Ma, He Sold Me for a Few Cigarettes (37 page)

‘Can we go out te play, Martha?' Charlie asked me, lookin very white.

‘No, Charlie. Me ma said we have te stay here an wait fer them te come back.'

Charlie dragged himself over te the bed an climbed up an sat wit his back te the wall. Teddy chased Harry aroun the floor on his hands an knees. I looked out the winda. Not a soul aroun, it was still early in the mornin.

‘No! I told ye te stop moidierin me, Charlie. Youse all got the last of the bread hours ago. There isn't even a drop a milk left te make a sup a tea. Now, just wait until they get back!'

‘I'm starvin, Martha! When'll they come back? Ye said tha they'd be back this mornin.'

‘Yeah! I know. I don't know where they're gone te. Now stop whingin.'

Harry was lyin wit his head in me lap, an I was rubbin his head te try an mollify him, cos he wanted his drink of tea an somethin te eat. But me ma must be gone off wit Jackser, an he's probably drinkin in the pub.

‘Teddy, come over here an lie down beside me. I'll rub yer back.' He looked at me fer a minute an then crawled over te lie beside me an put his head in the crook of me arm. An I rubbed his back, an he closed his eyes an sucked his thumb, an I could see Harry was now dozin off.

I lay quietly wit me back against the headboard, lookin out the winda, seein the dusk comin an hearin the sounds of childre playin gettin quieter. People are now goin in fer their tea. It's gettin late. I'd better start thinkin about puttin everyone te bed fer the night. Maybe it's better if we're all asleep when Jackser finally comes back, then I won't have te face him.

I slipped off the babby's clothes an put him under the blankets. He cried fer a minute but then fell fast asleep. Then I got Teddy ready an put him te bed. ‘Charlie,' I whispered. ‘Get yer clothes off an get inta bed.' He said nothin but just quietly took off his clothes an climbed inta the bed. It was nearly dark now. I didn't draw the curtains or put on the light. It would only hurt me eyes, cos I had a pain in me head, an I wanted te sit on the chair by the winda an listen te the quiet an watch the odd few people goin past. I didn't feel so shut up or afraid when I could see the people an know I could run out there an be safe if somethin bad was te happen here.

I heard footsteps an laughin. I held me breath te listen. ‘Will ye come on!' Tha's me ma! They're comin. I jumped up suddenly, knockin over the chair. Me head spun aroun the room. What'll I do? Will I jump inta bed an pretend I'm asleep. Too late! They're here! I rushed over te the chair beside the fireplace an whipped across the curtains an put on the light an opened the door just as Jackser staggered in. Me ma laughed, an I could see her face was red an she was all excited.

‘Ah! Me topper! I'm back!' Jackser roared, lookin at me an snufflin.

‘Here!' me ma shouted. ‘Sit down here an eat yer fish an chips before they get cold.'

Harry an Teddy woke up cryin an rubbin their eyes. ‘Yeh hoo! It's me, yer daddy!' Jackser roared at them an staggered over te the bed. Harry hid his face an turned te the wall, roarin his head off, an Teddy made a dive fer Charlie, hidin his head behind his back, an Charlie tried te squeeze himself inta the corner of the wall but was afraid te take his eyes off Jackser.

‘Ah, it's grand te be back. An by Jaysus! I won't be seein the inside of tha place again. Oh, no! I have big plans. We're gettin outa this place. I'm goin te pay off the rent arrears an get ourselves a house.' He grabbed Charlie's cheek an squeezed it. An then dived on Teddy an sank his head inta his neck an blew on it, bitin him. Teddy screamed te get away. An me ma was hoarse askin him te come an eat his grub.

‘Here!' she said te me, puttin chips on a cut of bread. ‘Give tha te Harry an get them up fer their tea.'

Teddy shot outa the bed when he saw the chips, an Charlie behind him. Me ma put a huge ray an a bag of chips on the plate an carried it over te Jackser. ‘Here! Take this!' An he grabbed the plate, snufflin.

‘Fuck me, Sally, but it's great te be outa tha kip!'

An he grabbed her arse, an she laughed an said, ‘Stop, will ya! They're watchin.' But she seemed happy. I felt they were dirty, an I didn't like me ma much. I wanted te get away from her. She's dirty! Just like him.

I sat down on the chair wit me back te the room an looked at the empty grate, tryin te get rid of the picture in me head of Jackser lyin on top of me an suffocatin me.

‘Here! Have yer bread an chips, Martha!'

I lifted me head an nodded te her. ‘I don't want them.'

‘Here! Eat them, they're gettin cold on ye. Ye have te eat somethin!'

‘I'm not hungry!' I said.

An she put one of them in her mouth an said, ‘Eat them, they're lovely!'

When I said nothin, she shook her head an said, ‘Tha's terrible! Many's the one tha'd be glad of them!' An she gave some of them te Harry an put more in her mouth, an gave a bit of the bread te Charlie an the other bit te Teddy, until they were all gone. An then said, ‘Listen, Martha! Get them all inta the bed now, it's late.'

Jackser handed me the plate an said, ‘Tha was lovely. I enjoyed tha. Jaysus! I'm banjacksed! I'm hittin the sack. Don't be long, Sally! An put the light out! Turn yer head, you!'

An I went inta the scullery while he pulled off his trousers, showin his hairy bandy legs, an held the front of his shirt over his horrible privates, an rushed in towards the scullery, headin fer the tilet. ‘I'm fuckin burstin!' he laughed.

‘Jaysus!' me ma laughed at me. ‘Tha's a terrible carry on.'

I gave me ma a dirty look an went te put the childre te bed. ‘Get inta bed, quick!' I said te Teddy an Charlie, an whipped off me frock an dived inta the bed before Jackser came back. I rolled meself inta a tight ball an wondered if I should swap places wit Charlie. Too late now. I could hear him openin the tilet door.

I dived under the blankets an heard the two of them whisperin, an then me ma laughed. ‘Go way outa that!' me ma said.

Jackser came rushin in te the bed, snufflin. I didn't move, holdin me breath while the mattress heaved an he settled himself. ‘Hurry up, Sally! Put the light out,' he roared.

‘Yes! Yes! Hold yer horses,' me ma shouted back. ‘I'm hurryin.'

Then me ma shuffled inta the room an turned the light out. I waited fer her te get inta the bed so I could let me breath out an try te let me scrunched-up muscles loosen. I was so worried trouble might break out any minute.

‘Come on, get in,' Jackser said as me ma climbed over him. An the mattress sank, an we all rocked from side te side wit the extra weight.

‘Shush!' I heard her whisper te the babby as she lifted him closer inta the wall. Then she settled herself, an I heard them whisperin an laughin. I let out a breath then an loosened me muscles, stretchin me legs a little but not too much or Jackser would kick the back off me fer takin his room where he put his feet. Then I was out cold.

When I woke again, it was mornin. Me eyes shot open an clapped on Jackser pourin the tea. Me heart sank! It wasn't a dream after all!

‘We must a spent every penny yesterday,' he was sayin te me ma.

I looked at him. His face was fatter, an his skin looked the colour of putty. An his eyes was sunk inta the back of his head, an his hair was all cropped off. Me ma opened the press beside the fire. ‘There's a few nice things here. I can bring them over te the pawn.' She held up me lovely blue frock, an I held me breath. Ah, no! Not that, I thought. I never even got a chance te try it on. I was savin tha te go wit me lovely new curls! An me coat an sandals she's taken, too. I jumped outa the bed an threw on me old frock tha was so worn out ye'd think twice about wipin the floor wit it.

‘Ma! Leave me frock,' I whispered. ‘Ye have enough stuff there.' I looked at her coat an her skirts.

‘Ah! Don't be moidierin me!' She threw the lot onta the bed an got the pillaslip an stuffed them all in.

Jackser swallied down his tea an rubbed his hands together, an shook his arm inta the air an bent himself, snufflin, an said happily, ‘Tha's the way, Sally! Get them over te the pawn an try te get as much as ye can, an hurry back. I want te get goin.'

‘Where are ye goin te?' me ma asked, chewin on her lip an shakin a bit wit nerves.

‘I won't be long. I've just te see some fella about somethin, then I'll be back.'

‘Ye needn't think ye're goin off drinkin wit the money,' me ma said, gettin annoyed.

Jackser went stiff an clenched his fists an swung his head away, an then swung back te look at me ma. ‘Did I say tha? I'm only in the door five minutes, Mrs, an ye're startin again!'

‘Come on, Ma! Let's go.' I grabbed the heavy pillacase an rushed te the door.

‘I'm not sayin anythin,' me ma said back. ‘You're the one wantin te go off an drink.'

Jackser looked up at the ceilin an held his arms tight by his side an clenched his fists. ‘I'm warnin ye, Mrs!'

I went te me ma an pulled her te the door. ‘Come on, Ma! There's goin te be a big queue, an we'll never get back.'

She turned then, sayin, ‘Don't think ye can make a fool outa me!'

I carried the bundle out the gate an on te Foley Street, headin fer the North Strand.

‘It didn't take the bandy aul bastard long te get back te his old ways,' me ma said.

I was annoyed meself. ‘Ye're only gettin wha ye asked fer, Ma! We were happy on our own, but ye took him back. Ye can't get on without him, Ma. An he'll always be the same. He's no good, you've been told tha a thousand times by everyone who knows him. So wha's there te talk about?'

‘Sure, where would we go? He'd track us down an come an kill the lot of us!'

‘No, he wouldn't! He's a coward if ye stand up te him, but ye're afraid of him, Ma, an he knows it. If I was big, I'd smash everythin I could lay me hands on down on his bleedin head. He wouldn't come back a second time lookin fer more.'

Me ma chewed her lip an coughed an said, changin the subject, ‘How much do ye think he'll give us, Martha?'

I thought about it an said, ‘They're nearly new, Ma. Ask fer two quid, hope fer thirty bob, an take twenty-five bob rock bottom!'

‘Tha'd be grand!' me ma said, laughin.

She hurried on then, an I said, ‘Here, Ma, give us a hand, this is gettin too heavy fer me, the arms are fallin offa me.'

The queue was out the door, an I left me ma chattin te the other women an squeezed me way inside te see wha was happenin. The place was crowded. Women crushed up against each other, all holdin out bundles a clothes an watchin the men, three of them, behind the high counter, examinin suits, an clothes, an bed sheets, an everythin an anythin they could get their hands on te pawn.

The men rushed up an down, puttin the stuff away on high shelves an writin out dockets an arguin about money. ‘Ah, Eddie! I'm tellin ye, ye gave me a pound on tha bundle last week. Tha's me best stuff in tha parcel, so it is!'

‘Josie! You've been bringin tha parcel in since I was a lad, an that's not today or yesterday, need I remind ye!'

The other women laughed, an an aul one roared up from the back, ‘How could we forget wit yer baldy head te remind us.'

‘Ah, you've gone an done it now, Mrs! He's goin te run the lot of us out the door fer passin remarks on him!'

Another woman said, ‘Well, give us twelve shillins, Eddie! An I'm insultin meself at tha. Them sheets are the best linen money can buy!'

‘Three shillins!' Eddie said. ‘An I won't upset meself by openin the parcel an watchin them fall te bits in me hands.'

‘Right, then! I'll take eight shillins!' Josie said.

‘Five shillins, that's me final offer,' Eddie said. ‘An I'm gettin too soft. If I keep this up, I'll have te close up shop.'

‘All right, then! I'll take it,' Josie said happily.

Eddie pushed the parcel down the counter, an it slid inta the hands of another man, who picked it up an rushed off te put it on a high shelf, standin himself up on the ladder.

Josie took her docket an the two half-crowns an moved off, an another woman moved over, puttin a bundle of dirty rags on the counter. ‘Eddie, love! Just give us five bob on these,' she said, fixin a little babby tha popped its head up from under her brown shawl an gave a roar. ‘Shush! Shush! Here!' an she stuck her nipple inta the babby's mouth an pulled the shawl up an tightened it aroun her, an the babby was quiet, suckin happily on her diddy. Her black hair was thin, like long bits of thick thread hangin aroun her shoulders. An she put one side behind her ear te get a better look at Eddie.

‘Ah, me aul flower, I'll give ye a shillin. An that's only out of the goodness of me heart!'

‘Ah, Eddie! Give us three bob. I'll be back in no time te claim them out!'

‘I'm not the Vincent de Paul!' Eddie roared. ‘Do ye want te put me out on the street? Two bob, an that's me final offer,' he said.

‘It will do,' the woman said.

An I moved me way out, gettin squashed, cos the women wouldn't give an inch of space. ‘Let me out! I want te get out,' I said, tryin te lift me head up fer air.

‘Here! Get out.' An an aul one gave me a dig an pushed me through the crowd. They were all annoyed cos I was a young one an they might lose their place in the queue. ‘Bloody young ones, pesterin ye!' an aul one roared after me.

Me ma was lookin very worried. ‘He's goin te go mad,' she said. ‘How long more have we te wait?'

‘It's slow, Ma, but the queue is movin. We won't be long.'

‘Jaysus, he'll go mad,' she said te herself.

Me ma was in a state by the time our turn came. She was worried cos we'd been waitin nearly two hours. ‘How much do ye want?' Eddie asked me ma, examinin the clothes.

‘Eh! Will ye give us ... eh!' ... cough ...