Mambo in Chinatown (19 page)

“Lisa, you won’t have to work today but I think you should go—”

“I’m downstairs.”

I stopped. “From Uncle’s office?”

“From yours.”

I threw the handset back into the receiver and ran to the elevator. I jabbed at the elevator button. Luckily, the doors opened right away and it was empty. When the elevator opened on the ground floor, Lisa was standing there, cheeks wet from the rain and her tears, dragging her book bag on the floor. I hugged her and pulled her back into the elevator with me. Another woman entered with us.

I kept an arm around Lisa as I wiped her face. The woman
standing across from us had sparkling high-heeled shoes sticking out of her smooth leather bag. Her silk scarf was tossed casually over her shoulder and I could see she was wearing a leotard underneath her spring coat. “I saw you dancing the other evening.”

I remembered I was at work. “You must be a student.”

Lisa peeked up but didn’t say anything.

“I am. I’ve been training for years at another studio but just transferred here. I wanted to tell you, you were wonderful.”

I was so startled that this elegant woman was complimenting me that I could barely stammer, “Thanks.” I smoothed back Lisa’s hair. When the elevator doors opened, I took her hand and led her into the studio.

—

Ryan was waiting for us in the reception area. I’d completely forgotten about him. “I’m sorry, I’ll be right with you.”

“No, it’s all right. Let me guess, you guys are related, right?”

Lisa smiled up at him.

“You’re so wet. Are you Charlie’s sister?” It was Nina. “Let me take your coat and bag.”

Irene said, “I’ll make you something warm, dear. Would you like some tea or hot chocolate?”

Lisa said, “Hot chocolate, please.” She whispered to me, “Does this mean I can stay?”

I was nodding when Dominic appeared in the doorway to the office behind the reception area. I froze. “I’m sorry, she has nowhere else to go today and—”

He stepped out. “What a lovely girl. Welcome to the studio.”

I stared. I’d assumed that he would be angry my sister was interrupting my lesson. She’d always been thrown out of the restaurant when Mr. Hu saw her. “You don’t mind?”

“Of course not. Your sister is welcome here as long as she wants to stay. Let her come every day.” I remembered that in other countries, it was a tradition to teach ballroom to children from a young age. Dominic was used to having kids study at his studio. Lisa drew in a breath and raised shining eyes to me.

I wished so much I could say yes. Lisa saw my expression and her face fell. “I wish she could. She has a job after school.”

She looked so forlorn.

Ryan said, “Do you want to see me throw someone around?” Lisa brightened up. She nodded. He took her delicate hand and went with her into the studio. The moment they passed the doors, he swooped her up and did a series of turns down the ballroom with her in his arms while she shrieked with laughter. When he put her down, he gave her a wink and said, “Now, I didn’t say who I was going to do it to, did I?”

—

Lisa sat at one of the round tables, sipping a cup of hot chocolate and chatting with Nina as if she would never stop. I had phoned Uncle to tell him that Lisa had gone home sick to the apartment and I was accompanying her. If I didn’t lie, he would insist on her coming back to his office. Although the studio closed at ten thirty p.m., Pa worked so late these days that I still always got home before him, so I knew we wouldn’t be caught.

This was one of the days when I practiced the other dances with Ryan. He still needed to learn to be a good general dancer for Evelyn’s wedding. Lisa saw us go from samba to tango to swing. At the end of his lesson, we did a part of our mambo for her. Her face was glowing with pride as she watched me. She didn’t look jealous in the slightest.

“She’s a great kid,” Ryan said as he shrugged on his jacket. “Reminds me of Evelyn, only less annoying.”

Lisa was fussed over by everyone, even Simone. I found Lisa in the teachers’ room after my last lesson, snuggled up next to Simone while Simone let her try on her collection of rhinestone jewelry. “A bit of sparkle on your upper arm will show off your muscle tone. However, never put something tight around your wrist onstage.”

“Why not?” asked Lisa. I wondered myself.

“Because that’s the most delicate part of your arm. You don’t want to obscure it. A loose bracelet would be all right.” Simone made a science out of being beautiful.

“We have to go now,” I said to Lisa. “I don’t have a nine thirty lesson, so Dominic said I could leave early to take you home.”

“I want to stay.”

“I know, but you’ve got school tomorrow.”

I gathered our things, changed into my outdoor clothing and shoes, and left with her as she waved good-bye to all of her new friends. On the subway, Lisa snuggled up to my shoulder and fell asleep. She slept like a baby that entire night.

—

The next day, Nina convinced me to take my food and eat with her in a small park near the studio. It was becoming just warm enough for us to have lunch outside. There was a guy sitting a few benches away from us, fiddling with his nose.

“He’s snorting coke,” Nina said, unwrapping her meatball sandwich.

I glanced over, trying to be subtle. “How do you know?”

“Because I’ve got loads of personal experience. I’ve done way worse than coffee and cigarettes.”

“Really?” I’d never tried anything. Although I’d seen other kids doing drugs at dances and parties sometimes, I knew better than to get involved.

“I was young and crazy before I got knocked up. I’d go down Avenue D in a miniskirt at three a.m., trying to score some coke. That’s the ugly side to this business, Charlie, you have to watch out for it.”

“What do you mean?”

“The drugs, the sex, the romance trap.”

“I haven’t really seen much of any of that.”

“Because our studio’s pretty clean, and you haven’t been to one of the large competitions yet. Those huge hotels, everyone’s there—students, pros, judges. It’s insane. Lots of people stay out of it but some of us dancers can get caught up in drugs because we need the energy. The job is so grueling sometimes, especially at the competitions where you’re doing event after event with the students, and then you have your own shows with your professional partner too. You’re nervous, you’re tired, it’s important that you dance well. Drugs can seem to be the solution.”

“Okay, but what do you mean by the romance trap?” I thought about Julian and Ryan, and how I felt while dancing with them.

“The whole idea that you’ll find your perfect ballroom partner and you’ll live happily ever after. It’s so easy to fall for it. I sure did. The entire system sets you up for it.”

I finally dared to ask what I’d always wondered about her. “What happened to you? With your partner and the baby?”

Nina swallowed the food in her mouth and took a slug of her soda. “I started dancing with Brian, Sammy’s dad, and we fell in love. We drank, did drugs together, woke up in the morning for rehearsal, danced at the same studio all day, then did it all again. I got pregnant by accident, and Brian proposed.”

I understood now. “That’s why you kept the baby.”

“When I got pregnant, he was really happy at first, and after I got over the shock of it, I was too. Believe me, I cleaned up my act right away, but then we discovered that we got along better stoned than sober.” She grimaced. “So there I was, getting huger every day, and of course the studio owners noticed. I was working at the downtown studio then. It wasn’t like here. They kicked me out as soon as I started showing. It was all so stressful. Anyway, Brian bailed on me when I was six months pregnant. There was another girl in Florida, a dancer of course. He was afraid. I don’t think he’s a bad guy.” Tears glistened in her eyes. “Hell, I was scared too. But I couldn’t run away and he could. If I were him, I don’t know, maybe I would have done the same thing. Not saying it’s right, just that I get it.”

“That must have been so hard.”

She nodded. “But Sammy woke me up. Thank goodness my parents helped us out. I knew I had to get myself together. It changed the way I thought about myself. You know, not like I’m all that, but guys always liked me. Then there I was, twenty pounds overweight and a single mom. I wanted to be a lot of things when I grew up, but never a mother. Someday, I thought, or maybe never. I didn’t worry too much about that kind of thing. After Sammy was born, I made the rounds at the studios and no one wanted me back. I think rumors about the drugs had gone around, and I was a single mother on top of it. If it weren’t for Adrienne and Dominic, I don’t want to think where I’d be now.”

She gazed me and her eyes were intense. “You’re going to come across all of that stuff too, Charlie. I’m telling you, don’t screw up. Be careful with the men and the drugs, respect your body. I’ve been there. I was dancing with Brian, acting like he was the love of my life onstage, and it was so tempting to believe it was all real when it wasn’t.”

M
y mambo with Ryan was more intimate than any dancing we’d ever done together before. There was one move where I did a reverse turn in his arms, then he went into a squat so I could lie down across his thighs, arching back until my head was close to the floor. He scooped me up with his arm so I could tuck myself into the right side of his body as he stood up and spun us both. It felt like he was cradling me, as if nothing could hurt me while I was with him. I knew from the texture of his cheek if he’d shaved early or late in the day. When he tried a new brand of cologne, I noticed right away. It was strange to know so intimately the body of a man I’d never kissed. It got to the point where I’d sense he was in the studio the moment he entered, even if I couldn’t see him. It was the way the doors shut, the shadow of his reflection in the mirror. I began to understand what Nina had been warning me about.

—

Then Adrienne returned to the studio. The first time I saw her, I gaped and she started laughing. “I almost forgot. You’ve never known me when I wasn’t pregnant.”

“You look incredible. It’s only been a couple of months.” Adrienne was lean and fit, standing there in a blazer over tailored slacks.

“Do you know why actresses get back into shape so fast after a pregnancy? Because they have to. It’s their job to look a certain way. If they don’t, people will take photos of them and post them all over the Internet. I’m a dancer and coach. It’s my business to get back into shape because my body is my instrument.”

“You make it sound easy.”

“It’s not. The baby’s crying all night long. I still get up at five a.m. and get on the exercise bike. I used a treadmill when I was younger but now my knees and ankles are shot after all those years of hard dancing in heels.” Then she considered me. I was wearing one of her dresses, fit tight around the bust and hips, flaring out as the royal blue material went past my hips. “You’ve come far, Charlie. I’m proud of you. So when your competition student comes in, I want you to show me your routine. I’ve heard a lot about the two of you.”

Adrienne watched Ryan and me run through our choreography from beginning to end in the small private ballroom. We were awkward in a few parts, but on the whole, I was glad we’d managed to get through it all.

“Very impressive.” She frowned, as if she were trying to put her finger on something. “The two of you have a freshness that more jaded dancers lack. Use it. When you dance, I sense the energy in the movement, which is fantastic. I know you’re trying to incorporate all of the technical aspects of the dance at the same time, but
what an audience really wants is to be carried away by the emotion between the two of you. In other words, we must feel your desire for each other.” Both Ryan and I stared hard at the floor, avoiding each other’s eyes. Adrienne ignored us, taking on her lecture voice. “Remember, desire is also a form of friendship, acceptance and connection. If you don’t feel it, then you must fake it. Welcome to the world of show business.”

—

A few days later, Adrienne approached us as I was chatting with Nina, waiting beside Ryan, who was putting on his newly purchased Latin dance shoes. “You’re ready to be tortured.”

“What do you mean?” It seemed to me I’d suffered plenty already. My shoes were as full of holes as Nina’s.

“You need to videotape yourselves.”

Nina drew in a quick breath. “No.”

Ryan shrugged. “Seems like a good idea to me.”

Nina said, “That’s because you’ve never watched yourself on video. Every dancer wants to kill herself after seeing herself on film. It’s a known thing. Don’t do it to them, Adrienne. You’ll destroy their sensitive little souls.”

Adrienne smiled. “It will hurt, I won’t lie, but the pain of seeing yourself will be an impetus for great improvement.”

Ryan and I exchanged glances. I took a breath. “Do it.”

Nina whispered, “You’ll be sorry . . .”

Adrienne used Ryan’s phone and taped our entire routine. It seemed to me that it had gone well but that was before I watched it.

—

Ryan and I sat on the floor, huddled against the wall in the small ballroom, watching the video together. When it was done, we were
silent. I glanced over at him. His face was gray. I felt like I wanted to cry.

I whispered, “It’s my dinner break now. Are you free?”

He slanted me a look. “Yeah.”

“Wait for me at the Chinese restaurant on Lexington Avenue, okay?” Since I never actually ate out, it was the only place I remembered off the top of my head. I always noticed it when I went by. Today, I felt like I needed to do something nice for myself.

“The one on the corner?”

“I’ll meet you there in a few minutes. You leave now so it looks like we separated.”

When I stepped into the restaurant, he had gotten a table for us. The place was deserted, except for one other couple in the corner.

He squinted up at me. “I’ve never seen anything more awful than myself on video.’”

I burst into laughter. “Did you see my shoulders, raised all the way up to my ears? And I’m supposed to be the professional.”

“I like your shoulders. You looked great.”

The waitress came to our table with the menus. She was Chinese, with her hair pulled back neatly from a plain face. I felt like a foreigner, sitting there with a white guy, wearing my ballroom clothing. The menu was long and complicated. I was tired, and as always, it cost me so much effort to read at all. The words blurred into a soup of letters.

I closed my eyes. “Do you mind if I just do it?”

“Go for it. I eat everything.”

I quickly ordered in Chinese. My Chinese wasn’t great but after all of those years in the noodle restaurant, I could order fluently.

“That was impressive,” he said.

I breathed in the faint smell of grease and steam in the air. “I used to work somewhere like this, only less upscale.”

The waitress came with our drinks and all of the food I’d ordered. She placed fried rice and noodles on the table as side dishes. Ryan’s eyes lit up at the sliced beef with red pepper, green scallions, ginger and watercress. I could smell the jumbo shrimp and a vegetable dish with snow peas, baby corn, Chinese cabbage and bamboo shoots.

I’d automatically chosen chopsticks. Ryan had done the same. He dropped his napkin and stuck his chopsticks into his mound of rice while he retrieved it. Then he saw my face. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m sorry.” I reached over, plucked his chopsticks out and set them on the table. “You can’t do that. It’s how we place chopsticks when we do rituals for the dead and it’s considered very bad luck.”

“And here I thought I was pretty good too. What else do I need to know?”

“Do you really care?”

“Sure. I mean, if I come to dinner at your house sometime, I’d hate to embarrass myself, right?”

I stared at him a moment.

He rubbed his chin, not meeting my eyes. “You wanted me to help your friend learn to drive in my car, right? That was what you wanted from our bargain. She probably uses chopsticks, I could look dumb. Umm, never mind.”

I took pity on him. “Okay. Chopsticks are really important to us because they have to do with food and rice, which is essential to our survival. Your chopsticks are like two lovers. They always need to be together, side by side. We never use only one chopstick for anything. Never tap with your chopsticks on the side of your bowl, because that’s what beggars do and it’s bad luck too. Never gesture toward someone with them or wave them, again, that’s impolite. Don’t chew on them, that’s unhygienic. Never dig for your food
with chopsticks because it looks like you’re digging a grave and it’s bad luck as well.”

“Whew. Lots of bad luck here. Okay, let me give it all a try.”

He did pretty well and I felt better after I’d eaten.

Ryan was surveying the restaurant. “They thought about feng shui before they designed this place. Those two Imperial guardian lions they placed at the front door—they’re needed because of the bank across the street, right? Though I don’t fully understand why.”

I was amazed. “Yes, because a bank is so powerful, the restaurant is afraid it’ll absorb all of the good qi. The lions counteract that stream. I’m surprised you saw that.” Many Chinese establishments took feng shui seriously, and they often consulted a feng shui master before making any architectural and design decisions. I’d grown up with that concept of balancing the energies within a space for good fortune, but I hadn’t expected anyone non-Chinese to notice.

“We often need to take feng shui into account when we design for some of our clients, whether they’re Asian or not.”

“Do you do any of the actual planning?”

“Some.” He took a sip of his soda. “I’d like to do more. I’ve been thinking about going back to school to get a degree in landscape architecture. Fiona’s always pushing me to do it. But I’m not sure.”

“Why not?”

“I love the work, you know? I love being outside, my hands in the soil, creating something beautiful out of the earth. I love knowing that living things will thrive where I place them. Like Evelyn, Fiona thinks I’m crazy for not calling myself a landscaper, but for me, being a gardener is the best part of the job. I wouldn’t want to move too far from that.”

I thought about what I’d been through in the past months. “I understand that fear of losing yourself, of changing faster than is
comfortable. But in the end, your soul’s in your own hands, isn’t it? No one can make you into someone you’re not, no matter what your title is. It’s about becoming your true self.”

He gave me a crooked smile. “You’re quite something, Charlie. What about you? Do you have a boyfriend who wants you to become a studio owner or something?”

I laughed. “Oh no, being a dancer and a teacher is more than I’d ever dreamed of. That’s hard enough.”

Ryan tapped his finger against the table. “The thing is, I’ve been looking at Mateo and Keith and all those guys, and I somehow had the idea that when I was watching them, I was seeing myself. But that wasn’t true at all.”

“Yes, that’s exactly it.” I chewed on a snow pea. “Everyone around us is so good and then you watch yourself on video and suddenly you realize how far you still have to go. I guess that’s why Nina said not to do it.”

He chuckled. “I didn’t see anything wrong with the way you looked.”

“I didn’t notice you doing so badly either.”

He reached out with his finger and brushed it across my face. “Eyelash on your cheek.”

My skin tingled where he had touched me. I gestured to the waitress for the check. “I’d better be getting back.”

—

I found I couldn’t stop thinking about Ryan after that. When he came in for his lesson the next day, I was aware of every step he took. We were attracted to each other, but like Nina said, that could just be the chemistry of dancing together. He had a girlfriend, and I couldn’t imagine bringing a white guy home to Pa. Pa could barely
accept the idea of me with a Chinese man I’d known my entire life, like Winston. Plus there was the strict studio policy against fraternizing with the students. I could lose my job like Estella had. There were so many reasons Ryan was wrong for me, but when he held me in dance position, he felt just right.

—

A few days later, Lisa fell from a rope she was climbing in gym class. Although the school nurse could find no sign of an injury, Lisa had a lot of trouble walking after that. Aunt Monica picked her up and brought her to their office. I only heard about it when I got home from work.

Lisa’s legs started to fail at irregular intervals, and she sometimes needed a cane to go to school. She told the school she’d hurt herself in a fall. Her symptoms terrified me. She also didn’t want to work at Uncle’s office anymore. Uncle Henry and Aunt Monica asked her to go there after school anyway, just so they could make sure she was all right.

Lisa said, “I have so much homework now and the office is very busy. I’m sure my legs will get better at home. I’m just overtired.”

Pa said, “I don’t like you being in the apartment alone.”

“I’m almost twelve years old. And there are so many germs at the office. All of those patients. Maybe I caught something from them.”

I said, “You never know. She’s been working there the whole time she’s been having these problems.”

Pa considered. “All right, we’ll try letting Lisa come home after school.”

“Yippee!” Lisa hugged Pa, then came over and wrapped her arms around me too. “Thank you, Charlie.”

I held her tight. “Whatever is going on with you, we are going to figure it out and fix it. I promise.”

“However,” Pa said, as we both turned to him, “I want Uncle Henry to start working on a treatment plan for her.”

—

At the next tai chi lesson, I hung around Godmother’s qigong group, hoping to learn something. Pa was absolutely against letting anyone outside of our immediate family know about Lisa’s problems. He was afraid of how Chinatown gossip could destroy people’s reputations, but I trusted Godmother, and I knew that after Lisa’s incident at school, her symptoms would soon be public knowledge anyway.

Godmother beamed. “Are you finally going to join us for qigong work, Charlie?”

I shook my head. I’d come a long way but I still wasn’t ready. “I’d like to ask you about healing after the class if you have time.”

She nodded, then returned to her talk of meridians and organs.

After the other students had gone, Godmother approached me. “You seem worried.”

“I am.” I took a breath, then told her everything that had been happening with Lisa.

Godmother listened, her eyes intent. Then she put her hand on my arm and said simply, “Bring me to her.”

—

Both Pa and Lisa were home when Godmother and I entered our apartment. Pa came up to us with his hands outstretched. “Godmother Yuan, what an honor. I apologize, we were not expecting you. Our home is a mess.”

“Nonsense.” Godmother went up to Lisa, who had been reading a book. She took Lisa’s hands in both of hers.

“Godmother,” said Lisa in a small voice.

Godmother said to Pa, “May I?”

When he looked questioningly at me, I said, “I told her.” Pa frowned. To him, I had aired our dirty laundry in public, but he also knew Godmother was considered a great
sifu
. Slowly, he nodded.