Love In the Red Zone (Connecticut Kings Book 1) (16 page)

He then broke down the psychological effects of poor influences in life. He spoke about people being emotionally underdeveloped and how common it was in our society. He defined personality flaws versus character flaws and how it affects how people interact with each other.

“Personality attributes are what we present to others and how we interface with them,” Ezra rasped, pacing the stage, thrumming beads through his fingers. “These are traits the world identifies us by. Character attributes are a running tally of our behavior and responses to conditions. It is who we are when no one is watching. Your character attributes are your stripes that are difficult to change—it is who you are to the core of you. And so you have your personality and character attributes, you also have your personality and character flaws,”
he continued tying his points together. 

In the end, God proved Himself, delivered Job, and restored him. What hit me about the biblical story I was already familiar with was how Job’s trial wasn’t about him. It was between God and Satan, where God used His servant, Job, to demonstrate his sovereignty to Satan. Ezra said many of the afflictions we carry as adults have greater inner-workings than we are aware of and are not intended to be personality flaws we bear to the world.

“
Some of us are still afflicted with those childhood experiences and tragedies. We’re carrying inferiority complexes, low self-esteem, the inability to trust; we’re lacking emotional intelligence, have quick tempers, and other personality flaws that morph into character flaws. And this is all because of an act or actions of others who were supposed to govern us in our childhood—many of us come from parents who were not emotionally or psychologically prepared to be parents before they conceived us. Or perhaps grandparents or teachers, who could no more nurture us than they were healed of their own afflictions, yet they somehow caused ours
.”

I noticed Jade squirming in her seat, but her face fixed below on Ezra. I could tell her gaze was different from Brielle’s when she’d attended church with me. Jade was affected by the context and not the bearded and well-groomed messenger. I felt my face stone as I realized that small revelation pleased me.

Weird
…

“
That’s why it’s best to not overdose on people. They’re fallible, unsound, limited, and heavily blemished. There is only one Source that it is safe to lose yourself to. One Entity that never changes, remains consistent in His decrees and deliverance,
” Ezra continued over the burst of praise and claps ringing in the room.

Ezra wrapped up the sermon and ended with the benediction. As the room began to shift from people leaving the sanctuary, I noticed Jade remained in her seat.

“So, what you think?” I grinned, grabbing my Bible from the seat between us.

Jade blinked, looking stunned. “That was the most revealing sermon I’ve ever sat through. He was amazing. Is he always that intense?”

After taking a half a second to consider that question, I nodded.

“Yup. That’s Ezra. You go to church?”

She shook her head, reaching for her bag underneath her seat while she giggled, shy. “I’ve had my fair share of church. My parents attended a big one in Orange—and I thought that was big. It’s not half the size of this one. My mother made me go, but it wasn’t for me. Too pretentious and not soul-stirring.” She stood with her things, eyeing Kyree, who was playing with an airplane he brought with him for entertainment. “The preacher definitely didn’t go deep like that.” She gestured over the balcony to the pulpit with her chin.

“Yeah, E’s on a different planet with his,” I scoffed.

“I’d like to hear more of that. Maybe Ky and I can come back on Thursday with you—you do come on Thursdays, too, right?”

That felt stalkerish. I mean… Yeah, they’d been staying at my crib for a few weeks now, but for her to know my schedule… Should I be worried?

“Not my house.” I shrugged. “It’s God’s house. I’m sure you’re more than welcome.” She smiled dryly. “You never go back to your parents’ church? It’s closer.” Why did I low key tell her not to come back here?

“C’mon, Ky,” Jade spoke over her shoulder before walking toward me for the door. “She doesn’t go there anymore. They actually started going to a church somewhere here in New York City when I had KyKy. I haven’t been in touch exactly.

I started for the door before her. People were already coming in for the eleven o’clock service. I shifted out of the doorway to give them room to pass. Plus, I wanted to see how far behind Jade and Kyree were. I recognized an older couple I’d seen often in this section. I believe the husband was a big time lawyer, Ezra told me a while back. I didn’t know what his wife did. She was pretty though. Like really, really pretty with caramel skin, fit, with a short boy cut, tapered close to her scalp. I could tell she was a diva and married to a man that kept her pretty. What I’d always found striking about her in passing were her deep green eyes. It was weird seeing a black woman who didn’t appear mixed except for those exotic eyes. I swear, if she wasn’t married she might have been in trouble.

She smiled at me brightly like always while following her husband who nodded. He was about my height. I chuckled quietly to myself as I held the door for Jade and Kyree to pass through ahead of me, thinking Jade and I had the same height discrepancy. I wondered was the older lady fiery like—

“KyKy?” The older woman shrieked with bulging eyes. She looked at me first, peeping who he was with, seeing that Jade was already out the door. “Why…” she gasped. “Who are you here with?” She eyed me appreciatively, but not flirting.

“Hey,” Ky waved. “I’m here with my friend, TB.”

“Oh,” she smiled, her eyes climbed up to me again.

“George McDowell,” her husband extended his hand. “I already know who you are.”

I shook his hand and nodded. “Pleasure to meet you, sir—officially.” I chuckled and he joined.

“How do you know my KyKy?” the wife asked with a smile.

“He’s my mommy’s friend, too. Mommy…” Kyree called for Jade. “Your mommy’s here!”

We turned toward the door and found Jade standing, appearing to have witnessed the whole introduction without interfering. She smiled tightly and went back to clutching her lower left arm in her right palm. Jade made no effort to come closer to the four of us.

“Hi, Mom. Hi, George!” was all she offered.

My mouth dropped and eyes flew back to the older woman who was Jade’s identical twin except for the color of their eyes and length of hair. This shit was crazy.   

I left the deck off my master suite realizing it was late and the house was quiet. Kyree came in to say goodnight over an hour ago and his uncharacteristically quiet mother had been ghost since. I peeked my head through Kyree’s door to confirm he was sleep. Dude was out, posted on his back and snoring. No other bedroom lights were on as I made my way to the back steps for the kitchen. When I came through the door, at first I didn’t see her. But after listening for a few seconds, I heard music. Then I rounded the island, moving toward the sink and found her on all floors with half her petite frame in one of the lower cabinets. Even the way Jade arched her back screamed sexy and delicate.

I tapped her shoulder and watched her back out of the cabinet space, snatching out one of her ear buds.

“Oh! I noticed how dusty it was under here when I get pots and pans, and decided to clean them tonight. Am I loud?”

She was holding a sponge in her gloved hands. That’s when I noticed a bucket to the side of her.

“Nah.” I chuckled while scratching my nose. Jade was cute when she wasn’t flirting or messing with my head, having me trying to figure out if she was flirting. “The opposite actually. I was coming to check on you about earlier. Church with your parents, and all. You haven’t been yourself since we got back.”

She had been quiet on the ride back and as soon as we came through the doors she changed her clothes and started with dinner. I ate down here in the kitchen with her and Kyree, but he and I were the only two talking. Jade didn’t even finish her food. I felt somewhat responsible since she was my guest—here and at
RSfALC
.

Jade exhaled, removing the other earpiece. “As a woman, seeing my mother is always a humbling event in my life. They aren’t my finest moments.” 

She pulled off her gloves and started to wash her hands at the sink.

“Word? Y’all not in touch? Didn’t seem that way with Ky. Seemed like they’re tight.”

“Yeah. For the past month or so. What’s depressing is today I got to see the environment that inspired her sudden interest in my son.”

“What do you mean?” I was surprised that I was genuinely curious.

Jade moved to sit on the other side of the island.

“She started taking an interest in him out of nowhere a few weeks before we ended up here. She even invited us over for dinner for the first time, making it clear what made her reach out to KyKy was being in church and seeing a baller’s son that was about Ky’s age that reminded her she had a grandchild—not a child, but a grandchild. That fact cut deep.”

I nodded, my lips pushed toward my nose. “I can rock with you on that. I can feel you.”

She cocked her head to the side. “Can you…really?”

“Yeah. I’ll be real with you about knowing firsthand what it feels like to be neglected by your moms and to have her look past you and not at you. That’s been the case all my life.”

Jade’s shoulders inclined over the island, her eyes filling with sympathy. “I’m sorry to hear that. That’s just been my case since Kyree and leaving her home. Of course, I couldn’t have a baby and get off her timetable for my life. It was always about Chéri’s agenda and not mine.”

“But she seemed happy to see you.”

“No,” she sighed, wiping her eye. “She was actually happy to see Kyree. She was thrilled to see
me
next to
you
. It was you and Kyree that caused the dazzle in those green beds. That’s not something I’ve ever gotten from her, and what made your pastor’s sermon hit so hard with me. It resonated so deep. It’s hard for me because your mother is the one that sets off trust and self-esteem with her approval throughout your childhood. But when she’s too busy looking past you to see where you missed the mark of her lofty expectations, you spend your life realizing the people closest to you like only certain parts of you, but never love your total essence.”

I found myself nodding again. Jade indeed was talking Ezra language. She’d really listened to his message this morning and applied it to her world that quickly. That impressed me, though I still didn’t know why.

“Imagine if she looked past you and never in your direction.”

Our eyes locked and the silence of the room was stifling. Her eyes eventually fell and she sucked her bottom lip.

“Nah.” I chuckled. “I ain’t tryna invite you to my pity party. I’mma big boy, Jade. I’ve accepted all the cards God dealt when I was conceived. It’s just my life and I eat it every day. Like Ezra said, I fight every day to feel I’m good enough and it doesn’t matter what other people think. At the end of the day, I’m good with me and all He’s given me. It ain’t so bad.”

This time Jade nodded, eyes dancing around the table. Then she snorted, mostly to herself.

“What’s that about?”

Her hazel nuggets met me. “How
any
one could look past you and not see the good in
you
. How they could ever think
you’re
not good enough.”

I cracked a wry grin. “I ‘on’t… I don’t know about all that.”

“I’m serious. What you’re doing for Ky and me may be a bit extreme, but I seriously doubt we’re the only people you’ve shown this level of generosity to. I’m sure you don’t invite strangers to stay in your mansion often, but look at that night I had issues with my car. You saw to it that it got some attention and Ky and I got home safely. That’s more than what my mother would have done—clearly because we’re here.” She stretched her arms to gesture the house.

I laughed along with her, but I was sure for different reasons. “It was a stretch…yeah, but it’s all good. Everybody deserves a helping hand and that includes me.”

Her arms slip across the countertop and her hands rested over mine.

“Well, Trent, thanks for being that hand.”