Lussuria (New Version) (31 page)

I actually fear him.

I step back a few paces, but he launches himself across at me in one swift movement. “No, you don’t. You’re staying here. Fucked up or not, you’re not going.”

“Let go of me! Let me go now!” I’m hysterical...uncontrollable, and the chest pain is intense. I can’t breathe. I fight with him, but he’s too strong. “You’re hurting me! Stop it, Lucca. You’re hurting me.”

He picks me up and walks backwards towards the chair. I kick my legs, trying to wriggle away, still screaming. “Stop fighting me. I won’t hurt you, but if you keep kicking, I’ll end up dropping you.” He stutters.

Lucca staggers back unsteadily, and I try to break away once more from his grip. His foot catches on a sun lounger cushion on the deck, and he staggers sideways, grabbing onto the small wall for support. His right side falls into it,

…and he drops me.

I scream as I tumble down the steps that lead from the decked area to the pool. I hear a snap as I land on the concrete, facing up towards the small wall.

It takes me a moment to register. My head...its hurt. And bad this time, I lift my hand and hold the side of my head. Blood. It’s covered in blood. My wrist...I think it’s broken.

The pain is excruciating.

My chest is tearing.

I am tearing.

My instinct is to be safe and I’m not safe here. Lucca can’t even look at me. He’s frozen still and not moving, he doesn’t even register me moving or know how badly I’m hurt. I drag myself up, putting my bloody hand on the wall.

Fuck!

I drag my bare feet and make it to the glass door. I lean against it, my blood smearing across it. I don’t remember where I placed my handbag, but I can’t waste time looking for it. I have to go. I need to be away from here.

I can’t control my breathing.

I need air.

I need air!

Making my way through the hall, checking over my shoulder to make sure he’s not following me, I throw open the front door and fall forward onto the front step. My knees and palms hit the stone steps in a clumsy, painful descent. I must be strong.

“Fuck!” I yell with anger, pain landing on my snapped wrist.

Pain.

It’s so excruciatingly painful. My heart is pounding and I’m hysterical in my despair. Its pitch black outside. I don’t know what time it is. I have no mobile, no money, no shoes, but I’m not going back for them.

It’s happening again. I’m that girl. That little girl running to save her life.

I walk briskly at first, then pick up speed as I run toward the long winding country road. I hear Lucca shouting, but I continue to run until I’m out of breath, then I jog, walk, then I trail my feet. I gasp frantically for air, then stumble onto a bush at the side of the road and empty the contents of my stomach. Tears are streaming down my face; my heart is ripping out my chest.

I can’t breathe.

I need air.

I need air.

There is not enough oxygen. I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand, smearing blood over my lips. The bitter metallic taste of my blood makes me throw up again. I’m petrified, I have no idea where I am. I’m cloaked in darkness and it’s cold. I haven’t considered if Lucca is okay, I just need to find help, I need away from him. I feel nauseous again like the last time, I’m not sure if its shock, or the alcohol or the pain. I lean over into some bushes and vomit once more until I have nothing left in my stomach. The cold wet blood from my head has trickled down my face and my blouse, causing me to shiver.

Dragging my feet, I’m now bleary eyed, tired and losing focus. I don’t know how long I have been gone out here in the darkness of the Tuscan countryside and wonder if I’ll be safer out here on my own or back there with him, I’m so scared.

I love him, or loved him until tonight and I know he dropped me accidently because I was fighting him but I’ve lost respect for him, his words hurt me more than any of this physically pain.

Closing my eyes, I stagger into the unknown. The saltiness from my tears is sticking to my wet raw skin. I pray I will be safe, I pray for happiness, I can’t understand why it’s been taken from me. I was so close to having happiness and deep down I want it all back just that closeness without this ugliness.

I thought that it was my time.

I hoped it was my time. There are no more tears, just shivering, sharp pain. I carry on, recoiling and gritting my teeth until I see lights. Finally. I advance in autopilot mode, dragging my torn, blistered feet. I continue stammering until I reach the road, but all is silent.

Where is the light? I must find the light.

“Come back, please come back, and help me” I whisper only for me to decipher. The thundering sound of a racing car is becoming closer. I’m startled to hear screeching and the skidding of tyres across the dirt.

A door opening.

Shouting.

Running footprints on the gravel.

Screaming. Shouting. Pleading. Crying.

Lucca.

I’ve zoned out. I must run.

I need light, just light.

I run reaching the main road searching the dark open space but don’t even know what direction to take; I don’t remember what side of the road I am on or where to go.

I see headlights in the distance. I feel so faint and dizzy, and the trees are moving round about me, closing in on me. I’m spinning and all I can visualize is green and brown circling and narrow in on me and flashing bright lights through the trees.

Noise, commotion, horns and shrieks but I tune out completely. Then in a complete momentary silence, a chilling cold darkness veils my sight.

Am I in shock? What’s happening to me?

I think I’m hallucinating I hear my mother singing Eva Cassidy ‘Over the rainbow’; it’s interrupted with car horns tooting, screeching.

Blackness

****

Michael Parks is chasing me. Running behind me, catching up. He is going to kill me. I am going to die. My life will be taken forever. There is no one to help me. I scream, but no one hears me. I scream some more. It’s dark and cold, moss, dampness, I am petrified. My mother has stopped hushing me; she has stopped singing. Why has she stopped singing?

Wake up. Mum, wake up.

I wake up.

My mouth is dry and I can’t open my eyes. I can’t move. What has happened to me? Where am I?

“She’s waking up. Get the doctor!” I think it’s Hazel.

I try desperately to open my eyes, but I can’t.

“Thank God you’re awake. Lexi, speak to me, talk to me. Are you okay?”

Light—bright and intrusive. I flicker my eyelids in response. My eyes are stinging, my head is pounding, my whole body is screaming in pain.

“Can you hear me? Can you blink your eyes?”

I blink my lashes slowly. I hear paper turning.

“You are a lucky girl, Miss Robertson. You were nearly run over.”

I focus on the clinical bright light above my head, trying to acclimatize to the penetrative shining light, blinking furiously.

“Lexi, talk to us. Doctor, why isn’t she talking? What is wrong with her?”

It’s all muffled. I’m so disorientated.

“She needs time. She came around from the general anaesthetic and responded well to the surgery, but she’s in shock, severely dehydrated, and has suffered major trauma. She’ll be tired and drowsy from the drugs. Once she responds to the morphine, she’ll not feel as much pain. Her feet were severely lacerated. I had to remove glass and stone from the soles of her feet, then stitch her open wounds. I’ve stitch her head, and glued a flesh tear on her shoulder—that appeared to be an old wound which had reopened. She had a compound fracture to her wrist, and we had to surgically fix the bones by placement of a metal pin. A sling will do for now, but it will take a few weeks to recover. We’ve performed an x-ray and her head is fine with the exception of bruising and inflammation.”

“Thank you Doctor. Can you keep me appraised with any changes? I would like to stay here with Lexi while she is being treated.”

What? No!

I don’t want him here. Not. Happening.

“Very well, Mr. Caruso. I’ll have arrangements made. If you’ll excuse me.”

I hear a door shut.

Lucca’s voice is broken; he rests his head on my chest, silently crying into it holding a hand gently over my weak wrist. I feel helpless and wish I had my mother here with me.

“Lexi, we’re going to go and get some coffee. Will you be alright here for a little while?” Hazel says.

I force myself to speak, parting my dry lips. “Yes.”

“Thank God, dolcezza,” Lucca sobs, hearing me speak.

“Well, Missy, you are on a roll this week with the injuries and the drama. I never thought my holiday would be so eventful. I came here to relax and you’ve aged me a thousand years. I nearly had Lucca holed up in prison while you were in surgery.”

“I’m sorry,” I whisper.

“Well, you should be. Dominic promised me sex in the Jacuzzi this morning, but I had to rush over here.” Hazel’s tone is good-humored with a sense of relief. I want to laugh, but I don’t have the energy.

“You two have a lot to talk about. See you in a little while.” She places her hand on Lucca’s shoulder while walking away, but he doesn’t move off my chest.

“Lexi, I need to talk with you. I feel sick. I’m disgusted at my behaviour last night. Look what’s happened to you because of me. I hate myself, Lexi. I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m so fucking sorry I acted and spoke the way I did. For not finding you in time, for causing you so much pain, for not being more understanding, for being such an asshole, for being so blinded and selfish. I will never forgive myself for this. Please don’t leave me, please fight for us, please forgive me.”

He’s sobbing broken, masculine tears, holding nothing back and more poignantly distressed than he was at the villa last night.

It’s all too much, just too much.

“I found it extremely challenging yesterday being with Fran, confessing to her I’ve moved on when she is still very much stuck in the darkness of her past. It roused all of those disturbing sorrowful memories again, and took me back to a place I’ve worked effortlessly to leave behind. When I realized you were not being honest about your mother, it emphasized how angry I was at Fran because of her closed dishonesty in the past.

“I just don’t want to lose you, Lexi. I don’t want you to shut me out like she did. I love you, dolcezza. I love you, and I’m sorry I used my own personal issues as an excuse for me to get drunk and behave the way I did.”

“You scared me, really frightened me.” His discolored dull eyes meet mine with torn anguish. “I couldn’t swallow the sight of you last night….I had to run, I needed to get away from you. It stirred too many horrible memories. I was petrified.” I choke on the lump in my throat.

He looks up at me with pools of muggy water in his eyes.

Distressed.

“I’m the fuck up, Lexi, not you. You are pure, caring, loving and kind; you did not deserve those crass words. You know, I would never hurt you intentionally. I was so wasted and lost my balance. I fucking hate myself for putting you at risk. You know it was an accident, right? I’d never, and I mean never, intentionally hurt you.”

“Yes.” I close my eyes, embarrassed I ran into the dark.

“When I saw you on the ground and realized what I’d done, I froze. I went into complete shock. By the time I got up, you were gone. I saw the blood smeared over the glass...I vomited everywhere. I ran outside to find you, but you were gone.”

“How did I get here?”

“A driver nearly hit you just as you collapsed on the main road. You were on the wrong side of the fucking road, Lexi. God, you were facing the traffic. His car skidded and overturned right off the road.”

“Oh my God. Is he alright?” This just got a whole lot worse.

“Yes, just some bruising and cuts. Nothing serious, I believe. By the time I reached the road I thought…well, I cradled you in my arms, praying for a goddamn fucking miracle. When the ambulance arrived, they gave you smelling salts and oxygen and you looked into my eyes and panicked. You begged for me to let you go. Lexi, it took the air from my lungs. I pleaded with the paramedics but they would not allow me come with you.” He sobs into my chest, heaving his shoulders up and down.

“I called Marco to come and get me. By that time, someone had called Fran, to ask if she knew you. I guess they found her business card in your skirt pocket. She called me right away.”

I feel sick. “I’m sorry.”

“No, No baby. This is my fault. You never would have left if I had not treated you the way I did. I will understand if you don’t forgive me because I deserve it, but I’m begging you to please try. I love you, I love you so much.” His thumb brushes my lip and he bites down on his own, closing his eyes with trepidation.

He looks terrible, unshaven, and stubbly with yesterday’s clothes on. He is shaking and shivering. My heart is crushing for him, seeing him like this, after everything we have been through. I need to be honest.

“Lucca, I am truly sorry for lying about my mother. I decided yesterday that I was going to open up to you, to be more honest, You need to know, this is really hard for me to speak about to anyone, but I want to confide in you.” My throat throttles coarsely, and my own tears fall. I can’t turn my head as yet so the salty water drips to the back of my neck past my ears and jaw.

“Confide in me when you are ready to tell me.” He runs his hand over my forehead and tucks a stray curl behind my ear.

“I wish I never said it. You know about my mother, the day we went to the Chapel, I asked God for forgiveness,” I sob. He leans over and kisses me on my lips, I close my eyes. “I love my mother unconditionally, more than anything that’s why I find it so hard to deal with and talk about and I promise I will make this right.”

“Baby, you don’t need to do anything other than get yourself better. I need to make this right; I need to take care of you and love you…properly love you… I promise I will make this right. How do you feel just now?”

“I could be better.” I sigh.

“I’m not letting you out of my sight. Hazel and Dominic interrogated me. He has a good left hook, I’ll give him that. I worked tirelessly, apologising and confessing what happened, declaring my love for you until they eventually calmed down. We decided that Hazel will return home on her normal flight with Dominic next Tuesday, but I’d like to reschedule your flight to allow you time to recover. If you agree, we’ll stay until you’re fit enough to go home.”