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Elspeth was in the nursing station when she finished. It was a quarter after 11, almost lunch time. Adriana realized that she like everyone else had begun to mark time by hospital meals. Elspeth looked determined and purposeful, Adriana thought; maybe even grim. But her face softened when she spotted Adriana hanging forlornly by the nurses' station. “How did you sleep in the hurricane?” she asked. Adriana realized, with wonder, that she'd had remarkably undisturbed sleep. “It was fine,” she said, eyes wide. Elspeth laughed. “Maybe you are one of those people who could sleep through a train crash,” she said. “And that's not such a bad thing.” Adriana nodded. It had saved her the trauma of seeing the physical world thrown about like a rag doll in the mouth of a dog.

“Can I talk to the doctor today about my privileges?” she asked, her voice wavering slightly. What if Elspeth said no.

But to Adriana's relief, she answered, “Of course. I'll ask him if he can see you this morning.”

Samantha drifted on to the unit in a daze, her arms full of bags of ketchup chips and a can of diet Coke in each fist. Adriana felt something like relief leap in her chest, but Samantha didn't acknowledge her. She flopped down in a chair in the common room, and stared at the wall. Adriana tried to catch her gaze but Samantha, in her trance, did not respond. Adriana wondered if she had slept, or if she'd gotten up and paced the hall all night. Samantha looked old too, Adriana thought. Her face sagged, and the light had gone out of her eyes.

Marlene walked into the common room and turned on the television. Samantha seemed to wake up enough to put her hands over her ears, and begin to rock. Adriana sensed her distress, and after taking a moment to find her courage, she motioned to Marlene to turn the sound down. “Please,” she said, gesturing to Samantha.

Marlene stood up and began to throw whatever she could get her hands on, screaming “This is my hospital and I want to watch TV.” Samantha cowered and moaned, while Adriana, shocked, tried to protect herself from the books and magazines and board games that Marlene was launching into the air. “You can kiss my ass,” she screeched, dancing around in her red parka. Elspeth in the nursing station picked up the phone to call security. Marlene at the height of her anger, shrieked, “You're not even a real woman! You're a disgusting, a…. a stupid freak!” Then, having exhausted her anger, sat down in a rocker and began to watch the television. The hurricane was all over the news. Pictures flashed across the screen—trees down, cars smashed, and rocks as big as shopping carts tossed from the harbour onto the shore.

Marlene began to cry, a loud, blubbering sound. When security arrived, with a stretcher, Elspeth motioned for them to stand back so she could talk to Marlene. They stood back and, while Elspeth crouched beside her and spoke quietly, patting her hand; patients stopped in the hall to see what was going on. The security guards waved them on, as though directing traffic. Samantha's eyes closed as she tried to shut out the noise and sights around her. The payphone began to ring, but no one answered it.

Surrounded by magazines that lay where they landed, Adriana, traumatized, sat rooted to her spot on the couch. Samantha, whose moans had died to a mutter, seemed almost amphibian to Adriana—barely human, her features thick, smooth, and damp like the limbs of a salamander. It was hard to imagine only yesterday she was coquetting with Tony, excited as a school girl on her first date.

Elspeth knelt beside Marlene, whispering to her when the hospital chaplain, a young, clean-shaven man dressed casually in a short sleeved shirt and cargo pants, appeared at her shoulder. Elspeth got up off her knees, heavily, with the chaplain supporting her elbow. Marlene's face, blurry and smudged, looked up at him, beseeching. “Is he gone? Is Redgie gone to Heaven?” she asked in a voice thick with grief.

The chaplain spoke quietly. “We don't know where Redgie is,” he said, truthfully. “Maybe we can say a prayer for his safe return.” Marlene clutched his hand in both of hers, and closed her eyes, tears still streaming down her cheeks. “Father, you say a prayer for him… I can't.” The chaplain smiled and nodded, and in a low voice which Adriana could barely hear, began to intone the Lord is My Shepherd. The security guards drifted away and Elspeth turned her attention to Samantha .

Adriana could only half hear what Elspeth was saying to Samantha, who held a pillow to her cheek and sucked her thumb. From what she could gather, Elspeth was trying to reassure Samantha that Marlene was distraught over Redgie, that she lashed out without thinking, that Samantha could disregard Marlene's words as those of a woman who was ill and in great emotional pain. Adriana could see that Samantha, glassy eyed and unseeing, was in a world of her own, driven there by the hurricane and Marlene's fury. Elspeth encouraged her to get to her feet and led her to the bedroom. Adriana hoped sleep would help Samantha find her way back to this world, as bleak as it was.

Adriana found her way to the kitchen phone. After a few rings her father answered with a breathless hello. Adriana felt a rush of happiness. “Hi Dad,” she said.

“Adriana, thank God! I couldn't ring you till the power came back on.” He told her that the neighbour's tree had fallen in front of his car and some smaller trees had blown sideways to rest against the roof, doing some damage to the eavestrough. “But we're okay,” he said. He lowered his voice. “Though Beth is a little traumatized. We won't come to visit you yet, not until the roads are cleared. They've called in the army,” he said incredulously. Adriana pictured him shaking his head.

“Give Beth a hug from me,” she said, before she hung up.

Her Dad would be fine, but she wondered about her sister. She imagined Beth huddled in a chair with a blanket around her. The similarity with Samantha's state disturbed her. Beth was so vulnerable, so fragile and Adriana feared that if anything upset her, Beth would lose her mind. Their father was not equipped to look after her by himself. Adriana wanted to go home.

Chapter 28

Lunch came and went. Adriana felt antsy, waiting to talk to Elspeth and the doctor about leaving the hospital grounds to see Jazz. Elspeth seemed to have disappeared. Perhaps she was with Samantha, who had also vanished. Adriana saw Dr. Burke a few times, striding purposefully down the hall, always hurrying somewhere else. She tried to ask when he would see her, but he put his hand up and said, “I'll talk to you soon, Adriana. Just hang tight.”

As the afternoon wore on, Adriana felt more and more stressed. It seems that the nurses and doctors were rushing around putting out emotional fires, talking to everyone except her. There was nothing for her to do except to look out the window, and survey the damage. Desperate for a distraction, she went to her bedroom to knit.

The sound of the needles clicking always calmed her. She turned on the small radio her father had brought her. She tuned it to a station that played bland and tinny pop tunes, avoiding any news of the hurricane. Adriana was surprised at how absorbed she was in her task—an hour had passed and she had barely noticed. Strangely though, she felt like she was on display, being watched by an audience that was holding its breath. She wished Samantha was there to distract her.

There was a knock and Dr. Burke stuck his head in the bedroom door. “Adriana, I can talk to you now.” He smiled, tipping his head toward her. “Knitting are you?” Adriana nodded. She felt awkward. Usually Elspeth would be there to act as a buffer. As though reading her thoughts, Dr. Burke said, “Elspeth isn't able to join us as she got called away because of an emergency,” he said. Adriana wondered whether her daughter, in bed with depression, had needed her to look after the baby. “But Fiona will sit in for her,” Dr. Burke nodded. Fiona, Adriana thought, startled. It hadn't occurred to her that Fiona might work anywhere but on Short Stay.

Dr. Burke held the bedroom door open for Adriana and they walked a few metres down the hall to the interview room where Fiona was sitting. She was more noticeably pregnant and looked tired, with dark circles under her eyes. She smiled at Adriana and said, “Hello, my love. I've been called in to fill in for Elspeth. Hope you don't mind.” Adriana smiled and shook her head. “I'm hardly fit to be seen, but I know you'll forgive me,” Fiona said with a wink.

Dr. Burke, as usual, got right down to business. “How have you been feeling over the last 24 hours?” he asked. Adriana thought about it. It seemed she had been on edge ever since she heard about Jazz's plans. She wasn't sure what answer Dr. Burke wanted, so she told the truth. “I've been worried about my friend. She's in the Dartmouth General because something went wrong with her abortion. And I'm worried about Jeff. And also my little sister.” Adriana put her hand to her forehead. She knew she had almost no hope of being granted a pass, after absconding to Jazz's house the other day.

Dr. Burke nodded, pleased, she thought, with her straightforward answer. “I understand you want privileges to go visit your friend in the hospital,” he said. Adriana looked down. Why did she feel like she was asking for a big favour? Dr. Burke, bent sideways to catch her gaze. “Is that right?” Adriana nodded.

“Generally, we would be hesitant to let you go, after the events of the last few days, but these are unusual circumstances. If we let you go, will you go only to the hospital to visit your friend, and then come back here immediately afterward? I'm afraid we can't let you go see your family yet. You'd have to walk there, because the roads aren't clear.” Adriana gawked, surprised. She nodded vigorously.

Dr. Burke continued, “If you agree to be back here in an hour, you can go. Be careful on the streets though because a number of trees are down and there are crews trying to clean things up.” Adriana, face red with emotion, nodded. Dr. Burke was taking a chance on her. His face looked kinder than she remembered, softer around the edges.

“Let's see how your pass to visit your friend goes. If everything's okay we'll talk about a weekend pass for you to see your family.” Adriana felt a rush of relief. Finally, something was changing, moving. She needed to feel the air flowing past her, so she'd know it was real.

Adriana put on her sneakers and a jacket, and made her way to the entrance. The air that greeted her was moist and fresh, and the sun was trying to materialize from behind the clouds. Adriana's mouth hung open at the sight of branches and trash scattered over the lawns and the street, empty of cars but covered with leaves. She felt a bubbling of gratitude that the hospital hadn't crumbled under the enormous hand of the storm. She wasn't the only one surveying the damage—everyone looked slightly dazed, as though they had wandered out of a bomb shelter. She couldn't tell whether they were patients or people living in the neighbourhood, since the hurricane had reduced all of them to astonishment.

The Dartmouth General was just a few minutes' walk up the street. Adriana could see its ugly bulk on the next hill. She had one hour.

 

Adriana asked at the information desk for Jazz's room. She took the elevator up to Jazz's floor, which seemed unusually quiet. Jazz was lying in bed asleep, her mother beside her. Mrs. O'Connell nodded to Adriana with a tight-lipped smile. “She just drifted off,” Mrs. O'Connell said. “She wondered if you'd come.” Adriana looked at Jazz's pale face. She looked about 13 years old.

Mrs. O'Connell was rubbing Jazz's hand gently and soothingly. Adriana was seized with sadness. How hard for a mother to see her child in pain and distress. “Is she going to be okay?” Mrs. O'Connell's gaze was soft, not judgmental. She nodded at Adriana, her smile flickering like a television screen. It was not the prim, humourless Mrs. O'Connell that Adriana was familiar with who patted the seat beside her, inviting her to sit.

Jazz had an IV in her arm and wore a blue johnny shirt, under the white blanket. Her eyelids fluttered and she turned her head, moaning softly. Mrs. O'Connell's mouth trembled, as she put a hand to her daughter's forehead. Jazz's eyes opened slightly, but she didn't seem to see Adriana, though she was looking in her direction. Mrs. O'Connell stroked her cheek, and her eyes closed again.

Adriana understood why Jazz hated the hospital. She was reduced, here, to a level of helplessness that was so out of character for her that she was barely recognizable. Adriana smiled shakily, telling Mrs. O'Connell, “I can't stay,” without explaining the hour-long pass, and the fact that she couldn't bear to sit with Jazz's mother, wavering on the edge of tears. Mrs. O'Connell nodded and gazed at Jazz. “Please tell her I came by,” Adriana whispered.

 

On the way to the elevator, Adriana caught sight of Elspeth, sitting in a hospital room at the end of a bed. She stopped short, anxious. Was Samantha in that hospital bed? She stood and waved at Elspeth, as if to a stranger whose attention you wanted to catch. Elspeth smiled and waved back. When Adriana reached the door to the room, she saw it was Jeff, not Samantha, in the bed. Jeff was watching television, his neck covered in a clean white bandage. There was no more fear in his eyes. In fact he looked quite cheerful.

Elspeth patted the chair next to her. Adriana sat down, because she didn't know what else to do. Jeff lifted a hand in greeting, not very high because it obviously hurt his neck.

“I'll be coming back to the NS tomorrow,” he said, without any preamble. Adriana nodded, shakily. Elspeth looked more at ease here than Adriana could remember. Jeff pointed the remote at the TV to change the channel, and turned to Adriana, his eyes large and dark. “Did you walk here? What's it like outside?”

Adriana trembled with relief. He didn't blame her for the jar. “The sun's trying to come out,” she said in a tremulous voice. “There are leaves and branches everywhere…” her voice trailed off.

Jeff nodded, satisfied. “It's just like on TV,” he said, and turned back to watch the coverage of the hurricane. For a moment, Adriana felt confused, but then realized he was right. It
was
just like on TV.