Lucy in the Sky (10 page)
Authors: Anonymous
The good news: Cam just got home from soccer practice, and we're going to meet Ross and Lauren for a movie up on the Promenade. He told me that he asked Astrid if she wanted to come earlier, but she hasn't called him back or texted him one way or the other. I texted Ross to make sure that he brought some of the GREEN drug group as Astrid would call it. It will be fun to see a movie stoned! I've never done that before!
Last night was a bummer. Ross couldn't get in touch with Ian until later, so he didn't have any pot. It was still fun to hang out with everyone, but it would've been SO COOL to get stoned and see a movie. Oh well. It's not like the end of my world. I got sort of upset in the moment when I found out that Ross
didn't have any, but I kept it to myself. I didn't want to seem like THAT girl, like a big whiner who couldn't have fun unless she had pot.
After the movie Cam went over to Jason's because they've got soccer practice tomorrow morning. The big homecoming game is in a few weeks. I didn't have to be home until midnight, so Ross and I went to Lauren's place. Her dad was there, and I met him. He's a nice guy, but we couldn't have cosmos then either. BUMMER.
Ross went out on the balcony to smoke a cigarette and Lauren and I went with him. While we were out there, his phone rang and it was Ian. After they talked, Ross hung up and was sort of quiet. Lauren asked him what was up, and Ross said he didn't really want to talk about it. I asked him if everything was okay with him and Ian, and Ross just laughed and said that even if it weren't, there were plenty of other guys. Lauren grabbed my phone to take a picture of me and Ross on the balcony, and after she did, a text message popped up while she was holding it and Lauren saw that it was from BLAKE.
She and Ross were both ON IT. They made me show them all of the texts from Blake and they were hooting and laughing so loudly that Lauren's dad came out onto the balcony to ask if everything was okay. My face was BEET RED. I was SO embarrassed.
Ross said that he wished he had a guy as cute as Blake banging his door down. Lauren asked me why I was so embarrassed. She said that this was totally a good thing. I just told her that I didn't know, but I always got so nervous around guys. Especially guys like Blake. The only time I've ever been brave around a guy was the night of my birthday with Nate, and that was a craptastic failure.
Then Lauren reminded me of the night at Blake's on the diving board, and I remembered how uninhibited I'd felt dancing with her. She also said I looked pretty at ease that day we all went hiking. I said, Yeah, but I don't want to have to drink until I hurl, or drop acid every time I want to feel comfortable with a guy. Ross agreed that was a good idea. (The not drinking till I barf/ dropping acid part.)
Lauren said it was no problem. She has a prescription for something called Xanax that she got from a psychiatrist in New York. (I had to google how to spell it. I thought it started with a Z, like it sounds. Who knew?) Ross and I were just blinking at her, and she rolled her eyes and explained that it was no big deal, that he'd prescribed it because she was really anxious about her mom's boyfriend being a jerk to her.
We went back inside and up to her bedroom. She dug a bottle out of her purse and took out a tiny white pill that was like a rectangular bar. She broke two little parts off of the bar
and gave one to Ross and one to me. She said we should take them before the party on Monday and we'd feel as relaxed as ever. EVEN if there were cute boys around.
I put the little pill in the small pocket of my jeans. When I got home just now, I slipped it into the bottle with my allergy medicine that I take sometimes.
Now I'm not nervous about the party on Monday at ALL. Somehow just knowing I have a pill to try makes me feel really excited about the partyâbut not worried excited, just FUN excited!
I have to get in bed right now. But I just wanted to write and say that we had a BLAST at the Labor Day party today. Astrid showed up and Cam almost had a heart attack. Jason's parents were in Las Vegas for Labor Day, so there were about 50 kids there from school. Ian showed up for a bit to hang with Ross.
That Xanax Lauren gave me made me feel loopy, but calm. It wasn't like smoking pot. It was less in my head and more in my body somehow. It was different because I didn't feel like I was underwater, the way that pot sometimes makes me feelâlike I'm moving through Jell-O. This was different. It was slight, but it just took the edge off. It was like falling backward onto a really puffy pile of pillows.
HA HA HA HA HA HA
I think that's enough. RIDICULOUS. I must still be feeling it. I just felt really happy. It didn't even bother me that Lauren couldn't find any vodka there. I didn't even feel like drinking at the party. Cam had a couple of beers with Jason, and there were a couple of girls from school who drank so much beer that they threw up in the azaleas in the corner of Jason's backyard.
Anyway, I was wearing a little red bikini Lauren loaned me, and I felt like I could talk to anybody I wanted to. This guy named Mark who is in my English class came up and started talking to me. He's tall, and really cute, and on the football team, but he's also really smart. He won some sort of academic award last year. I've always noticed him, but he's one of those guys I would never just walk up and talk to. And HE came up and talked to ME! He saw that Lauren and I were just drinking Diet Coke and said something about how he didn't drink, and it was nice to see that there were girls at the party who weren't on anything either.
I just looked at Lauren. I saw her raise her eyebrows behind her big black Chanel sunglasses. I decided not to say anything. He didn't need to know that we'd taken Xanax. He's got this really cute dimple when he smiles. He told me he'd see me in class tomorrow. I felt this really warm feeling in my
stomach about this Mark guy. He's the kind of guy my mom would be THRILLED about me bringing home for dinner.
On the way home, Lauren told Ross that he wouldn't have believed how chatty I was with Mark. Ross gave me a high five. Of course then Blake texted me again. Lauren asked me how long I was gonna string that poor boy along.
I'd never admit it to anyone, but it's kind of fun knowing that there's this 20-year-old guy who can't stop thinking about me!
Not much went on today.
Had choir with Lauren.
Lunch with Lauren and Astrid in the CRAPateria. Ross was out sick. Cam went off campus with Jason and a bunch of the soccer players.
Mark is in choir. He's a baritone. How did I never notice him before? He smiled at me today. I thought about going up to talk to him, but then I saw a picture of me in that red bikini on Facebook. UNTAG. It was a nightmare. I look weird, like my proportions aren't right. Lauren has these perfect long limbs, and I just looked skinny fat. I only ate half of my dinner tonight. Mom asked if I was feeling well. I said I was fine.
I wish I could sing more. When I'm singing and we're all following Mr. Brown and I hear the harmony with all of
the other voices, I forget everything else. Or, not forget, but I can't think about anything elseâjust listening and singing the right notes.
Things get so boring so fast. I've got all this reading to do for AP English. I'm like 20 pages into THE GRAPES OF WRATH and I can barely keep my eyes open.
I can't even hang out with Ross while I do it because he always has the bright idea to get stoned and then read. Of course, we read for like 27 seconds and then sit around giggling and talking instead of actually reading. Yesterday we tried it, and he wound up painting his toenails green with this old nail polish he found in my bathroom. He's hilarious.
I just remembered HOMECOMING is at the end of the month. I'M SAVED! It's so much more fun when there's something to look forward to. Maybe I'll see if we can all figure out a place to have a party after the dance!
Tomorrow is a Sunday, and in the afternoon our choir from school is singing at a concert the city is hosting to commemorate the 9/11 attacks. I was so little when 9/11 happened; I just remember that Mom didn't go to work, and she kept Cam and
me home from school, but we weren't allowed to watch TV. She put on a couple of movies for us, and when Dad came home, I remember that he and Mom were so quiet.
Now that I'm older, I've looked up the footage online of the planes hitting the buildings, and I can sort of understand why Mom didn't want Cam and me to see that when we were so little. I don't really understand it. It's like watching a movie.
I asked Lauren what it was like, actually being there in New York. She said that they were running late that morning and her mom was just dropping her off at school when the first plane hit the towers. She said that they could see this giant black plume of smoke coming from downtown, and her mom told her they were going back home. Her dad had a group of 8 friends who played poker together. Three of them worked in the towers. Two of them were killed. The 3rd one had called in sick that day.
Lauren still thinks that her dad and mom got divorced because of September 11. I asked her if it was because her dad was sad about his friends. She shook her head. She said she thinks it's because they weren't happy and 9/11 made them realize how short life was. She said they were divorced a year later.
That makes me sad to think about. I mean, not just all the people who died but that Lauren had to be so sad because her
dad left, and then going through all those years of having her mom's new boyfriend hit on her.
That makes me so damn mad.
Today at school Mark followed Lauren and me to our lockers after choir. Then he asked me if I wanted to go to the homecoming dance with him. Right there! In front of Lauren, and the whole wide world. I was like, um ⦠and Lauren closed her locker and said, Mark, you seem like a good guy. If you don't mind can I offer you some advice?
Then without waiting for him to say anything, she smiled and told him that probably there was a smoother way to ask someone to homecoming than a hallway ambush and that maybe he'd like to regroup and see if he could come up with some other way to catch my attention than just a surprise attack after 6th period. The whole time she was saying this she was opening a little spiral notebook that she always carries in her purse and scribbling something on a page, then she tore it out and handed it to him. She told him this was my phone number and that if he wanted to ask me out, he might try just calling first and seeing if I was interested in talking.
Then she grabbed my hand, told me to close my mouth, (which was hanging open), and then dragged me down the hall and out to the parking lot.
I'm glad she told me to close my mouth so I didn't trip over my lips.
We got into her car, and I just started laughing. I couldn't believe she did that for me. Astrid and Ross got into the car with us, and Lauren filled them in on what had just happened. I wasn't sure if I wanted to go to homecoming with Mark or not, but I sure didn't want to have to answer him right that second.
Lauren drove us around the block while Ross packed a bowl and passed the pipe around, and we all weighed the pros and cons of Mark Wilson. Lauren said that he is very cute but we hardly know him, and I agreed. Ross told me he thought I was crazy for turning down a guy that hot, and if I didn't go with Mark, he might try to. We all laughed about that, and Astrid didn't see what the problem was with saying yes. I told her I wanted to have a little party after homecoming and didn't want him to freak out if we smoked or had a couple of drinks. He'd made such a big deal about how great it was that Lauren and I weren't drinking at the Labor Day party, so I had a sneaking suspicion that he'd have a problem with dating a girl who did.
The pot helped me calm down a little. My heart stopped racing, and when I got home I ate half a bag of carrot sticks. I swear, if I give in to the munchies every time I get high I'm
going to weigh 400 pounds by the time I'm a senior. Now I'm tired. I'm going to take a nap so that I can stay awake to finish GRAPES OF WRATH.
Later â¦
Mark just called while I was sleeping and left a voice mail. I don't know what to do. I am not really sure I want to go to homecoming with him, but at the same time I'm not sure I'm in a position to be turning down dates offered by cute, nice guys.
Do I just want to go with someone else so that I can party a little? Could I have fun with Mark and just stay sober? When I think about that, I get all disappointed and sad thinking about Ross and Lauren and Astrid and Cam having fun and me not.
OMG. I just wrote that if I couldn't drink or smoke pot I wouldn't have any fun. Do I really think that?
Now Lauren's calling me. Stand by.
Later â¦
Lauren is SO FUNNY. She's already found us dates who don't mind if we drink. LOL. She said I can go out with Mark whenever I want, but to tell him that I already have a date for homecoming. Lauren said there are these two senior guys named Andrew and Ryan in her British literature class who keep trying to ask her out. She said they're best friends
and have this competition going to see who she'll go out with first. She called Andrew and told him that we would go to homecoming with him and Ryan just as friends. She said it's better anyway because now I'm playing hard to get for Mark.
I asked her if I was Ryan's date or Andrew's date. She just laughed and said, Oh c'mon. Who cares? Take your pick.
Ross just texted me: IF YOU BREAK THAT BOY'S HEART I'LL BE HAPPY TO BE THE SHOULDER HE CAN CRY ON.
LOL. I love my friends.
Told Mark today that I already had a date for homecoming but that we could go see a movie or something if he wanted. He was a little disappointed, but he smiled and that dimple of his poked in. He said that would be great. We made a plan to go and see that new superhero movie when it opens this weekend.