Love's Deception (16 page)

“No, I don’t really like it,” he said matter-of-factly.

She lifted him onto the saddle and raised her foot to the stirrup. “Well, what are you so excited about?”

“Ty called.”

Nineteen

Cat stood rooted in place—one foot in the stirrup, one on the ground. She hadn’t expected that to be the reason for her son’s excitement. It’s not like Ty hadn’t called and left messages before. Ranger took a step, anxious to be going. Cat hopped forward once and propelled herself onto the saddle behind her son. “Did he leave a message for me?”

“No, I talked to him.”

“Danny, I told you not to answer the phone if he called. I don’t want to talk to him.”

“Mom, he didn’t call for you. He called to talk to me.”

“So, what did you talk about?”

“My birthday present.”

“Which one? Did you tell him what you got?”

“Yeah, but we talked about the present Ty’s sending me.”

Cat rolled her eyes. “How did he know you had a birthday?”

“I told him.”

She let out a deep sigh. “What else did you say?”

“I don’t know. Stuff.”

“Danny, try to remember. What kind of stuff? Did he ask you any questions?”

“He asked if you were happy.”

Cat’s throat constricted and she struggled to swallow. “Did he really use that word—happy?”

“Uh-huh.”

She’d expected something more casual. Happiness seemed intimate, reserved for someone more than just a friend—more than just a fling. Then again, she shouldn’t get sentimental over a conversation relayed to her by her seven-year-old. She would never know what got lost in translation, never get any message implied by a subtle change in tone of voice.

“What did you tell him?”

Danny shrugged.

“Well, did you say yes, or no?”

“I said sometimes, but you cry a lot.”

The words “No, I don’t” were on the tip of Cat’s tongue, but the hot tear trickling down her cheek stopped her short. She sniffled and forged ahead. “Anything else? Did he say how he’s doing?”

“No, he asked me when I start school and soccer.”

“Hmm . . . did he sound good?”

Again Danny shrugged. “I dunno. He sounded like Ty.” Smiling at the thought of Ty’s voice, Cat ruffled her son’s hair.

They reached the place where Cat had seen her mother turn her horse off the road. Sure enough, faint hoof prints appeared sporadically in the dry dirt. Cat followed the trail into the canopy of fir and maple trees. Spider webs caught the glint of sunshine. Birds called to each other along the trail.

Ranger hesitated at the creek before gathering himself for the two-foot jump. He never had liked to get his feet wet. Nearly an hour later, Cat found her mother sitting on a log, her horse feeding on dry grass at the end of the reins.

“Mom, are you hurt? Did you fall?”

“Cat, what do you take me for? An old cripple? I got off to think for a while. What’re you doing here?”

“Looking for you. It felt like you were gone forever.”

A smile spread across Sally’s face. Not the weak smile Cat had grown accustomed to, but a genuinely satisfied smile. “Truth be told, I was trying to work up the strength to climb back on. Riding is the best thing I’ve done in months.”

Cat laughed as she stepped onto the ground. “Danny, hang onto the reins for Mommy.” She pulled her mother’s horse away from the grass. “Okay, Mom, I’ll help you on.”

Unfortunately, Danny’s excitement about starting second grade was short-lived. Three days into the school year, he complained about his homework and asked his mother how many days there were until the next break.

A week after Ty called Danny, a FedEx truck stopped in their driveway. Cat retrieved the large box and called, “Danny, you have a package.” He raced to the door and tried to wrestle the box from her. “Slow down. Let me get the scissors and help you.”

Cat sliced the tape and Danny ripped open the box. He grinned as he pulled out a Seattle Seahawks jersey, helmet, and shoulder pads, all in miniature—perfect for a seven-year-old. He stuck his head in the helmet and ran to find his football.

She peered into the box. Lying on the bottom was an envelope with a blue-and-green company name and logo in the upper left-hand corner—Hansen & Kaplan, LLP. She slid her finger under the seal and unfolded a single sheet of paper with a simple message.

Catherine,

Like I promised, I broke it off with Ashley, the woman you spoke to on the phone. There are things I’d like to talk to you about, as a friend. I had hoped time would soften your opinion of me. Please return my calls.

Ty

Danny ran back with his football and dropped the shoulder pads in her lap. “Mom, help me put these on.” Lost in thought, Cat slipped them over his head and fastened the strap, then helped him don the blue jersey with silver-and-green numbers. “I’m going to be a football player for Halloween,” Danny announced.

“Sounds like a good idea.”

“I wish Ty was here to play with me.”

That’s not likely to ever happen,
she thought, watching her son dart out the door.

Riding became a weekly event for Cat and her mother. Although it took Sally at least a full day to recover from a ride, Cat hadn’t seen her this happy since before the diagnosis. There were even days when she seemed almost normal. The best chemo had failed to work, and Sally declared she wouldn’t spend her last few months feeling sick, trying something with little chance of success. Cat wondered if stopping chemo was the reason her mother felt so much better. Or maybe it was the riding, which gave her something to look forward to. Or perhaps Cat’s mother had decided to accept whatever the future brought while thoroughly enjoying the present.
It’s probably a combination of everything,
Cat thought, vowing to enjoy every precious day with her mother.

Cat read and reread Joseph B. Wirthlin’s final talk, “Come What May and Love It.” She printed the title in large font on a piece of colored paper and stuck it to her mirror. Life was too short to spend the last of her time with her mother despairing over the impending tragedy of losing her. On the days her mother felt strong enough, they galloped their horses into the wind, and when she was tired, they walked them. The rocking cadence of the horse’s gait seemed to soothe her mother’s discomfort, and although she tried to hide it, Cat knew her pain increased with each passing week.

The first crisp days of fall visited the Northwest. Leaves fell from the trees and rotted on the rain-soaked ground. One Wednesday, riding day, Cat saddled the horses in the arena. A moist fog had settled into the valley, and she worried about her mother. The cold seemed harder for her to bear these days. Cat glanced at her, sitting patiently on a bale of hay, holding the orange barn cat in her lap. “There’s a chill in the air,” Cat said. “Should we ride in the arena today?”

“No, I like to ride out,” her mother replied.

Cat led both horses to her mother. They ate hay off the stack while Cat helped her into the saddle. Due to her mother’s dwindling strength, it was an increasingly difficult task. Once Sally was on the horse, Cat mounted Ranger and followed her out of the barn.

A few minutes later, as they rode side by side, Cat felt her mother’s penetrating gaze. “What’s on your mind, Mom?”

“You. Have you forgiven him yet?”

“What are you talking about?”

“You know what I’m talking about. Have you talked to Ty since he left?”

Cat sighed. “What brought that question on?”

“I saw the note he wrote you.”

Cat tried to remember where she had left the paper. Had her mother gone through her room? Or did she leave it on the counter, with the stack of bills? “Mom, I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Catherine Lewis, I’ll not go to my grave without speaking my mind. And I expect you to listen. I don’t care how old you are, I’m still your mother. Now, I love you dearly, but you can be as hard-headed and stubborn as your Irish ancestors. So, I’m going to put it to you bluntly. During the weeks you spent with Ty, you and Danny were happier than I’ve seen you in years. The Lord’s offering you a gift, and you keep pushing it away.”

Astounded, Cat didn’t know how to respond. After all the lectures about Allen being so perfect, what had changed her mother’s mind about Ty? Cat looked away from her and stared straight ahead, watching the flicking movements of Ranger’s ears. The only interruption to the morning stillness was the steady clip-clop of the horses’ hooves.

“Don’t be so prideful that you throw away your best chance at happiness,” her mom went on. “Look at yourself—you’re not really living. You go through the motions of caring for Danny, the horses, and me, but the spark of life in you is nearly gone. Sure, it might be difficult at times. Ty’s certainly not perfect, but none of us are. Not to mention, the last time I read about forgiveness in the scriptures, it was pretty clear the Lord expects us to forgive everyone. Doesn’t it say in the Doctrine and Covenants, ‘I, the Lord, will forgive whom I will forgive, but of you it is required to forgive all men’?” Her mother paused for several seconds before continuing. “I hope the next time the phone rings you seriously consider picking it up.”

They rode in silence after that. The sting of Sally’s tongue-lashing hung in the air for the next three miles, and Cat slipped into her own turbulent thoughts. She knew she should forgive Ty, but then what? It wouldn’t change the fact that he lived in California, wasn’t a member of the Church, and drank beer. Plus, whatever decision Cat made would impact her son.

Once she and her mother finished riding, Cat put the horses away. Sally went in to rest. Thankfully, she hadn’t brought up the subject of Ty again, but her words replayed themselves in Cat’s mind for days, leaving her riddled with guilt. All the while, the memories of him pestered her. Secretly, she felt relieved he didn’t call again, because she didn’t have to decide whether to answer or not.

A week later, Cat stood at the sink washing dishes when the rumble of an engine caught her attention. She raised her eyes to look out the window as a FedEx truck pulled into the driveway. Her heart raced. She wasn’t expecting a package, but it was impossible to forget who’d sent the FedEx truck to her house the last time.

Water dripped from her fingertips as she watched the man step onto the driveway holding a large envelope. He walked briskly to the door and rang the bell. Cat turned off the water and dried her hands, then pulled the door open and waved to the retreating man. The envelope lying on the porch was addressed to Catherine Lewis. She ripped the tab open and out tumbled a yellow thumb drive and a smaller envelope. Written on the envelope in Ty’s neat block lettering were the instructions “Open me after you listen to the song.”

Curious, she read the words printed on a sticker fastened to the thumb drive:
Hoobastank—The Reason.
“Hoobastank,” Cat said out loud. “What on earth is Ty sending me?” She put the drive in the computer and played the song. The lyrics told the story of a man apologizing—a man admitting he wasn’t perfect, that he’d made mistakes.

When the music faded to silence, Cat dropped her head into her hands and let the tears run down her cheeks. She wasn’t sure why. Maybe she cried for all the broken dreams. For everything she’d lost. For Eric. For her estranged relationship with her father. For what she was about to lose—her mother. And for Ty. But what did he mean by sending her this song? An apology, obviously, but it wasn’t like they had dated for long or made commitments to each other.