Love Is Louder (12 page)

Hooking her legs over my shoulders, I grip her by the back of the waist, wanting to be closer to her. I go rogue and thrust into her one last time, lifting my face toward the ceiling and letting my pain, my love, and everything I feel for her explode inside her. I throb ruthlessly; the ecstasy spreads through me, soaking every cell of my body.

My heart is drowning for her.

I fall down prone to her and suck air into my lungs as she gasps for a breath of her own, running my hands up and down the curves of her body. Her heart hammers against mine, slowing its pace the longer I hold her. Her loving fingers play over my shoulders as she traces lazy circles over my skin, and I grab for her, tugging her flat to my chest. Everything is so right between us, the fit of our bodies, our hearts beating as one.

I kiss her and lean up on my elbow, brushing away her hair matted to her forehead.

Softly her lips part, her aura invading me, wrapping me up in her desire for me.

“There’s no one like you, baby,” she avows. “No one.” She wraps both of her arms around me in a tender embrace. I gentle my fingers through her hair and clutch her tighter to me. We lie like this for several minutes while everything is at a standstill.

She lifts her chin to me, and a shadow skitters across her face as her eyes sparkle with tears.

“I…need to tell you something.”

I swallow back my anxiety and press my forehead to hers, breathing deeply. “What is it, baby? You can tell me anything.”

She searches my face with her long-lashed eyes and runs her finger over the length of my jaw before she speaks.

“I’m lost...”

“Baby, I told you. We’re in this together.”

“I...this is not working.”

She didn’t just say that?

Pain sears through me as my mind backpedals, the words hanging between us, a dagger to my heart.

She did.

I roll over and sit up, pinching the brow of my nose.

“What? How? We’ve made it work so far. We can get through this.” My voice is barely a whisper. A pulse of distress goes through me, like a shot of poison injected into my bloodstream. She closes her eyes like she’s trying to remember something, or is she fighting through her emotions and her pain? I don’t know. I want her to tell me...now.

“I need to focus on my career. I...”she trails off as a trace of indecision fills her eyes.

I shake my head, dispelling everything until silence returns. She can’t do this!

Feeling exposed and raw, my fingers dig into my palms, thinking about the engagement ring I bought the other day. This is the first time in my life someone has made me feel this way. I want a life with her. She is my future.

“I know how much your career means to you.”

“I got an offer...”

My spine is stiff enough to break. I stare into space for a few seconds as a sick feeling attacks my stomach.

“What?”

“I got the job. I can’t pass it up. I can’t,” she murmurs, seemingly more to herself than to me.

Holy shit. My already racing heart virtually explodes under the added strain of shock she just exposed me to. I just lost my sister three months ago, and now the woman I’ve fallen in love with wants to leave me. This can’t be happening. My mind spins while questions mount as I look at her. The last thing I want to do is argue with her about this. Who am I to force what I want, what I need on her? I can’t hold her back from her dreams.

“Why didn’t you talk to me?”

She reaches over and grabs my hand, the hand I want to slip the pear-shaped diamond engagement ring on...soon. I look up at her and see heartache I don’t like. It doesn’t have to be there; we both know that. I want to protect her from everything, but I can’t. I couldn’t. I thought I was.

“Do you want this?” I gesture between us.

“I...you know what my career means to me. This is huge for me. I didn’t think I would get it. It was a long shot. You knew that.” Her voice holds a hint of pride and trepidation. She’s walking a fine line. We both are. I manage to give her a gentle smile. It’s true. She worked hard to get herself to this point. She’s driven and passionate. That’s what drew me to her, but still, I want to know the real reason. I know and she knows why she’s doing this. I want to hear it from her.

“What is this really about?”

“What do you mean?” she asks, as tears glisten in her eyes.

“I know you are still hurting, but running away is not going to solve anything.”

“I’m not running away, Mason. I’m moving forward. I need...”

“Is this because we lost our baby?” Loss shakes me like a violent earthquake as I glance at her because I know that life hasn’t been the same since then. Remnants of what we lost nag me every day. I’d do anything to make it better. “It’s going to take time. It’s only been two months. We can try for another baby.”

“I don’t want that right now. It hurts too much.”

I resist the urge to punch the wall or break something, but that will get me nowhere. After all we’ve been through in the last couple of months, I didn’t expect this. Not ever.

“Does this mean we’re over?”

Biting her lip, she looks away and chokes, “I think we need some space.”

“Fuck!” I drop my eyes to the floor, refusing to look at her now. Her revelation angers me and makes me sad, but I can’t cry. I have no tears left. “You made up your mind, didn’t you? To go to Boston?”

She sits up and freezes me with gentle eyes. So pure and damaged. She reaches for me and cups my face with her warm hands, caressing the scruff on my cheeks.

“Mason, I don’t know what else to do right now. It hurts me as much as it hurts you.”

“Does it?”

The awkward silence that follows my question leads me to believe she won’t answer.

“Please understand.” She laces her fingers with mine, and a single tear falls from her eye.

“We can go through this together. Don’t shut me out after everything we’ve been through.” Breathing is becoming more difficult as I focus on her. She has been my life for the past two years. “You know I can’t leave my family now,” I point out.

Her eyes blink up at me, and she whispers, “I know.”

A web of panic sets in for a brief second when she drops her gaze, but the minute her eyes reconnect with mine, I know she wants this. I wipe a tear away that slips down her cheek with the pad of my thumb.

I don’t ask when or how long. I just want to live in the moment with her.

She slides her hand against my chest. “But we’re here now...”

My eyes close. I want to ask her to stay with me, that I’ll take care of her, that I’m all she needs. My heart aches now, and it will ache for I don’t know how long. I can’t think about it now. I cup her face and tilt it up, so I can look at her. “You can’t be replaced, baby.”

How much longer do we have? I don’t care. I’m counting all the moments until she leaves me.

If you love someone, set them free. They didn’t tell me it would hurt this bad, though.

“Shit,” I mumble under my breath as I slam desk drawers, peer under my desk and beneath piles of papers scattered all over the top.

I think I fucking need a personal assistant
.

“Micah?” I yell.

“Yeah, Bro?” He trudges out of his office, rubbing his eyes. Micah is the computer expert of the business. He set up the website, and I keep it up-to-date while he takes all the service calls. I handle the social media with the damn Twitter and Facebook accounts, which gives us a lot of new customers since it’s the thing now, and it’s helped expand our business tremendously. Word of mouth helps, too.

“You see my ring?”

“What ring?” He yawns, stretching his arms over his head.

“What do you mean what fucking ring?”

“Shit, man. Relax.”

“I can’t relax. I haven’t seen it since the day you were sick, and I had to run all over town making service calls.”

“You say that like it’s a bad thing. Business has been crazy the past couple of months. You should be happy.”

“Yeah, that’s all well and good, but you know how much that ring means to me.”

“I know. It’ll pop up somewhere.”

“I hope so. It’s the last gift she gave me before...” I can’t finish my thought. I lower my head, cupping the back of my neck in aggravation. I let her down, again. Her ring meant everything to me. It’s the one possession I own that embodies the love I shared with Meadow, a symbol of our boundless connection as brother and sister.

It was a birthday gift. A solid gold band engraved with a quote she made up.
Love is Louder
. That’s what she thought of the music we all played together and what she thought of her relationship with Micah and me. When Lily got older, I had planned to pass the ring down to her, and now I can’t. I can buy an identical ring and have it engraved with the quote, but it won’t hold the same meaning.

“Listen, if I’m not here when the cleaners come, make sure you mention it to them. I need that fucking ring.” I push away from the desk and head to the fridge to grab a beer, upset with myself for losing the ring. I backtrack in my head, trying to remember the last time I wore it, but nothing comes to me. The week has been crazy, so it could be anywhere. I crack open the beer and take a long drink as I pace across my office.

“I get it, man. I told you before never to wear the ring at work.”

“Thanks, dickhead, for reminding me.”

“Should you be drinking on the job and showing up for a service call smelling like beer?”

“One won’t hurt, man. Plus, it’s almost five. I’m just about done for the day.”

Finishing my beer, I throw it into the trash and grab my keys, wallet, and tools and stomp toward the door. I have one last run to the yoga studio called
YOgym
located a couple of blocks away that needs some work done on their air conditioner. I gave the last-minute job to Micah, but he couldn’t take it due to a doctor’s appointment. I, being the team player and wanting to get out of the stuffy office, could use a change in scenery, especially if it involves watching women bend and contort their flexible bodies into enticing positions in tight yoga pants. Strong, toned thighs, flat stomachs, and bouncy, yet firm tits.

What more can I ask for to end a long day?

I remind Micah to lock up before I head outside into the thickening crowd on the sidewalk. The sun has not let up since this morning, and it’s still muggy for being after five o’clock in the evening. There’s a charge in the air as people come and go from work. I let the sounds of the passersby drown out my thoughts and take a deep breath.

I throw on my aviators and head down the sidewalk, trying to focus on the task at hand. I promised a certain impatient little girl some ice cream before I headed over to the Bull and Bear tonight. It’s a date I don’t want to miss.

I don’t know what makes me look across the street when I do. Maybe it’s the honking horn or the glare of the sun that hits the bus at just the right moment for me to turn away. I don’t know how I know she’s there, but my body swivels, and I lift my sunglasses to get a better view, to make sure it’s her. There she is.

Fuck me sideways.

It’s like I got run over. I clench my fists when I see her crossing the street. She’s so damn breathtaking, and the other men watching her are undoubtedly thinking the same thing I am, but she doesn’t seem to notice, which just makes her more desirable. I can only gape as I arrive in front of
YOgym
, lingering out front for the next couple of minutes so I can drink her in uninterrupted.

I’ve seen her in her yoga outfit, but seeing her dressed like this is sexier. The pearl necklace and earrings drive me nuts, the perfect mix of sensual and innocent. Her white pencil skirt and pink blouse emphasize each curve of her body, just tight enough to let my imagination go all fifty shades of grey on her.

I only wish.

If she had a clue as to the shit she stirs in me when I see her, she’d probably have me arrested for sexual harassment. But, some part of me thinks she likes it, and she even thinks about it, too.

A frown mars her face, drawing her brows close and pinching her lips. God, those lips. Deep pink and plump. I’d love to taste them just once while I tease every inch of her body with my fingers, but I have to remember my rule, and I have to remember that James is the lucky man who has no clue what he has. I barely know her, and it hurts to know she’s married to a piece of shit.

Her eyes scan the sidewalk, and she starts to walk toward me through the crowd. I stand out front pretending to take a call, as my eyes remain steadfast. No way I’m losing sight of her. I want her to see me.

As if feeling my gaze, her long lashes sweep upward above the crowd of people milling around and
bam,
a mesmerizing tornado of brown pours into me. It’s exactly like the first time our eyes met. Heat and breathless pleasure overwhelm me. It’s a strong invisible robe that tethers us together.