Love Songs for the Road (13 page)

“Okay, then. Feel better soon.”

Marcus tried again to conjure that “ideal world” where he and Ryan could be together. It wasn’t easy, with so much reality encroaching. In the real world the only way to avoid pain and frustration was to keep things strictly professional. Thankfully, he had a few days at Canyon Ranch to look forward to, with the kids in LA but Ryan very much along for the ride. And the Ranch was as close to an ideal world as he could imagine. They’d only be there for five days, but he meant to take full advantage.

Chapter Seventeen

The Ranch

Ryan couldn’t help but laugh at the fact that everybody referred to the luxurious spa where they were staying as “the Ranch.” Having grown up on an actual ranch (albeit a humble one), she’d milked cows, birthed calves, shorn sheep, and stopped by the chicken coop each morning to collect fresh eggs. But she didn’t see anybody caring for livestock here. The only needs the guests at Canyon Ranch were tending to were their own, though those needs were surprisingly plentiful.

The retreat felt absurd and unreal, and yet after two days walking the stone pathways between the many various outbuildings, participating daily in as many as six classes (the selections included yoga and Pilates, of course, and many others such as
Extreme Cardio
,
Deep Water Pump
,
Astrology and Gemstones for Personal Growth
,
Wallyball
,
Desert Drumming
,
Buff Booty II
—which sounded to Ryan like a porn film—and a sculpture class called
Malleable Expressions
), and eating the low-calorie but (Marcus was right, again) addictively tasty food in a resplendent dining room, everything had begun to seem oddly normal, even inevitable.

She’d become more and more friendly with Serena, who had relaxed considerably now that she had nothing to do but exercise and eat unreasonably delicious health food. The two of them had been attending classes together and sharing meals, and had fun gawking at the handful of celebrities who mixed in subtly with the other “regular” wealthy New Yorkers and Angelenos. “Look,” an amazed Ryan said at Pilates, “there’s Anderson Cooper.” Though the CNN newscaster, fit and devastatingly handsome, was indeed there, punishing his core along with everyone else, the two girls had fun pretending that
everyone
in the place was a celebrity. “Look, there’s Kim Kardashian,” Serena whispered at breakfast, nodding toward an overweight brunette with the bandages from a recent plastic surgery experiment still covering her cheeks and nose.

“Before she hooked up with Kanye?” Ryan asked. This was one of the few celebrity facts she knew. She was damn well going to show it off.

“Ah, Kim,” Serena sighed. “Another talentless beauty, shacking up with a famous musician—I guess you can’t fault her, though. She plays the game, and she plays it very, very well.”

Ryan knew Serena wasn’t intentionally making comparisons, but the scenario did sound painfully familiar. “Serena,” Ryan said, then inhaled. “You know nothing’s happened between Marcus and me, right?”

“Of course, yeah.” She patted Ryan’s hand. “That is
so
not what I meant.”

“I know. It’s just—we both work for him, and I want you to know, everything in those stories—that’s not me, that’s not who I am.”

Serena smiled. “You’re saying that, contrary to appearances, you’re
not
totally consumed by celebrity worship and gold digging?”

Ryan laughed. “Exactly.”

Serena stirred her iced coffee, her lips curled in a half smile. “But he
obviously
has a crush on you. You see that, right?”

Ryan blushed. “So I’m not just imagining it?”

“Oh, hell no. It’s like he can’t
help himself
from flirting with you.”

“Oh my God. I flirt with him, too, without even trying.” Ryan had her head in her hands. She’d had no idea how clearly others—her mom didn’t count, because she thought
every
man had a crush on her—could see the chemistry between her and her boss. To make her own observations, and track her own feelings was one thing, but to hear it from Serena was quite another. Maybe Marcus really did have feelings for her.
Marcus Troy
—she couldn’t get over it. “What am I gonna do about this?”

Serena shrugged. “I don’t know, I mean, stay away from reporters, of course. But other than that, why not go for it? I haven’t been around Marcus long—”

“Shh,” Ryan said, glancing around the table to see if anyone was listening.

“—but he doesn’t seem to flirt as a rule, or hit on random women. I think he actually might really like you. And he’s a pretty terrific guy. You should feel lucky.”

Ryan was flattered, and relieved—thank God someone as trustworthy as Serena could confirm what was happening between them—but also embarrassed. She hadn’t powwowed with a girlfriend in so long, and she was just getting to know Serena.

“Hey, look—there’s Willie Nelson,” Ryan said, grateful for a distraction, pointing to an ancient man with the spindly knot of a ponytail cascading down his back.

“And there’s post-retirement Ryan Seacrest,” Serena said of the tannest, most well-scrubbed sixty-year-old white man she had ever seen.

Speaking of older white men, Ryan hadn’t seen much of Marcus, though she hadn’t been avoiding him on purpose. She wondered whether he’d been consciously avoiding
her
. It would have made sense to keep his distance. While the other guests, as he’d predicted, weren’t whipping out their phones to snap celeb shots, they did have eyes; they would notice if he was dining with the infamous nanny from the pictures and the videos. If Marcus didn’t want to give credence to these rumors, staying away from Ryan would be the smart move.

But public relations was hardly the only obstacle to their spending time together. The moment they’d arrived at the Ranch, Jacey had stuck to Marcus like a bored housewife to a yoga mat, and simply wouldn’t let go. At the omelet bar each morning, she ordered him egg whites and red peppers before he arrived at the Captain’s Table. At
Feng Shui for a Sensual Environment
, she fluffed his pillows and gave him winking suggestions on his home décor. And at
Gait & Footwear Analysis
, there Jacey was again, by Marcus’s side, expertly massaging his arches under the helpful direction of instructor Darius Lee.

On their third day at the ranch, Ryan got up at six forty-five. With some embarrassment the day before, she’d told Serena that she had never learned to ride a bike. Serena, astounded, had offered to teach her the following morning, early, so that no one else would see. But by five after seven, Serena still hadn’t materialized, so Ryan, assuming her would-be instructor had overslept, headed toward her cabin.

But before she’d taken ten steps, a voice said, “Where are you going?” Ryan turned around and saw Marcus, smiling and waving the keys to the bike storage shed.

“Huh?” Ryan said. “Where’s Serena?”

“She’s down with the bug, it looks like,” Marcus said. “But I can teach you a thing or two.”

“No, I should go check on her.”

“She’s fine. Or will be in thirty-six hours. Anyway, she’s sleeping now. Best thing we can do is give her time to rest.” He nodded toward the shed. “Come on, let’s pick out a good one for you.”

“Are you sure? You know I’ve never done this before.”

“Don’t worry,” Marcus said with a grin. “It’s just like riding a bike.”

Chapter Eighteen

Just Like Riding a Bike

“Let me get this straight,” Marcus said, trying not to ogle Ryan in her running shorts and tight-fitting sports top. “You grew up in Big Sky Country, and nobody ever taught you how to ride a bike?”

“The only people who ride bikes in Bigfork are tourists and Lance Armstrong wanna-be’s,” Ryan said. “The rest of us drive. I could fully operate a tractor by nine.”

Marcus had been waiting for an opportunity like this since the moment they’d arrived at the Ranch. It had been next to impossible to shake Jacey, who’d been following him around, as dutiful as a Golden Retriever, since their arrival. So he’d jumped on this biking opportunity as soon as Serena had called in sick at the crack of dawn this morning. The bike paths at the Ranch were sparsely populated even at midday, and here it was, not even seven o’clock. With only two days left in the blissful simplicity of the retreat environment, this was his last, best chance of getting Ryan to himself.

“But didn’t any of your friends ride? I picture you Kalispell kids biking to school every day.”

“Wow, you really are summer people.”

“Summer people?”

“A vacationer. A part-time Montanan. You’ll be long gone by October, but if you stuck around, you’d know that’s when the snow starts, and that it doesn’t end until May.”

“Which is pretty much the entire school year.” Marcus did plan on being in Bigfork through the year this year—he was hoping to live there full time from now on, to slow down the touring a little and settle in so he could show Bianca he deserved to have the kids more—but he didn’t mention it. Would it ever even matter?

“Yep. And we lived nine miles away from my grammar school, so—”

“Okay, I get it. But you’re here. So I take it you want to learn now?”

“I wanted to learn from Serena. She seemed like she’d be a good rider. But you…” Ryan eyed him skeptically, a smile teasing at her lips.

“Oh, I can ride.”

“I don’t doubt it,” Ryan said. “But are you sure you don’t want to invite Jacey along? You guys have been spending an
awful
lot of time together.”

“Not by choice, believe me.”

Truer words had never been spoken, but how could he tell a girl who had seemingly never heard the word “no” that he didn’t feel that way about her? He felt a little guilty for skipping breakfast—where Jacey was surely waiting for him right now—but he was going to have to man up and tell her once and for all that nothing was going to happen between them.
This afternoon,
he thought.
Next time I see her.

Ryan nodded, giving in. “Okay, show me what you know.”

“Oh, this looks perfect,” Marcus said, after entering the shed and spotting a bike fixed in a stationary stand. “Go ahead and swing your leg over”—he was tempted to use the word
straddle
, but restrained himself—“and we’ll see if it fits.”

Marcus stood over the front wheel and grabbed the handlebars, steadying the bike as Ryan did, indeed, straddle it. She rested her hand on his chest briefly to balance herself, and he had to concentrate to steady his breathing. He was an addict, chasing after the feeling of that moment when he’d first cradled her hand in his. Like an addict, too, he realized, he was risking an awful lot—he still hadn’t gotten any news on the custody hearing, but surely the best move would have been to avoid Ryan in the meantime—to chase this particular high. But he couldn’t help himself. He missed Ryan. Being close to her like this, talking and flirting with her, just felt so good.

“Okay, the frame height seems just about right.” Marcus knew that it should sit an inch or so below crotch level, but he was careful not to use
that
awkward word. “Hoist yourself up onto the seat and put your feet on the pedals.”

“All righty.” Ryan seemed to be avoiding his eyes. He thought she must be nervous, but she kept her emotions on such a short leash, he never knew for sure what she was thinking.

“Okay, pedal.”

“Here?”

Marcus laughed. “Don’t worry, you’re not going anywhere, not in this stand.”

Ryan peddled while Marcus held onto the handlebars and had another look at her legs. God, was she beautiful. He asked her to stop pedaling and stand on the pedals as he raised the seat a couple inches. “Okay, sit back down and do it again.”

“This is easy. It’s just like spinning class.”

“Well, you might find some differences once we get out on the road.”

“On the road?” Ryan asked. “Yikes. You think I’m ready?”

Marcus tried for eye contact. He wanted to know if she was actually scared, or whether, maybe, she didn’t want this the way he did—the bike ride, the time together, any of it.

“Aww, come on, don’t wimp out on me now.”

She looked him dead in the eye, and he realized that appealing to her competitive nature had never failed him yet. She was a runner, after all, an athlete who didn’t back down from a challenge.

“Nobody’s wimping out,” she said, pulling a helmet off the rack and strapping it around her chin with a sly smile.

Ryan got the hang of it in no time. Within twenty minutes, she could go in a straight line indefinitely. Within thirty minutes, she could brake and dismount. And after forty-five, she could accelerate and switch gears with impressive smoothness.

Marcus felt a little disappointed. He’d wanted her to do well on the bike, of course. But he had hoped she’d struggle at least a little, just enough so he could indulge in the fantasy of gently encouraging her during a moment of frustration, or of picking her up and comforting her after a minor scrape. She’d have had to lean on him as she stood up, maybe even fall into his arms, give herself up entirely, maybe support her hips as she found her balance or press her body up against his in a moment of abandon. He longed to feel her skin against his, and he imagined the sweet taste of her lips.

“Are you
sure
you’ve never done this before?” he asked.

“Swear to God.”

“Well, you’re damned good at it. I’m impressed.”

“I had a pretty good teacher.” For the first time, she smiled fully, openly. And it was breathtaking. All the light in the world seemed to reflect off Ryan’s kind, open, beautiful face.

“Have you had Darius’s class?” she asked him.

“The yoga guru? Sure. Why?”

“At the end of the class, did he ask you to visualize your ‘peaceful place’?”

“Of course, that’s his shtick. I picked the deck of my house in Bigfork, actually. You?”

“I imagined a beach in Costa Rica. Which is funny, considering I’ve never been anywhere near the place.”

Marcus laughed. “Not a requirement, as far as I know.”

“Anyway, while we were doing Shavasana, he asked us to imagine this fantasy world as a place where all tension, and all conflicts, fall away. A place of pure peace.”

“Sounds awesome.”

They rode in silence for a few minutes, gliding over the undulating paved roads that bordered the resort. Once they got high enough, they enjoyed a long view of rolling desert hills blanketed with cacti, Indian Paintbrush, and jagged rocks.

“Maybe we’re there already,” Ryan said, almost to herself.

“What’s that?”

“The place of peace. Maybe the Ranch is the place where we’ve come to let go of everything.”

“And let our conflicts fall away?”

“Exactly.”

“That’s why I come here. Some of the classes are ridiculous, but man, is it quiet here. And so private.”

“I feel so—I don’t want to sound cheesy, but—free.”

“I know exactly what you mean. It’s so tranquil and private. You can really let your guard down.”

Ryan seemed to hesitate. “Is it private enough, though, Marcus?”

“How do you mean?”

“Well, I know nobody’s following us around and taking pictures here, obviously.”

“Yeah. Isn’t it a nice break?”

“It is. But…”

“What?”

“Well, I noticed you’ve been steering clear of me a little since we got here.” Ryan’s bike wobbled slightly. He was afraid she might lose control and take a spill. But she righted herself calmly. “And before that, too.”

“Not on purpose, believe me.”
Damn that Jacey.

“Marcus, it’s okay, really. I get it. Spending all this one-on-one time with your nanny doesn’t exactly send the right image to your fans.”

“No, that’s not it, really.” Marcus didn’t give a damn about what his fans thought. Of course, he didn’t want to give Bianca any further ammunition, if she really was going to push forward with this full-custody thing. But Bianca wasn’t here, on this winding, isolated path, and he didn’t want to burden Ryan with those details. He just wanted to
be
with Ryan, in the here and now.

“It doesn’t send the right message to your kids, either,” she said.

“Are you kidding? Charlotte was practically pressing our lips together. You had to see that.”

“Marcus, she’s ten. She likes me, and she wants you to be happy, but that doesn’t mean she’s a good judge of whether this would work or not.”

“Is anyone ever a good judge of what’s going to work and what’s not?” Marcus said, his own bike wobbling a little as he spent more time looking at Ryan than he did at the road. “Life doesn’t work that way. You just have to take a leap of faith and hope for the best.”

“But that’s terrifying.”

“Yeah, it is, sometimes.” He laughed. “It really is.”

He couldn’t believe they were actually discussing this. He’d been wanting someone like Ryan, someone sexy and grounded and real, for so long. Could she really feel the same way about him?

They’d been riding up a hill, and Marcus was nearly too out of breath to talk. Not wanting Ryan to see him wheeze, he accelerated past her, standing on the pedals for more leverage. But she only did the same, mimicking his movements perfectly and keeping right up with him. When they reached a cul-de-sac
at the top of the hill, he’d had enough. He pumped twice more and stopped in his tracks.

Ryan swerved to avoid bumping into him, and she barely avoided falling, her bike skidding awkwardly into the curb.

“Are you okay?” Marcus said. He threw his bike down and supported her, one hand on her shoulder, the other at her waist.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Ryan said. Marcus let go, but stayed close.

“So Ryan, I’m not going to say I had a grand master-plan in coming here to the Ranch…”

“You didn’t, huh?” He was going for total sincerity, and here she was, teasing him.

“The main thing was to escape the press, and like we said, get some privacy. But that same privacy, I was thinking, could give us a chance to explore—”

“Explore what, exactly, Mr. Troy?” she said in a near-whisper.

Ryan moved closer to him. They were almost touching.

“Wow, you sure
are
feeling free.” He hadn’t known she had a playful side, a seductive side. Now
that
was exciting. If any barrier between them still existed, he was ready to break it down. “I don’t know, Ms. Evans,” he said. “Why don’t you get off your bike for a second, and we can make a determination.”

Ryan laughed softly, swinging her right leg over the bike frame. Marcus wanted her in the worst way. He hadn’t been overcome with desire like this in years. Scratch that; he had
never
wanted someone like this. All the tension that had been building up between them over the last few weeks, those close-but-not-quite encounters…he was absolutely desperate for her now.

He pressed Ryan to him, his hands firm on her smooth, shapely hips. A moan escaped his lips this time, as she ran her fingers over his chest. “All of this, this whole trip, it’s for you, Ryan. You know that, don’t you?”

She smiled at him. He’d thought she was going to be shy in this moment, but she seemed anything but. “That can’t be true,” she teased. “I’m just the nanny.”

“You’re so much more than that.” He was so glad to be done with all the anticipation, all the waiting: waiting to tell her how he felt, waiting to kiss her, waiting to explore the body he’d been lusting after.

“I’ve wanted you from the moment I saw you,” he said.

“I know.” She brought her hands behind Marcus’s back, up past his shoulders, and through his hair. He couldn’t believe it was finally happening. “Now, are you going to kiss me, or not?”

But Marcus, in an about-face, wanted to wait, to savor the delicious anticipation just a moment longer. He knew they’d never have their first kiss again. A raspy moan escaped her as he wrapped his hand around her ponytail and pulled the rubber band off in a single smooth motion.

“What are you doing?” Ryan said.

“I want to see you with your hair down.”

He put his hands on her shoulders, pulled back, and had a good look at her. Her silky chestnut hair fell all around her face. He felt like he was seeing her for the first time. “You’re so gorgeous,” he said.

He spread his fingers across her throat, lightly caressed her there. The Smitty angel, dormant for so long, reappeared on his shoulder.
Go for it, dude
, he said.

“Oh God,” Ryan said. She wound her fingers through Marcus’s hair and tugged with a force that surprised him. It was painful, almost, but it was
good
pain.

Marcus grasped at her, too, with a desperate hunger, and when his lips met hers at last, he held Ryan even tighter, as if she were the only thing keeping him from falling or passing out. Her lips and tongue melted into his, and he heard a sound, a melodic, serene sigh, although he didn’t know which one of them it had come from. He pressed his mouth hotly against hers. With their lips and tongues, they teased and flirted, asked questions and gave answers in a wordless dialogue. Marcus felt the heat of the desert sun warming their joined bodies. And the hollow, still emptiness in his chest—the bottomless well of craving and yearning that had been there for so long he forgot it existed—fill with air and light.