Lush (12 page)

Here’s a peek at the
first few pages of After Alex Died:

Finding a Job

“You look like shit,” my roommate, Kelli, said as
she threw her gigantic suitcase on her bed.

I knew I looked bad but I didn’t care. I was in
major crisis mode.

“Do you want to tell me what’s going on?” She
flopped down on my bed next to me and tucked a few strands of her
sun-kissed blonde hair behind her ears.

“Not really.” I sighed.

“The beach was amazing,” she continued. “Thanks for
asking.”

“I can see that.” After a week in Cabo Kelli had a
perfect tan that I wanted to slap right off her.

She jumped from my bed and started unpacking her
massive suitcase. She had more clothes in that suitcase for her
week’s stay in Cabo than I had in my entire wardrobe.

“And how was the hellhole?” It wasn’t really a
question. She just wanted to rub in the fact that I had spent my
Spring Break in my shit-hole of a hometown while she had been at a
beach resort with her wealthy parents.

“My mom sold the house,” I said. I wasn’t sure why I
was actually opening up to my roommate. Probably because I didn’t
have anyone else to talk to and she just happened to be there. “My
mom announced that since my brother and dad were both gone and I’m
away at school, there was no reason for her to have such a big
place. She downsized and bought a one bedroom condo.”

“That’s harsh. I guess that was her way of saying
you’re out of the nest. No more flying back home for you, little
bird.”

“I guess.”

“So what are you going to do for the summer?”

Kelli had a way of zeroing in on a person’s most
vulnerable area and striking at it. She was going to make a
wonderful lawyer.

I rubbed my temples. “I have no idea.”

“My parents are letting me use their condo in Maui
for the summer,” she said as she put her swim suits in a dresser
drawer. Then she turned to face me, “I already invited Cassie and
Keegan to stay with me and there are only three bedrooms.”

As if I would ever expect Kelli to invite me to stay
with her. We weren’t exactly friends just because we lived
together.

I ruminated in silence for a few minutes while Kelli
continued to unpack.

“Hey, you know what?” Kelli rummaged through her
backpack. “I saw this flyer. I was going to give it to Keegan’s
sister. She’s an education major.”

She tossed the flyer at me:
College Students
Wanted: English majors, Education majors, Communication majors
wanted to serve as group leaders for our summer college preparation
program for high school students from low-income,
first-generation-in-college backgrounds. Great pay! All meals and
housing provided.

They had me at
housing provided
. I grabbed a
sticky pad and jotted down the information then handed the flyer
back to Kelli.

“Don’t say I never gave you anything,” Kellie
emphasized as she grabbed the paper from my hand.

*

Counselor
Orientation

Two Months Later

As I lugged my suitcase across campus, I noticed how
quiet it was—almost desolate. Most of the students had already left
for break and the summer term didn’t start for another week. The
only sound I could hear was a squirrel gnawing on an acorn. I would
have said the solitude was peaceful but I hadn’t felt at peace in a
long time. My state of perpetual anxiety and depression didn’t
allow for many other feelings to occupy the space between my
ears.

Another girl was heading in my direction with a
suitcase, so I made the assumption we were headed to the same
place. When I started walking near her she turned to me and gave me
a slight smile. We were about the same height but she outweighed me
by about 20 pounds, all curves in all the right places. Her
beautiful olive complexion was nearly flawless and her raven black
hair was long and straight. What impressed me the most about her
though, was the way she carried herself. She definitely had a
don’t-mess-with-me way about her.

“I’m Sofia,” she stated as she glanced at me.

“Dee Dee,” I replied.

She raised an eyebrow. “Short for something?”

“Everyone calls me Dee Dee.”

“Fair enough.”

We walked in silence the rest of the way to Beacon
Hall. All of the participants in the summer college-prep program
would be staying in one of the older freshman dorms, and from what
I understood from my hiring interview, as Summer Counselors we
would be chaperoning the teens on their weekly trips as well as
serving as their tutors, mentors and resident hall advisors for the
duration of the six-week program.

Several other people who looked close to our age
joined Sofia and I as we entered the lobby of the dorm. We were all
lugging suitcases and other miscellaneous gear, so it was quite a
feat for everyone to squeeze into the lobby through the small front
doors.

It was just after 9 a.m., the time at which we had
been told to meet, and there were 10 of us assembled; five guys and
five girls. I recognized two of the girls from my Shakespeare
class. They were English majors like me but I didn’t know their
names. They were a year ahead of me and were in a sorority.
Sorority girls didn’t associate much with non-Greeks like me and
especially non-Greeks who looked like me: hair dyed multiple
colors, tattoos on both wrists and heavy dark eye makeup. My mom
liked to say that my drastic change in appearance during my senior
year of high school was about me putting up a wall; not only to
keep other people out but to keep my emotions in. She was probably
right on both counts.

I scanned the rest of the group, which was a mass of
unknown faces, until I hit upon a face that was forever burned in
my memory. Cameron Connelly. He was one of three people who I hoped
to never see again for the rest of my time on Earth.

Cameron looked different than I remembered him. He
was still tall and muscular with messy blond hair and sea-green
eyes, but he looked older and harder than the carefree basketball
player everyone in our high school had adored.

I was overcome with a plethora of emotions: fear,
dread, anger, hatred and every other negative emotion I had been
harboring for the last two years. The feelings were so strong, I
couldn’t breathe. I tried to relax but the harder I tried, the more
tense I became and I nearly passed out. Luckily Sofia grabbed my
arm before I fell to the floor.

“Are you okay?” Concern covered her face.

I tried to speak but the words got stuck in my dry
throat. I just shook my head.

“Are you hot? Do you need some fresh air?”

What I needed was to get away from Cameron
Connelly—forever.

Before I had a chance to respond, Sofia led me
toward the front doors and pulled me outside.

“Take a deep breath,” she ordered. I got the feeling
she had younger siblings who she mothered. She had that way about
her.

I inhaled a deep breath of humid New Jersey air. New
Jersey wasn’t known for having the finest air quality and the
summers could be hot and sticky. This summer was already proving to
be no exception.

Sofia narrowed her eyes. “What’s going on?”

I felt like she could see right through me into the
deepest recesses of my soul. She was the first person who had ever
looked beyond my so-called
daunting
appearance and dark
clothes (my cloak of gloom as my mother called it) to truly see me
at all.

“Nothing,” I replied, even though I had the distinct
feeling that Sofia wasn’t about to let it slide. I was right.

“Come on. Do I look stupid to you? I’m from Newark.
I’ve not only been around the block a few times. I’ve been up and
down it, too. Now, I’m going to ask one more time and this time
you’re going to give me a real answer. Got it?”

“Yeah, I’ve got it. I don’t think you’re going to
have any trouble handling the high school kids, that’s for
sure.”

That got Sofia to smile. I already figured out that
she didn’t smile much but when she did, it was genuine.

“Seriously, what’s got you so freaked out?” she
asked, her tone softening.

“There’s a guy in the group, Cameron Connelly. Let’s
just say we have a history. From high school. He’s not someone I
ever wanted to see again.”

She nodded as if she understood but I was sure she
didn’t. No one understood and that was part of the problem. The
misery that shrouded me was far worse than she probably
imagined.

“Well, let’s make sure he stays away from you then,
okay?”

I nodded and gave Sofia a feeble attempt at a smile.
I couldn’t remember what it was like to actually truly smile. It
had been so long since I’d done it.

“Let’s get back in there before they start without
us,” Sofia offered.

I nodded and we both headed back into the crowded
lobby.

***

An overweight dorm manager handed each of the
counselors a room key and we were each assigned a floor to
co-monitor. The dorm only had five floors, so we were each paired
with another counselor. In the chaos of the room assignments and
everyone grabbing their stuff and trying to cram into the
elevators, I didn’t see who was assigned to the third floor with
me. I only knew it wasn’t Sofia because she got the fourth
floor.

I dragged my bag into my room and threw it on the
bed. The room was larger than the dorm I was used to sharing with
Kellie. It was more like a studio apartment. I figured it must have
been a room used by a resident advisor during the school year. The
spaciousness of the room made me feel a little exposed and
vulnerable. I had become accustomed to and enjoyed the feeling of
being in more confined spaces. I liked the feeling of being
entombed, maybe because it made me feel closer to Alex.

We were scheduled for our first group meeting at 10
a.m. across the quad in the Meriman Building. During the school
year a lot of Liberal Arts classes were held there and I had taken
most of the English classes in the building, so I was already
familiar with it.

I didn’t see any reason to get changed and my hair
was already a frizzy mess from all of the suitcase lugging in the
humidity. There was not too much I could do with it other than pull
it back into a ponytail, which was my default style most of the
time anyway.

I removed a framed photo of Alex from my suitcase
and placed it on the shelf over my desk. I never had many
decorations for my room but I always had a photo of Alex. It was
taken the summer before his freshman year of high school. The
summer when our family was still a family and we were all still
happy. The summer before everything changed and broke our family
beyond repair.

Mom and Dad had surprised us with a long weekend
trip to the Jersey Shore. Alex and I loved to swim and splash each
other in the ocean waves. We loved hanging out at the boardwalk and
eating foot-long hotdogs and steak fries dipped in both ketchup and
mustard. Some of my best memories were from summer vacations spent
at The Shore.

I wiped at a stray tear that had escaped down my
cheek. You’d think after nearly two years I wouldn’t cry over Alex,
but I still missed him so much.

I sucked in a deep breath and tried to mentally
prepare myself for my new job. This was the first real job I ever
had. Sure, I’d done my share of babysitting, lawn mowing and car
washing around the neighborhood but I never actually had a job that
required income tax paperwork and an actual paycheck. My parents
didn’t want me to work when I was in high school. They wanted me to
concentrate on getting good grades and padding my resume with
extra-curricular activities that would impress a college
scholarship board. It paid off because I got a full scholarship to
a fairly impressive school. The only expenses I had were books and
incidentals.

As I exhaled, I opened my dorm room door and hoped I
would also be opening a door to a new chapter in my life, or at
least a chance at a new state of mind. As I was fiddling with the
door lock, I heard the door of the other resident advisor room down
the hallway slam shut.

I immediately froze when I saw Cameron Connelly
staring at me. We both looked at each other, speechless.

Two years’ worth of every horrible thing I had
wanted to say to Cameron flashed through my mind. I had fantasized
about running into him somewhere, like in a supermarket or coffee
shop, and telling him off. I always pictured myself screaming and
waving an angry finger at him. But now that I was actually
face-to-face with him, all the words I had committed to memory
completely eluded me. I was struck completely speechless.

I could feel the air between us fill with awkward
tension but neither one of us moved. We just kept staring at each
other.

“We’d better get to Meriman Hall.” Cameron’s voice
was so soft it was barely audible, which surprised me. He had
always been such an outspoken asshole in high school who never had
any trouble speaking his mind and being heard.

I didn’t respond. I just turned my back on him and
walked away.

Sadly that’s the end of
the excerpt, but you can purchase this book at smashwords.com by
simply following this link:
After Alex
Died

Wishing you Happy
reading,

Chris Adonn :)

*****