MacAlister's Hope (8 page)

Every word he spoke was true, but still she could not let herself say them.

“Will you take me back to the village now, Kieron,” she said, pulling out of his embrace and heading back the way they had come.

He followed her down the hill letting silence fall between them like a heavy winter blanket, and Fia knew she had hurt him, though that was the last thing she would ever want to do.

When they reached the trail, he drew up next to her. “Why do you deny it, Fia? I ken we have not known each other long, but what I feel is real. What you feel for me is real, even if you will not admit it to me.”

Fia tried to swallow, but the lump in her throat almost choked her. She stopped and looked up at Kieron, her Kieron if she could allow it.

“Can you leave here and stay in Kilmartin with me?”

“For a short time, aye, and then we can return here. I shall build us a cottage near my grandmum’s. I think you two will like each other.”

Fia shook her head. “I cannot come back here, at least not until Elena’s children are grown, Mairi trained in herb lore, the little girls, too. She and Symon have done so much for me and I will not abandon them or their family. I cannot abandon them.”

Kieron stared at her, shaking his head. “I am not asking you to—”

“Do not ask anything of me, Kieron,” she said, laying her hand on his arm. “Please, do not ask anything.” For she knew if he did, any answer she gave him would hurt someone and she could not bear that.

Chapter Seven

That evening Kieron searched the crowded great hall for Fia, finally spying her across the hall as she danced with Brodie. The man was old enough to be her father, which was the only reason Kieron did not charge onto the floor and take her hand from his, though he doubted if she would welcome his attentions. The walk back to the village had been strained, and as soon as they had reached the outer cottages, Fia had said she could get back on her own and left him standing in the lane, watching the future he wanted with all his heart walk away.

One minute he’d been envisioning waking up every morning beside her, making a life with her, and the next she had told him it was impossible, though he could not understand why. Had he misread her feelings? He did not believe so. Was there someone in Kilmartin she was promised to? If there was, he was certain she did not love the man. She was so adamant that she could not leave Elena and her brood. He knew they were her family, but did that mean she could not find her own happiness with him?

He looked for her again. She had asked him not to push her to answer his questions this morning, and he hadn’t, but now he thought that had been a poor decision. He loved her, and she either needed to tell him she did not feel the same way, or admit that she did so they could find a way to be together, and he was determined she would not leave Kilglashan until he had his answer.

“If you keep gripping the table that hard you shall surely snap it in two.” Kieron’s grandmother patted his hand from her place next to him on the bench. “She is a pretty wee thing.”

“Do not call her wee, Grandmum. She does not like it,” he said without taking his eyes from Fia, where she whirled through the dance like the fairy some used to say she was.

“It seems you were right about Fia’s abilities as a healer.” His grandmother reached for a pitcher of ale, but Kieron grabbed it first, refilling her cup, then his. “’Tis a good thing Tavish listens to you these days.”

“’Tis because of her he does.” Kieron took a long swig of ale, forcing himself to look into the depths of his cup instead of at the lass.

“Because of Fia MacLachlan?”

“Aye.” He glanced at the old woman who had been mother, father, grandparent, friend, and mentor to him. “She is the one who made me see my way of avoiding a thrashing from Tavish and the other lads was smart, not cowardly. She is the one who told me to stand up to them by being true to my own strengths, not to compare my way to theirs, for neither was better nor worse than the other, only different.”

“So she is the one.” The serious tone that replaced the lightness of his grandmother’s voice surprised him.

“Aye, she is the one.” He could not keep himself from finding her on the dance floor once more, following her every move.

“I should thank her then.”

That surprised Kieron. “Thank her?”

“Aye, for she managed to make you strong as I never could, as all of Tavish’s thrashings never did. She turned you from a boy to a man that day, and you have had Tavish’s respect and given him good counsel ever since. You ken you will be his champion and advisor when he becomes chief, aye?”

Kieron had the urge to deny it, but knew if he held the Winter Stone it would prove him a liar. “I ken it, and I will serve him and the clan to the best of my abilities.”

“As you always do, love, as you always do.”

They both drank in silence for a few minutes as Kieron let his gaze continue to follow Fia through the intricate circle dance. The dark-haired Annis spun past him, and he fought the urge to lock her away again for the harm she had nearly caused. Instead he counted the moments until the music would stop and he could claim Fia’s hand before she could avoid him, as she’d done so well this evening.

“Does the lass ken?” His grandmum asked quietly, but still jerking Kieron out of his almost trance-like attention.

“Ken what?”

“How you feel about her.”

“How I feel?”

“Dinna play the dafty with me, Kieron. You are in love with her. How long?”

“Since first I met her,” Kieron said without hesitation.

Grandmum whistled through her teeth, drawing Kieron’s attention finally. Her sparse grey eyebrows were raised and the stunned expression in her eyes made Kieron laugh. It was rare he could surprise the old woman.

“I ken I am a dafty, but ’tis true,” he said. “I have loved her since I first saw her sitting upon a stone at the edge of the meadow where Tavish and the other lads had chased me. She was tiny and golden with her pale hair and big blue eyes, and her laughter was like tinkling bells. I thought perhaps she was a fairy maid come to take me away. Or maybe I fell in love with her when she told me she was laughing at the rest of the lads.”

“She is why you’ve never been much interested in the lassies here.”

Kieron nodded. None had ever compared to Fia.

“Did you ken she was at Kilmartin before you went there?”

He nodded again.

“Does she ken how you feel?” Grandmum asked again, her voice quieter and more serious now.

“I have spoken of it.”

“And the lass, does she feel the same?”

Kieron nodded. “I believe she does, but she will not say.”

“And if she did say? If she did love you, what then my laddie?”

“I do not think ’twill change aught, even if she does share my feelings. She is determined that we cannot be together, not for a long time at least. I do not want to be without her, Grandmum. Not anymore.”

“Och, lad. You get your way with most everyone here, often without them even knowing how you do it. Are you telling me you cannot convince a lass you love that marrying you would be the best thing she ever did?”

“You are biased, Grandmum.”

“Aye, but that does not make me wrong.” She laughed just as the music stopped. “Go get her, my laddie. If you really love her, and you believe she loves you, do not let her go.”

Kieron almost toppled the bench and his grandmother in his rush to his feet. Fortunately the dance had brought Fia to his side of the crowded hall so he was able steady his grandmother and still reach Fia before anyone else claimed the next dance. He looked back at the table, ready to apologize for his abrupt abandonment, only to find the old woman grinning and tilting her head toward the door that led out to the deserted village. Kieron smiled and nodded.

He needed to get Fia out of here, out of the crush of the clan and somewhere private. He needed to make sure she knew how he felt. He needed to know if she cared as deeply for him.

“I need to talk to you, Fia,” he said. “Would you like to get some air?”

Fia hesitated for a moment, then followed him as he led her through the throng and down the outer stairs into the village. When they were clear of the noise and the light of the torches that had been set up along the main path to the hallhouse, Kieron stopped and faced her. She stood a few feet away, almost as if she was afraid to get to close to him. His heart ached at the thought she might be afraid of him.

“I do not think we have aught to say to each other, Kieron,” she said.

He could see the tension that pulled her shoulders up, and pinched her face. She started to turn away and he reached out and caught her wrist. He didn’t know what to say to her, but he knew what he felt, what she felt, when they touched. He pulled her slowly into his arms, pleased when she reluctantly let him. He kissed her, coaxing her mouth to soften beneath his, hoping she would kiss him back, even if it were for the last time. Suddenly, she rose up onto her toes, deepening the kiss he’d started, and holding onto him with a ferocity he would never have expected. His heart fluttered, skipping a beat, then doubling its effort as she threaded her fingers into his hair and tilted her sweet mouth, opening for him with a need so fierce it would not be denied. He could not help but run his hands over her back and down to her backside, pressing her against him until he could barely think. She shivered, and he could not tell if it was from the passion that exploded between them, or because she was cold, but either way, they could not stay out here. He scooped her up, never breaking the kiss, and carried her to the tiny cottage that she and Annis were to have shared.

When they were inside, he let her slide down him until her feet touched the floor. He trailed kisses over her cheek and down to the hollow behind her ear, then down the pale column of her neck. He ran his hand up her side, letting his thumb just skim along the side of her breast. She turned just slightly, allowing his hand to cup her breast, as she gave a low satisfied moan. She leaned against him, creating an exquisite pressure along the length of his erection where she trapped it between their bodies.

He reached down and cupped her bottom, pulling her closer still, as she found his mouth with hers and kissed him again.

He stopped.

He stopped his hands where he caressed her backside.

He stopped their kiss.

He realized his breath came hard and fast as if he’d been running. He set her just far enough away to create a little space between them so he could try to form the words that needed to be spoken. He looked her directly in her amazingly big blue eyes and almost lost his ability to speak. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and tried to calm his heartbeat.

“I need to say something, Fia. I dinna want you to think…”

“What is it?” she asked, her voice breathy as if she, too, was having a hard time slowing her heart.

“I need to say…” He closed his eyes again, steadying himself lest he get lost in her gaze and the sweetness of her breath upon his face, lest he divest her of her clothes and make her his this very moment. He took another long shuddering breath.

“Whatever it is, Kieron, just say it.”

He opened his eyes and ran a thumb over her cheek. “I love you.”

The most wistful smile he had ever seen spread over her heart-shaped face as if his words saddened her. “I know.” And now it was she who closed her eyes and took a long, slow breath. “I am sorry I did not tell you earlier today.” She lifted her chin and gazed up at him. “I thought it would be easier to leave you if I did not say the words, but even the few hours when I kept myself away from you this afternoon proved to me that it was too late. I love you, too,” she said, laying a hand on his chest just as she had when she slept in his lap. “I always will.”

“Oh, thank God,” he said, pulling her into a kiss that was more fierce than loving, more claiming than coaxing by both of them.

Chapter Eight

Fia was nervous and happier than she could ever remember being. Kieron loved her and she loved him. The man made her body hum in a way she’d never experienced before just by saying her name, or looking at her, but now…this…now she was on fire and the only thing she knew was that Kieron fanned the flames higher and hotter with every touch of his lips, every caress of his hands.

“We should stop,” he said, raining kisses down her neck and back up to that sensitive spot behind her ear that she had not known was there.

“Aye.” She leaned her head to the side. “Aye,” she said again on a sigh of pure pleasure. Neither of them ceased their explorations of each other.

Fia slid her hands up his arms, as he cupped her breasts in his hands, running his thumbs over the peaked nipples. She pressed into his hands, wondering what it would feel like to have his skin against hers. Kieron growled and Fia could not help but laugh, delighted that she inspired such a fierce response in her Highlander.

“You laugh at me, my lady?” He threaded his fingers into her hair and kissed her before she could answer. Heat gathered within her, low and needy, with every stroke of his tongue against hers.

“Aye, I laugh at you,” she whispered against his lips as she unfastened the pin at his shoulder, then pulled his belt free. His plaid fell to the floor and his desire for her was hidden only by his tunic.

Shyness and curiosity warred within her. She wanted to see all of him, wanted to run her hands over his skin, wanted him to touch her in the same way, but before she could act on her desires he was loosening her gown and slipping it down her arms, to puddle at her feet, leaving her clad only in her kirtle. He lifted her into his arms again, and in three long strides laid her on the bed in the corner of the single room.

The mattress dipped as he stretched out beside her, rolling her toward him so they faced each other. He ran a hand down her side, over her hip, and back up, skimming over her breast with the lightest of touches. Shyly she reached out and mirrored his caress, sliding her hand down his side, but she did not trail her way back up as he had. She hesitated for a moment, then slid her hand between their bodies. He closed his eyes and a low throaty groan escaped him as she ran her hand over him. The heat and hardness of his desire stole her breath and pushed everything out of her mind except Kieron. Her Kieron. Instinct took over as she hooked her leg over his hip and pressed herself to him.