Love In the Red Zone (Connecticut Kings Book 1) (39 page)

With my arms still wrapped around his tapered waist, I tilted my head back to peer into his face.

“I didn’t know you were invited.” I made sure to use the same discretion in volume as he did.

“Not by you.” His forehead stretched, and I caught the allegation immediately.

“I wouldn’t invite you to a fundraiser, Trent.”

“Why not?” His big palm felt comforting splayed on my lower back, no matter that he was scolding me at the moment.

“Because…it doesn’t seem right.”

“It or me?” he challenged.

That nipped me. He felt slighted and I hadn’t seen that coming when I told him about today, but didn’t invite him. Trent didn’t like feeling neglected or overlooked. Thanks to his mother, he was keenly sensitive to that.

“It’s time for me to get started,” my mother announced, now gushing from his appearance. “Magness, why don’t you sit where I was and let Trent be next to Jade. He’s donated generously for his space.”

My eyes shot up to him in surprise. But Trent didn’t return the answers to the questions I’d asked via osmosis. He took me by the hand and helped me into my seat before taking his own. Before Trent could scoot his chair up to the table, Lashawn cleared her throat.

“Trent, this is my cousin, Lashawn, who I’ve told you about.” I turned to my cousin. “Shawnie this is—”

“Quarterback of the damn decade, Trent Bailey, aka T Muthafuckin’ B!” she droned with lust, clearly conversant with the man’s professional career.

Trent cracked a smile and extended his hand. “Nice to finally meet you, Lashawn.”

Shawnie giggled, exposing her teeth and gums. I refused to become embarrassed by her apparent hankering. To overlook it, I immediately introduced him to my aunt Magness on the other side of Lashawn. She, too, seemed to gush at his presence. Soon after, my mother’s distinct and fluid voice flowed from the speakers, starting the program.

I shuffled next to Trent, close enough to plant my hand on his hard thigh. He looked down on me and thankfully supplied me with a soft gaze I could identify as warm.

“I’m sorry,” I mouthed, my tear ducts filling.

Trent took my hand and pulled it up to his face for a kiss.

“’S all good,” he whispered before turning his attention ahead.  

“I’m going to make it up to you,” I pledged.

Trent scoffed. “You better.”

Just then he turned in his seat, slightly alarmed. Soon I was able to see why.

“Trent!” Kyree cried.

“Hey! You here, too?” Trent asked, sitting Kyree on his knee.

“Trent, you gotta see the gym here. It’s bigger than ours at home!”

Trent chuckled. “I hope it is. Ours is just enough for me and you. Theirs is enough for all of the people that come here.”

My heart tore at his inclusion. From that moment on, I vowed to myself to be better at being as inclusive as Trent needed me to be. His emotional level had been compromised by his mother. I may not have been able to substitute for her lack of maternal care, but I could proceed with that deficit in mind.

Life had been stable. Peaceful. I’d also been given a bonus gift in Jade and Kyree. It may have been a long road of letting her in, but I was good with Jade. Had come to need her, especially seeing how she raised up against my moms in my honor on Easter. Jade was the type of woman that had to be handled. She couldn’t be left to her own devices to maintain while I was traveling the country, working. My occupation alone triggered her wild insecurities, and while I’d recently admitted to myself enjoying her jealous and possessive tendencies, I had to manage her if this was going to work between us. The task could be exhausting at times, but her enthusiasm for this relationship fueled me, and I would entertain whatever necessary to keep her near.

I had her busy with the house, a huge feat, but at least it would buy me time to figure out what our next step would be. She also had school and Kyree to manage. On occasion, she would take a gig doing manicures and pedicures for big parties to keep her skills up. When I was in Connecticut we’d see each other whether she came up to the condo or I swung by the house for a night trip before hitting the road again. Things were delicately balancing on the even side of my trust capabilities and her feeling secure in my world.

Of course when all seems to be going well, life throws that curve ball reminding you to never rely on peace. Yup. I was well on my way to the place I’d been praying for. The place that had me in intense prayer and meditation sessions, and soul searching to make room for this blessing. We played the
Broncos
at their home and earned a
W
the first game in September. The team was ecstatic, and even though I didn’t have any field time, I was happy for my boys. Jordan was bouncing off the walls with the victory, making it hard not to feel relief from breaking the losing streak. It didn’t matter I walked off the field in a clean uniform. This was for the team. At least that’s what I kept telling myself.

The moment we hit the locker room, Nate approached me, asking to speak in a private room. I didn’t panic, but thought it was strange and suspect for my team. I followed him into an equipment room and waited for him to close the door. Holding onto the neck of my shoulder pads, I turned to him.

“What’s good?” I asked, noticing the seriousness in his expression.

“Uh… TB… I don’t know how to say this, but we’re away from home and…”

That’s when panic struck.

“Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!” My gloved palm went into the air. I felt my face turn hard as stone. “Don’t do that, bruh. You know me. Just spit it.” Nate took a deep breath. “Now!”

“Shank.” His eyes blinked too many times. I backed into the wall, mind running before I heard the news he couldn’t break. “He died about an hour ago, bro.” My legs felt weak. They wobbled before giving out. I couldn’t breathe all of a sudden. “Jade called, your aunt called, but you know the policy—”

The door swung open. I didn’t see him, couldn’t see him, but heard him clearly.

“What the hell!” JJ’s arm folded around my shoulder. “I’m sorry, man.”

My breathing turned shallow. At the same damn time, I scolded myself for moving into the space of anxiety.

“I can’t…” I tried. “Get this…” My hands went to the collar of my shoulder pads. “Get this shit off me, man!” I shot to my feet, afraid I was suffocating. 

“Hold, TB, I got you,” JJ yelped. I saw Nate lunge my way. “Let me get your jersey off first!”

“Get this shit off me!” I screamed, wheezing turning painful.

I worked with and against them stripping me of the weighted uniform. It was a task I’d been familiar with since being a kid, and suddenly the steps to remove it all had escaped me, spiking my panic. I yanked my body against their pulls and tugs until I was free.

“You good, bruh?” JJ asked, clearly out of sorts, too.

I leaned against the wall, breathing deep and loudly. This couldn’t be. I was just with him last week. I knew he’d been on borrowed time. I understood the blessing in having his life extended as long as it had been. Shank had resisted medication for the first few years of his diagnosis, being in denial.

He’d prepared us for this. Gone over what my response should be to this very moment, time after time, over the past five years as his health continued to decline. He told me I had to be strong. I couldn’t lose it, couldn’t trip. It would be my job to be the pillar for April, who could and would freak out. He said she was the only one allowed, other than his mother, but not me. He said I would carry out his plan from top to bottom, and after his ashes were dispersed and he was on his way to the other side, I could then handle my emotions the way I saw fit.

But the fucker forgot to tell me it’d hurt this bad!

He didn’t tell me I’d feel a cold slicing in the middle of my chest. He didn’t tell me how fast my head would spin and how my vision would immediately cloud from
my response
. He didn’t tell me the ability to breathe wouldn’t be guaranteed. He also didn’t tell me I would experience my biggest fear since being released from prison. Shank would never see me get a
W
for my team.

“Yo, TB, man! You good?” JJ shouted over me. “Hey!” he yelled behind him. “Give him some privacy in here! Close that damn door!”

I sat on my haunches, in a fetal position, holding my head.
God, just let me get my breathing under control
. I knew I had to go out there to pack up and leave. I could do this. I could hold it together. I had to hold my uncle down. I had to make sure he was sent off according to his instructions. I rocked back and forth with closed eyes, hearing his advice play in my mind.

“You ain’t gotta worry about me after I’m gone. You need to worry about whatever man tries to get on April because I’m gonna be right by her side until she goes. Then we gon’ make our real exit together.”

And that’s where I went. To April. After flying home that night, I went straight to Camden. Her house was lit at that crazy hour with her family and mine. I traveled through a few supporters to find her in their tiny bedroom, sitting with one leg propped on the bed.

“You ready, baby?” she asked with a calm that confused me.

“Ready?” I blinked a few times, dumbfounded. “I was coming to check on you.”

April chuckled. “I know you are. We gots things to do to get this man settled. I don’t want him haunting me in my dreams because we ain’t do what he been drilling in us for years now.” She laughed again.

“We been tryna get her to go out, but she said she had to wait on you,” her sister Tierra droned with an attitude. April sat with her arms folded over her chest in my uncle’s chair in the tight corner of the room.

But I hadn’t called. I just came. How did she know I’d be coming? It was almost five in the morning.

“Jade told me you tired, so let’s go before you crash. Wal-Mart in Philly is open. I gotta get him socks, boxers, and a t-shirt so they can put it on under his suit.” She moved around the room collecting her purse and jewelry. “You remember Pastor Graham from Holy Calvary on Mt. Ephraim, right?” She didn’t wait for me to answer as she scoured the dresser for her rings. “Well, he lost a Scraps game to Shank four years ago and his payback is letting us use the church for the funeral. Shank said he can’t eulogize him, though. He still mad ‘cause that man tried to do me when Shank was still out there wildin’ the hell out.” She looked at me, fluttering her lashes, unable to hide her blushing grin. “You know how your uncle is, Trent. Anyway, we need a minister. You think your pastor could do it? He seem straight up.” She stopped in front of me in the doorway before pushing past to leave.

“Ye—yeah…” I blinked, trying to keep up with her. “I’ll have to call him to see if he’s available first.”

“Good. Now, c’mon. I told Jade I’d have you home by noon!” she shouted over her shoulder out the door.

From those few short minutes of encountering April’s strength through her point of grieving, I knew I’d be okay. I knew all I had to do was follow her lead, and all would be well.

The next few days were spent getting ready for Shank’s funeral. When I wasn’t being tugged behind April, I was at home, working out and studying plays. Eli and the
Kings
sent heartfelt support. Not only were the homes of Shank and my grandmother filled to capacity with flower arrangements, but they also paid for the repast to be catered after the funeral.

The funeral
…

That was more difficult than I was prepared for. Every move I made created a problem or had the potential to. Like the seating arrangements. April had it so that I sat next to her and having me sit next to her meant Jade sitting in the front row, too, with my grandmother. And that was huge for my family. Keep in mind, Shank was my uncle and not father or brother. My cousins all sat two and three rows back. The church wasn’t so big and not everyone could sit on the front row. So, while my mother managed to secure her seat there, Trick wasn’t so lucky and landed in the second row. I would have gladly sat in the back to make everybody happy, but April was insistent it was one of Shank’s wishes.

Speaking of my mother, she put on quite a show during the service. She wailed loudly, drawing attention to herself. I couldn’t believe when she took from her seat and hugged Shank’s glistening navy blue casket. It was such a production, my grandmother threatened to have her removed for the distraction. She was turned up, but I studied her, observed her reddened eyes and glossy face tears. She cranked out words of regret and mentioned she hadn’t felt this sad since losing her son. At that mention, Jade squeezed my hand, reminding me she was there with me. When I cut my eye to her, I saw Jade shooting daggers at my mother. I didn’t do funerals, hadn’t gone to one since my uncle, Trey’s, but was told this was the usual behavior. But somewhere deep inside I wondered if my mother would stir the same emotions for me when I died. Sad, but for the first time, I didn’t look at death with fear.