Magnolia Blossoms (18 page)

Jace stops what he’s doing long enough to pull his shirt over his head. His erection pushes through the sweatpants he’s wearing, and knowing that I did that to him makes me feel empowered. I wriggle out of my shorts and underwear when I notice him taking off his pants. There it is. I’m completely and totally exposed to a man, and I think I should feel intimidated and embarrassed, but seeing the way Jace is eyeing my physique, I fight the urge to cover myself.

“What a pity you don’t realize how beautiful you are.”

I hear what he says, but I can’t stop staring at him. His chest is broad and chiseled with the slightest sprinkling of hair. His abdomen is ripped, and I grow tired of fighting the urge to touch him. I kiss his neck, and mimicking him to a point, I trail kisses down his chest and abdomen. I feel his breath catch when I get close to his Adonis’ belt.

“Am I doing it wrong? Are you worried I’ll break it?” I ask, suddenly feeling extremely insecure.

“No. You’re doing it just right, and of course I’m not worried about you breaking it. I love the feel of your lips and hands on me,” he says as I continue my journey. As soon as I touch him, he lets a loud hiss escape. “Oh, Mags. The things you do to me.”

He rolls me over so that he can be on top. “I’m going touch you and while I’m doing that, I’ll do a few things to make sure you’re ready for this. Is that okay with you?”

Curious to see what new adventures his touches will bring, I nod. Looking in my eyes, he trails his hand to my mound and slightly cups it in his palm. I want to squirm underneath him, but I do my best to control it. While kissing me, he very gently eases his fingers into my folds, and there is one spot he hits that causes me to gasp. Still kissing me, he massages the area over and over again with his thumb until I quiver. My breathing is no longer heavy; it’s coming out in quick, rapid pants. Something is happening, building from way inside. Part of me is scared of what is going to happen, but the larger part of me is worried I’ll never find out. Instinctually, my hips rock back and forth against his hand, faster and faster until I feel like I’m floating. Tremors wrack my body while Jace holds me tightly. Ecstasy flows through my veins; passion fills my soul.

“What just happened?” I breathlessly ask.

“You just had an orgasm,” Jace says with a smile.

“I’ve had orgasms before, but this one was… Can I have more like that?”

“If I do my job right, you can,” Jace teases.

“It can’t get any better than this.”

“Trust me. It does. Unfortunately, the next part won’t be so pleasant for you, but I promise that it will only be this one time, and after, it will be much better. Do you still want to do this? You can tell me to stop anytime you want me to.”

“No, Jace. I want this. Please.”

He gently strokes my cheek. “If you’re sure.”

“I’ve never been more sure of anything.”

His fingers go back to where they were before, but this time, he uses them to enter me. The sensation is odd and slightly uncomfortable, but I trust him. After moving them in and out for a while, he positions himself on top of me and gently inserts just the tip. “I’m so sorry for this, Mags. You have to know that I never want to hurt you, but there’s no other way.” With that said, he pushes himself further inside of me, and I feel like I’m being split in half. Tears fill my eyes, and I, for the life of me, can’t figure out why people enjoy doing this.

“I’m so sorry,” Jace says over and over, as he kisses my tears away. He works himself deeper and deeper inside until he finally whispers, “That’s it. That’s the worst it will ever be. Are you okay?”

I nod and hug him tightly. He starts to pull out, but before he’s completely free, he gently thrusts back into me. It’s not as painful anymore. In fact, it sort of feels a bit numb. He thrusts several more times before asking me again how I’m feeling. I assure him that I’m fine, so he continues. His breathing quickens, and he tells me that he’s close. Close to what? I’m not one hundred percent sure, but with the noises he’s making, I’m pretty sure he’s speaking of ejaculation.

He bites his lower lip as his entire body stiffens, and he’s unmoving for several seconds. He withdraws and collapses on the bed next to me. Once he catches his breath, he rolls towards me. “How are you? Are you okay? Can I get you anything?”

“I’m fine, Jace. No regrets,” I say, softly touching his face. He kisses my fingers before easing out of the bed.

“I’m not sure if you know this or not, but there is probably going to be blood. It’s nothing to be alarmed about, and it won’t happen every time,” he says in an authoritative way.

Being that he’s a paramedic, not to mention more skilled than I am in the sex department, I nod before peeking under the sheet. Sure enough, there’s a stain. “Oh, Jace. I’m sorry I messed up your sheets.”

“The sheets are the least of my worries. I’ll be right back.” He leaves the bedroom, and I hear the water running in the bathroom. He’s started the shower, and it’s not long before he returns to the bedroom. “Come with me,” he requests.

Once I’m in the shower, he joins me, and after wetting a cloth, he slowly runs it up and down my body. I’m almost embarrassed at the amount of attention he’s giving me, but instead of overthinking things, I decide to let him do what he feels is best.

He leaves to towel off, but encourages me to stay in for a little longer. I take him up on the offer and use the time to think about what has just happened. I’m not a virgin anymore, and it wasn’t lost to someone like Diablo or Nick; it was lost to a kind, caring, handsome man who thinks I’m beautiful. I feel sated and content. I’m officially a woman!

Jace has made the bed with fresh sheets, and he taps it when I walk into the room. “Come rest, and I want you to take these ibuprofen,” he insists.

“Jace, I’m fine,” I say as I pull back the sheet to climb in. Sitting up, I look around the room.

“What?” he asks.

“Am I supposed to put my clothes back on?”

Jace laughs. “Only if you want to,” he answers.

“I’ll give being naked a whirl, but do you have a shirt or something I can wear if I change my mind?”

“Of course,” he says, pulling a solid black t-shirt from a drawer and setting it on the nightstand. He turns out the lights and joins me in the bed. His arm snakes around my midsection, and I desperately try to sear every ounce of the moment into my memory. “What are you feeling?” he asks.

“Happy, content, grateful…” I start.

“Loved?” he asks. I roll to face him, and even though I can barely make out the features of his face in the dark, I can tell that he’s waiting for an answer.

“Yes.”

“Good because I do love you. I’ve loved you for a long time, but I wasn’t in a position to do anything about it.”

“I love you, too. Even when I was with Nick, you can’t even imagine how many times I wanted to be with you, but you kept pushing me away.”

“You understand why, don’t you?”

“Of course I do.”

“I’m sorry I hurt you.”

“Stop apologizing. Everything worked out the way it was supposed to, but know this, your bar hopping days are over unless we’re doing it together. And as for the hospital ladies who you are ever so popular with…”

“The only lady I have any interest in is lying beside me in this bed.” He kisses me softly, and then moves so I can snuggle up against him. Never in my life have I ever felt more blissful than while lying in Jace’s arms. Suddenly remembering what brought me here, I feel like an ass.

“Jace, how are you? Can I do anything for you?”

“No, baby. Your being with me is all I need right now. Will you stay the night?”

“Of course,” I answer. “I’ll stay as long as you want me to.”

“I love you, Mags,” he softly shares. My reply is a kiss.

The next morning, I find Jace sitting on the edge of the bed, his back to me. His elbows rest on his knees while his face is in his palms. I gently slide over to touch him, and when he looks at me, I want to cry. The hurt from his recent loss is plastered all over his face; pain is etched deeply into the dark circles that rim his eyes. I reach for his wrist to coax him back into the bed, and I notice his puffy, swollen hands. Pulling the one closest to me to my lips, I place soft kisses on each of the inflamed knuckles.

Jace rolls to embrace me, and we lie in the still, quiet room for a long time. The sound of his breathing and the beating of his heart are the only things I hear as I rest beside him.

“Did you sleep last night?” I ask.

Jace shakes his head. “No. I couldn’t sleep,” he confesses.

“Would you like me to leave so you can try to rest?” I ask pulling on the oversized t-shirt Jace had set aside for me the night before.

“No,” he answers without hesitation. “I still don’t want to be alone.” He touches my hand. “Not today.”

“Of course. I’ll stay as long as you need me,” I reaffirm. My lips lightly graze his cheek.

Jace groggily comments, “You might want to rethink those words, Mags. I’ll
always
need you.” My heart clenches.

“I love you, Jace.”

“Mags… I love you, too,” he returns before sleep finally envelops him. I don’t dare move because he desperately needs the rest. He looks like hell, and I know it’s because his grief is consuming him. I wish he hadn’t shut me out during his brother’s sickness. He admitted to having feelings for me the first day he met me. Why couldn’t he have shared that with me? I could have been there for him. I could have helped him with Johnny, instead of the sole burden of taking care of a sick loved one being heaped upon his shoulders. I would give anything to rewind time and to have the confidence I lacked back then. Hell, I still lack confidence, but for me to have admitted to him that I felt a spark the first time he touched me—that could’ve been a game changer for the both of us.

I’m with him now and for as long as he wants me in his life; I make a personal vow to be there for him. If Jace can fall for me in spite of all of my ignorance, clumsiness, and naivety, plus the fact he didn’t freak when he saw my apartment pre de-smutting—all of these things make me realize he’s the perfect man. Not simply perfect to look at, although his crystal blue eyes; strong, fit body; and handsome, chiseled features do warrant a modeling contract; he’s perfect for me. Except for when he was going through his darkest days, which I now know is because of the pain of an impending loss, Jace has always treated me with kindness and respect. He’s patient and caring, and I realize there are no ulterior motives behind his actions. Jace really does love me, all of me.

Two hours pass, and my arm has gone from pins and needles to completely numb. The last thing I want to do is risk waking him, but my fingertips are now a nice shade of purple. He rolls over in his sleep, and I practically cry with appreciation. I massage the blood back into my arm, and the pins and needles sensation comes back with a vengeance.

“Are you okay?” Jace drowsily asks.

“I’m fine,” I answer, shaking my arm out now that I know he’s awake. “My arm fell asleep is all. It’s better now.”

“Good,” he says with a slight smile. He turns to look at the clock on his bedside table and launches from the bed. “I have to get to the funeral home to make the final arrangements for Johnny! Shit! I can’t believe I overslept.” He frantically runs around the room accumulating various garments from different places.

“Which funeral home?” I ask.

“Collingsworth-Fields. I can’t believe this!” he says, running his hands through his mussed hair. “It’s so unlike me.”

He’s in the bathroom, shower going in seconds flat. He doesn’t even give the water time to heat up before climbing in. I search for the number to the funeral home, and the attendant who answers is very understanding of Jace’s situation. She agrees to reschedule his consultation for later in the afternoon.

Jace, with a towel wrapped around his waist, has beads of water falling from his body as he dashes into the bedroom. I take the clothes he has bundled in his fist and place them on top of the dresser behind him. “Jace, it’s okay. I called the funeral home, and they agreed to meet with you later this afternoon. They understand that you’re grieving, and they want to do everything they can to make the process less stressful—if that’s possible.”

He warily shakes his head, while relief shows on his face. “I’m not sure about a lot of things right now, but the one thing I’m certain of is that I don’t know what I’d do without you.” The feeling I get is indescribable. After so many years of having people take care of me, it feels good to be the one doing the giving. I want to do more to help.

“Why don’t you finish getting dressed? We’ll swing by my place so I can get some fresh clothes, then we’ll get something to eat before going to the funeral home.”

“I don’t expect you to go with me…”

“I’m not giving you a choice. I’m going with you. If you’d rather have privacy while the arrangements are being made, I understand that and I’ll wait outside, but you’re not going there alone.”

He nods, then proceeds to do as I requested. While he’s in the bathroom getting dressed, I slide back into my running clothes from the day before. I feel very underdressed when he comes out in black slacks and a blue button down shirt that perfectly matches his eyes. I offer to drive, but he insists that he’s fine with getting us from place to place. I try to lighten the mood a bit by joking about his not needing to be scared of my driving anymore, especially since I got him home safely yesterday. He quips back about being drunk at the time, so it doesn’t count. I smile, happy to know that the darkness, though still present, is no longer devouring him.