Love is Darkness (A Valerie Dearborn Novel) (8 page)

He screamed and rolled off of her, hands cupping his face. She grabbed the stake from her waistband and threw herself forward, holding the stake steady with two hands, stabbing him in the chest with all her strength.

It wasn't deep enough.

She remembered the last time she'd done this, with Lucas holding the other vampire. Val had thought it would be easier, that she'd be stronger now that she was older, but she was still too weak.

The wood clung to his flesh, not pulling clean freely but like it had melded into his body. Blood pumped out of him, gushing in time to his
heart beat
, oozing up from around the stake.

So close!

Val went for the same hole again, slamming down with all of her strength, screaming in fury. He exploded.

She closed her eyes and tried not to breathe vampire ash into her lungs.

Everything was gone except for a few bone fragments.
 
He’d been older than they'd thought. The really old ones left nothing behind. In their natural state they wouldn't even be dust anymore.

She held the stake in her hand, still clutching it tightly.

Jack ran towards her, dropping to his knees beside her and said something she didn’t understand. She'd been so scared. This was so awful! She kept reliving those final moments again and again.
Hearing the echo of stake pulling free from flesh.
The displacement of air when he’d disintegrated.

           
Furious, she lashed out at Jack. Screamed and pushed him. He fell backwards, allowing her to push him onto the ground. She followed, straddling his chest as she tried to slap him.

“Damn you! Damn you, you
know
what this is like! Why would you do this to me? He wouldn't have known!” Val paused to take a breath, the anger lessening with her violent outburst, instantly replaced by a sad tiredness.

She didn't know how to explain to him how betrayed she felt. “I thought you were on my side. That if you could protect me, you would. Wasn't that the deal? But, this was your chance and you didn't. You threw me into this, just like my father would.” She felt like she was babbling and stopped talking.

Jack hadn't let her hit him but had grabbed her wrists in his hands, holding her as loosely as he could as she thrashed against him and tried to rail at him. He listened to her torrent of words and didn't know if she was right.
Didn't know if this had damaged their friendship.

Would it change her? Make her more cold and distant than she already was? She threw herself into life like she had mere moments to live, but it was so frantic that he never knew if she even enjoyed it. That was how she protected herself. No one could get a hold of her because she was always moving so quickly through life.

She was all speed and fire, walls and prickliness to keep people away.

Her attention and affection were weapons. At least they were for him.

Jack cleared his throat, unable to speak the first time he tried. He still held her hands, didn’t think about letting go.

Did she really need to have a kill under her belt to live her life?

Val tried to move off of him, tugging her hands from his.

Her body was slumped like a beaten dog and a tear landed on his neck. He gripped her harder. “No you don't! Why shouldn't you have to do this? I do it. Your father does it! I have given up
everything
for you and your father. We were supposed to be a team but we're not. It's me and your father while you pretend that nothing is happening. How can you live with yourself? Watch us walk out the door and not know if we’ll come back? But you do it! You let us go while you shop, and date, and have fun. We are not normal!
You and me.
That
was the deal, Val.”

She was crying in earnest now. As he'd talked she'd stilled, letting him hold her closed fists. Now her hands shifted, twining her fingers through his. The weight of her on his body finally penetrated his thoughts. She was straddling him, sitting on top of him and he wanted to push upwards, get closer to her.

She whispered, “I can't do that. I won't stay, and live a life of death, waiting for you to come home in a body bag or worse. I don't
want
to be dead in five years, maybe less. And I can’t spend my life afraid for you.” The words were deep and impassioned. Her eyes locked on his, as though she were a vampire trying to capture his gaze and bend him to her will. “The
second
I can get out of here, I will
.
” She let his hands go and pushed away from him, standing and going back to the car.

Jack stood and picked up all of their things then went into the house to see if he could find any information about why the vampire was here, desperately trying not to think about what had just happened.

Chapter
4

San
Loaran
, California

4 years ago

It was the longest day of Valerie's life. Today was the day that the University of California admission letters arrived. If she went home and had an empty mailbox she'd shoot herself. Well, maybe not, but she would definitely be depressed for an eternity! She'd gone to school and spent every moment watching the clock and waiting for the day to end.

Berkeley. She wanted to go to Cal. If she didn't get in she would be happy at UCLA, or UCSD. Failing that, she wanted to go to UC
Away
. Anywhere that was away.

She sped the whole way home.

With a deep breath, she opened the mailbox, peering into the metal depths.
Junk mail is a curse!

There they were.
Four letters.
She was beyond happy, like being kissed for the first time.

She went into the house and threw her bag on the floor. Several undignified moments passed as she jumped up and down and even squealed like a small pig. Thank God she was alone! She started to laugh, embarrassed at herself but gloriously happy as well. She was getting out of this town! Away from her father and away from Jack!

She started crying, overcome with joy and a little bit of grief. She would miss Jack, she loved him too much not to, but God she wanted to be free. And now she’d be someone new, someone normal.

There was movement in the corner of the room and she saw Jack coming towards her.
Why was he here?
He'd been in Latin America for the last three months.

He looked amazing. His hair had grown out and the back of it was brushing the collar of his blue T- shirt. He wore a pair of dark jeans and Adidas shoes. The shirt fit him well, bulging in all the appropriate places, flat where it should be.

He could be an underwear model, she thought. An image came to her of Jack in underwear and she blinked, looking away.

He was smiling at her.

Someone alert the media.

“Good news? Did you get in?”

Her eyes filled with tears and she nodded at him with a stupid grin on her face.

“Cal, right?”

She gave another watery nod, “Yes! Can you believe it?”

Oh screw it!
She laughed and hugged him. Val wrapped her arms around his
neck,
her chest was flush with his. She squeezed him hard and he squeezed back, pulling her body in even closer, until she began to feel dizzy.

He was tall and strong, stronger than he had been when he'd left. His face was more chiseled, his cheeks leaner, his skin tanned from the sun. But he looked tired too, dark circles under his eyes that spoke of sleepless nights and stress. It made him look older, although he'd never really been young.

It was the awareness of him
—
 
his
smell, shampoo and nice cologne, all the things that were Jack were cloaking her. And it was heaven.

“I don't think we have ever hugged.” She said with a laugh. Was that true? How could they have lived together for years and never hugged?

“You're right.” He said evenly.

She looked at his features up close and realized the changes continued. His lips were extraordinary. He was smiling slightly and that was different too. She imagined his lips twisted bitterly, cruelly or angrily, but not happily. Things had been so bad by the time he'd gone away that she'd forgotten he could be like this. Be sweet.

Her gaze returned to his eyes. They were slate gray and reminded her of stormy oceans, with
his own
dark ghosts trapped within their deep depths.
Save the poetry, Val.

She pulled away from him and he released her quickly. Val didn't want to think about him like this. He wasn't
her
Jack. She was leaving for college. She would leave him behind and stop thinking of him, dammit.

Even though he'd let her go, she could still feel his hard chest and the strength of his arms. “So, welcome home. How was Latin
America.
Go to any country in particular?”

He sighed and she thought he was sifting through information trying to decide what to tell her. He wouldn't tell her everything and why should he? She'd made it clear she didn't want to be sucked into his orbit for the rest of her life, waiting for him to die.

“It was good. I got you a souvenir.”

Okay, he wasn't going to tell her anything at all. Things became awkward, the levity of the moment gone, all the unresolved issues they had crowding in close between them. “If it's vampire dust I don't want it.”

He smiled slightly but it didn't reach his eyes.

“Geez, did you actually bring me vampire dust?” She laughed nervously.

“No. I'm just trying to keep you in suspense. You can have it at dinner.”

There was an awkward pause large enough to drive a Suburban through.

“Well, see you at dinner.” She smiled again and ran up the stairs. This was too much. She needed to get away before she begged him to never leave, ravished him on the floor, or something equally stupid.

Val forced herself to stop thinking about Jack. It was a skill. Besides, she had to call everyone. Everyone! She was going to college and she would
never
look back.

The day passed quickly and finally she couldn't hide from Jack and her father any longer. She went downstairs and saw her father in the kitchen. He was tearing lettuce for the salad and lasagna was in the oven.

Jack was a great cook, especially Italian food. He could cook Italian and swear Italian
—
 
and
both were worth watching. It was the only time he was incredibly expressive. He used hand gestures and everything. He'd learned to cook from his mother, and in Val's more tender moments she thought he cooked so that he could remember her and what his life had been before the blood, death and vampires.