Lyttelton's Britain (20 page)

Ipswich is a major centre for the manufacture of agricultural machinery. The town produces equipment essential to farmers’ needs, such as the Revolving-Reel Combine Harvester, which separates grain from straw to ensure an efficient harvest, and the Gear-driven Half-Spinner, which turns intruders round to ensure they’re not inadvertently shot in the back.

Opening in the 1920s, Ipswich Airport operated Britain’s first air services to Paris. It was one of these flights that brought the great French dessert chef Escoffier to Ipswich, where he set about traditional English tarts and was soon famous for his spotted dick.

Early charity parachute jumps also took place at Ipswich airport, including the first made by a blind man. Older staff at the aerodrome remember it as a unique occasion, as they’d never before heard a golden labrador scream.

Ryanair delivers their first passenger, Ipswich Airport, 1987

In the art world, the Suffolk countryside inspired the work of Constable, Gainsborough and Lovejoy. Gainsborough is particularly associated with the area, which he toured with his easel making beautiful copies of chocolate boxes. Constable is famous
for his painting in fine detail of the
Old House at Colchester
. Completed in vivid oils, the owner complained he actually only wanted his window frames re-glossed.

To the north of Suffolk is Newmarket, home of the Jockey Club. Founded in 1752, it is responsible for the control and regulation of underpants.

John Constable, made several studies for
The Haywain
from this, his earliest
…

…
to this, the final version.

N
ORWICH
is an ancient city that glories in a fascinating history. The first known settlers there were the Iceni Tribe, led by Boadicea in her wars against the invading Romans. Turmoil and confusion were caused by successive battles in 55, 54 and 53
BC
, until someone noticed they were reading the calendar back to front.

The Iron Age Iceni were skilled in metal work, but their history is sketchy, as they were illiterate. What
is
recorded, is that ‘Queen Bo Derek, bottled against the Mormon centenarians on her cheroot pulled by sick horses. Her Amy finally met deaf feet on the river Wensum, which her worriers crossed by climbing into small boots, and piddling into bottle.’

Queen Boadicea at the Iceni Christmas fancy dress party, which she attended as a fireman

As the locality has no indigenous rock supply, Norwich was built largely of flint, and there was born the craft of flint knapping. ‘Knappers’ would hold a flint between their thighs to hit
it with a lump hammer. These craftsmen gave us the term ‘knapsack’, a painful medical condition caused by missing the flint.

Later, the city became populated by Flemish weavers, who brought with them the art of canary breeding, and in a recently converted Norwich church is found the National Canary Museum, where visitors are invited to climb the tower, ring the bell and smack their heads against a small mirror.

The future King, Henry Tudor, set up base in Norwich when the houses of York and Lancaster fought the ‘Wars of the Roses’ for control of the chocolate sweet market.

Before entering naval college, Horatio Nelson attended the King Edward VI school. His time there is commemorated by the Norwich pub which bears his name: ‘The Nelson’s Arm’.

As you’d expect, Norwich City Football Club are nicknamed ‘the Canaries’, because of the team’s long association with the popular Spanish holiday resort. This is why their supporters so regularly respond to referees’ decisions with shouts of ‘Balearics’.

TV cook Delia Smith lives nearby, and as director of Norwich City FC, has brought fine food to the terraces. Hence the fans’ chant of: ‘Who ate all the Boeuf en Croute with Cranberry Coulis?’.

Modern Norwich is famous for many products including footwear. Completion of a new shoe factory, however, has been recently delayed, due to problems with the architect. His original plan in Renaissance style Italian marble was rejected after the owners asked him for something in black in a slightly smaller size.

Some more old cobblers

Norwich is also home to the Norwich Union, the insurance company that was once claimed to be the largest in the world, although this claim was rejected, along with all the others.

Generations of the Gurney family have lived in Norwich, the Gurneys being the founding fathers of Barclays Bank. Still open for business, I popped into the original branch on my last visit, but by the time I’d got to the front of the queue, it had turned into an ‘All Bar One’.

 LYTTELTON’S BRITAIN 
ENGLAND
THE NORTH-WEST