Love's Fate (Love Trilogy #1) (4 page)

On the other side of the coffee shop a dark haired man was staring at me. Instantly my eyes locked on his as if invisible strings somehow connected us. I forgot everything else that was happening around me as I stared into the deepest blue eyes I had ever seen. They were so strangely familiar, yet I knew I had never seen him before. He was gorgeous! I would have remembered that face! B
ut where had I seen those eyes?

They weren’t typical blue eyes. Not like Amy’s or anyone else’s for that matter. They were deep, like looking into the depths of a deep blue ocean. I stared at him for what seemed like forever, trying to understand why his eyes were so familiar when his face was entirely new.

And oh what a face! He had strong features with a chiseled jaw line that had just a shadow of stubble and a small scar cutting across his chin. He had high cheekbones and a strong brooding brow line with a straight nose except for a small little crook in it that made me wonder if it had ever been broken. His lips were full and even from this far away they looked soft, a shocking contrast to the rugged features of his face. Staring at his mouth I felt a strange stirring in my stomach that I couldn’t identify. But none of that compared to the depths of his blue eyes. I was lost in them. It took me a minute to recover from the shock of how captivating this man was and to start wondering why he was looking at me.

He seemed to have the same strange expression that I must have had. Curious fascination, I guess you could call it. His eyes were probing. It felt like he was trying to remember where he’d seen me before. Studying my face, just like I was studying his. I smiled a little, wondering what he could possibly be thinking. Should I go say something to him? I was a waitress here after all. I had a perfectly good excuse to walk to his table.

I was just starting to work up the courage to walk over there when I noticed
somebody say something to him
.
He began crossing the room toward the counter but never took his eyes off me. I watched intently.

He
reached the counter and took a phone that was be
ing handed to him.
Immediately his expression changed.

He looked away from me and I saw a wave of pain wash across his face as he
put the phone down and
turned for the door. I wanted to run after him, I felt a need to comfort him. I didn’t know what had been said from his mysterious caller to make him look so sad. But I didn’t like it. I didn’t want him to be sad.

I realized how absolutely ridiculous this way, considering I didn’t even know this man, but I wanted to cry as I watched him walk out the door. Would I ever see him again? The possibility that I wouldn’t was almost unbearable.

“Have you heard a word I said?” Amy’s voice brought me back to the coffee shop, the roar of the crowd and the music filled my ears again. I looked over at her feeling lost. I didn’t know what to say.

“Katherine? What’s wrong?” She was clearly concerned now.

“I’m not feeling well,” I practically whispered. “I think I need to go home”

“Are you mad that Dan invited Jared?” She asked looking guilty.

“What? Oh… no” I’d already forgotten about Dan’s attempt at setting me up with his friend.

Had that just happened? I seemed to have no sense of time. I felt like I had been staring at that mysterious man for hours, and now that he was gone I was completely disoriented.

“I just need to go home”

“I’ll come with you.” She offered

“No, stay. Watch the band, have fun. I’ll be fine.” I promised.

I forced a smile to convince her that I wasn’t mad.

“I just really need to be alone right now.” I explained.

I knew that wouldn’t be enough explanation for my weird behavior, but it would have to do for now. Hesitantly she sat back down at the table and watched me as I headed back toward the kitchen.

I told my boss I was feeling sick, which wasn’t entirely untrue, and left out the back door. I hurried home trying to make sense out of the strange evening I’d had. As soon as I got inside my room I turned the radio on. It was just after midnight and my favorite DJ should be coming on the air. I don’t know what it was about his voice that was so soothing to me, but ever since I’d moved here I had listened to him every night when I got home from work until I fell asleep. He always played music that seemed to fit my mood perfectly and there was something comforting in the sound of his voice. I needed that comfort now. I needed to hear him to calm my nerves after the bizarre night I’d just had.

I nearly panicked as I turned my radio on and heard a foreign voice. One that
did not belong on this station.
I checked the radio dial to make sure I had the right station. It hadn’t been changed since that first night when I’d turned it on and heard his voice, but I checked anyway. I had the station right, but the voice was all wrong. I sat staring at my radio, confused. Of all nights for him to not be on the air, when I needed him the most! I knew how ridiculous I was being but I didn’t care. Angrily I turned the radio off, feeling betrayed. What was wrong with me? Why was I so worked up?

Even before I asked the question I knew the answer. It was him. He had shaken me to my core. But why? What was it about him that had me so unnerved?

I thought about his eyes, how strangely familiar they seemed. I was thinking about his eyes as I drifted off to sleep. And for the first time since I’d moved here I had the dream again. But this time the far-away boy with the blue eyes had a face. It was the face of the mystery man from the coffee shop tonight, it all came together in an instant. His strangely familiar blue eyes were the eyes from my dream.

The funeral had been small and formal. As I followed the procession to the gravesite tears silently ran down my face. These would be the only tears I would shed. I knew my mother was better off now. I wasn’t sure what I believed about the afterlife, but I did believe whatever waited for her on the other side was better than the pain and suffering that had filled her days for the last ten years. I also knew she had been the kindest person I’d ever known and something good had to be waiting for her on the other side.

My father and I stood on opposite sides of the grave. I studied his face for any sign of grief. Of course, his expression was blank, emotionless as always. The hatred I felt for him burned so deep as I realized incredulously that he actually looked bored, like this was just some formality that he was ready to be done with. My mother had been such an amazing woman. I never understood how someone so loving could have ended up with someone so cruel.

I thought back to a night when I was about 10 years old and I had begged my mother to just leave him. I wanted her to take me away. I didn’t care if we had no money, I didn’t care where we went. Even then I just wanted to be free of him. She had looked at me like I was asking the impossible, her face a mixture of fear and longing.

“He would never allow that.” She had practically whispered, as if she feared he might be listening.

At the time, I didn’t understand. He never looked at her with any sign of affection, just disdain. And he treated me like nothing more than an inconvenience and disappointment. At the time, I figured he’d be glad to be rid of us.

But I understood now. He didn’t keep us out of love. He couldn’t allow us to leave, because how would that look? His wife and son running from him, showing him to be the tyrant he was. It was always about appearances with him, I’m sure if he could have found some way to be rid of us that wouldn’t have made him look bad he wouldn’t have hesitated.

Not long after that night my mother told me that she had been diagnosed with cancer. And now thanks to that horribly crippling disease which had slowly claimed her life, my father was finally rid of her and he was about to be rid of me too, whether he liked it or not.

Now that my mother no longer held me here, I was leaving. I knew he would find some acceptable excuse for my absence. I really didn’t care. Today was so bitter sweet. I would miss my mother greatly. I had loved her very much. But I knew she was better off now, and so was I. I was finally free. On my own. He could no longer dictate my life to me, no longer control me. Nothing he could say or do could keep me here anymore.

Suddenly, my mind went to the beautiful waitress I had seen a few nights earlier. I wasn’t sure exactly why I thought of her now, not that it was the first time, but I felt a little guilty for allowing my mind to wander while I stood by my mother’s grave.

However, I couldn’t get her face out of my mind now that I had thought of her. I realized I felt sad at the thought of never seeing her again. Of course, I didn’t actually know her, but for some reason I felt like I was leaving her too.

I couldn’t allow myself to think that way. I had waited so long for my freedom, and nothing would stop me from leaving now. Besides, just because I was leaving San Diego didn’t necessarily mean I would never see her again. However foolish, that thought comforted me.

I didn’t know what the future would hold. The only thing I knew for sure was that as long as I stayed here my father would own me. I couldn’t live my own life as long as he controlled the world around me. And he had enough money and influence to control everything around here. I had to leave, and I needed to go as far away as possible. Far enough that he couldn’t find me.

After the funeral I went back to my dorm room one last time. I had considered just heading straight to the airport from the cemetery, but I knew I should say goodbye to Charlie.

“I’m really going to miss you man.” Charlie said staring at his feet. “Do you know where you’re going yet?”

“I’m flying to Italy tonight” I told him “I’m just going to travel around Europe for a
while I guess, until I figure things out.”

The truth was I really wasn’t sure what I was going to do. It had been so long since I’d made plans for my future. I’d had no idea when I would finally be free and so I hadn’t allowed myself to think about it much. Now that the time had come, it still didn’t feel real. My mother’s death was so recent, I couldn’t be happy yet. I felt kind of numb actually.

I had always wanted to travel and I had more than enough money saved up to allow that for at least a couple of months. I figured I would just play it by ear. Something would come to me. I had already told my station manager that I wouldn’t be back to the radio station and he had quickly found an eager young communications major to take my place. I had my plane tickets bought, my bags packed. There was nothing left to do, but leave.

“Well I guess this is it.” I told Charlie and we shook hands then quickly leaned in for an awkward one-armed hug. I wasn’t very good at goodbyes.

“I’ll call you when I have a forwarding address” I promised, and with that I left before it got any more uncomfortable.

I had about half an hour before the cab would be there to pick me up for the airport, but I couldn’t stand there looking at Charlie’s sad face any longer. I really would miss him.

I walked across campus absent-mindedly without any real direction until I found myself standing in front of the coffee shop. My pulse quickened as I wondered if she was inside. I reached for the door but my hand froze on the doorknob.

What if she was in there? Would I talk to her? What would happen if I did?

What if she was so amazing that I couldn’t bring myself to leave? Why did that even seem possible?

My mind was racing with so many questions. I wanted desperately to see her again. I hadn’t realized how much I wanted that until this very moment. But something inside me knew that if I met her I would not want to leave her. The thought of staying was unbearable. I took my hand off the door and turned to walk back toward the dorms. I would just sit on the curb and wait for the cab.

It wouldn’t be fair to her, I told myself.

Why introduce myself to someone just to say goodbye
to
them? Why did the thought of her make me want to stay?

I didn’t even know her, I reminded myself.

She probably had a boyfriend anyway. Of course she did! How could anyone so beautiful not already be involved? I sat there on the curb trying to convince myself that I was doing the right thing. I had never imagined leaving would be so hard. It wouldn’t have been a week ago. How could simply seeing someone across a room change absolutely everything? It couldn’t, I told myself, and hoped that it was true.

I started to feel better as the plane took off. I had done it. I had left. There was no turning back now, at least not until the plane landed. I closed my eyes and tried to sort through the confusion I had felt today.

For some reason my mind wandered back to a distant, painful childhood memory. I was 10 years old and as far as I could remember it was the only time my father had ever spent the day with us. I now knew that it was the day my mother had learned she was dying and that is why she had insisted so strongly that my father come along on one of our outings. Perhaps she was hoping to bring him and I closer together. It hadn’t worked.

We had gone to a museum. I was fascinated by the paintings. My mother was patient with me as I wandered the halls taking them all in, my father was not. He was badgering my mother to leave soon after we arrived.