Loving Kate (Acceptance #3) (35 page)

“You’re sure you want to do this?” Connor asks for about the fiftieth time as we pull into the parking lot of Ben’s shop.

“Yes, I’m positive. Mike and I have a tattoo that bonds us and I
need
to have that with Daniel, too. For
me
, Connor,
not
for him.”

Connor shakes his head as he gets out of the car. “Alright, Kate. You’re a big girl and can do what you want, but for the record, he doesn’t deserve you.”

That statement stops me in my tracks. “Care to elaborate on that?”

He opens the door to the shop and motions for me to go first. “It’s not anything bad but he’s being an ass to you. He doesn’t deserve to have a forever spot on your skin when he can barely look you in the eyes right now.”

Ben is standing at the counter and overhears our exchange. “Wait, Daniel doesn’t know you’re getting this tattoo, either?” he asks, shaking his head. “What is with the two of you getting secret tattoos? Can’t you guys do something
together
for once?”

I know I’m going to get a lot of shit for this but I’m prepared. “Hopefully, one day we’ll do
everything
together. Look, you guys, I really appreciate the concern but I’m a grown woman and if I want a tattoo that matches the one of the man who owns my heart then that’s what I’ll do.”

“Alright,” Ben says reluctantly as he leads us to his station, “but I don’t want to see either of you in here getting a cover-up. Speaking of… here’s my book, pick yours.” Ben hands me a giant book of tattoos and points to the three similar books on the counter. “If you don’t see one in there, look on the counter. If you still don’t see anything we’ll have to custom design one.”

I guess I don’t really understand. Connor notices the confused look on my face and helps me out. “Ben won’t do a tattoo of the name of a significant other unless you have a cover-up picked out.”

What the hell?

“That’s a little pessimistic, isn’t it?” I ask curiously.

“No, it’s one hundred percent realistic. I’m sure you and Daniel will work out. Not because I know you very well, but because I saw how excited and determined he was when he got yours. I’ve never seen him that passionate about anyone and I’ve known him since we were kids. But for every other Tom, Dick, and Harry that comes in here in lust who comes back later with buyer’s remorse, the cover-up files make my life a hell of a lot easier.”

“Got it,” I reply as I randomly browse through the photos. Ben and Connor catch up as I thumb through the pages. Ben is
extremely
talented. Finally, I just end up picking a random photo and show it to Ben. He looks at it thoughtfully and nods.

“This will cover it up perfectly if the time should come. You’re sure this is the one?”

I nod even though I know I’ll never get this covered up. Regardless if Daniel takes me back or not, this tattoo is going to make my heart feel like I have a part of him with me always. I
need
that.

“What about you, Connor? Ready to ink up that virgin skin yet?” Ben asks with a chuckle while he preps the station.

“Fuck no. My skin is too pretty to mark it up for good,” Connor replies seriously.

“Come on, Connor, there’s really
nothing
you would get? No friendship tat or something to show Jess how much you love her?” I’m curious why he has such an aversion to tattoos.

“Maybe my kids’ names one day…I don’t know. I’d never get a chick’s name because unlike the tattoo I’m stuck with forever,
she
could leave at any time.”

Now we’re getting somewhere. I’m not sure why Connor has such a fear of being loved. He comes from a family full of love. Ben starts the tattoo and I feel the needle going in and out; it stings but it doesn’t really hurt. I reach out for Connor’s hand and he takes it. I don’t need comfort but I want him to feel my love when I ask him my next question.

“Connor, why are you so scared to let someone in and love them? You’ve grown up around nothing but love so I just don’t get why you’re so closed off.” His eyes cloud over and even Ben pauses for a second and watches his expression.

“I’m only going to answer this because it’s you asking. Ben, you’re like the bartender in this situation. You didn’t hear anything, got it?” Connor asks with narrowed eyes.

“Hey, man, this place is like Vegas, what happens here stays here,” Ben replies.

Connor clears his throat. “My parents have this epic love story. They met at school at a football game, actually.”

“Just like April and Jake,” I murmur.

“
Exactly
like them. Jake and April have a pretty epic story, too. I’m not fool enough to think I’d meet my true love like that even though I may have hoped it could happen that way. When I met Jess in school, I figured close enough, there’s a football field on campus.”

Ben snorts but I can see in the mirror he’s keeping his head down, focused on his work.

“Jess is…she’s hard to love, Kate.” I nod, knowing exactly how he feels.

“And I try, I really do, but she pushes me away. It’s a back and forth routine with us. I take two steps forward and she pushes me three steps back. It’s exhausting and I try not to be offended by it because I get she had a crap-ass childhood with no real example of parental love.”

If he only knew. I’m sure whatever she’s shared with him is just the tip of the iceberg.

“She’s told you about her childhood?”

“Little bits here and there. Enough for me to piece together it wasn’t good. Would you care to enlighten me?”

I shake my head. “I can’t, Connor, I’m sorry. Talk to Mike. He’ll tell you and he’s probably the best one to do it anyway. You need a guy’s point of view here.”

“Fair enough. So until Jess, there’s never been anyone to even spark a long-term interest in me. We’re in a rough spot right now and I think we just need to slow things down. I’ve never been in love before and it’s obvious she hasn’t, either.”

I nod my head. He’s totally right about that.

“Since I’m not in any big rush to marry her and have babies, I figure we’ve got nothing but time.”

There’s more, I can tell, and so can Ben.

“But,” Ben presses. Connor shoots him a dirty look but actually continues.

“But… She makes me feel like I want more and I
want
it with her. I’m just afraid no matter how much time I give her, no matter how
much
I back off and give her space, she’ll still never let herself be loved or give that love in return.”

And there we have it. Two people
in
love, and so
afraid
of love, they’re willing to lose it.

“Callie was like that when we started dating, too. Her parents did a real number on her. You’ve just got to tell yourself it isn’t personal. Those are her demons and you need to be her demon slayer.”

“I never would have guessed that about her. Callie’s always been so outgoing and friendly,” Connor replies, surprised.

“And what, Connor, Jess isn’t? Have we met the same girl? She’s nice to everyone she meets because she knows how shitty it feels to have people treat you badly.” Hopefully, my words will resonate with him some.

“You’re right, and that’s why it surprises me when she constantly pushes me away.”

“Well, if it’s any consolation, I’d push you away, too. You can be a bit much at times,” Ben tells him with a laugh.

“You’re an ass.” Connor’s laughing as he says it, though, so that’s always a good sign.

“You’ve just got to let it ride, Connor. Love her enough for both of you. I know Jess and she’ll eventually come around.”

“She’s right. If Jess is anything like Callie, she’ll hit her breaking point sooner than later and realize it’s much easier to love you than to constantly deny her feelings and pull away.”

Ben’s a pretty smart guy, not that I doubted it before, but I know it for sure now.

“You’re done, Kate,” he says, handing me a mirror so I can look at my shoulder. It’s beautiful and exactly what I needed. I already feel my muscles relaxing as part of the tension I’ve been holding on to dissipates.

“It’s amazing, Ben. Thank you,” I tell him sincerely.

“I still can’t believe you just did that. I’m
always
going to be in your life. You could have just gotten an ‘I love Connor, he’s my best friend for life and my marriage backup plan all rolled into one’ tattoo.”

Ben rolls his eyes at him but I’m cracking up. “Hey, Ben, can you draw something up that means all of that but doesn’t actually
say
it? It would have to be unisex because if I get that, Connor has to get an ‘I love Kate, she is the keeper of my secrets and the guru of love and if she doesn’t help me marry the love of my life she’s also my marriage backup plan and our babies be smoking hot adults when they grow up’ tattoo.”

Ben nods enthusiastically and I can just tell he’s
dying
to get Connor in his chair. Connor is already surrendering, holding his hands up and backing away.

“I think I’m good. No need to start drawing anything.”

“You’re such a fucking pussy, Houston. If Kate can take it without flinching you should be able to, too. Why don’t you just admit you’re afraid of needles?” Ben taunts him.

“It’s got nothing to do with needles, dude. I’m just scared you’ll be like the girls. Once you touch me for an extended period of time you’ll fall helplessly in love with me and won’t be able to let me go. I can’t be the cause of you losing your family.”

“I’m not helplessly in love with you, asshole,” I retort as I punch him in the arm.

“I know, it’s weird. You must have been inoculated as a child to be immune to my kryptonite.”

Fucking Connor. I love him so much and I’m laughing so hard I’m crying.

“Callie doesn’t need a vaccination to stay away from your ass. She’s only attracted to guys with ink. And since you’re so proud of your virgin skin I don’t have to worry about you stealing her away with your superhero dick.”

Still laughing over here. Oh my god.

“And for the record, even if you had some ink…Callie likes
real
men, not gossip queens. You need to watch him, Kate, he’s not good at keeping secrets. This could get out real fast.”

He’s being serious now as he tells me this.

“I’d never tell Kate’s secrets. I love her more than you guys,” Connor replies, finally able to get a jab in.

“Jeez, are you guys
always
like this? It’s like hanging out with pre-school kids.”

They both look at me and smile. Guess that answers my question.

“Thanks for the tattoo, Ben. I’ll have Connor let you know when the cat is out of the bag. Until then, consider it top secret.” I place enough money in his hand to cover the tattoo and a big tip to encourage his discretion even more.

“Your money isn’t good here, Kate, just go make my friend happy again,” he says, handing it back to me.

“I’ll do my best. Thanks again,” I tell him, and as we walk out, I put all the money into a donation jar on his counter for a sick local boy. Ben looks shocked and I smile and wave as we leave.

“You’ve got a good heart, Kate,” Connor says sweetly and kisses my cheek.

“Maybe I do, but what good is it doing me if it’s always broken?”

“Don’t worry, Kate, it’s not going to be broken for long. Daniel loves you and he
will
come back. Trust me. I’ve known him all my life. He’s pouting right now but in a few weeks he’ll be all excessively romantic, calling you gumdrop and shit again.” He cringes when he says gumdrop because he knows it’s a sexual reference.

I sure hope he’s right.  

Well, sweetie, this is my last letter for you to be given to you on your twenty-fifth birthday. Happy Birthday, Katie Grace. I’ve tried to write this letter many times. Trying to figure out what to say is harder than I thought it would be. I’ve just decided to tell you all the things I’ve hoped for you. I hope you, Jessica, and Michael are still the best of friends. I hope growing up without me wasn’t as hard as I’ve imagined it would be. I hope you and your father have finally developed a relationship. I truly hope Brian and Linda Houston are in your life again and that you’ve grown up with your God brothers, Connor and Jake. If they aren’t around, please get their information from the attorney, he will have it. I regret not keeping them close all the years I could have. I’m sorry I’ve missed so much, but just know if it would have been possible I would have been there for it all.