was Topaz and Topaz was unique.

“I like your name,” he said. I smiled.

“Good, me too. Now, it’s your turn to answer my question.”

He was about to start talking when the doorbell rang. “Saved by the bell,” he chuckled as he got up and left me alone in the studio with all the funky looking recording equipment.

“Smooth,” I mumbled. “Real smooth.” I positioned my sketch pad where I wanted it. I was just going to sit in the back of the recording area, but Arashi had pulled my chair up next to his. “You need to be up close and personal to feel this,” he had said. So I had to readjust my things so that I could sit comfortably, not be in his way and still sketch any ideas that came to mind.

An hour into the recording I realized two things, one, this chick could play some serious cello, and her music was really kind of good. Two, Arashi made a great subject for a sketch. I sketched him more than I came up with ideas for new designs. When he asked to see what I had I told him no. “I don’t share while I’m still piecing it together, but I’ll have something to show you tomorrow.” I hoped I would because at that moment all I wanted to do was keep sketching him. He could model for an art school with features like that, but he was older and more mature and probably not interested in serving as some art student’s model. Plus, I was supposed to be working. Work is what he was going to be paying me for after all—work on his logo design, not my own personal artistic pursuits.

Once her royal diva cellist left I was going to go home, but Arashi didn’t seem to want me to go just yet. There was something he wanted to discuss with me on the design. It was only five o’clock, but given the fact I had been taking up his time since a little before eight in the morning I thought maybe he would want me to go so he could do the work he needed to do.

“Can you stay a little longer?” He had looked at me before he left the sound booth to show Tanaka out.

“Yeah, sure. Jace and I were going to hang out tonight, but clearly that’s not going to happen.” I sighed feeling a hint of loss in my heart. We actually had plans for tonight as part of his birthday week of surprises. I figured since I no longer had plans that it wouldn’t matter if I worked until two in the morning seeing as though I didn’t have anything else I had to do. Arashi didn’t look happy with my words. I couldn’t really explain it, but I would swear he glared at me with anger and I wasn’t sure why, but as quickly as the look came to his face he was exiting the room and showing Tanaka to the door. It was in that moment that I realized I hadn’t gone to the bathroom in a while and I hadn’t eaten either. I wasn’t hungry, but I did need the restroom so I went, figuring I could be back before he came back inside. I was wrong.

If she mentioned that jerk one more time I was going to lose what calm I had. An entire day of good music and educating work and there she was still sulking about that fool. I got back inside while she wasn’t in the room and something drew me to her sketchbook. I knew if I saw one picture of Jace, one poem about him, that I was going to release all the anger her previous words about him had brought to me. I didn’t find pictures of Jace. I found drawings of me and some of the room, the cellist, all of the equipment. That was good because there wasn’t anything about Jace in sight, even though he was on her mind. That thought made me furious all over again.

When she came back into the room I heard her. I didn’t bother to close her sketch book and look at her. I didn’t bother to turn around and give her a chance to speak before I started talking. “This stops now.” Okay, I hadn’t had my heart broken in a long time. I guess I wasn’t even fully over it myself, but I refused to let her keep with this depressed state of being. I dropped the sketchbook on the chair and turned to face her.

“What stops now? I was just sketching my environment to keep the ideas in mind…”

“That’s not what I’m talking about. That’s not it at all. You, Jace, it stops. He doesn’t deserve your tears, your depression—he doesn’t deserve any of it.”

“It’s not that easy.” She defended herself.

“Do you think for one second that he’s at home moping about losing you? Do you?” My tone was harsh even though my voice was level. “No,” I said when she hadn’t answered. I didn’t really give her time to answer. “He’s not and he’s probably moved on because that’s what guys like him do—they move on. He walked away. If you were smart you would realize he did you a favor.” I realized the words out of my mouth once they were out there. I didn’t mean it how I knew she took it. The shocked look on her face, that expression of hurt in her eyes—I had put that there. I had to fix it, but I was so angry.

“I don’t mean you’re not smart, Topaz. But when it comes to this you’re not being smart. You’re not thinking. You’re giving him something he doesn’t even deserve. He broke your heart. Don’t give him the pieces. Take them and put them back together. He wants to walk away; let him go.”

“You don’t understand,” she nearly wailed. I could see the tears streaming from her eyes now. I crossed the room and she took a step back. I needed to hold her, to comfort her, but at the same time I needed to educate her. She needed to see how futile it was to keep weeping over Jace. I knew he wasn’t weeping over her.

“You don’t understand how much it hurts. How much I thought…I thought he was the one. I thought we were going to be together and when he asked me…when he put that ring on my finger I saw our future together and then he stole it back from me.” She cried. I reached out and pulled her into my arms. She didn’t fight me.

“I do understand, Topaz. I understand because I’ve been there before.”

“Yeah right. You’re the one to walk away, Arashi. You’re the one who walks away with his head still on straight.”

“It wasn’t always that way. I’ve had my heart broken before too, Topaz. I’ve had it broken and hardened and I don’t want to see the same thing happen to you. Let it go. Let him go.” I held her tighter, my heart was beating fast, pounding hard in my chest with anger, pain—pain for her and anger at the man who caused her to hurt like this.

She tightened her arms around me and held me tight. I held her back, trying to calm my rage because she needed to stop crying over the fool, but she couldn’t seem to do that. I figured I was just going to have to keep her busy enough to be able to work through it instead of cry over it. I was afraid to let her go home. Maybe I didn’t think she would harm herself, but with the emotions rolling off her I wasn’t sure.

“Come on; we’ll go back to your place and work. We both need to eat and last I checked your refrigerator had eggplant while mine doesn’t.”

She chuckled on a sniffle. “Yeah, I was going to make dinner for Jace.”

I growled low and her voice stopped abruptly. “But you know we’ll just eat it. It’s my eggplant and we’ll eat it if we want to.”

I laughed hard. “Kind of like it’s your party huh?”

“Yeah…I’ll cook for you.”

“No. I’ll cook for you. I have something I want to wow you with.”

“Ooh, wow me. Okay. But what am I supposed to do while you cook?”

“Keep me company in the kitchen, discuss some design ideas, anything and everything.” I winked at her and she finally gave me a real smile. Yeah, this was going to take some work, but I was up for the challenge.