Lucy Lane and the Lieutenant (17 page)

Nathan told Garcia everything he had seen at the castle and Katherine’s account concerning the hostages. When he had finished, Garcia left carrying a sheet of paper covered with notes. Night had fallen upon the village. Nathan watched him mount his horse and join the men waiting for him, fully aware of the risks involved in storming the castle and freeing the hostages unharmed.

Lucy came to stand beside him, watching Garcia’s departing figure. ‘Do you think they will succeed?’

‘It won’t be easy. There will be losses,’ Nathan said, his face grim. ‘The rebels who are not killed will be taken prisoner. The British deserters will be returned and dealt with by the army.’

‘Would you not like to be involved, Nathan?’

He spoke sharply. ‘No. It must be left to the army and the partisans. We came here to save Katherine and her child, and their safety comes first. Our part is done. We cannot afford to take risks with their lives.’

They continued to stand, watching Garcia ride away. The night air was chilly.

‘It’s a full moon,’ Lucy said after several minutes, looking up at the huge yellow orb. When he didn’t reply, she cast about for something else to say and inadvertently voiced her own thoughts. ‘I can’t quite believe we have Katherine and her son safe, and that in a few days we’ll be in Lisbon.’

‘I am thankful about that. Come, let’s walk a while.’

They walked slowly along the street, taking a turn that took them away from the dwellings. The lights from the windows faded and then vanished completely. Suddenly there was nothing in front of them but the darkness of a valley far below and a blanket of stars overhead. Nathan stopped and shoved his hands into his pockets, staring out across the valley. Uncertain of his mood, Lucy wandered a few paces to the end of the path and stopped because there was nowhere else to go. Glancing to her left, she stole a look at his profile. In the moonlight it was harsh and he lifted his hand and rubbed the muscles at the back of his neck.

‘I think we should be getting back,’ she said when a minute had passed and his silence became unsettling.

In answer Nathan tipped his head back and closed his eyes, looking like a man struggling with some internal battle. ‘Why?’

‘Because Katherine will be wondering where we’ve got to—and there’s nowhere else to walk.’

He sighed, opening his eyes, and his relentless gaze locked with hers. ‘You’re right, there isn’t. I just wanted to be alone with you for a while.’

Lucy stared at him, her entire body beginning to vibrate with a mixture of shock, desire and fear. Thankfully her mind remained in control. She had found herself in this situation several times since leaving Lisbon and she was not prepared to let him play with her heart again. Here they were, completely alone. The situation was dangerous. Frightening. And based on her behaviour when he’d pulled her from the stream, she couldn’t even blame him for thinking she’d be willing now. Struggling desperately to ignore the sensual pull he was exerting on her, she drew a long, shaky breath.

‘Why? Why do you want to be alone with me? Do you want to drag me behind a hedge and repeat what you did to me the last time we were alone together?’

‘I didn’t have scruples enough to ignore that ignoble impulse. Nor do I regret what we did.’

A treacherous warmth was slowly beginning to seep into Lucy’s body and she fought the weakness with all her might. ‘It was wrong. Dangerous and foolish.’

‘Foolish or not,’ he said grimly, ‘I wanted you. I want you now.’

Lucy made the mistake of looking at him and his eyes captured hers against her will, holding them imprisoned.

‘Neither of us has anything to gain by continuing this pretence that what happened in the past is over and forgotten,’ he said bluntly. ‘There was too much between us for it to end like that. The night of the storm proved that it’s still very much alive, if it proved nothing else, and it’s never been forgotten. I’ve remembered you and everything we had, and I know you’ve remembered me.’

Lucy wanted to deny it, but she knew that if she did he’d be disgusted with her deceit and she was too affected by what he’d just admitted to lie to him. ‘You’re right,’ she said shakily. ‘I’ve never forgotten you. How could I?’ she added defensively.

He smiled at her sharp retort and moved towards her.

‘What are you doing?’ she whispered when he reached out and took her hand. She stared at him in paralysed terror mixed with excitement.

‘I’m going to take you in my arms and kiss you. I’ll not force you. I’ll not force you to do anything against your will. When we embarked on this journey to rescue Katherine and her son, neither of us knew what was going to happen.’

‘And now we do?’

Raising his hand, he slowly tucked a stray lock of her hair behind her ear. ‘I believe we do.’ Placing his finger gently beneath her chin, he turned her face up to his and, lowering his head, traced his lips across her cheek to her ear.

Some small insidious voice in Lucy’s mind reminded her of his cold rejection of her when she had given herself to him totally after he had pulled her out of the water. But after the misery she had suffered afterwards, was she not entitled to another of his kisses if she wanted it? Another voice warned her not to break the rules again. But his face was touching hers and his breath was warm in her ear. Some inner strength surfaced and she made a move to pull away, but she froze when he murmured, ‘You want me, Lucy. Don’t deny it.’

As he placed his finger gently beneath her chin, Lucy raised her eyes to his, the answer written in their depths. It was this that finally crumbled Nathan’s resistance that had possessed him since he had weakened and they had made love. Since then, with past experiences still at the forefront of his mind, some protective instinct warned him that he must never again let himself trust her, never again touch her, but just this once...just one more time, to yield to that insistent mouth that was quivering and soft so close to his own.

His smouldering gaze dropped to her lips and Lucy felt her body ignite at the same instant his mouth swooped down, capturing hers in a kiss of demanding hunger. Her lips softened imperceptibly and Nathan claimed his victory with the swiftness of the hunter, except gentleness was his weapon now.

Lucy could feel his hunger, his desperation. His arms held her tighter as she fitted herself to him and he deepened his kiss, crushing her lips, parting them, his tongue driving into her mouth with hungry urgency, and their passion ignited. Heedless of what he was doing, when he felt her arms tentatively reach up to rest on his shoulders, his hands tracing her curves without volition, Nathan urged her to give him back what he was offering her.

His lips were just as warm and exciting as ever, and just as devastating. She opened her mouth fully to him, wanting his kiss, his possession. She was hardly aware that his hand was gliding upwards until she felt his fingers curl around her breast, cupping the swelling fullness and brushing a nipple with one finger.

Her reaction was immediate—she gasped softly. Nathan heard her faint inhalation with satisfaction. Purposefully, he splayed his fingers, covering her breast and moulding it against his palm.

The resultant wave of heat shocked her—it raced through her body to settle as a throbbing ache somewhere between her thighs, in the very core of her womanhood.

Nathan continued kissing her with the same uncontrollable compulsion to have her that had seized him in the past and again when he had rescued her from the stream, and he kissed her until she was moaning and writhing in his arms and desire was pouring through him in hot waves. Tearing his mouth from hers, he slid his lips across her cheek, his tongue seeking her ear while his hand continued to intimately caress her breast.

An eternity later he lifted his head, his blood pounding in his ears, his heart thundering. Lucy stayed in his arms, her cheek resting against his chest, her soft and pliant body pressed to his, seeking the haven of his arms and solace from the turmoil of her emotions. Wind rippled through the long grass, whispering in the trees. Nathan’s hand stroked soothingly up and down her spine, his cheek resting against her hair.

Drawing a shattered breath, wanting to understand why this was happening to her, she whispered, ‘Why do I always feel this way when you take me in your arms?’

Nathan heard the plea for understanding in her voice and understood what she was asking. It was the same question he had been asking himself. Why did this explosion of passion overwhelm him every time he touched her? Why could this woman always make him lose his mind?

‘I can’t answer that,’ he said, his voice sounding sharp and unnatural to his own ears.

‘I feel like we’ve never been apart.’

‘You must be living under some kind of delusion.’ He laughed lightly, as if her words had been spoken in jest, having no idea how his reaction wrung her heart. ‘Four years, Lucy. It’s been four years. That is a long time in anyone’s life.’

His arms slackened their hold of her as he recalled how, in the early days of their relationship, he’d been so blindly besotted with the warmly vibrant creature of dancing and laughter, with an aura of hot sensual love about her that he’d lost no time in proposing marriage. He remembered her joy and her acceptance, and how she’d melted in his arms and kissed him with all her passion, exactly as she’d done moments before.

He glanced down at her and saw her watching him, her apprehensive green eyes soft and questioning. As if she saw the answer to some unspoken question she sought, she stepped back, struggling valiantly to make the transition from heated passion to flippancy that he seemed to find so easy. His ability to treat the matter so lightly made her heart squeeze in an awful, inexplicable way.

‘You are right. Four years is a long time. A lot has happened to both of us in that time. I am no longer a girl given to foolish dreams and fancies. For the past few weeks we have been too close, alone for most of the time. The past and the present have become so mixed up that I am often confused. It’s been difficult for both of us to separate the past from the present.’ She managed a tremulous little smile. ‘I suppose it’s only natural that we would want to know if there was anything left out of what we once had. But I am not a doll, Nathan, to be picked up or dropped at your whim. That night when I fell into the stream...’ She swallowed. She could not bring herself to pretend it had never happened. ‘That night changed matters between us. Don’t you realise that?’

She spoke so calmly that the ironic glint faded from Nathan’s eyes. He looked at her pale face and the eyes ringed by deep shadows. Sorrow was etched in their depths and in the lines around her mouth. ‘Whatever happened, happened—and no one can change that now,’ he answered. ‘What you did—when you left me—I realise what made you do it and I understand. Despite everything, what I do know is that I need you, and that is the all of it. But until this is over, until we are back in Lisbon—I can’t say what will happen in the future—what I will decide to do.’

Ire sparked in her eyes. ‘Until
you
decide? I, too, have some thinking to do, Nathan—decisions to make.’

His eyes lingered on her for a moment, but the look in them was inscrutable. They both remembered what they had once been to each other, but when Lucy looked into Nathan’s eyes, she read nothing in them. He made no effort to touch her again. She remained silent as unbearable relief stirred inside her, seeping back over the terrible suffering and mortification of the past. But he still had not said he loved her. He needed her though, in spite of everything. There was so much damage to repair, it would take time to wash away the hurt. There was still too much between them, too many days of despair. They might never be able to recover the closeness they had once shared, but she owed him this attempt.

She wanted to say all this, but she was afraid to tell him. She felt unfamiliarly nervous as she continued to stare at the strong-boned face she loved so much. She wanted him so much then, wanted to feel his arms about her, feel his thick, strong hair between her fingers—to give him the warmth and love he deserved. But she would wait and see what he decided—and indeed what she decided to do about her future—distanced by what had happened between them four years ago.

With a mighty effort she kept her emotions under control. ‘It’s as well this assignment is almost over—for both of us. I need you, too.’ The words were out, the words she had not said to anyone in a long time, and then only to him. She did need him and now he knew it, too.

His rigidity melted and he allowed the faintest of smiles to shadow his beautiful lips. ‘That’s a start. If it is possible we will leave the past in the past. The only thing that is important is what’s between us, you and me—that we still have something between us to mend. But now is not the time. We are not out of danger. We have still a long way to go before we reach Lisbon.’

‘Yes, you are right, which is why I ask that for the time that is left you must learn to keep your desires in check—they
are
inclined to run away with you.’ With a toss of her head she looked in the direction of the village. ‘We should go back. We’ve another long ride ahead of us tomorrow and we must make an early start.’

When she began walking away Nathan followed a step behind her, unable to keep his eyes from her swaying hips or to quell the admiration he felt for her. ‘I suppose this means that there will not be a repeat of what we just did?’

She turned and looked at him, feeling a little defeated and nonplussed, wondering how he could hold her and kiss her tenderly one moment and then, for no comprehensible reason, treat her like some amusing diversion. It was all too bewildering, too painful, too confusing. He was right. They had been apart a long time and in that time he had become unfailingly heartless.

‘No, Nathan, there will not. Enough is enough. I will not dishonour myself any more deeply. I have to draw the line somewhere or I shall lose myself completely.’

Turning away, she walked on. For the time they had left she would see to it that she was never alone with him. That was the only way she would succeed in resisting temptation and keep her feelings in check. She wanted to cry out at the pain of it, but she must not. No matter what might happen from this day, she must suffer her pain in silence.