Love You to Death (28 page)

“What am I going to do?” I cried into my
hands.

Sissy got up and sat on the couch. She took
me in her frail arms, rocking me like a baby. I’d never seen Sissy
maternal before. She was good at it.

“Don’t you worry. I think he’ll be thrilled
about bein’ a daddy. Gideon’s been after you to marry him for a
while now. I think this’ll cinch it for him.”

“No.” I cried harder. “I can’t.”

“Can’t or won’t?” she said sharply, jerking
back. “I know you got secrets, girlie. Best you tell them now
before someone gets so hurt it can’t be fixed.”

Her eyes drilled into mine until I had to
look away.

“You just tell me this.” She grabbed me by
the chin, forcing me to look at her. “Do you love him?”

“Yes!” So much.

Her grim face softened, fractionally.

“This secret you’re keepin’, that’s why you
can’t marry him?”

My head barely moved forward. Sissy pinched
her lips together, thinking. “You gotta tell him. You can’t go into
a relationship with secrets. It’ll bite ya in the butt later.
Believe me.”

“I’m scared.”

“Well, get unscared. You want this baby?”

“Yes.” I splayed my fingers over the bump I’d
mistaken for overeating.

“Then you’re gonna have to tell Gideon. You
owe it to him to at least tell him why you can’t marry him.”

Wearily, I closed my eyes, letting my head
fall back onto the arm of the sofa.

“Are you mad at me?” I asked, keeping my eyes
closed so I couldn’t see if she was.

“Mad? About the baby?”

I nodded.

“You got some strange notions.” She snorted.
“I’m gonna be a grandma again. We haven’t had a baby in this house
since Cort was born. Don’t get me wrong. I wished you’d have done
it the right way. Ya know, get married
then
have a baby, but
worse things have happened. You’re both mature for your age, both
been through some real bad times. I’ll tell ya the truth, you and
Gideon are more grounded than Hal and I were at your ages.” She
stood up, sighing wistfully. “Nah, I ain’t mad. But you break my
boy’s heart and I might be.”

“I love him. I really do. I don’t want to
break his heart.”

“Alright then, I guess we need to get you
into town. I’ll call Doc Rondell, get ya an appointment.” She
walked to the doorway and paused. Turning to me she said, “I’m not
tellin’ anybody anything til you do. Maybe you ought to wait until
after the doctor visit to tell Gideon.”

“Okay,” I agreed whole heartedly. I needed
time to let my own shock wear off before I told Gideon.

* * * *

According to the doctor I was four months
along. Little baby Shepherd was due the first week of July. Doctor
Lida Rondell was in her mid-forties. She congratulated me and sent
me home with a prescription for prenatal vitamins and a binder full
of instructions and magazines. I dropped off the prescription and
climbed into the truck.

My palms were sweaty and slipped from the
steering wheel a few times. I was driving without a license, which
sent Gideon through the roof every time I did it, but I had to this
time. I didn’t want anyone to know about the baby. Not until I told
Gideon first.

A flash of sun glinted off a store front
window. I glanced in the general direction. My breath hitched. My
heart stopped beating for a split second then almost galloped up my
throat. Blond tufts of hair, dark sunglasses... I slowed down for a
yellow light, craning my neck to see the pedestrians I’d just
passed.

Nothing. I didn’t see a blond man in dark
glasses walking down the street or standing anywhere. I made myself
take deep breaths—just my overactive imagination. I was dealing
with a very sensitive situation; my stress level was a little high.
I was seeing things. There was no way Cass knew where I was.

The light turned green and I continued
home.

Lucky for me, Gideon wasn’t home. I pulled
the truck around back and let myself into the kitchen. Aurora was
tying on an apron, getting ready to make dinner.

“Hey there, sugar.” She kissed my cheek.
“Where ya been?”

“In town, I had a few errands,” I said,
trying to conceal the bag.

“I’m making meatloaf for dinner, your
favorite,” she smiled.

Aurora was such a good-hearted person.

“Great. Let me go put this stuff away and
I’ll help.”

I rushed up the stairs to my room. I hid the
bag in the closet. Turning to leave, I caught my reflection in the
full length mirror. I lifted my shirt. My stomach was still
relatively flat, but there was a puffed little mound right in the
middle that gave away the life forming inside of me.

“Hang in there, baby,” I said caressing my
belly. “I promise I’ll take good care of you.”

* * * *

Sissy eyed me like a hawk from her seat at
the head of the table. I squirmed in my chair. Tonight I was going
to spill the beans and she knew it.

I was nervous. I picked at my meatloaf.

“Is your dinner okay?” Aurora asked.

JD, Cort, and Maggie stopped talking to look
at me. Gideon had a forkful of mashed potatoes lifted to his opened
mouth but lowered it back to his plate, waiting for my answer. I
cast a helpless look at Sissy.

“She was snackin’ again,” Sissy said, tearing
into a dinner roll. “I told her not to spoil her dinner.”

“Ah, well, sugar, I know you’ll be hungry
later. I’ll wrap your leftovers and put them in the fridge.” Aurora
gave me a conspiratorial wink. Did Sissy tell her? My eyes flew to
Sissy. She shrugged at me.

“I think you need to switch to chewing gum,”
Maggie said, nibbling a baby carrot. “Your looks’ll be gone before
ya know it. No need to help the inevitable.”

“Margaret,” JD said in warning.

“Oh, Daddy, Arden knows what I’m sayin’.
Right?” She speared another carrot.

“Yeah, I do need to watch what I eat. I’ve
been overdoing it lately.” I reached for my glass of tea,
swallowing large gulps.

Maggie gave JD an I-told-you-so look. JD
shook his head. Stewie looked from person to person, completely
oblivious.

“Women,” JD muttered.

“In fact,” I said, pushing my chair back. “I
think I’m going to go lay down.”

“Again?” Cort said, licking his fork. “You
sure got lazy the last few weeks.”

“Shut up, Cort,” Gideon said. He was studying
me now, scrutinizing me with his doctor vision. “You okay?”

“Mmhmm. Fine,” I said trying to dispel the
concern creeping into his countenance. He pushed his chair away
from the table, standing. “I’ll take you upstairs.”

“I’ll take care of your dishes,” Aurora
smiled.

“Thanks,” I murmured.

Gideon took me by the hand and led me
upstairs. In my room I changed into my thermal sleep set before
padding down the hall to Gideon’s room. He was lounging against a
pyramid of pillows. I slid under the covers and snuggled into the
crook of his arm, laying my face on his chest, over his heart.

We lay there, listening to each other breathe
for I don’t know how long. He bent his head to kiss the top of my
head.

“Everything alright?” he asked.

“Yeah, sure.”

I’m pregnant. Great. Now all I had to do is
say it out loud.

“You’ve been distracted lately.”

“Have I?”

“Whatever it is, you can talk to me.” He gave
me a gentle squeeze.

Here goes...

“I...uh...I do want to tell you something,” I
stammered.

He slid his arm from around my shoulders,
propping himself up.

“I’m all ears.” He grinned.

I blew out a breath, my fingers twisting in
the sheet. Gideon laid his free hand over them.

“You’re scarin’ me, babe.”

“Sorry.” I blew out another breath and
another. Finally I said, “You never said how you felt about
kids.”

“Kids?” He looked confused.

“Yeah, do you want them?” I avoided looking
at him. Instead, I stared at the rich burgundy comforter.

“Yes, absolutely, someday I want a whole
houseful of them, after we’re married.”

I closed my eyes. Oh God! He wouldn’t want
our baby now.

“Hey...hey...What’s all this about?” He
swiped a tear as it ran down my cheek.

“Oh, Gideon, please don’t hate me.” I wept.
He gathered me into his arms.

“I could never hate you.” He kissed each of
my eyelids.

“I’m having a baby.” I sniffled into his
chest.

“What?” He went so still I thought maybe he
passed out.

I opened my eyes, pushing myself up from him.
He was grinning like the village idiot. He jumped from the bed with
a “Yeah!” that vibrated off the walls. Then he jumped back into the
bed and smothered me with kisses that trailed to my stomach.

“Hello, baby,” he cooed into my belly. “I’m
your Daddy.”

He was excited! I laced my fingers into his
wavy hair, relieved.

“I guess it’s safe enough now to tell you I
noticed you’d put on a few pounds?” He chuckled.

I smacked his shoulder playfully.

“How long have you known?”

“A week, but I went to the doctor today.”

“When?”

“Around lunchtime—”

“No. I mean when is he comin’?”

“Oh. Uh, the baby is due the first week of
July.”

“That’s great. We could have a Fourth of July
baby.”

He scooted up beside me, getting back under
the covers. He nuzzled my neck, humming a few bars of Brahms’s
Lullaby.

“We’ll turn the guest room next door into a
nursery,” he said. “Maybe we’ll do a sports theme.”

“Why are you so sure it’s a boy?”

“Because all the first-born Shepherd babies
are boys.” He reached out to turn off the lamp. Moonlight spilled
through the window, crisscrossing over the bed in a checker
pattern.

“Well, the Elliotts have girls,” I said.

“I don’t care if it’s a boy or a girl. I’ll
love either one because it’ll be a part of you,” he said, hugging
me close. A second later I felt his lips moving over mine in a
sweet symphony of kisses.

Chapter
Twenty-Five

“C’mon little Mama,” Maggie chirped. She was
juggling several shopping bags in each hand while sipping from a
Starbucks cup. We were shopping for shoes—my feet were swelling
early according to Aurora—and Maggie was buying everything in
sight.

The last month had been a blur. The family
was ecstatic over the news. Aurora said she had it figured out by
the time I had my doctor’s appointment. “A woman knows, sugar.”
She’d laughed.

Stewie thought this was going to be his
little baby brother or sister. He didn’t get the dynamics or the
fact that I wasn’t his mother so my baby couldn’t be his sibling. I
gave up and let him think what he wanted.

“Can we sit? My feet are killing me,” I
whined, parking my expanding butt on a cold iron bench.

“I guess so.” Maggie flopped down beside me,
dumping the bags at her feet. I took a careful sip of my decaf
latte, scanning the other shoppers passing by.

“Sorry, Mags. I’m lugging some extra poundage
here. I need sit breaks.”

“I know. I still can’t believe you got
knocked up.” She shook her head, spilling blond locks over her
slender shoulders. “Have you not listened to a thing I’ve told
you?”

“I guess not.” I laughed.

“So, when are you getting married?” she asked
nonchalantly, pretending to be engrossed in a group of young men
entering the deli.

“We aren’t.”

“Says you, but I know Gideon—”

“Why is everyone expecting us to get
married?” I snapped.

“Uh, the little butterball you’re growin’?”
She gestured to my six month abdominal extension.

I rolled my eyes. “What is this, the
sixteenth century?”

“You love him, right?” Maggie met my
irritated gaze with her questioning eyes.

“Yes, of course I do. Just because I can’t
marry him doesn’t mean I don’t love him.”

“Can’t?” Maggie asked.

“What?”

“You said can’t. You
can’t
marry
him.”

I waved at her, dismissing the whole
conversation.

“Don’t wave at me.” She straightened her
back. “I heard it.”

“A slip of the tongue, for God’s sake, Mags,
lighten up.”

“I just don’t see why you can’t at least let
him give you the ring.” She sipped her coffee. “It’s a gorgeous
antique. It was his mother’s and her mother’s before her—”

“What?” I accidently breathed in my latte and
started choking. I bent over trying to cough the liquid out of my
trachea. Maggie pounded on my back. It was then that a pair of
expensive black loafers caught my eye.

I stopped coughing because I’d stopped
breathing altogether. I didn’t dare raise myself back up to sitting
until the shoes were halfway down the block.

Very calmly and slowly I raised myself up,
still staring down the walkway. Panic gripped me. There he was—Cass
in all his glory—his artfully styled hair blowing in the breeze as
he ambled his way down the sidewalk. I felt like I was going to
throw up and pass out at the same time. How did he find me here? It
was impossible. I left no trail. Not paper or money. I hadn’t even
hocked the rings.

“Arden?” Maggie said worriedly.

“Shhh!” I hissed.

She bent down beside me. “What’s wrong? You
look like you’re gonna be sick.”

“Nothing, I got a cramp,” I lied. “I’m tired,
Mags. I need to go home.”

“Okay. Wait here. I’ll go get the car.”

I pretended to doze while Maggie drove us
home. I felt terrible for causing Maggie to worry, but unable to do
anything about it. My heart palpitations could be confused with the
whirring of helicopter blades. The baby was kicking and moving
around inside me as if he or she knew I was upset and scared.

Absently, I rubbed my stomach in a light
circling motion.

“Are you still cramping?” Maggie sounded
flustered.