Mama Said (22 page)

“I’m working on it. But I gotta tell you, holidays can be a bitch around my house. It goes something like this: My mom asks, ‘Enrique, how many bad guys have you put behind bars?’ ” She lowered her voice a couple of octaves. “ ‘I don’t know, a couple of thousand, I guess, Mom. Oh wait, but that was last month. Let me get a calculator.’ ”

Shane smirked but didn’t say anything. He probably thought she was exaggerating. And she was, but only a little. Okay, a lot, but that’s how it felt when she compared herself to her siblings.

Doing her best imitation of her mother’s voice, she continued. “ ‘Juliana, was that you I saw on TV arguing in front of the Supreme Court, taking names and kicking butt?’ ”

He shook his head. “It can’t be that bad.”

“I haven’t even gotten to Francesca. ‘Isn’t it great, Gabriella, Francesca just opened her millionth salon on Pluto. Isn’t she ahead of the curve giving all those aliens bikini waxes and massages?’ ”

He chuckled, but didn’t seem to want to interrupt her flow.

“And then there’s little Joaquin, who is no doubt the smartest, most eloquent senior in college on the planet with at least one gazillion job offers, all paying him untold riches for his brains and cleverness. It’s no wonder the FBI snatched him up so quickly.” She gave him a wry smile. “ ‘And our little Gabriella worked three whole days last month. And isn’t she clever? She didn’t fall for that ax-murderer hanging around trying to get her to go out with him.’ ” Gabriella pinned her hands on her hips. “That’s a recap of my holidays. They make me feel woefully inadequate, to say the least. Is it any wonder I have this huge complex?”

“Yeah, right. You’re so insecure it’s amazing you can utter a word in public, let alone sing.” He gave her an incredulous smile.

“All right, so shoot me. I’m exaggerating. I know your family isn’t perfect, but neither is mine. And before you start, it’s not that I’m minimizing what happened to you, but even if Patrick and your stepfather are as bad as you say they are, the Ryans love you like you’re their own. They might not be blood, but sometimes family takes different forms.”

When or why she’d suddenly become so philosophical, she’d never know. But the words popped out of her mouth nonetheless.

Shane eyed her and tried to gauge her level of stubbornness. He’d guess at this point it was nine on a ten point scale. Maybe he owed her at least a little honesty during this horrific ordeal.

“Now it’s your turn.” She had an agenda. He could definitely tell by the way her gaze wouldn’t meet his for more than a few seconds. “Tell me more about your family.”

He’d give it one more shot. “I’ve told you all there is to say.”

“You’re a lousy liar, O’Neil.”

“Actually I’m a world-class liar. I do it for a living, remember.”

“If you ask me, you’re amazingly transparent.”

He forced a smile. The last thing he needed to do was talk about his past, but that’s just what he was about to do. “There was this intense rivalry as far back as I remember.”

“See, that’s the part I don’t get. Technically, my oldest brother Enrique is my stepbrother, but I’ve never thought of him as anything but a blood brother. There’s absolutely no difference between my relationship with him and with my other siblings.” She drew in a breath. “How close in age are you and Patrick?”

“Six months apart.”

“What happened to your biological dad?”

“He cut out once he found out my mom was pregnant.” While Shane didn’t like Daniel, he felt nothing but loathing for his own father. “My mom was a nurse working in the maternity ward. Patrick’s mom died during childbirth. That’s when my mom met Daniel. A year later they got married.” He stopped for a second. It had been years since he’d revealed his early childhood. “My mom never played favorites between Patrick and me. I didn’t try to compete with him, at least not at first. But then when I knew how mad it got Daniel, it became my goal in life.” He smiled, thinking about the irritation he’d caused over the years. It had been his one chance at power.

“Once I was on that mission, it became effortless. I was the quarterback on the high school football team, had a four-point average, scored fourteen hundred on my SATs. Patrick scored twelve hundred.” He chuckled. “That’s what did him in. Solid proof that I was smarter.”

“Don’t even ask me what I scored on my SATs.” She shook her head. “Sorry, my bad, go on.”

“A couple of weeks before graduation, I was kind of sleepwalking my way through the days, not knowing what I was doing or where I was going, or really caring either way. I figured all I had to do was make it through the summer and I’d be off to Ohio State for college. But my stepdad had one final way to make me pay. There was no money for college. He was ecstatic when he told me he had discretionary control over my mom’s life insurance and college for me wasn’t in the plan. He couldn’t wait to stick it to me.”

“You’re right. He is a prick,” she huffed. “Do you think if Daniel hadn’t worked so hard to amp up the competition between you and Patrick, you could have been friends?”

He shrugged. “Who knows? Now we don’t know any other way.”

She scooted up close and wound her arms around his neck. The contact felt good. No, it felt great. For a few wistful seconds, he contemplated taking her to bed right now. But after everything she’d done, he couldn’t hurt her that way. Because, no doubt about it, he’d hurt her in the end.

“It doesn’t have to be that way. You could change things if you wanted to. You could choose to trust him.”

“With our lives on the line, it doesn’t seem to be the best time to test familial bonds.” Despite his reluctance to get up close and physical with her, he couldn’t stop himself from kissing her. She was so close and soft and warm.

“Hmmm.” She kissed him back, slipping her tongue inside his mouth for a brief foray before breaking away. “But maybe he genuinely wants to help.” She took a nip at the spot below his ear and sucked in the skin.

The tingle shot straight through his body to his dick. Until his brain registered what she’d just said. “What the—” He put some space between them to look into her eyes. “You’ve been talking to Patrick, haven’t you? Does he know where we’re at?”

“No, but he could help. Listen—”

He grasped her biceps and forced her to look at him. “Were you going to use sex to try to convince me?”

“No.” She chewed her lip. “Yes. I mean no. Not really. You just got close to me. And let’s face it. Things have been heating up between us since…hmmm…day one.”

“I’d never let sex interfere with my judgment. You might have a great relationship with your stepbrother and trust him implicitly, but I don’t trust Patrick and never will. A tumble with you would never have changed that.”

“You’d rather have us both die instead of getting over this trumped-up grudge between the two of you.” Anger sputtered out of her. “What does ‘A new US 10.28.52’ mean?”

He should have known she’d do some snooping. If he hadn’t been so distracted, he would have thought to change his e-mail password. Finally, he managed to speak despite the fact he had a good idea exactly what it meant. “Hell if I know.”

“Then why did Vince send it to you?”

“Some kind of code.”

“For what?”

“Haven’t figured it out yet.”

“I’m not buying it.” She folded her arms across her chest and conjured up a ‘tough-chick’ expression.

He shook his head. “Don’t you get it? I need to protect you. You’ve just proven you trust people you shouldn’t. You’re the one who told me Daniel came to the office to warn me off a case. Isn’t that proof enough my family despises me?” Anger, along with a healthy dose of fear constricted his chest. She wanted to put herself in jeopardy, and he couldn’t allow her to do that, especially after everything she’d done already. His mother had done that all her life—put herself in the middle between him and Daniel. If she hadn’t constantly chosen him over her husband, maybe Daniel wouldn’t have cheated on her. Maybe they would have had a better marriage.

“Or genuinely want to protect you. Besides, Patrick and Daniel aren’t one and the same.”

“To my way of thinking they are.”

She shivered. He wasn’t sure if it was frustration or fear or a combination of both. “You won’t even give Patrick a chance, will you?”

“Not an option. I got us into this. I’ll get us out.” He needed to get her to butt out in order to ensure her safety. But how could he do that when she seemed bound and determined to throw herself into the line of fire?

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

Things were strained between them for the remainder of the evening. He didn’t say much. Neither did she. Instead of sleeping in the same bed together, as they had since forever, it seemed, Gabriella took one of the other bedrooms.

Stretching herself awake the following morning, she felt his absence. But she couldn’t for the life of her figure out why it bothered her.

The man was a total bed hog. He snored. He constantly trapped her in the bed with his leg. He stole the covers and most of her pillow when given the opportunity.

But he did have that adorable little habit of cuddling up to her neck. Of cupping her breast and brushing his thumb across the nipple.

She really liked that. Even if he was sound asleep and oblivious to the fact that he did it.

It sure did feel good.

But now instead of going forward and eliciting trust from him, their relationship had taken a giant step backward and there wasn’t a thing she could do about it. He was an idiot so twisted up in his own issues he didn’t know one direction from another.

But of course that wasn’t what she was thinking about right now. Her mind had shifted into a much less healthy direction and frankly she was a little embarrassed. While she should be contemplating their safety and other more weighty issues, she just wanted to have sex with him. Her fantasy of how great it would be would no doubt be blown to smithereens when the real deal happened. The guy couldn’t possibly live up to her very vivid imagination.

At this point, she didn’t figure she would be finding out any time soon.

And that was another thing: She was sick and tired of his surly attitude, even though at times she’d found it totally engaging.

Maybe it was that evil part of her that loved a challenge. By all accounts, she should have given up on him a long time ago. But instead, she seemed to have a sick fascination with his less than noble qualities.

He was on the computer when she came downstairs. Acknowledging her presence with a quick nod, he went back to the keyboard, typing away.

Since he’d already made coffee, she poured herself a cup and took a seat along the island. When he walked into the kitchen and sat down next to her, she had a sense that some of the chill between them had dissipated overnight.

“Have you figured out what Vince meant in that e-mail?” Maybe a miracle had happened over the course of the night and he’d decided to trust her.

Instead, he shook his head. “Nope. But Walt says we’re so hot he can feel the heat on the other side of the country.”

“Gee, that’s encouraging. Any other good news?”

“Not really. I still haven’t heard from Garrett. But I’m going to check out the Blues Stop tomorrow, come hell or high water.”

“Why wait? Why not throw yourself into the fire today?” He was hedging about something; she didn’t know what yet.

“Monday makes more sense than Sunday. I like the routine of the workweek. It’s much safer.”

“Let me get this straight: You trust somebody who has a less than honest track record with your life?” She tried to think of an angle to bring up the Patrick card one more time. It was the only thing that made sense. “Sounds like a slam dunk.”

“I know it’s sketchy, but it’s all we’ve got.”

She eyed him. “Then I should be the one who goes sniffing around. If Walt says the evidence is there, I should go after it.” How had she become so brave all of a sudden? But it seemed silly for Shane to take the risk when she could slip by, more than likely unnoticed. Especially if she talked to Patrick about it and didn’t tell Shane.

“Hell no.”

“Is this one of those boys-only kind of things?”

Shane nodded. “I can’t let you take that kind of risk. It wouldn’t be right.”

“But it’s not as much a risk for me as it is for you. Your face is practically on a marquee with dollar signs around it.” She had to get him to see reason. “I could ask Donna to meet me there. The two of us together would be much less conspicuous.”

“Donna’s being watched, you said so yourself. That will never work.” With a light touch to her hand, he continued. “I’m sorry about yesterday. Mix life and death drama with sexual tension, something’s going to pop.” He shook his head. “If something happened between us, it wouldn’t be good. And every time you throw Patrick into the mix, it’s a definite mood killer.”

“You have a morose way of looking at things.”

“The air practically ignites when we’re in the room together. Having sex would only prove my theory that it’s all spark and no fizzle.”

“What?” Spark? Fizzle? What the heck did that mean? He’d gone off on some weird tangent that didn’t make sense even to her. This had to be hands down the weirdest conversation ever.

“It could never live up to expectations.” His body was tense as he paced the room. “Every time I touch you, I want to take it to the next level, but it would be wrong.”

“Because of the spark or because of the fizzle?” She was getting caught up in his silly rhetoric.

“No, because where would we go from there? We’re too opposite to ever sustain a relationship.”

“Like you said before, I won’t be here long. That is, assuming we both manage to live until we can straighten this out. So what would be the harm in exploring the spark? It might help get this sex thing that’s wedged between us out of our system. Then we can concentrate on what we need to.” She tried to shrug innocently, but she wasn’t sure if she’d pulled it off, considering the skeptical look on his face.

“I don’t do well with relationships, no matter how short lived they are.”

“Will you stop already? It’s amazing you ever get laid.” She folded her arms across her chest. “You have gotten laid, haven’t you?”

He looked so serious she was tempted to laugh, but didn’t. Something was bothering him today, and she’d bet it had nothing to do with sex.

“But the other women knew how I was and didn’t care. I’m not sure you get me, and I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I’m a grown-ass woman. You don’t have to protect me. Believe me, I’ve made some poor choices in men, and I’m still here to talk about it.” She had to be hands down the worst at picking partners, but still knew Shane was different. “And I wasn’t completely honest when I told you about Max. Well, I was in a way, but the part I neglected to say was that Max was only one on a long list of examples of why my family thinks I’m a dipstick.”

He stopped his pacing long enough to smile. “How so?”

“I’ve dated a lot of musicians. Inevitably the relationships ended badly, but there was one that made my family do more than their usual eye roll. Terence Archer, the guy who was hailed as the new Marvin Gaye.”

“He hit it big a while back, but I haven’t heard anything about him lately.”

“That’s because he’s a regular customer at rehab. I think he and Amy Winehouse might have been twins separated at birth—lots of talent, but a penchant for all things illegal. For him, rehab’s like a revolving door. He’s Robert Downey Jr. without the nice smile and charm.”

“You dated him?”

Good question. “Dated him? I lived with him for a year and a half. I checked him into rehab so many times we got put into the express lane. They knew what I’d say before I said it. Really, I had some serious codependency issues. I guess I thought I could somehow save him even though he didn’t want to be saved. When my brother Enrique got wind of what was going on, we had a major family blow-up—screaming, yelling, swearing—the usual family drama. Enrique’s first wife was an addict. Maybe things with me and Terence hit a little too close to home for my brother.”

“You don’t have to tell me all this.” He shook his head. She could tell that in a perverse kind of way, he wanted her to continue. More than likely because it kept the focus on her rather than him.

“Maybe I do. What I’m trying to say is when I do something, it’s always with the best intentions. But sometimes I screw it up. Badly.”

“What’s going on?”

She wanted to tell him everything, but the words stuck in her throat like a giant glob of peanut butter. What she was trying to say she couldn’t, because she knew where it would land her, and it wasn’t where she wanted to be. Not now.

She had to remain steadfast with her decision. If he really was going to the Blues Stop tomorrow, she had every intention of letting Patrick know about it. Somebody had to have his back. And since Garrett was out of the country, and her skills were less than adequate, Patrick was the logical choice.

She shrugged, wrapping her arms around him and kissing his neck. “I’m trying to say I’ve waited for this for a very long time. I say we just go for it and get all this sexual tension out of the way. At least one of those lingering issues between us will be put to rest. Besides, it might be like you said, all spark and no fire.”

He kissed her long and hard, making the blood sizzle inside her veins. “We have been doing this dance for a very long time, haven’t we?”

“At least since that first day when you were up close and personal with my underwear.”

He smiled. “That was some delectable underwear.”

“I have the Walmart special now, so don’t get your hopes up.”

He kissed her neck, sending sparks flaming down the right side of her body.

“I want to be clear. We can never make it long term.”

“Does killing a mood just come naturally for you?”

“I’m trying to set things right before everything gets out of control.” In contrast to his words, he pulled her even closer. “I can’t be what you want. I can’t be open about how I feel or what I want. I’m not like you.”

“Maybe you need a little practice.” She sucked in the skin at the base of his throat.

“Doubt it.” He wound his fingers through her hair. “But it doesn’t matter because with your talent you won’t be sticking around any place too long. You’re destined for bigger and better things.”

“I’m flattered you think so highly of me, but not everybody wants to make it big. I’m aiming for being gainfully employed most of the time.”

Then he kissed her. And everything around them seemed to disappear.

“Hmmmm. You sure do know how to kiss. So I guess that means you’ve gotten laid a time or two.”

He chuckled. “You’re not getting a virgin.” He nibbled at her neck.

They made the trip upstairs in record time. She didn’t have time to think, only react. Which was good. She didn’t want to do any deep thinking right now.

The door closed behind them. She wasn’t even sure who’d closed it. His lips and hands touched her all over. Her head spun out of control, and she panted like a dog. Not a particularly sexy look, no doubt, but she couldn’t seem to catch her breath. She’d waited forever for him to lose that tight rein on his control.

“Which is it, nervous or scared?” His lips nipped at a sensitive spot below her ear.

“What?” Her whole body quivered and they’d done nothing more than neck. She couldn’t imagine what the actual act itself would feel like.

“You’re singing again.” His hands went on both sides of her jaw while he kissed her once again.

“Maybe a little scared and nervous.” Geez, this singing thing was getting out of control. She was turning into a certifiable freak. If this went on much longer she’d be hopeless.

“Me, too.”

Somehow his admission made her feel a whole lot better. For once, they were coming at something from the same perspective. “Are we really going to do it this time?” She pulled the t-shirt out of his jeans.

“Nothing’s going to stop me.”

“Nothing? No macho code, or some other code you haven’t told me about?”

He shook his head and pulled at her jeans as if on a mission. Clumsily, she hopped around trying to help get them off.

“We need to get this out of our system.”

“Absolutely. It can’t possibly be as good as it seems like it should be.” She huffed out a breath and rolled her eyes. “You’re sure you’re not going to stop?” If he did, she’d have to tackle him to the ground and have her way with him.

The Levis he wore slung low on his hips hit him just below the belly button. With his midriff bare, every inch of his six-pack was exposed.

She clenched her jaws tight to keep her mouth from dropping open and salivating. She’d probably look a little too anxious if she drooled.

Flipping open the top snap on his pants, he let the exposed V reveal a little skin as well as a patch of dark hair swirling above his boxers.

“Nothing could stop me now.” Smirking, his gaze traveled the length of her body, leaving a trail of heat in its wake.

He grasped her elbows tightly. The force of his move made her gravitate closer.

Purplish bruising still marred the corner of his left eye, but right now that night she found him in the alley seemed like a lifetime ago. So much had changed between them, she couldn’t even remember where it was they’d started.

Pure lust forced her up on her toes to plant a kiss at that bruised spot. Somehow she felt a need to pay homage to the beginning of the journey, the journey of discovery which had brought about as many questions as it had answered.