Love, Rosie (7 page)

Have
you
even
said
hello
to
her
or
has
your
future
wife
yet
to
acknowledge

your
existence?
(Apart
from
handing
you
memos
to
photocopy
of
course.)

One
minute
you’re
a
virgin
and
the
next
minute
you’re
a
sex
god.
Are

you
sure
you
would
even
know
what
to
do?

You
have
an
instant
message
from:
ALEX

Alex:

Rosie:

Alex:

Rosie:

Alex:

Rosie:

Hey
there
Rosie
got
some
news
for
you.

Leave
me
alone
please
I’m
trying
to
concentrate
on
what
Mr.
Simp-

son
is
saying.

Hmmm
wonder
why
.
.
.
could
it
be
those
beautiful
big
blue
eyes
all

you
girls
are
always
going
on
about?

Nope,
I
have
a
great
and
growing
interest
in
excel.
It’s
so
exciting
I

find.
I
could
just
sit
in
and
do
it
all
weekend.

Oh
you’re
turning
into
such
a
bore

I
WAS
JOKING
YOU
IDIOT!
I
bloody
hate
this
crap
my
brain
is

turning
to
mush
from
listening
to
him.
But
go
away
anyway.

love,
rosie

15

Alex:

Rosie:

Alex:

Rosie:

Alex:

Rosie:

Alex:

Rosie:

Alex:

Alex:

Alex:

Rosie:

Do
you
not
wanna
hear
my
news?

Nope

Well
I’m
telling
you
anyway

La
la
ala
la
la
la
la
la
la
la

Shut
up
and
read
Rosie

OK
what’s
the
big
exciting
news?

Well
you
can
eat
your
words
my
friend,
because
virgin
boy
is
no
longer

Is
no
longer
than
a
what?
Baby
sweetcorn?

Ha
ha
is
no
longer
a
virgin
boy

Hello?
You
still
there?

Rosie
c’mon
stop
messing!

Sorry
I
seem
to
have
fallen
off
my
chair
and
knocked
myself
out.
I

had
an
awful
dream
you
said
you
are
no
longer
a
virgin
boy.
I
sup-

pose
that
means
you
won’t
be
wearing
your
underwear
over
those

tights
anymore.

Alex:

Rosie:

Alex:

Rosie:

Alex:

Rosie:

Alex:

Rosie:

I
have
no
need
for
underwear
at
all
now.

Uuuugh!
So
who’s
the
unlucky
girl?
Please
don’t
say
Bethany
please

don’t
say
Bethany.

Tough
shit
it’s
Bethany.
Well?

Well
what?

Well
say
something.

People
will
stare.

Ha
ha
OK
then
type
something.

Well
I
really
don’t
know
what
you
want
me
to
say
Alex.
I
think
you

need
to
get
yourself
some
male
friends
because
I’m
not
gonna
slap

you
on
the
back
and
look
for
gory
details.

Alex:

Rosie:

Alex:

Rosie:

Alex:

Rosie:

Just
tell
me
what
you
think.

Well
to
be
honest,
from
what
I
hear
about
her,
I
think
she’s
a
slut.

Oh
come
on
you
don’t
even
no
the
girl,
you’ve
never
even
met
her.