Make Me Weak (Make Me #1) (22 page)

“Now, I am going to need you to lie down.” I did, with only slight hesitation.

This time his fingers hooked into the top of my pants. His fingers were warm against my chilled s
kin and the soft brush felt even better with the blindfold on.

“Can you trust me?”

“Yes.” I replied with a bit more confidence. As expected he pulled my pants over my hips, down my legs, until they were off completely.

“Remember your answer, love. Just keep breathing.”

I knew slow and steady breaths were the ones I needed to keep. That’s not what was happening, though. The secrets I kept at bay began creeping forward despite all my effort to push them back. Without warning Onyx pressed a gentle, lingering kiss over my heart. I jumped suddenly and felt all warmth and security fade away as a crawling sensation spread throughout my veins.

“It’s just me, love. You trust me, remember?”

I nodded again but followed it out with a quiet,
yes
.
Breathe Andie.
He was careful to not touch anywhere else on me making the anticipation for what was going to come next almost unbearable. The next kiss was placed against my hip bone and any other time I would have been overwhelmed with the magic of his lips. Not this time. I felt my stomach tighten with the urge to hurl. My chest locked up and my bottom lip began to tremble with the need to cry. Fear was taking over every part of me and with the loss of sight it was spreading faster.

“Talk to me, love. What’s going on?”

I shook my head. “Nothing.”

“Alexandria, do you trust me?”

It wasn’t easy to say the word without meaning it. I knew Onyx wasn’t here to play games and telling him something he wanted to hear wasn’t going to cut it. The truth was the only way to get through this. People say,
the truth will set you free
, but how could that be true? I had been a prisoner to my own darkness for so long it began a way of living. I knew how to protect myself by holding it in.

A finger touched my knee and glided carefully up my leg. I couldn’t hold back the fear anymore
as my eyes filled with tears. My heart pounded rapidly in my chest and I felt every bit of discomfort spreading like an unstoppable wildfire.

“Do you trust me, Alexandria?”

“I want to.” I choked out.

“Then tell me what has you so terrified.”

“Memories.”

“Of what?”

“Him.”

I heard Onyx’s sharp intake of breath, just as I felt his hand on my thigh become rigid. Nothing about the truth is easy. It is difficult to relive, hard to accept, and almost impossible to understand. My truths were no different.

“Who?”

I shook my head. I refused to even think his name, let alone say it. I wasn’t ready to go there yet.

“Okay, then tell me what happened?” I wanted to. The key was in my hand, ready to unlock the door that would let my past spill out for the first time. It was a storm I never hoped to endure but in the back of my mind I knew I had to. If I wanted to keep Onyx’s heart deep in my own…it was crucial.

“It was awful,” I began.

“What was?”

“That one summer. The one that changed everything in my life and altered my future forever.”

“Tell me about it. Please, Alexandria.”

With a weighted sigh and a deep exhale I twisted the key in the lock and pulled those massive doors open.

“The summer after my freshman year in college started wonderfully. All day was spent on the beach with my friends and boyfriend, James. We drank and partied the weeks away until the fourth of July. It was everything I had ever dreamed of but I had no idea that all was about to change.” I inhaled deeply and prepared for what was next.

“Joining us that day were a few older guys that played football for the same high school team years prior. They were close with some of my friends, James included. There was one leader of them and anyone could tell. He was confident, powerful, and top dog of everyone. This guy was the biggest flirt and an even bigger drinker. As the night wore on he seemed to cling onto me and James. Doing shots with us, goofing around with us both, and we both gave in to it. He had this personality that made us want to be close to him.

“Just as the fireworks began he pulled the two of us aside and told us to follow him. He brought us back to his hotel room and somehow brought up the idea of having a threesome. I immediately backed away at the idea but James was all for it. It surprised me since James was
never
one to want to share me. The man got jealous if another guy simply
looked
at me. When I looked him over more I could tell there was something off, he looked beyond wasted. But he was the one that pushed me onto this man.

“It started slowly at first. I prayed that when James saw this other man kissing me he’d snap out of it and pull me away. I didn’t want to be near him and every one of my senses told me to run but James was persistent.” I stopped. This is where I wanted the happy ending to take place. James snapped out of it, decked the guy in the face, and we went on our merry way. However, this ending didn’t exist and the one that did was only going to get worse.

“I’m here, love. Please, keep going if you can.” I nodded at Onyx’s words and raised my hand in the air. Getting my message he took it in his and gave a comforting squeeze.

“Well, James pushed me to make out with this guy while he was kissing on my neck. That went on for a few minutes, the liquor swirled in my head making it impossible to fight back. Then everything happened so fast. James suddenly dropped to the ground and I screamed. The man started laughing and told me the drugs were bound to knock him out eventually. When I started screaming more for help he threw me onto the bed. He managed to lock my flailing limbs into these handcuffs he already had secured onto the four bed posts. He tied a sheet over my mouth and began to talk.

“He told me that he drugged James to get close to me. That all he wanted to do from the first moment he saw me was
touch me
.” I felt my skin crawl at the reminder. Onyx rubbed the back of my hand, giving me enough strength to power forward.

“That was when he began to feel up my stark naked body. He touched, licked, and kissed every inch while I sat there crying. As he was trying to enter me I began screaming against the sheet over my mouth and that pissed him off. He hopped off the bed and kicked James in the stomach as hard as he could but he didn’t wake up. The man told me if I didn’t stop screaming he was going to do it again. So I stopped, closed my eyes, and let him spend the next couple hours violating me in more ways than I can remember.

“I tried falling asleep but it didn’t work. By the time he had exhausted himself I didn’t have a single tear left to shed. He undid all but one handcuff and passed out on the bed next to me. I did all I could to get it off my hand but failed. Eventually I fell asleep too and hoped with everything that it would all disappear the next morning. I was very wrong. I woke up to James freaking out with the wrong impression. He assumed I wanted everything that happened and the handcuff was just a kinky addition to the evening. The entire time this man sat there laughing at James making all his accusations sound accurate.”

My tears were beginning to soak up the scarf and Onyx must have noticed.

“Would you like me to take the blindfold off? I can.”

I shook my head. It was easier to say everything without the distraction of Onyx’s caring, pity filled expression. I knew he’d be filled with compassion for what I went through but I couldn’t see it right now. Not until I finished the story.

“James finally ran out of there without a second look back and I was stuck crying next to this stranger. After he showered he decided it was time to let me go. Before he released me he got right in my face, looked me square in the eye and said,
you belong to me now.
It was beyond terrifying and all I wanted was for James to protect me but he was long gone. I spent the next week in my room; curled up, wanting to feel clean, yet never able to wash away the dirty feeling under my skin. Every time I reached out to James my attempts went unanswered. The creeper however was persistent in his calls and voice mails. I never listened to them or responded to his call. I just hoped he would move on and forget I existed.”

I was able to tell when my words were affecting Onyx. His fingers squeezed harder, and the soothing circles he traced on the back of my hand grew rougher. Surprisingly though, I didn’t mind it. The hold he had on me was keeping me grounded. Reminding me that the terror haunting my every thought was in the past.

“That following weekend I went to the house we spent our time partying at. Every one of my friends were there, James included. As soon as I arrived everything went silent. Every chick stared at me with complete disgust, while the guys made crude comments. I found James and threw myself into his arms but he pushed me backward so hard that I fell to the ground. He spent the next twenty minutes telling me how fucking disgusted he was by me. How big of a piece of shit I was. With every new insult he delivered I felt a knife stabbing deeper into my breaking heart.”

Even now as I paused to catch my breath, I felt it. I loved James. I knew now that it wasn’t real love but at the time it was real to me. I needed him to protect me, to save me. Instead he abandoned me, leaving me weak and alone.

“By the end of his rant I was left as nothing more than a lifeless corpse. I could hardly see straight and I hurt so much that my body began to go numb. He walked away from me and when I went to follow, one of my best friends, Suzie stepped in my way. Suzie and the other girls that used to be my soul sisters, suddenly surrounded me. They filled the next ten minutes with even more insults. When I tried to shove past her to leave, she pushed back twice as hard. Then they proceeded to spend the next twenty minutes or so dishing out nonstop attacks. I tried to fight my way out but it was six-on-one. They slapped, punched, kicked, and clawed until I was finally able to escape.”

“Oh, darling. That breaks my heart.”

“You haven’t heard nothing yet. When I got up the strength to return home I realized I should have just stayed at the party. Getting my ass beat was far better than seeing my stalker standing at the front door with that evil, soulless grin. He said he had been waiting for me and grabbed me before I could run off. He took me to his house and kept me there for almost a month. I was trapped in more ways than one in his grasp. Not only would he tie me up like that first night but he continued to threaten James if I left. At the time that thought horrified me because I loved him so much. I used to tune out the world while the man abused my body and I would dream of James coming to my rescue. Riding up on his noble steed and slaying the dragon but it never happened. Once I even escaped long enough to go to the police but they did nothing to help. It was a small enough town that the police knew my mother’s name and had many encounters with her hooker ass. They didn’t believe a word that came out of my mouth.”

“Those fucking assholes!”

“My friends exiled me. My mother was too busy out whoring around and my grandmother lived a few hours away from me. I had nowhere to go and even ended up going to this man’s house simply for a place to stay. I hated the way the rest of my life was and decided that it was easier to deal with the physical pain than the emotional. When all of it was finally over I ran into my old friends and realized they wanted nothing more to do with me. I took some time to myself to recover and when I moved to Venice Beach I finally decided to change my outlook on life. That was when Kandi was born and Andie was laid to rest.”

“What happened with that man, Alexandria?”

I shrugged my shoulders. I didn’t know, nor did I care to. Just as long as he wasn’t in my life anymore.

“He is out of my life. That’s all that matters.”

Onyx’s hands released mine, and soon he replaced his hands behind my arms pulling me up to sit straight. I felt him reach behind me and untie the scarf, letting it fall into my life. When I looked into my eyes for the first time I saw many things. There was sadness, but also apology for all that I went through. I didn’t need him to take pity on me—I just needed him to treat me the way he always did.

“Alexandria…”

“Shush.” I said, stopping whatever was coming out next. I placed my hand over his heart and worked a smile to the surface. “Onyx, all that I went through cannot be changed. You weren’t there to change it so you can’t let that affect anything. You’re here now, that’s what counts. And I can tell you right now from the bottom of my heart that I trust you.”

It was like those were the long last magic words and in that moment everything changed between us. Fresh tears slid down my cheeks but this time, from happiness. Onyx sealed a gentle, comforting kiss over my lips and I finally felt that everything would be alright.

After a few hours of passionate sex that felt better with every touch we decided to get some more energy. Onyx went off to hunt in my kitchen for something to make us and I figured it was time to look at my new phone. It took me a few minutes to understand anything but the first thing I did was send a text message to Kayne.

Me: Hey Kayne, its Andie. Sorry I’ve been MIA lately. This is my new phone & number.

“So we have noodles, or probably bad eggs.” Onyx called out.

“The eggs are definitely bad so I’m thinking noodles.”

“Superb idea.”

It seemed that only seconds ticked by before a response came back from Kayne.

Kayne Ramsey: Holy hell! U got a phone! I’ve been so worried about you! U alright??

Me: Yeah, I’m fine. Just busy. Sry to freak you out.

Kayne Ramsey: No prob but U owe me!

Me: What did you have in mind?

Kayne Ramsey: There’s a party at the clubhouse next weekend. The fam will be there and I’d love some back up.

Last time I went to the clubhouse I was on a mission to get to Onyx. This time I had my man safely in my life so I didn’t need to go out of the way to find him. If I went this time it would be for Kayne and I wasn’t against the idea, just as long as I had Onyx there with me.

“Has Kayne invited you to a party at the clubhouse coming up?”

Onyx popped his head around the wall, narrowing his eyes at me in thought. “Probably. He tries to include me in everything even though it is no secret that I despise that shit.”

“Well, he invited me, said I owed him for freaking him out.”

Onyx seemed to think about it before giving a shrug. “It can’t be all that bad, could it? You do kind of owe it to him. Poor lad about had a heart attack when he figured out that there was no Alexandria Hawkins living in those apartments.”

I let out a childlike groan. I really had made a mess of things and the least I could do was go to one more stupid party.

Me: You can count me in.

Kayne Ramsey: Hell yeah! Thx Andie. I’ll pick you up next Sat @ 7pm. That ok?

Me: Works for me.

Onyx set a bowl of noodles on the blanket in my lap, and took a seat next to me.

“You give in?” He asked, motioning to my phone.

“Yup, but that’s alright because you’ll be there.”

Twirling a forkful of noodles up he placed it in front of my mouth for me to take it. “Is that so?”

With a mouthful of steaming hot noodles I nodded. “Mhmm.”

“Well, you’re lucky I have a bit of an infatuation with you, love.”

This time I scooped up some noodles and fed them to him. “I’m pretty sure
you’re
the lucky one.”

He pressed his mouth to mine, opening his mouth to talk. “No argument here.” The heated, passionate words and the way his breath tickled my lips made my lust take over once again. I set the bowl onto the floor and threw myself into his lap, ready for the next round.

Saturday night rolled around and I was stuck wishing I had just sucked it up and had Onyx drive me. Of course, then I would have been forced to tell Kayne about us and I wasn’t trying to hide it, but I was definitely not ready to share. There was something fun and exciting about having Onyx all to myself.

An incoming text from Kayne that he was ten minutes away made me snap back into what needed to be done. With one final look in the mirror I made sure to examine every inch of my appearance. White knee-length dress, with a bit of sparkle at the top of the bust, and red pumps to go with it. Today I wore my hair in long curls and kept my makeup light. I wasn’t exactly trying to fit in today but I found myself not wanting to stand out so much. It was a strange thought since showing I was different was usually my way of life. Crazy how things could change.

I grabbed my purse, phone, and made the walk to meet in front of the building. It was obvious to Kayne that this place wasn’t my own but he didn’t seem to be too insistent on learning all the truth. I planned to tell him someday but not today.

Kayne pulled up in front of the building about two minutes after I arrived. He hopped out of the car to open my door even though I just about had my hand on the handle anyway. I was surprised when he didn’t just go for the door but gathered me in his arms in a massive bear hug.

“I missed you, Andie. Don’t freak me out like that again.”

I felt like my lungs were crushing but it was nice to see him again. I really had missed him even though I wasn’t one to miss easily. “I promise not to.” I grunted out, making him loosen his grip.

“Well, you look fantastic. Are you ready to go?”

“I sure am.”
As ready as I’ll ever be.

Kayne helped me up into the car and after taking his seat, we were off. Once again we had the windows down and the music blasting, reminding me just how much I had missed him. I wasn’t exactly excited about going back to the clubhouse but I was happy that it was making Kayne pleased.
As we pulled up to the door to use the valet parking service a sinking feeling began to churn deep in the pit of my stomach. I wasn’t sure if its appearance was due to the fact that the women in Kayne’s life would be pissed to see me. But something was telling me it was more than just that.

We exited the vehicle and walked into the main dining room. The same pristine appearance from the patio continued throughout. White tablecloths, sparkling silver place settings, and candles flickering on each table top. There was a band set up on the makeshift stage playing some smooth jazz that was warming up the entire space.

“There they are.” I heard Kayne say before throwing his arm around my shoulder and pulling me in the opposite direction. My eyes turned to the direction we were headed and I saw his mother, aunt, and father. It took everything in me not to roll my eyes but I managed to keep a straight face. Not that I could say the same for his aunt Kate and mother Polly. Joel, on the other hand, had a bright pleasant smile on his face as he reached his hand out toward me.

“It’s great to see you again, Andie. You too, Kayne, how are you?”

Kayne answered for us both. “We’re doing great.”

“Excellent. Can I get you some champagne, Andie?”

“Please.” I answered with a smile. At an event like this, you couldn’t start drinking soon enough. Joel walked away and Kayne’s attention averted to the bitch sisters.

“How are you doing, baby boy?” Polly asked, giving Kayne a one-armed hug to keep her as far away from me as possible.

“I’m well, thanks. You remember, Andie, don’t you?”

Polly gave me a tight, unwelcome smile as she looked me up and down; the judgment reeking off her. “Of course. I didn’t know you were bringing a friend.”

Kayne shrugged. “Didn’t think I needed to tell you.” There was a tightness to his voice that I hadn’t expected. It was clear she hadn’t either as her eyes bugged out at him.

“You don’t. It’s just common courtesy.”

He nodded at that and turned his focus onto his aunt with a serious case of the “stink face.”

“How are the kids, Kate?”

“They’re both around here somewhere. I believe Taylor is trying to get the bartenders to overlook the fact that she is just 18.”

That made Kayne laugh out loud. “Well, they never did for me so I’m going to be pretty pissed if they do for her.”

“Yes, well, I believe Dustin has already drank half the liquor stock they had. So her chances are already limited.”

Kayne nodded, and turned toward me. “You’ll like Dustin when you meet him later. He’s a few years older than me and just a riot. I always like hanging out with him, when he’s in town.”

I nodded with as warm of a smile as I could offer up. “Well, I’ll definitely need to meet him then.”

Joel arrived with a glass of champagne for me and one for Polly. I managed to thank him before letting the bubbly run down my throat.

Kayne started talking to his dad and I began to tune everything out. Until out of nowhere a hand spread against my lower back. I jumped, but only slightly when I felt comfort and warmth taking over me. The deep woodsy scent I grew to know as Onyx’s reached my nose and I felt my body sigh into his hand. We had only been here a few minutes before his arrival, but I already found myself needing him.

“Hello, everyone.”

“Hey man, didn’t know you were going to be making it today.” Joel said first. Onyx came up to the side of me and responded to his family.

“I had nothing better going on tonight and I know Kayne always likes when I show up.” Kayne gave an authentic smile while the women looked like they were going to explode.

“Onyx, need me to get you something to drink? I was just going to head to the bar now.” Kayne piped up.

Onyx shook his head, letting the smell of his hair waft my way. I felt my body chill at the scent. Even though it had only been a day since I last saw him, it still felt like too long.

“Sure, and while you are doing that, I think I’ll have Andie join me for a dance.” Onyx looked to me and I couldn’t help but let out the first real smile all night.

“Yeah, sure. Want me to take your glass, Andie?” Kayne asked. I finished off the rest of my drink and handed it over. Turning to Onyx I offered him up my hand and as I watched him I felt everything else fade away.

He moved us onto the dance floor just as the next song began. His hand raised above my head to twirl me around and into his grasp. There was no space between us as we moved about the floor.

“What a coincidence to see you here.” I teased.

“Yes, well, I heard there was some beautiful siren here. I had no choice but to come see for myself.”

“Have you found her?”

He nodded his head, smoldering eyes locked onto mine. “I think I have.”

Onyx danced us around the room until the song came to a close. “I want to keep you here in my arms all night but there are a few eyes watching us. Besides, Kayne may be suspicious if I decide to steal you away from him tonight.”

I laughed and dropped my hand from his shoulder. “Yes, that wouldn’t be good.” Reluctantly I released my hands from him, and we headed back to rejoin the group.

Kayne held up a whiskey on the rocks for Onyx and a fresh champagne for me. “Man, you are far better on the dance floor than I am, Onyx.” He only chuckled with a nod.

“A whole lot of practice.”

“Well, save me a dance later, Andie. I’m going to try and show Onyx up.”

I laughed with a nod. “You got yourself a deal.”

“Oh but first, I want you to meet my cousin Dustin. You just missed Taylor but she’ll be back later. Anyway, Andie meet Dustin
Bryce. Dustin meet Andie Hawkins.”

I looked up from my drink with a polite smile and I froze completely. That blonde hair, that wicked smile, the scar over his eyebrow. I knew this man and I wanted to do nothing but run far away.

“Dusty,” I breathed out.

“Hello, Andie.” He extended his hand out to me with a wink that made my stomach churn. I was shaking, my skin was crawling, and everything around me s
wirled like I was in a cyclone. I didn’t take his hand, I could hardly move but my first instinctual reaction was to reach for Onyx. My hand shot backwards until I took hold of his wrist.

“Oh, you guys know each other?” Kayne asked, oblivious to my reaction.