Love Me Back (15 page)

“Take all the time you need, honey.”  She steps back away from me. 

I walk away unable to breath.  My heart is racing and mixing with the heat I feel like I could pass out.  I throw the blue cotton candy in the garbage.  Retracing the whole time I have been here, I start connecting the dots.  He was there when I got off the plane, rented my car for me.  Picked me up for every function, always watching me and warning me against Trent like everyone else.  Oh my god, he is trying to be my father.  I am such an idiot.  I thought he wanted me but he really wanted my approval to date my mom.  Although the thought of them together actually brings vomit up my esophagus, the real question that boggles my mind is if I am upset about my mom dating Gabe or that I’m
not
dating Gabe?

Chapter 13 – College - Freshman Year

I got accepted to State along with Makenna and Bryan.  Trent was accepted too and the soccer team was able to offer him a scholarship but he was offered the same at Thrayer University.  Since they had a better program he reluctantly went there.  To say it was devastating to me was an understatement.

When he told me in the barn one night before graduation I cried so hard I started to hyperventilate.  As much as we knew it was the right decision for Trent and his future in soccer, we knew it wasn’t going to work for us.  We made the ultimate decision that we would spend the summer together and break up when we left for school.  When I say we it was more Trent but deep down I knew it would never work going to separate schools.

The summer was amazing.  After a huge fight with my mom about one of her boyfriends I moved in with the Bassos.  With Gabe being up at a school I stayed in his room but I was rarely in that bed.  Each night Trent and I either went to the barn or snuck into one bed or the other.  Mrs. Basso made dinner for us each night and breakfast every morning.  Trent and I would play cards with his parents some nights after dinner.  I loved being part of a real family.

When summer ended, Trent drove me up to school with his parents to say goodbye.  Mackenna and I were rooming together and Bryan was in the floor below us in the co-ed dorm.  She and Bryan had moved in the day before so they were able to help me get all my stuff up to the sixteen floor dorm room.  Mackenna was so excited and I knew I should be too but all I could think about was saying good-bye to Trent.  A half hour later my nightmare came true for the second time in my life I wouldn’t live ten minutes away from Trent.  I wouldn’t see him every day or be able to kiss or hug him.  Since we agreed on breaking up he would no longer be mine and I assumed he would be someone else’s before the month was over.

I said goodbye to Mr. and Mrs. Basso thanking them for taking such good care of me.  Mrs. Basso cried telling me I was welcome anytime and if I wanted to stay there during breaks it would be fine.  Mr. Basso told me to study hard and concentrate on my studies.  They went into the car waiting for Trent.  I waited while Trent said his goodbyes to Bryan and Kenna.  I never thought how hard it would be for Trent and Bryan to separate after eighteen years of being together but they only gave each other that guy hug shaking hands but leaning in really quick.  I saw the sadness in both their eyes.

“So, guess this is it.”  I said to Trent when he walked over to me.  The tears were coming fast and I didn’t want to cry.

“I guess so.  I’m going to miss you Maddy.”  Trent came in giving me a hug.

“I will miss you too.  Be careful at Thrayer.”  I whispered.

“I’ll be fine.  Call me if you need anything and don’t believe all the things the college boys tell you.”  He pulled me back holding my shoulders.

I shake my head up and down unable to talk.

“I love you Maddy.  Have fun, we only get to do this once you know?’  He smiled showing his dimple making me melt.

“Trent, maybe we should try the long distance thing.”  I questioned not wanting to know he is no longer mine.

“Maddy, trust me this is killing me but we made our decision and it’s the right decision.  We have to experience this college thing without dating someone seriously.”  He pulled me closer hugging me longer and harder.

“I know” I lied.  I wondered if I should transfer to Thrayer University. 

He started kissing my neck bringing his hands to either side of my face tilting my head so he could kiss me.  I had kissed Trent thousands of times but he must have been saving some skills for right now.  My knees gave way but he held me steady with his hand on my back.

“Man, some goodbye kiss.”  Kenna yelled over from where Bryan was holding her tight.

Trent started pulling me closer moving his mouth to my jaw and then neck.  “Always remember Maddy, I love you.”  He softly spoke.

“I love you too Trent.”  I gave him another chaste kiss. 

One more hug and he was gone in his van with his parents waving goodbye to me as Bryan rested on one side of me and Mackenna on the other.  At least I had these two, Trent had no one at Thrayer University but a small part of me thought he liked that.

I was a walking zombie for the first two weeks.  I went to my classes or the library and then came home.  I never went out with Mackenna and Bryan.  On Saturday and Sundays, I stayed in bed the whole day only venturing out for some food, which I would bring home to my dorm.  Trent called me a few times but they only lasted a few minutes and he was too preoccupied with the conversations around him than me.  He seemed to be enjoying himself a lot more than me.

Sunday I was sleeping soundly by myself since Mackenna slept over at Bryans.  His roommate went home every weekend so that is usually where I would find her if I had ever been looking for her.  Suddenly a huge pounding came to my door.  I decide to ignore it; they probably had the wrong door anyway.  The pounding continued and then I heard a male voice telling me to open up the damn door.  I knew that voice and I was surprised to hear it.

I stumble out of bed cringing when I look down at myself.  A tank and boxers, no bra or underwear.  I glance at my closet thinking I should change but he pounds again.  I peek at myself in the mirror, the sight is horrifying.  I obviously have not been taking care of myself these past two weeks.

“Chill out, I am coming.”  I scream back at the guy.  I decide he won’t care how I look so why should I, so I walk over to the door swinging it open. 

“About time Madgirl.”  Gabe looks me up and down.  “Not sure what look you are going for, heartbreak girl or an I don’t give a shit girl.”  He walks into my room sitting on Mackenna’s bed.

“Please come on in Gabe.” I close the door behind him walking over to my bed.

“So, are you going to throw this whole college thing away because of my dipshit brother?”  He is blunt and to the point.

“Why are you here Gabe?”  I ask sitting on my bed bringing my comforter over my lap.

“I had a party last night and Little Ross told me how you have been moping around not doing anything.”

“You still live up here?” 

“Yeah, my brother didn’t tell you?”  He looks at me dumbfounded.  “Of course he didn’t” he smiles obviously aware of something I am not.  “I decided to double major with marketing and economics.  I have another year until I graduate.”

“Man, you’re a go getter huh?”  Just talking about double majoring sounds exhausting.

“Just making sure I have a future that doesn’t involve Belcrest.”

“Really?”  I am surprised.

“What?  You think I want to live the rest of my life in that small town so everyone can know my business.” 

“I guess I just thought you were a lifer.”  I shrug my shoulders.

“You thought wrong.”  He deadpans.  “Now get your shit together and let’s go.”

“Go where?”  I question not moving off the bed.

“We are going to have some fun. You do remember what fun is like, right Madgirl?”  He stands up waiting for me.

“I’m not going anywhere Gabe.”  I shake my head back and forth.

“Listen, don’t think I won’t throw you over my shoulder and drag you into the sunlight.  So, either you get dressed and come quietly or everyone will be able to see you in your tank top and boxers, which I am sure they won’t mind.”  He looks me up and down again.

“You’re so annoying.  Why do you even care what I do?”  I ask still not moving from the bed.

“You are my brother’s girl.  He can’t be here so I will take care of you.”  He starts looking around on my dresser.

“Now you are the one not in the loop.  I’m not your brother’s girl anymore” tears still want to come streaming down.

“I heard something about that but you’re still Trent’s girl just look at those eyes.”  He points to me.

“What?”  I blot my eyes with my fingers.

“You are about two minutes away from crying over him.”  His eyes reflect disappointment or agony I can’t tell which.  “I’m not asking again Madgirl.  I will wait for you outside your door.  You have five minutes.” He walks out shutting the door behind him.

I reluctantly throw the comforter off me getting out of bed.  I guess a shower is out of the question so I shrug on my shorts and t-shirt.  We are in the middle of an Indian summer so I want to make sure I am comfortable on whatever excursion Gabe is planning for me today.  I brush my hair, putting some mascara on my lashes.  I grab my id, phone and money and open the door.

Gabe is resting against the wall playing with his phone while girls stare him down as they walk by.  He walks me around campus showing me the places to get the best food, quiet places to study and bars to check out.  We lick our ice cream cones from his favorite place laughing over funny stories he tells me about places we pass.

By the end of the day my cheeks hurt from smiling and laughing so much.  I hadn’t remembered a day I had so much fun lately and I can’t believe I had Gabe to thank.

In the following weeks Gabe and I spend a lot of time together.  He takes me to the rec center to workout, to the library to study together and even to a party.  Except this time I behave myself and he stays by my side the whole time.  Trent hasn’t contacted me since before Gabe came to my room that day and it struck me that I haven’t even noticed. 

We start meeting regularly for dinners on Friday nights and occasionally meet up on Saturday at a bar or a party.  He tells me how he wants to be in business for himself and not have a boss.  When all the lay-offs happened at the candy plant by us and he saw everyone around him lose their jobs he knew then he didn’t want someone else to be responsible for his success.  The way he talks about his family it is evident how much he loves them.  Football is everything to him and it is hard being at school and not playing but he is still close to a lot of the guys.  There are so many things about him I don’t know, each one bearing a window inside of him.

I find myself telling him things no one knows about me except Mackenna, Bryan and Trent.  I discuss my parents’ divorce, my mom’s extracurricular activates which he isn’t surprised with.   I tell him how bad I want out of Belcrest and don’t understand how Jack can just go back after graduation. 

The topic we never touch on is Trent, as though it is taboo.  I am not sure why Gabe never brings him up but it is hard enough being around Gabe.  He looks so close to Trent and talking about him is still hard.

Gabe drives the three of us home for Thanksgiving and I decide to stay at the Bassos.  Since Gabe is home I slept in Doug’s bedroom who can’t make it back from Washington.  I call my mom but since I have only heard from her twice while I have been away I don’t think she is very concerned where I am spending the holiday.  Jack is going to his new girlfriend Lindsey’s house.  Trent doesn’t come home either.  With soccer season he had practices so he would have dinner at the coach’s house.  I want to sleep in his bed to smell his pillow and sheets but I know it is a bad idea so I stay in Doug’s.

Thanksgiving dinner is hosted at the Bassos.  The house is filled with extended family making the house full of love and warmth.  I never feel like an outsider even without Trent there.  They are my family more than my own.  Of course the house is more old school than new school in the fact that the men watch football all day and the women cook and clean.  I am in the kitchen after dinner helping Mrs. Basso clean the dishes when some of the men come back in for more food.

“What are you boys doing in here?  Didn’t you have enough to eat?” Mrs. Basso glares at Gabe and his cousin Reed taking the bread and turkey out making themselves sandwiches.

“We’re growing boy’s mom.”  Gabe winks at me.

“Gabe you were grown at sixteen.”  Mrs. Basso hits him with a dishtowel.

“There are some girls that would disagree with you there mom.”  Gabe laughs.

“Gabriel Thomas Basso, I know you didn’t just say that not only in front of your mom but Maddy too.”  She points her finger at him.

“Sorry mom, sorry Madgirl.”  He looks sorrowful to his mom but when she turns her back he is chuckling to himself with Reed.

“I hear you boys.”  She says without turning her back.

They make their sandwiches taking a seat at the kitchen table.

“Why aren’t you in there watching football?”   I motion towards the man cave the Basso’s family room turned into.

“Half time” they both say with their mouths full of food.

I grab a soda sitting at the table with them.  “It must be nice to sit around watching football and eating all day.”  I start rubbing my feet.

“It’s awesome, you should try it one year.”  Reed grins over to me taking a bite of his sandwich.  He is a freshman in high school.  He just started growing becoming taller than the girls but his face still had acne on it and braces fill his mouth.  Since he is the son of Mrs. Basso’s brother he doesn’t share the blonde hair Gabe and Trent have but has almost black hair.

“How about we trade spots next year?”  I raise my eyebrows in curiosity while massaging my toes and rotating my ankles.

“Not on your life Maddy” Reed replies.  We all start laughing.  I abruptly stop when someone grabs my feet.

Following my legs with my eyes I see my feet in Gabe’s hands kneading my foot with his fist.  I can’t do anything but tip my head back closing my eyes.  It feels so good.  All of a sudden I realize our surroundings.  It wasn’t unusual for things like this to happen between Gabe and me but never in front of other people.  I wonder if he forgot where we were when he grabbed them.  When I try to pull them back to me, he holds them tighter on his lap.