Love Inspired March 2015 - Box Set 1 of 2: A Wife for Jacob\The Forest Ranger's Rescue\Alaskan Homecoming (31 page)

She laughed, amused by his candor. “Of course not. Mom would never deliberately poison you.”

She wanted to be angry at this man, but she couldn't. Not after what she'd just been through with Evie. After all, she'd seen the angst written across Brent's face. The fear in his eyes. He'd been devastated by Evie's actions. It wasn't his fault. In fact, she was impressed by his tireless devotion to his daughter. She knew of parents who would have given up and had their child institutionalized by now. But not Brent. And she liked that about him. A lot.

He considered the speckles of cinnamon on the crinkled cookies. “I'm sorry about what happened earlier. I overreacted.”

“I know. But it's not your fault. You haven't been trained in how to react. Next time, if there isn't blood gushing from somewhere, or the house is on fire, you just act like it's no big deal. After all, it's nothing that can't be fixed. And right now, Evie needs to learn that it's okay for her to make an error. That no one's perfect, and no one's going to die if the paint is spilled on the floor. Evie's been through that before, and people were killed because of a bad situation. She needs to believe that won't happen every time she makes a mistake. You understand what I'm saying?”

He nodded, his eyes registering comprehension. “I think so. For Evie, when something as simple as paint being spilled happens, she fears for her life.”

“That's right. Literally. For Evie, it's not just a matter of cleaning up a mess. In her mind, the stakes are life and death. When she makes a mistake, she actually fears she might be killed.”

Oh, wow! He braced the palm of his hand against his forehead, a deep breath whooshing from his lungs. “Of course. How could I be so stupid? I never thought of it that way before. I didn't realize. Oh, my poor little girl.”

“Well, now you know, and that can help change how you react with her. And when she starts school in the fall, you should point this out to her teachers as well. I'm sure it would help how they treat her in the future.”

He looked at her, his eyes crinkled in astonishment. “Thank you for your insight. But I still don't know how you did that.”

“Did what?”

“You got Evie to come out from behind the couch and help clean up the paint.”

She tilted her head. “I take it that's unusual, too?”

He raked his fingers through his short hair, his hand visibly trembling. “Oh, yes. In the past, an incident like that normally takes Evie several days to recover her composure. Now I understand why. She thought she might be killed. But you got her to respond in a matter of minutes. Just like that day at the gas station.”

Yes, she had. And Jill had no idea why. She only knew she loved Evie. She genuinely wanted to help rescue the little girl from the cruel memories that must still be haunting her mind.

“We really are making progress, then.” Jill couldn't prevent a smile of satisfaction from curving her lips.

“You have a gift,” Brent said.

Hmm, Jill wasn't sure about that. When Evie had hidden behind the couch, she'd wondered what to do. How to help the girl. Acting on instinct, she'd decided Evie shouldn't be alone in her anguish. The child needed to know someone was there for her. That she was safe. That she could trust Jill not to yell and scream at her for making a silly mistake.

Brent stepped close, his angular face softening. “Jill, I don't want to pretend anymore. There's something going on between us that I don't fully understand.”

She met his eyes, knowing he was right, but wanting to deny it anyway. “I don't know what you mean.”

“Yes, you do.” He whispered the words, so softly that she almost didn't hear.

He didn't touch her, but she wished he would. His gentle consideration drew her in like a magnet. She liked being near this man, though she'd only admit that to herself.

“You're an answer to my prayers,” Brent said.

Jill froze, her feet feeling as though they were nailed to the floor. His words took her off guard and left her feeling oddly emotional. She wanted to weep for what Evie and her father had been through. To hold them both close against her heart and protect them from ever being hurt again. “I've never been anyone's answer to a prayer before.”

A hoarse laugh emitted from his throat. “Well, you are to mine. And I wish you could be so much more.”

His confession startled her. Mostly because it mirrored her own feelings. An odd mixture of satisfaction and confusion bludgeoned her mind. Jill could hardly believe his revelation. Since her divorce, trust was difficult for her. She could sympathize with Evie in that regard. But being near Brent and working with his daughter had helped restore her self-worth. To realize she still had a lot to offer the world. To think that maybe, just maybe, she might be able to love and be loved again.

“I can't tell you how badly I wish you weren't a forest ranger,” she said.

He tilted his head in confusion, gazing at her lips. “That's a rather odd thing to say right now, don't you think?”

She laughed and took a step back. “Yes, it is.”

“You'll make a great mother one day,” Brent continued.

She jerked her head up and stared at him in awe. “You think so?”

He stepped closer. “Yes, I do.”

She felt drawn to him. Transfixed by this kind man she couldn't quite accept. She loved Evie like her own child. The girl's success meant a great deal to her and she couldn't help wishing she were Evie's mother. And that made her realize she also cared a great deal for Brent. If only they'd met under different circumstances. If only he wasn't the forest ranger and she had no affiliation with the sawmill.

If only she wasn't going back to Boise in a few weeks.

He touched her cheek, the rough pad of his fingers brushing against her flesh. Warm, gentle and addictive. A muzzy sensation fogged her brain. With him standing so close, she couldn't think straight. All the biases and social strictures between them evaporated. She couldn't think of anything except being near him.

“Is there no way we can get past what I do for a living? Is there no way for you to simply see me as a man?” he whispered.

She almost snorted. Right now, she couldn't think about anything else except how masculine he was and how much she wanted him. Currents of electricity buzzed between them. An unseen power that was becoming more and more difficult to fight. But that was just what she must do. Fight it. Ignore it. Make it go away.

“I wish I could offer you some hope, but it would never work between us.”

He nodded. “I know. Your family.”

He looked away, a forlorn expression creasing his features. She wished she could be more to this man and his little girl than just Evie's teacher. But she loved her family too much to betray them by romancing the forest ranger.

“I'm afraid our relationship must remain purely professional,” she insisted, her mind filled with doubts.

He wanted to kiss her again. She could see it in his eyes. The way he leaned toward her, his gaze lowering to her lips. She wanted it, too. A revelation that both surprised and frightened her. After the divorce, she'd written off men. For good. Or so she'd thought. But here she was, fantasizing about the one man that was completely off-limits to her. The only man she thought might be worth her time.

Thinking about kissing him sent her heart racing. She longed to feel the warmth of his arms around her. His strength. His confidence and compassion. The tender look in Brent's eyes didn't help the issue. In fact, it made matters worse. When she was with Brent and Evie, she forgot about her pain and started thinking that maybe she could have a second chance at love.

No! That line of thought was like a dousing from a bucket of icy water. She couldn't pursue this man. It would only alienate her family and leave her with another broken heart.

To put some distance between them, she stepped around the table. Barriers were good, both physical and emotional. Right now, she couldn't trust herself to come any closer to him.

He leaned a shoulder against the doorjamb, his tall frame silhouetted by sunlight.

“I'm sorry about this, Jill. I don't know why it has to be so hard. I wish things were different between us.” He gave a tentative smile, his eyes sparkling, drawing her in again.

She wished things could be different, too. But maybe she was jinxed. Doomed to never have a normal relationship with another man. David had ruined her. He'd stolen her innocence and trust. It was just her poor fortune that she'd met another man she could possibly love and admire, and he was the local ranger. A man her family abhorred. A man the mill employees avoided like a plague of death. She couldn't see any way around the problem and it'd be best not to pursue him.

A pounding outside made her flinch. Brent stepped onto the top of the landing.

“I'll be right there, sweetheart.” He waved a hand, then looked over at Jill.

In his eyes, she saw a flash of compassion and regret. Then it was gone. So quick that she thought she must have imagined it.

“It's Evie. She's waiting for me to take her home.” He spoke quietly, as though lost in his own thoughts.

Folding her arms, Jill gave him a half smile. “Then, you better not keep her waiting. You should go out and celebrate tonight. Tell her how proud you are of her.”

“Why don't you come with us?” he asked.

She hesitated, wanting to accept, but knowing that wouldn't be common sense. “You know why.” She reached for Evie's sun drawing, handing it over to him. “Be sure to hang it on your refrigerator and tell her how much you love it.”

“I will.” He took the painting, his eyes darkening to a cobalt-blue. “Thanks again, Jill. You're the best.”

She watched as he turned and disappeared from view. His hollow footsteps echoed as he descended the stairs. Outside, she heard him greet Evie, his deep voice vibrating on the air. After a few moments, she caught the subtle sound of car doors slamming and then the engine of Brent's truck firing up. As the sounds faded away, she felt a dizzy numbness stinging her entire body. She cared for this man. And that thought left her feeling strangely miserable and empty inside.

Chapter Ten

O
ver the next few weeks, Jill settled into a routine. In the mornings, she worked at the sawmill. Paying bills, sending out invoices, balancing the books. Then, she came home and helped Mom clean house and fix supper, and prepared her lessons for Evie. The girl responded readily but still didn't speak. More and more, Jill found herself wishing she could be a permanent part of the child's life. An enduring part of Brent's life, too. And for a few short days, she even began to think it was a possibility. To love and find happiness again. With Brent.

That dream shattered abruptly when Jill was forced to pay an unannounced visit to the Forest Service office. Standing before Brent's cluttered desk, she folded her arms, feeling angry and betrayed. The weekend had proven to be more than difficult and she couldn't believe she'd ever believed in this man.

“Hi, Jill. Have a seat.” Brent welcomed her warmly, scooping a pile of papers off the chair in front of his desk.

“No, thanks. I'll stand.”

He plopped the papers onto the edge of his desk before meeting her gaze. “Can I get you something? We've got soft drinks and water.”

“No, I'd rather get down to business.”

His forehead crinkled in confusion. “Okay. What's up?”

“I thought you were my friend and that you believed in Alan's innocence,” she cried.

His mouth rounded in surprise. “I am. I do.”

“Then why are your Forest Service employees stopping every one of our logging trucks to demand a log receipt?”

He sat down, the springs on his high-backed chair creaking. He took a deep breath and let it go, twining his fingers together over his flat abdomen. “Is that what's got you so worked up?”

Yes. No. She wasn't sure anymore. Right now, she was trying hard not to use her anger to cover her deep-rooted emotions for this man. She didn't want to contemplate what she was really feeling, for fear of where it might lead. Better to ignore it and just keep moving forward.

“Yes, I'm upset. Every one of our logging trucks is being stopped twice. At the top of the mountain, and at the bottom. Your Forest Service employees are pulling them over and demanding a logging receipt. The trucks are held up while everything is checked out to ensure we aren't using the same tickets more than once.”

He nodded, his expression showing no shame. “Yes, it's important for us to follow through, especially when we've had a theft. This is nothing new. You know that.”

“The stops aren't new, but so many of them are. It's delayed our work and forced us to use up over half of our log decks in storage. At this rate, we may run out of logs and have to shut down production.”

He slanted his head and contemplated the short gray carpet for a moment. “I'm sorry for that inconvenience, but I'm happy to say all your trucks have checked out so far.”

“Then you won't stop any more of our trucks?” She held her breath, awaiting his answer.

He leaned forward, resting his elbows on the top of his desk. “You know I can't promise that, Jill. Not ever. Stopping those trucks isn't personal. It's just business. I hope you can see that.”

A brittle sensation settled in her bones. Fear and anger battled with rational thinking. She'd agreed to help Brent with Evie, and look how he rewarded her. By jeopardizing the mill's productivity. A part of her understood he was only doing his job. And yet, she also felt deceived. He'd never lied to her, but he'd kissed her, and she wanted more. She'd begun to hope that maybe they could...

No! This situation was exactly why she could never be with this man. Their loyalties were at opposite spectrums. She must learn to keep her distance.

“We've been doing everything we can to assist with your investigation. And I've been helping with Evie, too.”

“Yes, and I appreciate every bit of it. You've been wonderful,” he said.

“Then, why? Why are you doing this?”

“I'm not doing it to you, Jill. I'm just doing my job.”

She stared at him, not knowing what to think. Not knowing what to believe. She only knew she was confused. About the timber theft, about him and about her place in his life.

Correction. She had no place in his life. She'd help Evie as much as she could. Then she'd return to Boise and leave Brent and his daughter on their own again. For so long, Jill had wanted to get out of Bartlett. To make something of her life. But now, something had changed inside her. Somewhere along the line, her heart had become entangled with Brent. And now that she'd recognized it, she couldn't seem to let it go.

“Fine. I understand. I just thought we were...”

“You thought we were what?” he asked in a low, husky voice.

“Better friends than this.” She spoke in a rush, wishing she were anywhere but here. She couldn't reveal her inner feelings to him. Not now. Maybe never. She'd been hurt before and didn't want to feel that way again.

“We are. We're very good friends,” he said.

“Then, why?”

He released a breath of frustration and raked his fingers through his hair. “Because it's my job.”

She gave him a steel-eyed glare. “That sounds like a cop-out to me.”

He stood and walked around the desk, reaching out a hand. “Jill, don't be like that. I'm sorry you're caught in the middle of this nasty situation. Please believe I only have you and Alan's best interests at heart. If you'll trust me a while longer, I think everything will soon come to light.”

Trust him? Not in a million years. There was too much at stake. The mill. Her family's livelihood. The jobs of dozens of mill workers she cared about.

“I don't know what you're talking about. I don't understand. Not at all.” Her voice vibrated with impatience.

She was dangerously near tears, and she didn't even understand why. All she knew was that her feelings for this man bordered on love. But now, she realized it was an illusion. A phantom dream she could never have.

He touched her arm, but she jerked away. His fingers scalded her skin. Not a physical burn, but a memory of how much it hurt to love someone else.

“I know this is difficult for you. I wish I could tell you more, but I can't. I'm asking for your trust,” he said.

In his eyes, she saw compassion and friendship. But his actions belied his words.

She blinked up at him, her thoughts scattering, her mind numb. His cryptic words told her there was definitely more going on here than she understood. Something behind the scenes. Something bad. She could feel it in her soul. And once again, she couldn't help wondering if Alan knew more than he was saying. Was he in on this covert affair? Did he know what Brent was keeping secret from her? If he did, it seemed both men were determined not to confide in her. And after all the lies David had told, her tolerance level for clandestine exploits was nil.

Lifting her chin, she met Brent's eyes. “I've had my fill of deceit. There was a time when I gave my trust willingly. Now people have to earn that from me.”

He nodded, his eyes crinkling with regret. “I understand, and I can't blame you either.”

That was it? That was all he had to say to her? He understood, yet he sure wasn't willing to offer any reassurance. To tell her he'd back off of their logging trucks. That he cared for her and would never let her down. If she were honest with herself, that's what she longed to hear. And then she'd tear down the barriers between them once and for all and fling herself into his arms.

She'd admit that she loved him.

“Thanks for your time.” She turned toward the door, her hands shaking.

She moved slow, giving him the opportunity to call her back. To tell her everything would be okay. But he had his own demons to fight. He'd lost his wife too soon. He probably still loved her more than anything. And Jill wished someone in this world cared for her that way.

“You're welcome. I'll see you tomorrow night, when I bring Evie over for her lesson.” His voice sounded low and careful. As though he fought a silent battle within himself.

“Yeah, tomorrow night.” No matter what, she couldn't turn Evie away. Not to save her life.

Yes, something definitely was going on that Jill didn't understand. But this meeting today had solidified something for her. Brent was still the forest ranger and she was the mill owner. And they could never be anything more.

* * *

With misgivings, Brent watched Jill leave his office. He longed to call her back. To confide in her. To tell her that cracking down on her mill's logging trucks was a tactic he'd been ordered by the LEI to use in order to keep Frank Casewell off guard. So the man wouldn't suspect that the Forest Service knew about his thievery. He wanted to catch a thief. But he wanted Jill, too. He felt torn between his affection for her and fulfilling the responsibilities of his job.

He felt awful. Like he'd lost his best friend. He'd thought he and Jill were drawing close enough for love and something strong and lasting. Then he'd seen the suspicion and doubt in her beautiful amber eyes. He'd heard the fear and anger in her voice and known he'd probably destroyed the little headway they'd made together.

He wished he could bring Jill into the loop. Wished he could tell her how hard he was fighting on behalf of her brother. That he was doing everything in his power to prove Alan's innocence.

After Lina's death, he'd thought he would never love again. That happily-ever-after had passed him by. Then, he'd met Jill. He loved her, he realized that now. But his profession stood between them.

He thought about the day he'd kissed her. The fragrance of her hair, the softness of her lips. The way she'd lifted her hand and rested it lightly against his chest, just over his heart. A feeling of protectiveness had filled him like the colors of a rainbow. All swirling and dancing inside. For the first time in over a year, he was happy. As though he could conquer the world.

And he could never let it happen again.

He had a job to do. He had to keep his focus on Evie and his work. Not on romance. Not on Jill.

Not on love.

He owed Jill so much. She'd done great things with his daughter. Evie rarely cried anymore. She'd stopped having nightmares. She smiled and even laughed. Jill had done that for them. And he was determined to return the favor, by clearing Alan's name.

Brent had never met Jill's father, but he'd read the Forest Service files. Her dad had an honest reputation around town. He'd rarely gotten into trouble for any timber violation and, if he did, it had been one of his employees that had caused the problem and he'd taken care of it immediately. But now, Alan was in charge, and he was highly inexperienced. Brent wondered if Frank Casewell had known he could take advantage of the young man. Brent hoped Alan hadn't been in on the deal from the beginning. That he hadn't gotten cold feet and then decided to come to the Forest Service for help. Either way, the situation was too complicated for Brent to consider deepening his relationship with Jill.

Maybe staying unattached and single was for the best. He didn't dare take a second chance. He didn't want to pit her against her mom and brother. Nor did he want to hurt her in any way. Not after what she'd come to mean to him. She deserved peace and happiness. She deserved a man who could love her without reservations. And he feared he couldn't give her that. Not as long as her family didn't approve of him.