Love/Fate (24 page)

Jada smiled, and held Sunny around her waist as they walked back to the car. She nodded her head, too choked up to respond verbally. Because after all she had been through, Jada was proud of
herself.
They piled into the limo, and headed to Jada's house to welcome the steady stream of well-wishers that they knew would surely come. Some of Edna's friends would be there to show support, and to genuinely express their condolences.

Others would only be coming to see what was what. They had heard about Edna's two daughters—one who was a recovering crackhead, and the other, a successful attorney from Philly. They wanted to see what they looked like, and how Jada's house looked. For that reason, Jada began to straighten up the house, so that the nosy broads coming to snoop would have nothing but good things to run back and tell the rest.

Soon the guests began to arrive, and they all had stories about Edna. One after another, they regaled Jada and Ava with story after story about Edna's acts of kindness. How she'd volunteered at soup kitchens, and visited the sick as a member of the missionary board. The solo that Edna sang off-key whenever she got the chance. They all spoke of Edna's faith and devotion to the church. Jada and Ava were soon overwhelmed with hearing all the wonderful stories about their mother. Jada listened, happy that so many people had come to love her mother. She continued playing the perfect hostess, as guests milled about her house. But her mind soon drifted elsewhere.

All she could think about was Born's voice in her ear. He missed her.

He didn't hate her. He thought about her all the time. Jada went through the motions of entertaining her guests, and she counted down the hours until she could see the man she still loved once again. The hours ticked by so slowly, and she could hardly wait to see his face once again.

Born sat at the corner table in the back of the soul food restaurant, wondering why he felt strange sensations in his stomach. Could it be that Jada still made him feel this fire after all these years? Born was anxious to see her, but nervous at the same time. So much time had passed since the last time he'd been face-to-face with her. He sipped his drink, glancing periodically at the entrance, waiting for the moment that she would walk through the door. She didn't make him wait very long.

Jada entered the restaurant, greeted all the regulars, and scanned the room for the love of her life. She felt a knot in her stomach from anticipation. It had been so long since she had last seen Born that she wondered how he had changed, what was different. She wondered if he would think she looked the same, or if she had aged. Would the few pounds she'd gained over the years be instantly recognized? These things she wondered about as her eyes subtly perused the scene.

Jada glanced down at her clothes, unsure. But she decided that the 7 For All Mankind jeans, salmon-colored top, and matching stiletto boots she wore were fine. She couldn't believe her hands were actually trembling from jitters. Born took it all in, noticing how sexy she still was. Her body was still exquisite; she looked even better than she had the last time he had seen her. He sat dumbfounded, in awe of her, and remembered the very first time he had laid eyes on her. Strutting down the street, with all that body and so many secrets. All the years of loving her came flooding back. Jada turned, and their eyes met across the room. She spotted Born at the table in the back, where she knew he had strategically placed himself to avoid being seen. Born had always been the type to lay in the cut, and avoid detection. She headed toward him smiling, her heart racing all the way. He still looked so good. His smile was so familiar, the way the corners of his eyes creased when he did so. His dimples, which
Jada loved so much. Jada felt his eyes penetrating her, and she grabbed her snakeskin clutch tighter in the palm of her hands, and scanned his face as she walked toward him. She felt like time was standing still as she approached his table. Each one step felt like two.

Born stood to his feet, and Jada realized that she had forgotten just how powerful his presence was. He towered over her, fifteen pounds heavier than the last time they'd seen each other, but still so handsome, still so incredibly sexy. He wore a button-up Rocawear shirt, matching jeans, and a pair of Uptowns. His icy chain, dripping in brilliant diamonds, hung low on his chest. She took all of him in, and he could see by the look on her face and the sparkle in her eyes that she liked what she saw. Her smile made his heart race. He pulled her close to him in a firm embrace that was so long and so meaningful that some of the other patrons turned and smiled at them, seeing that there was obviously love between these two. The years had passed, so much had changed, and yet his arms—these arms—felt so familiar. Jada lost herself in them briefly. For several moments, he held her. Then he pulled back ever so slightly and gazed into her eyes, seeing the tears that she was trying so hard to hold back.

“You're still gorgeous. You know that?” he asked.

She smiled, shyly, getting butterflies after all this time. “Thank you.” Jada smiled, still holding on to him for dear life. She felt that if he let go she might not be able to stand on her shaky legs. “And you're still the Ayes t nigga on Staten Island.”

Born smiled, and hugged her once more. Then he released her body's familiar softness, and pulled Jada's chair out for her. She sat down, and he sat across from her. Jada felt like she was sitting in the middle of a crowded room, and all she could see was Born. She knew that he saw her clearly. She felt transparent, and naked, like she had felt the first time they made love. This was the one person who knew her inside and out. And she knew him just as well.

Born sat there looking at her for several moments. No words were necessary, as they took in one another's presence. He had seen her in his
dreams countless times, pictured her face perfectly in his imagination. But seeing her now—in the flesh—brought him a joy that was unexplainable.

Jada broke the silence that lingered, saying simply, “Wow.” She looked at him staring back at her. “I can't believe it took us this long to see each other again.”

He shook his head. “Me, either. Yo, I thought about what it would be like to see you today, and I never thought it would feel like this.”

Jada frowned, slightly. “Feel like what? How do you feel?”

He shrugged. “I can't explain it. I feel so fuckin' … happy,” he said, grinning from ear to ear. “Man, if you only knew how fast my heart started beating when you walked in here!”

He looked at her pretty doelike eyes. He collected himself, and said, “I'm really sorry to hear about your mother.”

She thanked him, and Born looked at Jada. He saw her through new eyes as she sat there, so vulnerable still. He remembered when he'd hated that vulnerability, recalled that he'd seen that as a weakness. The same type of weakness his father had shown. They were one and the same in his mind all those years ago. But now he realized
how much
he had held Jada accountable for how Leo had let him down, and he was sorry for that. It wasn't weakness he seen in Jada. It was tenderness, underneath all that tough talk. It was gentleness and vulnerability beneath the surface of her rough layers. What she had needed wasn't tough love, but a love that would have helped her overcome any obstacle. Looking at Jada, he felt like he had let her down as much as she'd him. He could only imagine what depths she'd fallen to before climbing her way out and rising to the top of the heap. He was proud of her for being strong enough to pull herself up. For being stronger than his father had been.

Jada, on the other hand, stared at Born, realizing just where she'd gone wrong. This man before her was just a man. Nothing more. She had expected him to save her. To change her life and right all the wrongs she'd suffered. And for a while Born had done just that. But it wasn't up to him to save her life. She'd had to do it for herself. Just like Miss Ingrid had told her. Jada understood how true that was now. She had had to
fight her own demons, just as her mother had learned. Like Edna, Jada had wanted to relinquish control completely. She'd wanted Born to rush in and save her. Writing had become more than a job for Jada. It was so therapeutic, and Jada had learned a lot about herself through her writing. She had realized that she had been longing for a father all her life. When she was angry with Edna as a teenager growing up, part of that anger stemmed from the absence of her father. Jada had never really grieved his loss. Instead, she'd mothered Edna back to life, and then gone in search of someone to take her father's place. Someone to fill the void of a daddy's love, which every girl needs so desperately. Born had become that father figure to her, and she had depended on him for everything. She had expected Born to rescue her from addiction. But instead he had left her to fend for herself, and for a long time Jada had been angry with him for that. Now she understood that Born was not to blame. She knew that it had been her fault that she'd sunk deeper into addiction and further away from herself. When Born left her, she still had herself. It took her far too long to realize that she was all she needed. Still, Born had left her
alone,
when he said he'd never do that. And as much as she loved this man—as much as she adored him and the memories they'd shared together—she somehow couldn't forget how easily he'd abandoned her.

“Born, I want to talk about what happened between me and you.”

He nodded, glad that there was no need for awkward small talk. Jada had dived right in. “Listen.” He paused, and took a deep breath. “There's some things I want to say to you about that.” He drained his glass, and felt his chest burn from the alcohol. Then he looked at her intently. “I was never good at trusting people. I don't usually allow people to get that close to me. But I thought we were friends. I thought we had honesty and love between us.” Born couldn't hide the pain in his eyes. “You lied to me. You stole from me, Jada. I never cheated on you. That was the first time in my life that I was faithful to any woman.” He looked at her, curiously. “Did you cheat on me?”

Jada shook her head. “No,” she said, truthfully. “I swear I never did.” And she was relieved to know that he hadn't cheated on her either.

Born continued. “I was good to you, and I had so much love for you.

I tried to show you that. I accepted you and your past… all I ever asked was that you keep it real with me. I trusted you.” He paused, and looked at her. “You broke my heart, baby girl. And I wanna know why you did that to me.”

Jada felt so sick as she looked at him. She knew that she couldn't even begin to tell him how much she loved him. How many times over the years she had longed for him, and wished that he would come back and get her. Now that he was sitting right across from her, she had no idea where to start. So she was honest, and told him exactly what she was feeling.

“Born, you were the first man to ever love me for me. You knew what I was, and what I had been through. You knew all the mistakes I made, and all the shit I had done. And you still loved me, anyway. You never held my past against me. You made me feel accepted, and beautiful, safe and loved. And I blew it. I messed that up.” Jada sighed deeply. “I fucked up. But I never stopped loving you, Born. Not for one second. You've always been my soul mate. I was just too stupid to see that your love should have been enough to keep me from going back to the drugs. But loving you was something I never stopped doing.”

He was the person who had mattered most in her life. She knew that, even after all this time, she owed him an honest explanation. “I never wanted to lie to you. I loved the honesty in our relationship, too. In the beginning it was just me and you. And I was alright then. I was good, and I loved you so much. Then, when you and Dorian started working extra hard, and me and Sunny started spending more time together … I got strung out, Born. I wouldn't admit it to myself, but I was twisted.” Jada took a deep breath, and she explained how she'd taken her first trip across the white lines with Sunny in the men's room at his friend's party. “I came face-to-face with cocaine with no one around who would judge me, and I couldn't walk away from it. I remember standing there staring at it, and knowing that I wanted it. I pushed the thought of you out of my mind. Told myself that I would only do it that one time. Just to make the party more enjoyable. And that night I felt so guilty. I hadn't lied to you or stolen from you yet. But I knew I'd let you down. After that, I would get high in order to escape the guilt of what I was doing
behind your back. I know it sounds crazy, but it's the truth. I owe you the truth.” Jada was raw and honest as she described the times she and Sunny had gotten high together, and how she'd resorted to stealing from Born once Sunny disappeared. She looked at Born lovingly. “I'm so sorry that I hurt you. It was the last thing I ever wanted. I wanted to be the woman you wanted me to be. I wanted to be the Jada that you fell in love with. But part of me enjoyed being the Jada that got high behind your back, and was the life of the party.”

“So, Sunny got you caught up in all that? I didn't know she got high, or I never would have wanted you to be friends with her.”

Jada shook her head. “I can't blame Sunny. I knew I shouldn't have done it. But I was having fun when I was high. When I was high, I was happy. I had money, I had love, I had friends, and life was a party. But when I wasn't high, I was ashamed, because I was a cokehead, and I had betrayed you. I was living a double life. But in the midst of all of that, I didn't ever want to cause you any pain. I loved you. I never wanted to hurt you, Born. I only wanted to be one thing to you, and another thing the rest of the time. I was selfish.”

Born watched her talk, and listened to what she said. He saw so much growth in her. The fact that she was taking responsibility for her actions was impressive to him. She had been in denial for so long, it was a relief to hear her admit that she'd been wrong. He remembered the lies she used to tell, and was relieved to hear some honesty from her at last.