Mage of Shadows (44 page)

My trust in her hadn't been misplaced, it never really had. I took another step forward, my eyes pleading for Danae to just have one shred of compassion, just one moment where she could understand how it felt to love someone and watch them suffer… but there was only madness in those eyes.

Danae just laughed at me, "Feel pain." She hissed, "You brought this on yourself, Stratus."

"Nick," Carmen was afraid, "I-" She didn't have a chance to finish.

Danae shot her, point blank, dead.

Carmen fell, and her gaze remained locked with mine as she crumpled to the ground. I felt like I was watching her fall in slow motion, as if dragging the moment out and prolonging her descent would somehow make the fact of its consequences untrue. Unreal.

Her eyes weren't resolved, just frightened. Carmen hadn't been ready to go. What was she going to say? I wonder still, every day. Did she love me? Was she begging for me to save her?

I would never know.

All I knew was rage.

I shoved Ruark away, screaming bloody murder even as Carmen fell from Danae's grasp. Danae dropped her like yesterday's trash. Like she was nothing, like she hadn't been the girl that meant more to me than anyone else on this stupid campus. Once again, I had lost myself to the fire, but more than that… I gave myself up to its power again.

Then, I hadn't been aware of the consequences of doing so.

"I WILL KILL YOU!"

It was a promise.

It was a promise unfulfilled.

My will had been pushed too far, even backed by the force of Nature's gift to me, I was still only human. With teamwork that came from years of working together whether they enjoyed it or not, all three mages pressed their combined wills against mine. Vik, Danae, and Ruark held me down together. They pushed my struggling form against the concrete, and came to stand over me.

Much like Nishi, Jimmy, and I had stood over Kraven not long ago, they stood over me now.

I screamed at them, I screamed and struggled until I couldn't anymore. My fire had no more oxygen to burn, it couldn't survive. I felt myself break, my mind near the brink of insanity in that moment of failure, of my hidden nature failing me. I had nothing to live for. I had failed again to save those close to me… what was worse, they had been killed by others that I had come to trust, to call friend.

Friends killing friends… everything that had happened… it was too much. I felt myself slipping away. Using the full power that had been granted to me as an Aether had consequences besides the physical turmoil and exhaustion I would suffer in the next few weeks. It cost my sanity, and it would have taken it and broken me completely if it hadn't been for what Ruark did in the next moment.

The dirty-blond mage gently Pushed me back, soothing my mind until it returned to some semblance of what it was. He stitched my conscience back to my brain, and forced the pieces of myself back together. If he hadn't… it wouldn't have been good for me, to say the least. My struggles weakened. My mind and body felt as if they were collapsing into themselves from sheer exhaustion. The steady dribbling stickiness of the wounds scattered across my body returned with a vengeance.

"I'm so sorry." Ruark said, his voice pained, "I can't let you kill Danae, Nick… she's my family."

I couldn't comprehend it. What? Kevin and Danae were related?

Danae leaned over me, smirking as I attempted to grab at her, failing miserably. "Family," She repeated sing-song, "Cousins, Stratus. Isn't it such a wonderful thing?"

Ruark gave me one last Push to unconsciousness and I let go. The world had become too much, too confusing. I fell into a deep slumber.

111

Nishi survived. Ruark had caught and slowed her descent before she hit the concrete. He then absolutely refused to allow Vik or Danae to finish the job, and Lincoln had concurred. Les lost against Larry and ended up in the hospital for a few days, but was ultimately okay. He had done what he promised me and prevented Chen from catching up in time to stop me from getting to Vik, Danae, and Carmen.

Carmen's death was ruled a suicide. Danae knew enough of her handwriting to forge an irritatingly simple suicide note. They Cloaked and dumped the body in Carmen and Emily's now empty dorm room.

I'm sorry… I can't go on without her. Forgive me.

Lies. All lies. Carmen had me. She was happy. She had been going to live a long, fulfilled life.

I made her happy, she betrayed me, but then she saved me. The confusing mantra circled my head over and over, even as I watched them lower the coffin into the ground. Even as I watched her mother and father cry, her sister sob, and saw them begin to shovel dirt atop of her. I found no peace, no closure, I wanted to stop them.

I never got to say goodbye.

That's my girlfriend they're burying, dammit. She doesn't deserve to go like this.

I wanted to say it, I wanted to, but I choked on the words. The priest spoke, a low sorrowful diatribe about a life cut unfortunately short- it only served to sicken me. He never even knew her. I pushed my way through the swarm of people who were too engrossed in the speech or in themselves- I didn't care which one- to notice me until I had already shoved by them.

Nishi and Jimmy tried to follow.

"I need to be alone." I managed to say, shaking them away. They couldn't console me, not now. They still had each other- they couldn't understand how I felt.

I sat under a tree, a young oak, and silent tears came unbidden. They trailed down my face as I did my best not to shake. Some way off, I could still hear the steady speech of the priest. I wished that I couldn't, but I had no strength to move again. They had released me from the hospital only to attend Carmen's funeral, otherwise I should still be in bed. I demanded to be allowed to go.

My first successful Push that I had ever done was on the attending physician. He sounded surprised to give his acquiescence to my demands, but as soon as he said I could leave for the funeral, I immediately began getting dressed and wouldn't be deterred even when he took it back. The days in the hospital had been enough to get me somewhat mobile again, though I tired very easily.

I never got to tell her that I forgave her.

I never would.

"Mr. Stratus, please conduct yourself with some measure of decorum, if you will."

Governor Lincoln stood in front of me; his voice an insufferable reminder of his granddaughter. He felt me lashing out before I even tried- damned Precognition. Lincoln's will easily subverted mine, and reminded me just how large of a difference there was between us. I was still eons away from challenging a Triumvirate member. Vik, Kraven, or even Ruark were laughable in comparison.

Still, I had grown powerful enough that he couldn't completely cut me off from my magic anymore, even directly focused on me. That had to be something, right?

"It's your fault she's dead." I spat, keeping my voice hatefully low.

Lincoln idly met my gaze, looking more bored than anything, "My fault? That doesn't sound right. Danae killed her, you drove her to it. My granddaughter isn't a very stable girl, but I don't see how any of that is my fault. Bad parenting, really. Her mother's side of the family, you see."

The Governor saw that I obviously wasn't convinced.

"Stratus," He sighed, "I understand that this situation is hardly fair. On my orders, Carmen was asked to observe you. To befriend you and understand where you came from. And yes, to tie you further to our causes. The Aberrant Project is a bit of dirty business, but necessary in the world we live in. We must hold every card we can, every advantage we can grasp. My dear nephew Kevin doesn't understand that, but he is learning. My old friend Randall Walsh didn't understand, and he was unfortunately too old to be taught. Remember this, Stratus. Wisdom is useful and it grows in age, but it is not power. Power is power."

"Great speech," I retorted bitterly, "Tell it to Carmen, and all the other people you've had killed."

The man sighed, "I see you will not listen, today. Will you be attempting to leave us? Because I assure you, you have sworn the oath. It will not be possible unless I deem to release you."

"Don't worry." I said, "Ruark already told me. You still have your Aether Magnum Ignis… Governor."

He had the nerve to smile at me, "Good boy." Lincoln murmured, "I would hate to have to put you down. If it is any consolation, Danae will be harshly reprimanded for her actions. Her punishment will be… quite agonizing. I have been too indulgent, and for that I do apologize."

"And Vik?"

"Mr. Shah as well."

"…Good." I had one final question that needed to be answered, "What was the Aberrant Project, Governor?"

Lincoln glanced at me, eyes calculating, "Do not worry about that, Stratus." He finally murmured, "Everything will be revealed in time… yes, in time you will know."

The priest had finished, finally, and I saw the group of mourners beginning to shuffle away. Many were tugging at their best jackets, sweating noticeably. It was too beautiful of a day to be the day that Carmen was buried. Nature had failed me when I attempted to avenge her on the roof, and it was failing me now.

Lincoln nodded to me one last time and bade me goodbye, but I didn't hear it, even as I slowly brought myself to stand.

Nature didn't fail me on the roof; I thought bitterly, I failed myself. I wasn't strong enough to kill Danae. Now, she's going far away. Now, I don't have to guts to do it anymore even if I wanted to.

It was one thing to kill Danae in a rage after she killed Carmen. But it was another to coldly calculate and plan her deliberate murder, especially as weakened as I was. It would be at least another week before I was fully recovered from the stress I had put my body under.

I saw mourners as they passed. Officer Rodriguez, dressed smartly in a women's business suit, glared at me as she passed with Wilson at her side. I pretended not to see the accusing gaze, or what it meant. Just like with Emily, she blamed me for Carmen's death, but could never speak out against me… honestly, that woman blamed me for everything. I didn't even do most of it. No doubt she would be a lifelong enemy.

David moved by me as well, walking slowly. I met his gaze and saw that he too had been crying as I had. My one time roommate paused and seemed to debate whether or not to stop and talk to me, but shook his head and decided against it. He went on without a word, and only then did I notice Raj following in his wake. The Indian boy shot me a short glare before following David, and I blinked in surprise.

I suppose I stumbled upon the one thing that made Raj Patel angry. Betray him and his best friend, and steal that same friend's ex, then appear to drive her to suicide. Who would have thought that that would be all it took. Go figure.

Eliza stopped in front of me, features strangely blank. I stared back, I hadn't seen nor spoken to her in almost two weeks, back when Carmen was still… around.

"Hi." I managed to croak, unsure what to say.

The girl strangely frowned at me, "Where were you, Nick?" Her tone was accusatory and confused me. This was far from the condolences that I expected to receive.

"What?"

"Don't play dumb!" She hissed at me, looking decidedly angry now, "I'm so sick of you lying to me. I know it's not a coincidence that Carmen's dead, not even a year after her roommate died. There's something strange going on in that stupid frat of yours. Something dangerous… and I'm going to find out exactly what."

"Eliza-"

She cut me off, "Have nice life, Nick." She quickly moved past me to join David and Raj who were waiting for her. My friends, the ones that I had brought together, now bound against me. If I hadn't been so confused and distraught, I would have laughed at the terrible irony of it all.

Again now, Nishi and Jimmy found me. This time, I didn't protest when their arms wrapped around me at the same time, Nishi burying her head into my shoulder and whispering a tearful apology, Jimmy's long arms wrapping around both of us solemnly. It was possibly the gloomiest group hug to ever exist.

The Magus Touch buzzed happily in the background of our contact. Absolute trust. I had lost my girlfriend and gained two lifelong friends. Not a fair tradeoff at all, but it was something, I had to admit.

"Thank you, Nick." Nishi said quietly into my shoulder.

"You saved her." Jimmy whispered to me, "You rushed after her and fought them when I couldn't, and I can never thank you enough for that. No matter what happens, we're always your friends. No matter what."

I appreciated their attempt to comfort me. But I knew this pain, and I knew it would only heal in time, but would never truly go away. But… yes, it was a nice effort. I still had good friends, that was something I hadn't had left to me, before. Maybe it would help.

God, I really hoped it would help.

My parents had called the night before my flight to remind me of the new address they had moved to just the month before. I dully informed them that yes, I had received my grades, and yes, they were all A's this time. My father could rest easy now.

They were ecstatic, more so than I thought they would be, which was quite a surprise. If I hadn't been feeling so much like a kicked dog, I probably would have appreciated their enthusiasm. My mother noticed very quickly even over the phone that something was wrong.

"Nick," She said worriedly, "Did something happen? Are you okay?"

"…Fine." I responded, not really sounding very assuring, "I'm… fine. It's just… someone I knew died recently."

I never told them I was dating Carmen. I never even told them her name. She would never meet my parents, if it ever came to that. I realized now that there would have been a good chance that it would have. The words that had been so hard to say to her when she was alive were easy to say in death. I had loved Carmen Munez, and I think I would have spent the rest of my life with her.

But it was too late. It's so easy to love someone who was dead. They could never hurt you again.

I returned home on a sleepy Monday morning. I stared at the house that the cab driver dropped me off at, and wondered if I had the wrong address.