Make Love Not War (15 page)

***

Andy returned to the army and Caroline set out on a cleaning frenzy, trying to keep busy so she wouldn’t think of Bryce. While she waited for a load of washing to be finished, she sat down in a lounge chair and flipped through the pages of the daily newspaper. Shock surged through her. Bryce’s handsome face adorned the society page. Was that Amanda with him? The picture appeared fuzzy and the woman stood in the background, but it could have been her. He was leaving for an unknown holiday destination. A little love nest for two? I should hate him for what he’s putting me through, not love him. What kind of fool was she?

Kerry only got the main holidays off work, so Caroline spent the next few days alone. How much washing and cleaning could one small apartment stand? She needed something to fill in her time other than housework and perusing the papers to see if there were any decent jobs on offer. She hated herself for being so pathetic. If the daytime was bad, nighttime proved a thousand times worse. Lonely, tormented.

She took long walks to a nearby park, went swimming at Elwood beach a couple of times, but none of it was much fun on her own.

“Why don’t you come to Trevor’s father’s birthday party?” Kerry asked.

“No thanks. You go and enjoy yourself, I’ll be all right.” Parties were out for a while. In fact, if she didn’t go to another party for twenty years, it would be too soon. She had never been a party girl, but now she wanted to be a recluse.

***

Caroline started back at work, feeling better for having had the break. Accidentally glancing into the mirror in her office, she was surprised at her reflection. The trips out in the sun had brought color to her cheeks and bleached her hair completely blonde. Pity Bryce wasn’t around to notice the improvement.

“Good morning, did you have a nice Christmas?” Mr. Davies greeted her with a smile.

“Yes, lovely, thanks. What about you?”

“I had a good break, took the family camping along the foreshore at Rosebud.” He chuckled. “I thought you might have commented on my suntan.”

“Sorry.” She laughed. “I didn’t notice.”

“Let’s get started, shall we? Bryce left a ton of work for us.”

They worked well together. Mr. Davies didn’t have the quick brilliance of Bryce or his fiery temper. No wonder his secretary, Dulcie, loved her job so much. He dictated slowly, so her outlines were perfect, easy to read back. Not like with Bryce, when she had to concentrate on every word he uttered.

“Well, that’s about it, thanks. Take your time about typing them up. There’s no great hurry. I’ll be out of the office for the rest of the day.”

After finishing all Mr. Davies’ work, she inserted a piece of plain foolscap paper and started typing out her resignation.

Dear Mr. Harrington,

I am resigning as your secretary. I have been offered a similar position closer to home and, after much deliberation, I have decided to accept it.

I enjoyed working for you.

Caroline

It sounded stilted, pathetic, but what else could she say?   The truth, maybe, I’m head over heels in love with you? I can’t stand watching you with other women? Or, you made love to me once and I desperately want you to do it again? Having tasted his passion, there was little likelihood of her finding such rapture again.

She checked her work for any typos, signed it with a sudden defiant flourish and shoved it into her desk drawer. She would wait another few days before handing it in. No hardship working for Mr. Davies, and the extra money would come in handy.

***

A week before Bryce arrived back Caroline woke at her usual time for work. She jumped up from the bed and the room spun like a top. She grabbed hold of the dressing table to stop her shaky legs from collapsing under her. Nausea rose up in her throat. She almost vomited.

Kerry was still asleep, thank goodness. Having to listen to one of her lectures about the dangers of food poisoning would be the absolute end. Staggering into the bathroom she slumped against the wash basin until the sickness abated.

After she’d showered and eaten a piece of toast everything felt normal again. She had probably picked up some twenty-four-hour tummy bug. Couldn’t be anything much, otherwise she would not have recovered so quickly.

The next three mornings in a row the same thing happened, but on the fourth morning she vomited copious amounts into the toilet bowl.

I’ve definitely got a gastric virus. She dragged herself off to work. When she fainted in the elevator, Mr. Davies arranged for her to be sent home in a cab, and she spent the rest of the day in bed. Never had she ever felt so sick or wretched.

“You’re going to see a doctor,” Kerry insisted when she arrived home. “You’ve been looking awful for days. You could end up with full-blown gastroenteritis if you aren’t careful.”

“I know. I can’t go on like this. When I fainted in the elevator, it was terrible. I fell almost at Mr. Davies’ feet. I don’t know who got the biggest shock, him or me.” She forced a laugh because Kerry sounded so worried. Inwardly she was a bundle of nerves. What if she got really sick and couldn’t work?

Caroline fronted up to the doctor’s rooms determined to get to the bottom of this mystery illness once and for all. I won’t let him fob me off. I’ll insist on blood tests. She couldn’t afford the luxury of messing around with pills or potions.

The doctor was male. He wore a white coat and had a stethoscope slung around his neck. Like God sitting at the judgment table, she thought on a note of hysteria.

“Now, Miss, um,” he glanced at her card. “Dennison. What do you think is wrong with you?”

“I…I don’t know.” That’s why I’m here, she nearly said. After a few embarrassing questions about her menstrual history she received the shock of her life. She was sitting down otherwise she would have collapsed in a screaming heap on the surgery floor. Never in her worst nightmare had she expected to hear the words.
You could be pregnant.
Nothing that had happened to her in her whole life was as diabolical as this. She clasped her hands together to stop them from shaking.

“Pregnant!” She forced herself not to get hysterical.

Don’t panic. Don’t panic. She staggered home, bent over like an old woman. It could be a mistake. Deep down she knew it wasn’t. Bryce’s baby grew inside her. She was going to be an unwed mother. The disgrace! She would be stigmatized when it got out. Her child would be illegitimate. Thank goodness the sixties were a little more enlightened. A couple of generations ago, she would have been tarred and feathered before being run out of town.

Caroline rang the surgery the next day and the test was positive. With her luck she expected it. What she deserved, her mother would have said.

You stupid fool. It took two to make a baby, but most of the responsibility rested with her. She had gone to Bryce’s place knowing she diced with danger, had encouraged, if not exactly instigated, their lovemaking. He would have stopped if she’d ask him to. He didn’t need to force himself on any woman. What would he say if she told him?

He wouldn’t offer love and marriage. Monetary payment, maybe, but she didn’t want that from him. Better if he never knew they’d created a child together. She would resign straight away. It was imperative she find another job quickly. No way would she be hiding away in some home for unmarried mothers. She would be keeping her baby, but she needed to work out a survival plan for both of them.

On Friday she handed her resignation to Mr. Davies. “Could you make sure Mr. Harrington gets this please?” Her hand trembled as she handed him the envelope. “It’s my resignation.”

“I’m sorry to be losing you.” He didn’t even try to talk her into staying. “A fresh start somewhere else is what you need.”  He sounded so concerned tears welled up in her eyes.

She had sensed him staring at her on several occasions over the last few days. Did he suspect her condition? A cold sweat broke out on her body.

She spent a miserable weekend, half of it being sick.

“Harrington’s got you pregnant,” Kerry shrilled, punching the air with her fist.

“Yes, but…”

“I knew it. You’ve been acting strange, sort of haunted, since that Christmas breakup party. Even Trevor commented on it. You stayed the night with that bastard, didn’t you?” Kerry marched up and down like a demented marionette.

“Yes.” Caroline’s eyes filled with tears.

“You crazy little fool. How could you?”

“I love him. Can’t you understand?” Caroline gnawed at her knuckles. “It, it just happened.”

“You might love him, but a rat like him would seduce you without a second thought. A man can have sex without loving a woman, you know. She only needs to be attractive enough to appeal to his male libido.”

“I know, I know, but he had too much to drink. We both did. I’ve handed in my resignation. I’m leaving Harrington’s as soon as I can.”

“Have you told Andy yet?”

“No, I don’t want to worry him until he gets a permanent posting. There’s not much he can do, anyway. Nothing anyone can do.” She blinked back the tears. If she didn’t stop crying, she would end up dehydrated.

“What about Harrington? Tell him.” Kerry spat the words out in an angry staccato. “He got you into this mess. Make him face up to his responsibilities.
”

“Please, Kerry, don’t tell him,” Caroline pleaded. “It wouldn’t do any good. I can’t blame anyone else. I threw myself at him.”

She sank into the armchair and wept.

Chapter Eleven

On Monday Caroline got ready for work. She still didn’t feel we
ll, and a glance in the mirror confirmed her worst fears. She looked an absolute wreck. Pale skin, dark rings under her eyes. The doctor had prescribed some tablets that took away the worst of the morning sickness otherwise she wouldn’t have been able to get out of bed.

She arrived at her office, pushed open the door and stopped dead. Fit and suntanned, devastatingly handsome, Bryce lolled against her desk.

“Did you have a good holiday? You’ve got a nice tan.” She had become a talented actress, no doubt about it.

“Yes I had a great time, but you don’t look so good. Is something wrong?”

Is something wrong? Hysteria surged through her and she clamped her lips together so the screams wouldn’t spew out of her mouth.

“No, nothing’s wrong,” she lied. You just got me pregnant. What would he say if he knew? “I’ve had a touch of gastro, I think, but I’m recovering now.”

“Good.” He grinned, showing off a dimple in his chin, and his kissable lips. “I’m going to keep you busy for the next few days. Geoff did a great job, but I’d like to get back into the swing of things straight away.”

He gave her another devastating smile and strolled back into his office. She watched him hungrily, devouring every inch of him. Straight back, broad shoulders, neat backside, long legs, the perfect specimen of powerful, virile manhood.

She pulled the cover off her typewriter and inserted some clean paper and started typing out the letters she hadn’t finished on Friday.

The connecting door slammed open. The room shook with the vibration. In three strides Bryce stood in front of her, his face contorted with anger. “What the hell’s the meaning of this?” He threw her resignation on the desk.

“I’m resigning. I feel like a change.”  She couldn’t look him in the face.

“Why?  Did something happen while I was away?”

Did something happen while he was away? What an understatement.

“No, I…I felt like a change.”

“The hell you did. Look at me.” He put a strong, tanned finger under her chin and raised her face. She watched a muscle convulse at the side of his jaw. “Why?”

“I told you.”

“Don’t lie to me. I know things haven’t been easy lately, but you’re a good secretary. We make a formidable team. I don’t want to lose you. If it’s more money, just name your price, I’ve been intending to give you a raise.”

“It isn’t more money. I just want to leave.”

“If you leave, you go now. Understand? Now,” he snarled. “And don’t bother asking me for a reference, because you won’t get it.”

He crumpled her resignation into a ball and threw it in the rubbish basket, turned on his heel and stalked off.

Caroline gathered her things together and, blinking back tears, walked out of the executive office suite, leaving her heart behind. There would never be another man for her. She loved Bryce too much to ever forget him. A bitter laugh welled up in her throat. Purely academic, few men would be prepared to accept a woman with an illegitimate baby.

Sunk in the black depths of misery, she didn’t watch where she was walking and cannoned into Mr. Davies near the elevator.

“Caroline, what’s wrong?”

“Mr. Harrington told me to get out if I wouldn’t take back my resignation.”

“There, there. Bryce doesn’t mean it. He lost his temper, that’s all.” 

“He said he wouldn’t give me a reference.” Her eyes swam with tears. “I have to get another job. I’m desperate. I can’t be unemployed.”