Love Inspired Suspense June 2014 Bundle 1 of 2: Undercover Marriage\Collateral Damage\Forgotten Past (9 page)

* * *

Shock reverberated through Serena but she forced herself not to react. Keeping her expression as neutral as she could, she asked as gently as possible, “Prison? What was he in for?”

Josh swiped a hand over his face, looking suddenly tired and drawn. “Embezzlement.”

She bit her lip. No wonder he hadn't wanted to tell her.

He leaned back against the opposite wall as if his legs couldn't support him anymore. “He'd been big into horse racing. Lost too much money betting on the wrong Thoroughbreds. To cover his debt, he stole from the customer accounts he managed in a small brokerage firm in town, depleted the life savings of so many people. He got caught.”

Aching for Josh, Serena moved closer. “I'm so sorry. That had to have been devastating to you and your mom.”

“It was.”

The torment in his eyes seared her soul. Her breath caught.

“When he was convicted and sentenced, the whole town turned against us. My mother lost her job. The kids in school... It made living in Lamar unbearable,” he said.

Anger on his behalf seeped into her tone. “That's not fair.”

He let out a bitter-sounding laugh. “When is life ever fair? You of all people should know that.”

His words dug deep into her own painful past. Her parents' fighting, their divorce, then Daniel's death. She'd had to dredge up every ounce of faith she had to not lose hope in God.

And instead she had laid the blame for Daniel's death on Josh.

Her heart beat wildly in her chest. An anxious flutter of something, some thought or emotion, tried to get her attention, but she pushed the need to forgive away. Josh was to blame. He should have been there for Daniel.

But that didn't lessen the anger and sympathy oozing through her on Josh and his mother's behalf. They'd suffered so much. He'd been so young. No wonder he kept people at a distance.

“You're right, life isn't fair.” She laid a hand over Josh's heart. “God never promised fair, only that He'd see us through it.”

Josh trapped her hand beneath his. His heartbeat pounded against her palm. “I was so angry. Angry at the world, angry at God.”

“Yet you work in a soup kitchen run by a Christian church. Surely you haven't walked away from your faith.”

“It took me a long time to make my way back to God. Helping those less fortunate made me realize that being angry over my circumstances was selfish. My dad paid the price for his bad behavior. We all paid the price. He broke my mother's heart. He broke everyone's heart.”

Including Josh's. She hurt for him, hurt for what he'd endured. “What led you to go into law enforcement?” she asked.

She waited, watching him work out his answer in his head. The play of light from the hall shadowed his strong jaw and deepened the contours of his cheekbones. He had a handsome face, not pretty, but masculine in the angles and planes. Her gaze dropped to his mouth, to the lips that had captured hers earlier in a playful kiss that had turned into something that left her breathless.

Tell me about your father. Then you can kiss me.

Her words echoed inside her head. Her pulse picked up speed. Would he take her up on the promise of a kiss? Did she want him to? A tumble of confusion assailed her. She did want him to, but she didn't, as well. If he did, would it mean something to him? It would to her and that scared her. Her heart was growing attached to this man.

“Not long after my dad's incarceration, I was in the local mini-mart. I didn't have any money but I wanted a candy bar so badly.” He raised a hand and stared at his palm as if he were seeing the candy. “I stood there in the middle of the candy aisle with this chocolate bar in my hand, staring at it, thinking I could slip it into my pocket and no one would know. I knew stealing was wrong, my dad had just gone to prison for stealing, but the desire to take the candy was so strong, so hard to resist.”

She ached for the boy he'd been. She couldn't imagine how hard the situation had been for him, losing his father and having the town ostracize him. She could picture him as a kid, all gangly legs and arms; her heart melted and affection blossomed. “Did you take the chocolate bar?”

“I didn't have the chance to make the decision before the owner caught me. He grabbed the bar out of my hand.” His fingers curled before he dropped his hand to his side. “I can still hear Old Man Granger's voice in my head. ‘I see the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.'”

“Oh, Josh.” The hurt in his voice impaled her. The urge to hug him became unbearable. She slipped her arms around his waist and laid her cheek against his chest. His arms wrapped around her in a tight embrace. Beneath the fabric of the polo shirt he wore, his heart beat fast, the tempo matching the beating of her own rapid pulse.

“I ran,” he said. “For three days, I lived in dread that the sheriff was going to come cart me away in handcuffs like he had my father.”

Tears for the boy who'd lived in fear welled in her eyes. “But he didn't?”

“No. I turned myself in.”

The deep rumble of his voice resonated through her. She pulled back to look at him. “What happened?”

“The sheriff was kind and took me seriously when he could have laughed me out of the building. When he asked my why I confessed to
almost
stealing, I told him I didn't want to be like my dad.”

Serena swallowed back the lump in her throat. “You could never be like him.”

“The sheriff said I could be anything I wanted.” The tender look in his eyes caressed her face. “I wanted, want, to be the opposite of my dad.”

“So you became a law enforcement officer,” she said softly.

He nodded. His gaze rested on her lips. Yearning for the promised kiss tugged at her.

The world around them retreated, until there was nothing but them, this moment.

She leaned toward him, answering the question he'd not spoken.

Yes. She wanted him to kiss her again.

“What about you, Serena?” His gaze held her captive. “Why did you become a U.S. marshal?”

Grief pierced through the haze coating her mind.

She blinked, realizing how close she was to letting down her guard, to losing herself in the attraction and affection flaring between them. Slowly, she extracted herself from his embrace.

“Daniel.” Her voice cracked. She wrapped her arms around her middle as if somehow she could hold in the grief as she held in the tears. “I followed Daniel into this career.”

Sorrow crumpled Josh's expression. “I'm sorry.”

His grief and remorse were unmistakable, laying siege to her heart. His hurt pierced her, forcing her to see him in a different way. He'd apologized numerous times. Until today her anger had never let her see that Josh, too, suffered. He did. Unshed tears burned her eyes. She knew she should forgive him. That was what God would want.

“I should have picked up the phone when he called. It wasn't until the next day that I listened to his message.”

She shuddered with the force of her sorrow. “What did he say?”

Josh ran a hand through his dark hair. “I don't remember now. I could only bring myself to listen to it the one time.”

Drawing the edges of her grief around her for protection, she asked, “Did you erase the message?”

He shook his head. “I couldn't bring myself to after the chief returned the phone to me.”

Her heart thumped. “I'd like to hear it.”

“Why? What good would it do?” The torment in his eyes was unmistakable. “I know you blame me. I blame myself. But listening to that message will only torture us both.”

“Or it could provide a clue that will tell us what he was doing in that alley,” she countered, her voice shaking with anger and dread. Hearing Daniel's voice would be torture, but she had to hear the message.

“If that's what you want.”

“It is.”

He closed his eyes as a spasm of pain marched across his face. Her heart ached for him. She didn't understand why she hurt for Josh. It was her brother who was dead. Because of Josh.

They both could have ended up dead.

Linda's words came back to Serena.

At one time she might have wished bodily harm to Josh. But now...

She had no idea how she felt about him, and the conflicted emotions were draining her dry.

When he opened his eyes, the flat hardness there stole her breath. He nodded and stepped back, creating a chasm that sent a shiver racing over her flesh.

“I'll get my other personal phone from my apartment for you tomorrow.”

He walked away. It took every ounce of control she possessed not to chase after him.

Tomorrow would bring a better perspective. Tomorrow they could go back to how things were. Tomorrow the wall between them could go back up.

She'd make sure of it.

NINE

T
he morning sun streamed through the bedroom window. Serena groaned, grabbed a pillow and put it over her head to block out the brightness assaulting her eyes. She didn't want to face the day. Didn't want to have to go back to the role of Susan Andrews, and yet didn't want to go back to how things had been between her and Josh before this charade started.

How could she pretend to be in love with Josh when a part of her wasn't faking her feelings for him?

All night she'd wrestled with her conflicting emotions and finally realized that the crush she'd had on Josh long ago had blossomed instead of died, no matter how hard she'd tried to kill it. Not even the anger she harbored toward Josh for disregarding her brother's call could put an end to the attraction or stop the affection from spreading through her, filling all her empty places.

Hearing about his father, and seeing the anguish Josh carried because of what he and his mom went through, made him all too human. Glimpsing how good a couple they could be if they allowed themselves the luxury of a real relationship made her heart long for a reality where they could be together.

Utter nonsense.

This man was partly responsible for her brother's death.

That she had lessened her condemnation of Josh tightened her already strung-out nerves.

Forgiveness knocked at the door to her soul with an insistence that she couldn't ignore.

“Father in heaven, how do I forgive him?”

A verse of scripture whispered into her mind:
For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.

Emotion clogged her throat. She'd heard that verse her whole life. She'd always considered herself a forgiving person.

Then why couldn't she forgive Josh?

Did that make her faith shallow? Was she only a fair-weather type of believer?

“Lord, I want to follow Your word, Your example. I need Your help.”

She lay still for a long moment, hoping for a sign, some revelation that would show her how to let go of her anger.

When none materialized, she threw the pillow off her head and sat up. Taking deep, cleansing breaths, she told herself they had a job to do. A part to play. These roles they were playing were nothing more than a means to an end.

Emotion had no place in the equation. Yet her heart wouldn't release the soft feelings demanding attention so she could box them up and tuck them away.

She groaned.

For the past six months she'd resented being paired with Josh.

When she'd applied to be in the investigative operations division of the Marshals Service, she'd never expected she'd be tapped for a special operation like this one.

She'd wanted to delve into the tactical and strategic support side of apprehending fugitives, not tackle an investigation with a partner.

But that was before she realized how working closely with one person, relying on a partner, filled a void in her life she hadn't even realized was there.

She was so confused. Now she didn't know what she wanted.

However, she did know what she had to do. Finish the job of taking down the illegal adoption scam and bring the bad people to justice. Then find her brother's killer.

Tension knotted up her insides. Today she'd get to hear Daniel's voice again. Hear the message Daniel had left on Josh's phone. That had to be her focus. She had a feeling she'd need every ounce of courage to listen to the message.

All the personal stuff could be dealt with later.

With that thought firmly in place she readied herself for the day.

Twenty minutes later, dressed in another of the many Susan Andrews outfits she'd bought, Serena walked downstairs. The tantalizing scent of cinnamon and sugar teased her senses as she entered the kitchen. A tray of freshly baked cinnamon rolls sat on the counter. She found Josh sitting on a barstool drinking coffee and reading the paper. He was dressed in light-colored chinos and a patterned button-down with the sleeves rolled up. He looked younger, hip and oh, so appealing. She chewed the inside of her cheek.

Linda was humming an upbeat tune as she loaded the dishwasher.

With an effort Serena pulled her attention from Josh and helped herself to a roll and a cup of coffee. “You're spoiling us, you know that?” she said to Linda. “When we return to our own lives we're going to miss all the baked goods.”

“Among other things,” Josh muttered around a mouthful of cinnamon roll.

Serena jolted. “What?”

“The cars.” His eyebrows rose. But the slight twitch of his mouth gave him away.

The teasing sent pleasure sliding through her. “O-kay.”

She chose to take his statement at face value and ignore the undercurrent that suggested he would miss their charade for more personal reasons. It would be foolish to get caught up in what Josh thought and felt, especially when her whole being responded to him like a million particles of matter being drawn in by his magnetism.

“I'll have to admit this has been an enjoyable assignment so far,” Linda said. “Baking, finding lost babies, watching you two fall in love.”

Josh coughed into his cup.

Serena's face flamed. Linda had witnessed their kiss at the barbecue yesterday. That had to be the only reason she'd say something like that out of the blue.

“We're pretending.” Serena glanced at Josh. His gaze met hers then bounced away. “What you saw yesterday was not real.”

Linda grinned. “Sure looked real.”

Josh set the paper down and stood, his movements as jerky as if he were struggling to recover from Linda's comments, too. “Colton Phillips called. They should arrive by noon.” He glanced at the watch he'd bought for Jack. Jack, Josh had said, would wear a watch. “We better get going if we want to make it to church on time with the Johnsons.”

Serena tucked in her chin. “I thought you were going to go to your apartment this morning.” To get his phone.

He met her gaze. “We'll stop on the way back.”

Disappointment settled in her chest. Serena would have to wait a little longer for Josh to retrieve his phone with Daniel's last message. Then finally she'd be able to find out what really happened in her brother's final moments. Could Josh have saved him?

“Linda, would you care to join us?” Serena asked, not only out of politeness but because she wanted—
needed
—a buffer between herself and Josh.

Taking off her apron, Linda said, “I'd love to.”

* * *

After the church service, Josh drove to his apartment. Serena sat in the passenger seat; Linda in the backseat. They were all quiet. No one spoke. Josh figured the ladies were reflecting on the pastor's message about prayer being the link that kept people connected to God. He turned the concept over in his head. Though he prayed, he couldn't say he felt a link to God when he sent up requests for protection or for guidance. But then again, he didn't spend a lot of time in prayer or give much thought to trying to hear from God. Though he believed, even after the horrible way the town of Lamar had treated him and his mother, his faith remained nebulous. Serving in a soup kitchen during the holidays hardly qualified as commitment to God.

Maybe if he prayed more often or delved deeper into God's word, he'd feel more connected. More loved by God.

Something to ponder.

He parked at the curb outside the apartment building and climbed out of the sedan, saying, “I'll be right back.”

Inside his apartment, he went straight to his desk in the corner of the living room. The cell phone was tucked away in the second drawer. Palming the device, he paused as a heaviness descended on his chest.

Bowing his head, he decided to do as the pastor suggested and prayed aloud, “Lord, forgive me. Forgive me for letting Daniel down. Letting Serena down. I pray, Lord, I'm not making a mistake by giving Serena this phone. I hope You'll protect her from being hurt worse by hearing Daniel's voice.” Josh hesitated, unsure what else to say or ask. “Amen.”

Shrugging, he left the apartment.

When he was back behind the wheel of the sedan, he offered Serena the phone.

She covered it with her hands as if he'd handed her a precious gift. “Thank you.”

He wasn't sure she'd be thanking him after she heard Daniel's voice. But for now he'd take her gratitude.

They arrived back at the cover house and found U.S. marshal Colton Phillips, FBI agent Lisette Sutton and a young woman whom Josh guessed was Lonnie Bogler on the doorstep. The young woman couldn't be more than twenty. Her blond hair hung limply about her thin shoulders. The gauntness of her face emphasized the large size of her fear-filled eyes. There was no mistaking her fear. She was like a cornered rabbit, ready to bolt if given the chance.

Linda hustled everyone inside. Introductions were made as they moved into the living room. The way Colton touched the small of Lisette's back and how her gaze followed him weren't lost on Josh. The pair obviously had a thing going. One that was real, not pretend like he and Serena. They made an attractive couple, both blond and good-looking. Colton had come across as a maverick when he'd first come aboard, but Josh would count on him to have his back anytime.

Sensing that Lonnie would respond better to the women, Josh let Serena and Lisette take the lead. He hung back with Colton.

“How was she found?” Josh asked his fellow marshal in a low tone.

“An old news article in the Minneapolis paper on Baby Kay. After Kay disappeared, Lonnie left the city and went back home to Atwater. She saw the news piece last week and called the general information number in D.C. They routed her to Chief Harrison.”

Josh winced. Lonnie's call would have been logged in and would be easily accessible by anyone in the Marshals Service, which meant if the department leak were monitoring the logged calls, they'd know she'd been found. “Any trouble on your way here?”

Colton slanted him a glance. “There were a few times when I thought we were being followed. That's why it took us so long to get here. I doubled back a couple times just in case. As far as I can tell, we made it here undetected.”

“Let's hope so.”

* * *

“You're safe here,” Lisette said to the frightened young woman. “Marshal Summers needs to hear your story.”

Lonnie's breath audibly hitched. Her shoulders bowed as if she wanted to curl in on herself. “Is my baby safe?”

Sympathy for the younger woman's plight flooded Serena. She touched Lonnie's arm. Her skin felt clammy to the touch, which immediately concerned Serena. This girl had been in a bad way for a long time, but her skin bounced back, soft and pliant, not like that of someone who'd been using drugs for any amount of time. “We think so. Can you tell me what happened? Start from the beginning.”

“Peter and me went to Minneapolis to get away from our families. They didn't approve of us.” Lonnie winced. “We were so young and naive. Peter got a job for a freight company and I worked as a clerk in a drugstore. We had a small studio apartment.” She gave them a weak smile. “I fixed it up real nice. But we were barely scraping by and we weren't getting along very well. Things weren't turning out like I'd dreamed they would.” She sniffed, clearly fighting back tears. “When I found out I was pregnant, I thought things would change for the better.”

Serena's heart ached for Lonnie.

Her breathing stumbled. “He wasn't happy about the baby, but we were making it work. After she was born...” A fat tear crested Lonnie's lashes and dropped into her lap. “He left. He said he wasn't ready to be a daddy.”

A stab of anger at Peter for not stepping up pierced Serena. Her gaze shot to Josh, wanting to see his reaction to Lonnie's tale. Josh stood near the doorway, his arms crossed over his chest, his face impassive. But she knew him well enough to realize the tic in his jaw meant he was as angered as she was.

“Go on, Lonnie.” Lisette's voice brought Serena's mind back to Lonnie.

“I stayed in the apartment as long as I could before the landlord booted us. Little Kay and me lived in a shelter after that. One day this guy comes up to me and says he wants to buy my baby. I told him no. I loved my baby.” The wildness in her eyes hurt Serena's heart. “I didn't want to give her up.”

Patting her arm, Serena murmured, “I know, honey. You told the man no.”

Lonnie dropped her gaze to her hands. “But he kept coming and pressuring me. He kept telling me I wasn't doing right by my baby. That there were people who couldn't have babies and they deserved one. I didn't.” More tears spilled from her eyes. “He was right. I couldn't give her anything. Not even a bed of her own. But selling her to some random guy seemed wrong. I'm not stupid. I've heard stories of awful things people do to each other. I couldn't take the chance that this guy was a wacko who wanted to hurt my baby.”

Seething for the young mother, Serena reined in her fury and remained quiet, letting the young woman get the story out.

“I decided I should take her somewhere safe. Give her to someone who'd take care of her. That's why I headed for the children's hospital. I thought they'd be able to help me find her a home.”

“That's where you met Emma Bullock?” Serena asked.

Lonnie nodded. “I didn't know her last name. But yeah, she was super nice. I was sitting outside the hospital on a park bench and she had just come out of the hospital. She told me she was a nurse. She really liked Kay.”

“Why did you leave Kay with her?” Josh questioned, his voice low, his tone intense.

Shooting a terrified glance his way, Lonnie said, “I'd left some of Emma's things at the shelter. I thought I should get them, but I didn't want to take Kay back there in case that guy showed up again. I thought if I left Kay with Emma then my baby would be safe.” Her lip trembled. “We were supposed to meet up by a pub nearby. But when I returned, Emma and Kay were gone. I didn't know what to do. I was afraid I'd be arrested if I went to the police.”